“Happy birthday!” Everybody in the packed ballroom yells at the top of their lungs. I can’t help but giggle at some of the bizarre costumes being worn by some of the party attendees, myself included- there are very few places you could get away with wearing a skin-tight green thong leotard, a pair of brown booty shorts and combat boots, but a videogame-themed birthday party is one of those occasions.

“Hey Miss Croft,” Sarah giggles as she gives me a tight cuddle. “Want to go and ‘raid’ me a drink?” I smile as Sarah adjusts her own tight white top and loose over shirt.

“Sure thing, Miss Croft!” I laugh, giving my soulmate a quick kiss before heading over to the bar. Before I can get said drinks, however, I’m intercepted by yet ANOTHER Lara Croft.

“Ah ah ah, MISS Thomas,” Katie laughs. “You’re not eighteen for another, oh, three hours and fifty-two minutes, which means I’M getting the drinks for now!”

“Oh whatever,” I laugh as Katie grabs two glasses of champagne for herself and Sarah, and a tall glass of lemonade for me. “I’m designated driver so can’t drink anyway, so there!” Katie giggles as we return to Sarah, drinks in hand, where we’re soon joined by Lauren, who’s eschewed a Lara Croft costume in favour of a blue Chinese-style dress and white knee-high boots.

“Spinning Bird Kick!” Lauren laughs as she attempts a fouette in her elaborate costume.

“This is a GREAT party,” Katie says. “I’m surprise Jamie’s boyfriend actually invited us, how old is he now, 24, 25?”

“25,” I say. “And why wouldn’t he invite us? We’re part of a larger family now, enjoy the fame while it lasts!”

“Oh believe me, I AM!” Katie laughs, taking a swig of her strong-smelling drink. “I love my new family!” The four of us giggle as we stare out at our ‘family’, though a part of me can’t help but feel bad for the missing fifth girl of our group. It doesn’t take long to spot her- in her platform boots she stands taller than anyone else in the room, boy OR girl- but as I catch sight of her in her bright white wig and tight purple leotard, I remember exactly what she did- or rather, tried to do- to myself and Sarah, and the anger I feel for her returns in one almost nauseating wave.

It’s been over two weeks since Dannii tried to split up myself and Sarah, and whilst Sarah may have forgiven her- and Dannii, to her credit, HAS begun seeing Sarah’s mother in a professional capacity- my hatred for her has only increased. And I’m not alone- Katie flat-out refuses to talk to the girl, having always taken betrayal VERY badly, and Lauren- who’s known Dannii since they were both eleven- barely talks to her anymore. However, Dannii, being Dannii, has found a way to land on her feet- her relationship with the other members of the ‘extended family’ is unchanged, and nowadays it’s as if she’s more ‘Angel’ then ‘Teen Angel’.

Sarah and I only stick around for another hour and a half before I drive us both home- Sarah has college tomorrow, I have work tomorrow morning… And something else that I need to save my energy for too!

“Five seconds,” Sarah giggles as she stares at her phone later in the night. “Four, three, two, one…” I hear a faint beep from her phone, and my heart beats faster as I immediately realise the significance of the noise.

“It is now officially Tuesday the third of March, 2015,” Sarah announces. “Happy birthday, Miss Adult!” I giggle excitedly as Sarah gives me a long, slow kiss on my lips. Now that I’m eighteen, the world has completely opened its doors to me. Everything I wanted to do yesterday, I can do today- things like watch an 18-rated movie, buy and drink alcohol, legally arrange a sex change operation… or get engaged without my parents’ permission. As Sarah dives her hands underneath the cover, my heart begins to pound and my imagination runs wild- is she reaching for her engagement ring now, not wanting to waste any time?

Ultimately, what she reaches for ISN'T an engagement ring- though as we both disappear below the covers, I manage to put all thoughts of weddings and engagements out of my mind for one brief, orgasmic moment...

When my alarm wakes me up at 6:45am, I roll over in bed and am momentarily confused when Sarah isn’t there, but my confusion quickly turns to shock when my bedroom light is snapped on, the sudden brightness nearly blinding me.

“Happy birthday!” Mum, dad and Sarah simultaneously yell, covering me with streamers and balloons before handing me a huge, HUGE pile of presents and cards.

“Oh my god, thank you all so much!” I squeak.

“Don’t hold back, open them!” Dad laughs. “You only turn eighteen once…” Mum suddenly disappears, only to return seconds later with a giggling Jenny in her arms.

“Say happy birthday to your big sister, Jenny!” Mum giggles, waving Jenny’s arm at me as the tiny infant gurgles happily.

“Thanks, little sister!” I laugh as I start opening my presents. Exactly two years ago to the day- my last ‘significant’ birthday- I opened packages that included football merchandise, boy’s clothes, shaving kits… Today’s presents are much better. Sarah’s made me three new dresses, two skirts and a fashionable leotard, mum’s bought me tons of make-up, perfume and nail polish, and dad- being a MAN- has got me vouchers for such treats as spa days and professional makeovers. I even have a couple of special gifts- just silly little things like pink, fairy-themed hair clips- labelled ‘from Jenny’!

“This is all so amazing,” I blub as tears start to well in my eyes. “Thank you all so, so much!”

“My little girl has finally become a woman,” dad says with pride as he gives me a long, fatherly hug. “When you first, well, ‘changed’, two years ago, I honestly didn’t know whether or not it was what you truly wanted, but ever since, you’ve made me prouder and prouder every day. I love you, Nicola.”

“I didn’t think it was possible,” mum says, handing Jenny to dad so she can give me a hug of her own, “but I love you more and more every day, and I am so proud to see what you’ve accomplished in just eighteen short years. You were the best son ever, and now you’re the best daughter ever. Well, joint best!” I giggle as tears start to flow freely down my cheeks, before Sarah sits down on the edge of my bed and takes my hand in hers.

“I’ve always loved you, and I always will,” Sarah says, giving me a quick kiss. “There’s one more present I need to give you today…” My heart starts to race and I almost wet myself with nerves as Sarah reaches into her dressing gown and retrieves a jewellery box, though my excitement dwindles when it becomes immediately apparent that the box DOESN’T contain a ring. Still though, I gasp with delight when I open the box to reveal a beautiful silver watch.

