This is a story set in the 1800’s about a family that has lost every family member except the youngest son and his twin sister. Then his sister dies of smallpox and he manages to persuade his mother to let him become his deceased sister. I realise that the language of the time is difficult to read (and difficult to write) so I have done an amalgam of vernacular (probably not grammatically correct.)

I have to admit that I didn’t sleep well that night all the time I was wondering what the operation entailed and how much pain would there be?
Next morning instead of getting dressed I was told to stay in bed and a large tub was brought into my room, which left me wondering what this was for.

The surgeon arrived and watched the filling of the tub with hot water. Then mama arrived and told me to undress and enter the tub. The surgeon then laid out his instruments and produced a dark green bottle, which contained the laudanum.
As I rested in the hot bath mama gave me a draught of the laudanum and things became fuzzy.

The surgeon was kneading between my legs encouraging my still undeveloped testicles to present themselves. Miss Martha entered the room carrying a bowl of ice which mama had purchased from the ice merchants
But now things were very fuzzy I was floating. The surgeon lifted me out of the bath lay me on the floor then I felt a dull pain then a sharp pain then nothing as I passed out.

When I awoke I was back in the tub everything was still fuzzy I was surrounded by a delightful haze. I felt cold around my groin and I could smell vinegar.
It appeared that my groin area was packed with the ice Miss Martha had brought in and my wound was bandaged with clean cloths soaked in vinegar.

I was removed from the bath and my groin was dried then vinegar was applied which stung a little even through the haze that surrounded me then my wound was dressed. Miss M slipped a light blue cotton nightdress onto me and I was put to bed.

Through my opium assisted haze I heard the surgeon tell mama to make sure that the dressing are changed daily use vinegar to keep infection at bay and look out for swelling and pus he also said that he would return in a week.
He told mama to reduce my dose’s of laudanum so I wouldn’t depend on it then he departed.

Mama sat by the bed quietly weeping stroking my brow I reached up and took her hand holding it to my cheek, “Oh my poor child.” She wept, “What have I done to you?”
Through the fug of the laudanum I answered, “You have made me into Charlotte and for that I thank you as I can now remain with you.”
Why I said those words I simply don’t know - but I did know that I really meant what I had just said.

After the first day I recovered quite fast the surgeon came back the following week and removed two small silk stitches on each of my wounds.
There was always someone with me to help me to the commode and watch out in case I became ill.
As at times servants attended me I always wore closed drawers and when using the commode made sure that I was alone.

Now the stitches had been removed and the surgeon was happy that there was no infection I was allowed to get out of bed and move about.
Even while I was recovering my lessons continued mainly in embroidery etiquette and household management.

My embroidery was coming on a pace and once the fuzzy feeling of the laudanum had gone I was finally clear headed and determined to be the best daughter I could.
Finally after three long weeks I was fully healed and allowed to get dressed and accompany mama to visit some friends for tea.

I was so thrilled to be able to go out I simply couldn’t wait – of course we were still in mourning but as a young girl I could now wear colours other than black but these had to be dark so no pastel shades for me just yet.
The dress that was selected for me was to my eyes beautiful it was a dark lilac empire line silk dress which came to mid calf it had a high neckline the bodice gathered under my non existent breasts but the sash just below my chest gave the illusion of breasts.

The dress had frills all around the bodice and more around the hem the sleeves, which reached to my wrists were of a delightful opaque fabric so my slender arms could be vaguely seen.
My corset gave me some shape but for a ten-year-old girl I was not expected to have much shape but to be slender delicate – I was getting slender and slowly becoming more delicate in my actions.

My dress had a matching bonnet in the same dark lilac colour it had a hard cap to enclose my hair in a bun with a large peak that extended about 4” past my face my ringlets framed my face.
The whole of the bonnet had frills and the inside had a while satin lining also frilled. The wide satin ribbon fastened under my chin and slightly to the side is a big bow.