“It’s perfect,” I whisper, giving my soul mate a tight, loving hug. “This is the best birthday EVER!”

“Give it a chance, it’s hardly even started yet!” Dad laughs. “And don’t you have work today?”

“Yes, yes,” I laugh, giving all of my family- Jenny included- hugs as I head into the shower to get ready for the day. As the hot water cascades over my womanly body, however, I can’t help but feel disappointed- right then and there, in front of my family, would have been the perfect time for Sarah and I to cement our love… Except, of course, the engagement isn’t just about ME, it’s about HER too, and she’d want it to take place in front of HER family as well… Luckily, Sarah’s mother is coming to my birthday meal tonight, so in all likelihood, the engagement will happen then.

I have a happy grin on my face as I pull on my trademark white blouse, black tights and short, butt-hugging skirt ahead of today’s work. Good things come to those who wait, and as I kiss Sarah goodbye outside her college, I know I won’t have to wait TOO much longer for my dream to come true- just until tonight…

I somehow manage to put thoughts of my impending engagement out of my mind as I pull up outside the posh suburban house of today’s ‘charge’.

“Hey there, birthday girl!” A familiar thick Belfast accent greets me before the owner of the voice emerges from her house, carrying her infant daughter in a car’s child seat.

“Hi Mary,” I say, before giggling in the face of the squirming infant. “Hey there, Kristina-Leigh! Is Heavenly Talent’s littlest model ready for her shoot?”

“Sure, she won’t even realise what it is we’re doing, not for a few months anyway,” Mary sighs as we load the car seat into my car, securely fastening it so that it doesn’t move an inch throughout the journey. “All she’ll know is that she’ll spend the day wearing loads of different cute outfits.”

“Sounds like modelling to me,” I joke, laughing as Mary gives me a playful whack with one of her daughter’s teddy bears.

“She’s done more modelling than I have the past six months anyway,” Mary chuckles. “Will be great to actually get back in front of the cameras again…”

“Oh come on, you’ve got the most important job in the world, surely?” I laugh.

“Well- yeah,” Mary laughs. “Being a wife and mother is MUCH more fulfilling than being a model. And, I suppose any parent will want their child to surpass them… Just didn’t expect that to happen within the first eight months of her life!” Mary and I (and, technically, Kristina-Leigh) all giggle excitedly as we head towards our destination in the centre of the city.

“Mary,” I ask cautiously. “About being a wife… What was it like, you know, when Dan proposed to you?”

“Ah,” Mary sighs, though not with the happy voice I was expecting. “That- that’s- well, let’s just say it didn’t go EXACTLY the way I’d imagined…” I wince, realising I’ve touched upon an overly-sensitive subject.

“Sorry,” I mumble. “If you don’t want to talk about this-“

“No, no, it’s okay,” Mary says with a smile. “Basically, we got engaged about 30 minutes after I discovered I was pregnant with that little star… Not that I regret any second of it, of course. Being with Dan’s been amazing, and I wouldn’t give up a second with Kristina-Leigh for all the money in the world. Why are you asking, anyway? You and Sarah aren’t getting hitched, are you?”

“Well…” I say, making Mary laugh excitedly.

“Sure, why are you thinking about marriage?” Mary laughs. “You’re both only eighteen! Only just in your case!”

“I know, but I’ve been with her for three and a half years,” I sigh. “…And I know she owns an engagement ring."

“Oh my god!” Mary squeaks excitedly. “Aww, that would be SO cute, a wedding with two utterly BEAUTIFUL brides… I’m calling dibs on Kristina-Leigh being flower girl!”

“My sister’s going to be the flower girl!” I giggle, making Mary laugh loudly. “Sarah’s sister will be hers, assuming she isn’t too old by then- I think she’s eight or nine now…”

“Flower girls have to be under four, that’s an unwritten rule,” Mary laughs. “My three year old niece was mine at my wedding, damn near threatened to show me up… Do you have an engagement ring for Sarah?” I nod, making Mary laugh excitedly once again. “And with you both being eighteen, both being adults… You could ask each other whenever you wanted?”

“I’m hoping tonight,” I say with a smile, making Mary smile happily.

The photoshoot stretches on until just after 2pm, with Kristina-Leigh getting increasingly agitated toward the end of the day despite all the cute clothes she gets to wear (and gets to take home). After dropping the proud mother and her daughter back home (and demanding that they put in a good word to get Jenny some modelling work), I head home, tired from a hard day’s work. I open my front door expecting to find mum and Jenny alone, only to get the shock of my life as I enter the living room.

“Surprise!” Mum, dad and Sarah all yell- along with all four of my grandparents, Katie, Lauren, and even Jamie and her boyfriend.

“Oh my god, what are you guys doing here?” I squeak as my family and friends bombard me with hugs and yet more presents.

“What, I’m not allowed to celebrate the fact that I now have an adult grandchild?” Grandpa Bill laughs. “As if I didn’t feel ancient already…” Just wait until your grandchild gets married… I think to myself with a smile.

“Now come on, get these presents open!” Grandma Irene says, directing me to the couch where I’m given gift after gift. I eagerly tear into my gifts- more clothes, vouchers for clothes store, make-up, jewellery, shoes, loads of books and DVDs about dance & fashion. Jamie doesn’t stick around long- she and her boyfriend are busy assembling a girl band for two of our friends- but she hands me all the presents from the Angels, including two pairs of pointe shoes- one red, one black- from Krystie, which I immediately change into, performing a few steps to the delight of the assembled crowd.

Eventually, I change out of my pointe shoes and my work gear and into one of the dresses Sarah made for me- a shimmering, knee-length purple gown with a high neck, but a cut-out front that shows off a decent amount of cleavage. The skirt has three separate layers to it that swish around my nylon-covered legs with every step I take- especially once I’ve slipped my feet into the matching 4” stiletto heels. The sleeves are sheer, almost completely transparent, and the whole gown is one of the most beautiful things I’ve ever seen… Until I see Sarah in her dress, a shiny, silver strapless gown with a tight, laced-in waist and a straight, knee-length skirt. After we both put on our poshest make-up and style our hair- mine into long waves, Sarah into a tight updo- we look into each other’s eyes and sigh happily.

“How about we just skip dinner?” I whisper, gently kissing Sarah’s deep crimson lips.

“Think we might get in trouble if we do that,” Sarah laughs, returning my kiss.

“Whatever, we’re both adults, they can’t ground us anymore…” I giggle, kissing Sarah deeply before we both grab our handbags and head downstairs to where our cars are waiting. All through the short car journey, whenever Sarah isn’t looking, I slip my hand into my bag, gently fiddling with the small ring box I keep in there at all times. Tonight, just after Sarah asks, I’ll give her this ring…

“Ladies and gentlemen,” dad announces after we all take our seats. “Eighteen years ago today, Sandra and I were blessed with the greatest gift the world could ever give to us. It’s safe to say that on that dreary day [check this] in March 1997, I never imagined that that tiny little boy would grow up to be a beautiful, confident, intelligent woman… But I’m so, so glad that SHE did, and I’m so, so proud to be able to say that I am the father of the wonderful young woman- not a girl anymore, but a young woman- whose name is Nicola Christine Thomas.” Tears flow freely from my eyes with every word my dad says, even though I can tell from some of my grandparents’ facial expressions that they really didn’t want to be reminded about my ‘past’.

“On a related note,” mum says, “I’d like to also state what a privilege it’s been over these last eighteen years to watch my little boy mature into a perfect young lady, and how terrifying it is to suddenly find myself as the mother of an adult!” I laugh through my tears, before getting up and giving both my parents long, loving hugs.

“You may be an adult now,” mum says as she tightly wraps her arms around me, “but you’re never too old for a hug from your mum!” I giggle further, accepting another hug from my mum, before Sarah stands up and approaches me, gently taking my soft, smooth hands in hers.

“Nikki,” Sarah says, her voice wavering with emotion. “When I first met you, three and a half years ago, I didn’t think it was possible for me to feel the way I feel about you. Every part of my heart, mind, body and soul belongs to you, now and forever.” My hands starts to shake as Sarah takes a deep breath. This is it…

“Nicola Christine Thomas,” Sarah says hesitantly. “…I love you for all eternity.” Sarah leans in and gives me a long, soft kiss that I happily reciprocate, but the only thing I’m feeling right now is confusion. She said that entire preamble… Just to tell me that she loves me? Something we say to each other several times a day? Was- was she going to propose, but chickened out at the last moment? Maybe if I ask…

“Three cheers for Nikki!” Dad yells, leading the entire table in a round of ‘hip-hip-hooray’s. I sit back down, hand in hand with Sarah as our starters are wheeled out to us, and I sigh, knowing that ‘the moment’ has passed- at least for now.

After a large meal, I bid farewell to all the partygoers (including hugs for all four grandparents) before getting in the back of Beverly’s car, my hand still linked with Sarah’s.

“So, how was your first day of adult life, Nikki?” Beverly asks with a chuckle.

“Not that much different from the last day of childhood,” I say, making the middle-aged woman laugh louder. “Thanks for the gifts, by the way.”

“Least I could do,” Beverly says. “I know your parents view Sarah as effectively one of their own, and the same applies to me.”

“Thanks,” I repeat as Sarah rests her tired head on my shoulder.

“Pity your ‘effective half-siblings’ couldn’t come,” Sarah sighs. “Damned dragon…”

“Eh, I knew it was a long shot when I asked them,” I say. A brief, uncomfortable pause fills the car as I remember the other tall, blonde member of the ‘close family’ who wasn’t at the birthday dinner.

“Still, at least everyone else important could come,” I say with a smile, though the look on Sarah’s face tells me that she doesn’t fully agree with me.

Still, as we climb into bed, we both have happy, contented looks on our faces, especially as we snuggle our tired bodies close to each other.

“I-“ Sarah says, punctuating her words with kisses. “Love- You!” I giggle as I kiss Sarah back and hold her tighter, not wanting to EVER let her go.

“Sarah, what you said today, at the meal…” I say hesitantly.

“…What about it?” Sarah asks. I take a deep breath and mentally prepare myself, but everything that comes into my brain immediately flows straight out, every way I think of wording the question- ‘were you going to propose?’ ‘Were you going to ask something else?’ ‘Is that all you wanted to say?’- Every single way seems inadequate. I haven’t been this incapable of forming my words since- since before I came out to my parents. But that turned out okay…

“…Thank you,” I whisper, kissing Sarah and cursing my own cowardice as I close my eyes and slowly fall asleep. There’s still the ‘Angel’ party on Thursday, Sarah could always propose then…

“We are gathered here today,” the minister announces, “to join these two women in the bonds of marriage.” I stare into Sarah’s eyes and grin a wide, toothy grin as we link hands and wait for the minister to continue… But he doesn’t. The entire dream- the minister, the people in the church, even Sarah herself- freezes and begins to blur, to fade into a dull grey as I wake up, my body still entwined with Sarah’s, but still something feels wrong- her body feels stiff, almost frozen… As does mine…

“Ahh!” I yell as I wake up for real, inadvertently waking up Sarah as well.

“What?” Sarah asks. “What is it?”

“N- nothing,” I sigh. “Just a bad dream… What time is it?”

“Just gone 4am,” Sarah sighs, re-wrapping her arms around my body. “Try to get back to sleep, we’ve got a long day tomorrow…” I nod, giving Sarah a quick kiss before resting my head back down on the pillow, but my sleep for the rest of the night is fitful, and I’m utterly exhausted as I wake up. Fortunately, I only need to apply a light layer of make-up- just enough to cover my tiredness- and casual clothes (black tights, a knee-length denim skirt, a lilac hoodie and flats) as today, for the first time in a while, I’m actually doing some modelling.

After a quick breakfast, Sarah (who’s also casually dressed and made-up) and I hop in her car and head to the offices of Teen Globe Magazine, where we’re greeted by Katie and Lauren… and also Dannii.

“Hey girlies!” Dannii says- though without her usual over-the-top enthusiasm and (thankfully) without any hugs for me or for Sarah.