To me after the drabness of mourning black crape this dress looked so beautiful and once dressed I swished back and forth loving the soft feel of the fabric moving with me.
As it was now late November I had a brown velvet and fur cloak with a matching muff to keep my fingers warm. I absolutely adored the finished look these clothes gave me.

When I went downstairs mama looked critically at me commenting, “Charlotte dear that dress really suits you – now remember your etiquette lessons and remember that a young lady should be seen and not heard.
Not to talk when in the presence of elders unless you are asked a specific question and keep a pleasant demeanour even though you may find someone ill mannered!”

“Yes mama” I answered “I will make you proud of me and remember what you have taught me.”
Mother smiled gently at me saying, “I am already proud of you my darling daughter you have gone through so much for my selfish self.”

I was upset at this and answered, “Mama please do not say these things I wanted to do this for me as well as you – I am so very happy that you are proud of me.”
She smiled sweetly at me and as the servant opened the door commented, “For one so young you are wise beyond your years.”

The carriage was waiting for us and as was the custom mama was handed into the carriage first then it was my turn the Tiger handed me into the carriage he was a nice looking boy of about 13 taller than me and stronger too.
It was the first time this had happened to me and I felt thrilled to be looked upon and treat like a lady of quality.
After I was seated he fussed about putting the blankets over our knees and making sure that the two of us had a warming stone for our feet.

As the carriage rattled through the streets of London I was drinking in the sights, sounds and the smells (which were rank) as all this was new to me.
Mama pointed out different thins to me and promised that one Saturday we would visit the Vauxhall gardens for me to experience the entertainment available there but this would be difficult as we were still in mourning.

We arrived at the address of mama’s friend and once again the Tiger fussed about removing the blankets covering our knees then handing us out of the carriage.
This time I left first with mama following the wind was cold and I thankfully snuggled into the fur collar of my cloak.
The front door was opened and the butler ushered us in mama put her calling card onto the silver tray and it was not long before we were ushered into the drawing room.

In the room were half a dozen women of a similar age to mama there were two other girls who I judged to be slightly older than myself. Mama introduced me to the ladies.
The girls mother’s Lady Ffinch and Lady Beaufort then introduced their daughters to mama and I (Annabelle and Clarissa) it was indicated that I was to sit with the girls slightly to one side of the adults but not so far away so the ladies could ask us questions.

Refreshments were served with us three girls getting a cordial while the elders had tea the hostess showed with pride her new tea set that a Mr Wedgewood now produced apparently the new style was for the tea bowls to have handles where as before there were none.

While the adults were gossiping about the latest scandal we girls listened intently to the exploits of Lady such and such who had been see with Sir such and such.
I had a feeling that this afternoon was something like a test for me. The taking of tea was quite a ritual and we three girls sitting with glasses of cordial talking quietly to each other so as not to disturb the adults.
Of course the adults asked is some questions but on the whole we were on display – yes that is what we were.

After tea Clarissa who was sitting with me was asked to play the piano while Annabelle went to the harp to accompany her. Mama then looked at me saying, ”Charlotte would you please accompany the girls and sing.” Now this wasn’t a request - this was an order from mama I had no option.

Feebly I questioned, “Are you sure that I am good enough mama?” For which I received the answer I dreaded, “Of course my dear your voice is perfectly adequate.”
My fate was sealed with a rustle of silk and satin I stood up and made my way over to stand behind Clarissa so I could read the words.

Most of the popular songs I knew the tunes but not all of the words so as I prepared myself hands demurely clasped in front of me Clarissa began to play the popular song ‘Betsy Bell and Mary Grey’ Modern Version followed by “My Hearts in the Highlands’. Authentic modern version

I soon forgot that I was on trial and immersed myself in the music my two companions were accomplished musicians and I must admit that the three of us sounded really good.
In between songs Clarissa played a selection of Keyboard Sonata’s to give my voice respite then it was back to singing.