“Hey,” Sarah says with a forced smile. “Hope this won’t take too long, got coursework I’m supposed to be doing today…”

“Same here,” Katie says. “Though it’s nice to actually get in front of the camera, we ARE being paid to be the ‘Teen Angels’ after all…”

“Even though most of us are now technically adults!” Lauren- who’s still only seventeen- teases.

“It was a GREAT night last night,” Katie gushes as the five of us head to our dressing room. I can’t help but wince at the sad look in Dannii’s face as Katie mentions the meal- and I wince even more at the smug look Katie shoots Dannii. Up until the ‘incident’ last month- which happened in a dressing room not unlike the one I find myself now- Dannii was very much the ‘alpha girl’, the ‘leader’ of our group. Now, following her ‘fall from grace’, Dannii is very much at the bottom of the ‘pecking order’ with many (myself and Katie included) wishing she wasn’t on the ‘pecking order’ at all. However, this HAS left a space at the top of said ‘order’… And Katie clearly wants to fill that space with herself.

Of course, any infighting gets forgotten once we’re in front of the cameras, especially with the photoshoot we’re doing today- 2015 marks the 25th anniversary of Teen Globe, so we’re doing a series of photoshoots focussing on teen fashion and lifestyle from 1990, when the magazine was launched- so flared skirts, leotards, leg warmers and big hairstyles are the order of the day today. We also have future photoshoots lined up where we’ll be ‘displaying’ even older fashions- going back in increments of 25 years, so we have the 1965 look- miniskirts, beehive hairstyles- as well as 1940, 1915 and even the tight corsets and hot, heavy dresses of 1890 to look forward to in the coming weeks. I won’t deny that I’m really, REALLY looking forward to those photoshoots, to get to experience (however briefly) what it was like to be a young woman in those time periods, especially- with the possible exception of 1990 and MAYBE 1965- if I’d been born in those times, it’s something I’d never have been able to experience at all. As much as I look forward to the fashion element of the photoshoots, though, the thought of spending any more long periods with Dannii- even if the rest of the girls will be present- is seriously dampening my enthusiasm.

“So then, girlies,” Dannii says cautiously as we remove our excessive make-up and change back into our regular clothes, “who’s up for a late lunch?” I gaze intently at the floor as the dressing room is filled with an awkward silence.

“I, um, need to get home and finish off coursework,” Lauren mumbles, immediately wiping the smile off the face of her former best friend.

“Me too,” Katie says more firmly, staring straight into Dannii’s eyes as she left.

“…Guys?” Dannii asks, though I can tell from her body language that she already know what the answer will be.

“Coursework too,” Sarah says with an almost upset voice.

“I already agreed to help Sarah and Lauren so I’m out too,” I say, making Dannii almost cry as she grabs her bag and leaves. I can’t help but feel sorry for the tall girl as she slinks away alone, but as much as she may try to make amends, she DID bring it all on herself. Lauren’s gone into detail in the past about how Dannii, as the only child of a wealthy family, is used to getting her own way- now the time has come for her to learn how to accept people saying ‘no’ to her.

“You know,” Sarah sighs as she drives Lauren and I back to her house, “I do feel kinda sorry for her, in a way…”

“After what she tried to do to you guys?” Lauren spits. “Twice!? If she tried to steal Michael from me I’d rip her hair out…”

“I’m surprised she’s never tried,” I spit.

“Dannii only dates guys who are over eighteen,” Lauren sighs. “Though Michael IS turning eighteen next month… I swear, if she DOES try anything then, it won’t be just her hair that gets ripped out…”

“Whoa, getting a little graphic, aren’t we?” Sarah says. “You two used to be the absolute best of friends, none of us would even know Dannii if it wasn’t for you…”

“Yeah, sorry about that,” Lauren chuckles. “Anyway, in happier news, I’m going to need a new dress soon!”

“For Michael’s birthday?” I ask, making the dark-haired girl giggle happily.

“Okay then,” Lauren laughs. “TWO new dresses! Teen Globe aren’t the only ones celebrating their 25th anniversary this year, my mum and dad got married in May 1990 and they’re having a huge silver anniversary celebration… Can’t not show up in one of my best designs!”

“Isn’t it also YOUR eighteenth birthday in May?” Sarah asks.

“THREE new dresses?” I ask Lauren, who simply chuckles and shakes her head.

“No, your girlfriend’s making me my birthday dress, just like she did for you!” Lauren replies. “Hope you’re not TOO jealous…”

“Nah, jealousy has no place in our relationship,” I say, making Sarah smile happily at me. “How old were your folks when they got married? I thought they were only in their forties…”

“They are,” Lauren confirms. “Dad was twenty, mum was nineteen, wasn’t even pregnant… They met at secondary school, stayed together ever since. They were each other’s first love and they’ll be their last love.” Lauren giggles happily before continuing. “Remind you of anyone?” I smile at Sarah again, who giggles bashfully as we pull up outside her house. I spend the rest of the afternoon as a human clothes horse as Sarah and Lauren fit and re-fit various items of clothing around my feminine body- I ‘model’ dresses, skirts, even a bright red swimsuit before Lauren heads home just after 6pm.

“Such a cool story about Lauren’s parents,” I laugh as I cuddle up next to Sarah on her sofa.

“Your own parents aren’t that far off their 25th anniversary, aren’t they?” Sarah asks. “Better than my own parents, who are coming up to the fifteenth anniversary of their DIVORCE…”

“Aww,” I giggle, before taking a deep breath- this is the ‘in’ I’ve been looking for for almost 36 hours… “If we ever get married, I promise we’ll NEVER get divorced!”

“Hehe,” Sarah giggles. “Plenty of time to think about that in the future…” Ooh, you little tease, I think to myself. Yes, there IS plenty of time to think about that in the future... It still doesn’t explain why you currently own an engagement ring with my name engraved on it…

“In all seriousness,” I say, “Where do you see us, ten years from now? I mean, we’ll both be 28, we’ll both have big, successful careers, but…”

“Of COURSE we’ll still be together!” Sarah says, wrapping her arms around my neck and giving me a long, deep kiss. “I’ve told you a million times, I’m not interested in ‘boys’ or ‘girls’, I’m only interested in YOU!” I laugh as I return Sarah’s kiss, which quickly becomes heavier and heavier, until we find ourselves in Sarah’s bedroom, our clothes soon finding their way to her floor…

We head downstairs when we hear Beverly return from work- we are once again fully clothed, albeit wearing each other’s tights (an idea Sarah came up with a while ago and now something we regularly do after daytime sex).

“Hi girls!” Beverly says as we head into the kitchen to help prepare dinner. “Or should I say ‘women’?”

“Believe me when I say that either is fine!” I giggle. “Good day at work?”

“You should know I can’t tell you about that,” Beverly laughs. “Patient confidentiality and so forth… How was your day? Big 90s shoot today, wasn’t it?”

“Yep,” Sarah says happily. “Ridiculous hair, ridiculous clothes, ridiculous make-up… You’d have been right at home!”

“Oi!” Beverly laughs, giving her daughter a playful shove. “Though to be fair, I WAS more or less your age in 1990… And yes, I did have more than a few fashion ‘events’!” Sarah and I both giggle as Beverly recalls tales of her youth over dinner, though when Sarah goes upstairs for a quick bathroom break, my mood suddenly gets very serious.

“Beverly,” I say nervously. “Can- can I talk to you about something, please? Something private…”

“Of course,” Beverly says. “I’m guessing it’s about Sarah, given that she’s just left the room…”

“It is,” I say. “Beverly, she… She owns an engagement ring, one with my name engraved on it.” Beverly gasps with shock- clearly this is BIG news to her, just as it was to me.

“Has- has she-“ Beverly asks.

“Not yet,” I say, shaking my head. “I was expecting it last night, but obviously it didn’t happen…”

“Do- do you have a ring too?” Beverly asks, nearly collapsing in her chair when I nod my head.

“Obviously, I can’t tell Sarah about this, not yet…” I whisper.

“You NEED to tell her,” Beverly insists, before we both abruptly shut up as Sarah descends the stairs.

“Should my ears be burning?” Sarah giggles as she sits back down next to me, wrapping my arm around her slender frame.

“You tell me,” Beverly playfully snorts. “You’re the one who stuck an earring through the top part of it…” Sarah laughs as she flicks back her ponytail, showing off the small gold ring she had ‘installed’ in her ear just after Christmas.

“I mean,” Beverly continues, “that’s what, two in each lobe, one in the top of your left ear, your left nostril, your navel… Anywhere else you feel like putting a piece of jewellery?” I smile at Beverly as she drops her subtle hint.

“Still thinking about tongue,” Sarah giggles. “Krystie had that done, think she’s got at least ten piercings…”

“You are NOT getting your tongue pierced,” Beverly says, before letting out an amused sigh. “…Though I guess what I said earlier was true, you are both adults now and can legally do whatever you want… Just as long it’s something you know you BOTH want to do.” Sarah and I both giggle as we stare deep into each other’s eyes before sharing another tender kiss. We head to bed shortly afterward, where we snuggle up close to each other in our usual manner.

“Were you serious when you talked about getting your tongue pierced?” I ask my already heavily-pierced lover.

“Eh, maybe,” Sarah says. “Mainly just said it to put the wind up mum… Unless, of course, you’d prefer me to…”

“Nah, might feel weird when I do this,” I say, thrusting my own tongue into Sarah’s mouth and feeling myself melt as her tongue enters my mouth. We lay there, our mouths entwined, for several minutes before tiredness overtakes us and we once again fall asleep in each other’s arms.

“Hello?” I ask as I stumble around the deserted church, my long wedding dress catching in my heel and sending me crashing to the floor.

“Hello?” I ask again, tears forming in my eyes. “Hello? Is anyone there?” I claw at the floor, trying to pull myself forward, but I remain in place, crying and scratching futilely as the silence threatens to consume me…

I wake with a start, gasping as my eyes dart open, taking in Sarah’s still-slumbering form in the dim dawn light. I try to fall asleep again, but I stay awake right up until Sarah’s alarm goes off just after 7am, waking the beautiful girl from an obviously more restful sleep than my own.

“Morning, sexy!” Sarah giggles, kissing me on the lips before getting up, showering and dressing in her usual college outfit of a black tights, a tight top and a short skirt. Even though 22 months on hormones has dramatically reduced my sex drive, every time I see Sarah getting dressed- or, obviously, undressed- my heart can’t help but flutter with excitement, knowing that this insanely beautiful woman is mine, and only mine. My ‘experience’ with Dannii has shown that I COULD have another girl if I wanted… But I really, really don’t.

“Try not to spend all day in bed, okay?” Sarah giggles, giving me another kiss as I leave.

“Nah, it’s no fun without you in here too,” I say, making my soul mate giggle as she pulls on her shoes, grabs her bag and leaves me alone in the house (Beverly having also left a while earlier). After making myself some breakfast (I still pay Beverly a token amount of rent so I don’t feel TOO guilty about eating their food), I return to Sarah’s bedroom to get dressed- pulling on a very basic floaty knee-length dress and a pair of ribbed black tights- and prepare to head back to my home, before my curiosity gets the better of me, and I pull open Sarah’s underwear drawer once again, looking under the pile of tights where I originally found the engagement ring… To discover that it’s no longer there.

I have a moment of panic as I try to rationalise the missing ring in my mind. Sarah couldn’t have returned it, it was engraved, it couldn’t have been stolen, I like to think I’d have known if she tried to sell it on eBay or Craigslist… There are only two options. Either she’s hidden the ring somewhere else… Or she’s keeping it on her person, as I am with mine. If that’s the case, the proposal could come at ANY time… Like my party at Charlotte’s house tonight…

After I arrive home (and give my baby sister a quick cuddle) I jump straight on my iPad, desperately trying to occupy my mind before the party tonight. Sadly, there’s no one around to talk to- Sarah, Katie and Lauren are all at college, Jamie’s finalising things for the band the agency is putting together and has specifically asked NOT to be interrupted, and all of the other Angels are busy with their lives. The only option is Dannii- who is obviously NOT an option, as much as I need someone to talk to. I open up Facebook, ready to immerse myself in the games, when I get a sudden brainwave- I have an appointment booked in with Dr Williamson next Wednesday, just a regular thing to go over how I’ve been recently, but I have the option of rearranging the appointment if I need to speak to her earlier… And right now, I kind-of do. I give her office a call- speaking to her receptionist rather than the doctor herself, of course- and get myself rebooked in for tomorrow afternoon when I find there aren’t any available appointments today.