After an hour we stopped and were roundly applauded our music was deemed to be exceedingly good. The three of us were so proud I glanced at mama and could read the pride in her face.
Annabelle and Clarissa were being taken to the Vauxhall tea garden this coming Saturday and mama was asked if we would like to join the party then it was realised that with mama still in full mourning this was not the done thing – but I could go accompanied by Clarissa and Annabelle’s mothers as chaperones I was so thrilled at this.

Finally it was time for us to return home our carriage was summoned and we said our goodbyes even though Annabelle, Clarissa and I had exchanged no more than two dozen words I felt a deep friendship was forming.
As we left the Lady of the House complimented me on my voice and hoped that the three of us would perform music together again.
Poor Clarissa blurted out, “Oh yes please mama Charlotte, Annabelle and I are perfect together.” She got a severe glare for this outburst from Lady Beaufort her mother.
Annabelle and I gave her a look of comfort and quietly voiced our agreement with her (as young girls should we had to be demure not impulsive).
As I got to know Clarissa better I found that she was an impetuous, giving and very friendly girl.

Outside it was cold and I snuggled into the warmth of my velvet and fur cloak. The Tiger handed mama into the coach then I was similarly handed into the coach again he fussed around us making sure that the rugs were tucked around our knees and a warming stone placed beneath our feet then closing the carriage door he returned to his place.

As our carriage clattered off back home mama addressed me, “Charlotte I simply cannot express to you how proud I was of you today. You behaved impeccably like the young lady you will soon become.” I blushed crimson at the heart felt compliment and managed to answer, “I promised that I would become a daughter to be proud of.”
“My Child” mama said quietly, “You have had such a short time and this life we have chosen is so very different from what you would have had!”

I gave a very un-lady like snort, “Charlotte really manners!” mama snapped.
Contritely I whispered, “Sorry mama.”
Then in a stronger voice I continued, “The life I left would have had me dead by the time I was 15, I freely admit I’m a coward so it is better that I live as a girl.”

Mama looked at me steadily and thoughtfully finally saying, “You are no coward my dear the path we have chosen will be hard for you. As an unmarried woman a spinster you will be the target of sadness that such a pretty girl was not married. My darling Charlotte you will find it so very hard.”

“Mama” I piped up, “Mother Boville said I would wed!” My mother looked at me sadly whispering, “It is something that I dream of – but darling I cannot see how you can ever be married.”
With this we arrived back home and the carriage rattled to a halt the Tiger handed us both off the carriage and I was sure that he held onto my hand a fraction longer than necessary.
Huddled against the cold we entered the house.

Historical Note: Sutures had been commonly used for centuries but it was only in the 18th century that doctors realised that infection could be introduced using sutures, so with large wounds the general practice was to pack then with a lint like material to let them drain.
The surgeons who only worked on the castrati knew that the boys were special and as such their techniques for castration was now an art form. They fully understood the need for maintaining a clean wound and in 1800 vinegar was the best they had available this remained the case until the 1840 when carbolic was discovered. The sutures used on Charlotte were thin silk thread soaked in vinegar.

The ‘Tiger’ this was a cute young groom chosen for his good looks by the Lady of the house they were usually about 10 to 13 years old. He was called the Tiger because of the yellow and black livery they always wore they sat at the back of the carriage.
The scent of London! In larger urban areas, the streets smelled of a mixture of animal dung, human feces and rotting plant matter. If you ever wondered where the gentlemanly tradition of the man walking on the outside arose, look no further; of course, it was also in part to protect his “lady” from water splashes from passing carriages. When you next watch a movie where a man gallantly throws his cape across the ground for his lady to pass – remember: it may not be a puddle he is covering.
This is the reason that the season was from April until July as during summer the stench was so great Parliament sat from January to July for the same reason. This was finally cures when the London Sewers were built in the mid 1800’s these are still in use today.