“Who were you speaking to, Nikki?” Mum asks as I hang up the phone and make a note of the new appointment on my iPad.

“Oh, um, just my counsellor,” I say, realising that there’s no sense in lying. “Need to speak to her about a few things…”

“Things you can’t talk to your mum about?” My mum laughs, making me blush slightly.

“It’s… Kinda complicated,” I sigh. “It’s about the engagement ring…”

“Yeah, I couldn’t help but notice you and Sarah DIDN’T exchange any rings on Tuesday…” Mum says. “I will admit that part of me is kinda glad that you didn’t, but I know how much you were looking forward to this… Have you spoken to Sarah about this?”

“No,” I whisper. “She doesn’t even know I know about her ring, and she doesn’t know about mine… At least, I THINK she doesn’t… And I know she loves me as much as I love her…” A tear starts to trickle down my cheek and within milliseconds, mum has wrapped me in a tight hug, allowing me to sniffle onto her shoulder.

“She DOES love you,” mum says firmly. “And frankly, if you did get engaged? I WOULD be happy, as would your dad. Yes, you’re far too young to be thinking about marriage, but you two are absolutely perfect for each other. And you’ve got that party tonight, haven’t you?” I nod, making mum smile happily.

“Then stop worrying about a proposal that WILL come eventually and start looking forward to being pampered and treated as the princess you are!” Mum laughs, and I giggle too, my tears slowly drying. After a light dinner, I head up to my bedroom, where- I get ready for the party. As Jamie promised, the theme for the party is ‘as girly as possible’, so I change into a strapless push-up bra and a tight thong, before pulling on a matching garter belt and attaching a pair of sheer pink stockings. I wrap a tight waist cincher around my body and take my already-slim waist in by a few inches, before applying my make-up for the day- hot pink eyeshadow, extra-thick eye liner and HUGE fake eyelashes, followed by a thick fuchsia-coloured lipstick. After plucking my eyebrows and repainting my extra-long fingernails a matching shade of fuchsia, I tie my long brown hair into a high updo and put on my favourite necklaces, earrings, bracelets and rings- well, all my favourites rings apart from the one I REALLY want to wear, anyway.

Finally, I step into my dress, calling my mum up to my room to zip me up at the back. The dress is, of course, one of Sarah’s creations- baby pink, strapless with a boned bodice (showing off a LOT of cleavage) and has a flared knee-length skirt held out by two swishy petticoats. After I slip my feet into a matching pair of 5” heeled stiletto pumps and grab my handbag- which, of course, contains its ‘precious cargo’- I do a quick pose for my mum, who has tears in her eyes.

“Your dress is FAR too low cut,” mum giggles. “But you are truly, truly beautiful. Is Sarah picking you up?”

“She’s meeting me there, I was planning on getting a taxi,” I explain as I slowly descend the stairs in my skyscraper heels. “Yes, that’s because I’m planning on maybe having a drink or two…”

“Yeah, like it’ll be just two,” mum laughs. “Your dad will be back soon, we’ll take you to the party- assuming you don’t mind being driven there by your dorky parents?” I giggle at mum’s teasing as I sit down on the sofa, carefully arranging my skirts around me.

“I’d be honoured,” I say with a smile. Sure enough, dad returns ten minutes later, and- after gasping at my appearance- gives me, mum and Jenny a lift to the party, where I’m greeted by a long kiss from Sarah (who is wearing a similar strapless dress to my own, only in silver)… And I’m blinded by flashbulbs from all the boys at the party (mostly the Angels’ boyfriends) who are posing as paparazzi. I head inside Charlotte’s house where I’m welcomed with hugs from Charlotte and Jamie- both of whom are wearing similarly overtly-feminine dresses, even despite Charlotte being seven months pregnant.

“Who idea was the paparazzi?” I ask as I’m led into the main party room.

“Mine,” Charlotte explains. “I figured what girl wouldn’t want to be treated like an A-lister on her eighteenth birthday?”

“So cool, thank you both so much!” I squeak excitedly.

“You ain’t seen nothing yet!” Jamie yells as all the partygoers greet me with hugs- all apart from Dannii, who has already secluded herself in a corner. I can’t help but notice too that she’s wearing the same dress she wore to my seventeenth birthday party, which had an ‘all things pink’ theme. Like then, Sarah, Katie, Lauren and I are all wearing new, bespoke dresses- as are most of the other partygoers today- but Dannii’s dress was store-bought and very, very plain, especially when compared to the four of us.

“Ladies and not ladies,” Jamie announces as she drags me to the front of the room, “eighteen years and two days ago, a PERSON was born into this world, a person who would on to teach the world a valuable lesson: Never judge a book by HER cover- it’s the woman inside who’s truly important!”

“Ladies and not ladies,” Charlotte announces with a giggle, “I give you MISS Nicola Christine Thomas!” I blush a bright red as the entire party whoops and cheers at the mention of my name.

“Thank you, thank you all!” I squeak happily. “But there’s one person in particular I want to thank… And that’s the woman without whom I wouldn’t be here today. Come on up, you know who you are…” The whole crowd cheers as Sarah steps up to me, cheering even louder as we share a kiss in front of everyone. It’s now or never… I think to myself.

“Sarah,” I say with a quivering voice as I fiddle with the tiny, square box through the fabric of my handbag. “Without you, I truly WOULDN’T be where I am right now, or WHO I am right now. I owe everything to you, my life, my heart, my mind, my body, my soul. I love you with every single atom of my being. Sarah…” I take a deep breath as I gently take my love’s slender hands in mine. “I- I-“ My words catch in my throat and I silently curse my own lack of bravery as the crowd looks on expectantly.

“I love you too,” Sarah says, giving me a long, deep kiss as the boys’ flashbulbs go berserk.

“Now go on!” Charlotte laughs. “I’ve fully stocked the bar with alcohol I obviously can’t drink, so go and get yourself some!” Sarah and I smile contentedly as we stroll over to the bar, where- after showing the bartender my driving licence as proof of my age- I’m served a tall glass of expensive-looking champagne.

“Such a cool party!” Katie laughs as she comes up to me and Sarah with a glass of champagne in her hand- and, judging by the way she’s wobbling on her heels, it’s not her first glass. “Can you turn eighteen every week?”

“Don’t think it works that way!” I laugh.

“For a second there, I thought you were actually going to propose to Sarah!” Katie laughs, making my eyes go wide with both shock and anger.

“Heh,” Sarah laughs, clearly as uncomfortable as I am. “Umm, where are Lauren and Mike?”

“Getting a SOFT drink,” Katie laughs. “Though they’ll both be eighteen soon…”

“Have- have you seen Dannii?” I ask cautiously, before shaking my head. “Actually, you know what? Never mind. Come on, this is a party, time to dance!” Sarah laughs as she follows me to the dance floor, where we stay until our ankles scream for mercy in our torturously high heels, forcing us to one of the sofas at the side of the room. After a while, Sarah gets up to get some drinks (her heels being lower and therefore more comfortable than mine), but I barely have time to sit back and relax before my mentor plops down next to me on the plush sofa.

“Soo,” Jamie giggles as she spreads her own royal blue dress beneath her. “Enjoying YOUR first Angel party?”

“It’s amazing,” I gush. “You and Charlotte went to so much trouble… Too much trouble, actually…”

“Nah,” Jamie laughs. “If I can’t spoil my ‘adopted little sister’ on her eighteenth, when can I? Even if you DID have to go and have a birthday one day after my boyfriend’s…”

“Blame my parents,” I retort, making the clearly-drunk Jamie giggle into her champagne.

“I can’t help but notice, though,” Jamie muses, “that you still have a ring in your handbag and NOT on yours or Sarah’s fingers…”

“Maybe I should’ve started drinking BEFORE I came,” I sigh. “A bit of ‘Dutch Courage’…”

“It’s probably the most important question you’ll ever ask,” Jamie says. “You want a clear head when you’re asking it… Why DID you wimp out, anyway? You and Sarah are clearly meant to be together…”

“Ugh, I dunno,” I sigh. “Just… God, this sounds silly… I always thought she’d propose to me, you know?” Jamie opens her mouth to reply, before abruptly closing it as Sarah returns with our drinks.

“What are you two talking about?” Sarah asks with a giggle.

“Oh, um,” I stammer. “Just trying to get Jenny a recommendation from Jamie, you know, babywear doesn’t model itself!”

“And if Jenny’s even half as talented as her awesome big sister…” Jamie teases. “I’ll leave you two lovebirds alone, got a BOY I need to hang off for a while!” Sarah and I giggle as we wave Jamie off, before snuggling together (as much as our dresses will allow, anyway) on the sofa, where we stay until just after the last partygoers leave after midnight (the party ends early due to it being a weekday).

“This was AMAZING,” I gush as I bid Jamie and Charlotte farewell with tight hugs. “Thank you both so, so much…”

“Okay, okay,” Charlotte laughs as she returns my hug. “Get home and get some sleep, I’ll warn Hannah that you may be a little bit hungover tomorrow!” I giggle excitedly as I climb into the back of the taxi, unsteady on my feet from a combination of both my heels and the alcohol I’ve drank tonight.

“I love you so much,” I sigh, tiredly leaning my head on Sarah’s shoulder. “I wish we could get married…”

“Okay, enough alcohol!” Sarah laughs as it dawns on me EXACTLY what I’d just said.

“Umm, uh- I wasn’t- I wasn’t proposing,” I babble as Sarah simply giggles tiredly.

“I’d hope not,” Sarah says. “half-pissed and in the back of a taxi isn’t the way I’d want to be proposed to, I’d want the works, fireworks, champagne, my whole family around me…” Sarah’s eyes go wide as she suddenly realise what SHE said.

“Umm,” Sarah blathers. “It’s, um, it’s getting late, we should get straight to bed as we get home…”

“Good idea,” I whisper. We spend the rest of the taxi ride in silence, which continues as we stagger through the front door, remove our clothes and make-up and head to bed. Even though we are, as always, both snuggled up against each other, we both immediately fall into a deep sleep.

“Morning, Nikki!” Dad says as I walk down the stairs. “What do you want for breakfast?”

“Umm, what time do I need to be at the church?” I ask as I adjust my pristine white wedding dress.

“Oh, we’re not going to the church today,” dad says, making me immediately upset and frustrated.

“But we NEED to go to the church!” I yell. “I HAVE to go!”

“We’re not going to the church,” dad repeats despite my near-hysterical protests. “Now come on, what do you want for breakfast?” I wince as dad bangs his frying pan on the hob repeatedly, making my head hurt more and more as the dream fades and I open my sore, tired eyes to see the same man from my dream standing over me holding a saucepan, which he’s rhythmically banging with a soup ladle.

“Wakey wakey!” Dad laughs as I moan with pain. “Rise and shine!”

“You’re not funny!” I spit.

“I hate you!” Sarah moans, wrapping my duvet around her head.

“Come on, last working day of the week, up and at ‘em!” Dad says. “I promise I won’t wake you up this way tomorrow…”

“We’re staying at Sarah’s tonight!” I argue, sighing with frustration as dad simply shrugs (though that is at least a relief from the banging).

“Exactly,” dad laughs, giving the saucepan one last bang as Sarah and I stagger out of bed, our heads still throbbing and our hair utterly dishevelled.

“You know,” Sarah muses as I head into the shower, “you actually look kinda sexy with bed hair…”

“Sarah,” I sigh. “About- about what I said in the taxi last night-“

“I can’t remember what you said last night,” Sarah says, though I can immediately tell from her tone of voice she’s lying. “Just- just shower, okay? Need to find an aspirin…” After we both shower (and repair our hair), we dress in our usual outfits for the day- Sarah in her casual college clothes, me in my tight work blouse and skirt- before heading down to my car in total silence. I drop Sarah off at college with the usual lingering kiss, but I can tell from Sarah’s body language that she’s still uncomfortable around me, and for the first time ever, doubt seeps into my mind. If I had asked her to marry me last night… I’m not 100% sure she’d have said yes, and that thought terrifies me. I have a very clear image of my future life- all of my future life. I’ll marry Sarah, we’ll settle down, she’ll be a rich and famous fashion designer, I’ll work in her office. We’ll live together, go on holidays forever, grow old together, maybe even adopt a child. And we’ll always remember the two happiest days of our lives- the day on which we got married and the day on which we got engaged.

“Hey, MISS Thomas!” Hannah says happily as she slides into the back seat of my car. “Hope you’re not still feeling the effects of last night!”

“A little,” I laugh. “Hardly my first hangover… Probably my worst though!”

“You WERE hitting the champagne pretty hard,” Hannah giggles, before sighing. “Nikki… I spoke to Jamie earlier today… When you were talking to Sarah- in front of all of us, I mean- were- were you going to propose?” I blink back tears as I nod my head. “Oh god, Nikki… Why didn’t you?”

“I chickened out,” I mumble. “And now I’m glad I did. I- I’m not sure Sarah would’ve said yes…”

“Oh, Nikki,” Hannah sighs. “Of COURSE she would have! I see the way you two look at each other, you NEED each other. So what if you’re only 18? There has to be a reason that’s the age you can get engaged without parental permission, right? And that reason is because YOU ARE READY.”

“You’re right,” I say, my confidence slowly returning.

“Obviously for now, though, mind on the job!” Hannah says.

“Yes ma’am!” I laugh, mock-saluting as we drive toward the TV studio where Hannah will be ‘at work’ today. After yet another successful interview, I drive Hannah home, before heading to the appointment I booked yesterday with Dr Williamson.

“Hi Nikki,” the friendly middle-aged woman says as I enter her office. “Did you have a good birthday?”

“Yep!” I say happily, before my smile falls as Dr Williamson stares at me expectantly. “Well, not ALL good…”

“I kinda guessed after you called to arrange an earlier meeting,” Dr Williamson says. “And looking at your left hand, I think I understand why. Did- did you ask Sarah, or did she ask you?”

“Neither,” I sigh. “I got up in front of all my friends, said what I wanted to to Sarah, and when it came time to ask I- I just froze.”

“What were you feeling during that time?” Dr Williamson asks. “Right before you were about to ask, I mean.”

“Anxious, nervous,” I reply.

“That’s obviously to be expected,” Dr Williamson chuckles.

“…And afraid,” I say.

“Afraid that Sarah would say no?” Dr Williamson asks, and I nod in response. “It IS a big step, very few eighteen year olds have the emotional maturity to deal with a commitment of this magnitude.”

“Yeah, but there has to be a reason why eighteen is the age when you can get engaged, right?” I ask, repeating Hannah’s earlier argument.

“You know as well as I do, people simply mature at different rates,” Dr Williamson says. “Eighteen’s basically an arbitrary age that was chosen long ago. I’m not saying that you and Sarah are immature, I’m just saying that you need to take time to ensure that this is what you really want.”

“So are you saying that subconsciously, I don’t want to get married?” I ask.

“That’s not EXACTLY what I’m saying, but it is a possibility,” Dr Williamson replies. “Obviously, if I were to give you a recommendation, it would be that you DON’T get engaged at this time- you’re going through a lot of changes as it is right now, with your transition, turning eighteen, you’ll soon be applying for your gender recognition certificate AND beginning to look toward SRS.”

“I wouldn’t want to get married until after my SRS anyway,” I say.

“Good,” Dr Williamson says. “That does tell me that you ARE thinking rationally about the relationship with Sarah, but I think we do need to get to the root of why you froze before you were able to propose to her.”

“I just- I don’t know, I just couldn’t physically force the words out of my mouth,” I sigh. “It’s a scene I’ve played in my mind a hundred times, but when it came to reality, it- it just didn’t happen…”

“Did you want it to happen?” Dr Williamson asks, and I nod in response. “Obviously there was something holding you back, most likely the fear you mentioned earlier. There ARE ways to overcome fear, but obviously it’s not going to be a quick fix…”

I leave the appointment just over an hour later feeling better about myself and my relationship with Sarah, and much less afraid than I was before. I smile as I stride through the waiting room and am greeted by stares from some younger teenagers- some of whom probably recognise me from the irregular column I still write for Teen Globe magazine and some of whom I've corresponded with on occasion. My smile only widens as I drive to Sarah's home and step through her front door.

"It's lucky I've made the decision not to be paranoid anymore," Sarah giggles, greeting me with a soft kiss. "Did you get what you wanted from Dr Williamson?" I grin as I fiddle with the small ring box, still nestled in my handbag.

"Yeah..." I say with a smile. "Yeah, I think I did."

Later that night, I head out with Sarah on our first official 'girls' night out' with Katie and Krystie, Hannah and Viks from the Angels. All six of us are wearing a ton of make-up, a ton of perfume and jewellery, our tiniest clubbing dresses and our highest heels. I keep the engagement ring in my bag, but as the night goes on and I get more and more inebriated, I find myself realising that I don't NEED to propose to Sarah. My dream of a wedding is just that- a dream. And whilst dreams CAN come true, the reality I have now is more than perfect.

The one piece of constant advice I've received from the people I've confided in has been 'Sarah loves you with all her heart'. As we climb into bed together just after 2:30am with our heads buzzing from the alcohol we've consumed, our hands quickly find their way onto the most sensitive parts of each other's body. Gone is the awkwardness of this morning, replaced with feelings of sheer passion that persist until we both collapse from near-exhaustion. When I wake up the following morning, my head may be pounding from a hangover, but my heart is pounding even harder at the feel of the perfect woman snuggled up next to me. I don't NEED to propose to Sarah, all I need IS Sarah... And that means that I have everything I need.

But I am entitled to want more, aren't I?