WRONG NUMBER
Part 5: Turn for the Worst

“Sharon, nobody’s home! Shit, I have to talk to her! Let me try to call her one more time.”
“Okay.”

Keri sat down in the car, pulled out her cellphone and dialed my number. This time somebody answered -- somebody who had clearly been crying.

“H-hello, um, this is Kelly’s phone.”
“Hi, this is Keri calling. I really need to talk to her. Is she there?”

The voice began to cry again.

“Keri, this is Tara, Kelly’s sister. Kelly had a terrible accident.”

“What?? What happened??”

Keri’s voice became a big lump caught in her throat.

“She thought she lost you. She was out walking to try to clear her head and she was so preoccupied that she walked right out in front of a car!”
“Oh my God!! Is she going to be okay?”

Keri began to cry.

“We’re still waiting to hear.”
“Where is she?? Which hospital??”

Sharon’s mouth opened in horror and she covered it with one hand. She started the car and prepared for takeoff.

“County General.”
“We’re on our way, right now!” She turned to Sharon. “County General — go!”

Sharon dutifully mashed the accelerator and headed for County General Hospital.

“Tara,” Keri managed between sobs, “if she wakes up before we get there, please tell her I love her and I’m coming as fast as I can. Oh, Tara, she didn’t lose me!”

Tara was still crying.

“I will tell her. Thanks Keri. I’ll see you soon.”

Keri hung up her phone.

“She was hit by a car, Sharon! She went out walking and she was so upset because she thought she lost me that she walked right out in front of a car! I’m going to lose her! I knew it was too good to be true!”

Keri completely broke down and began to bawl. Sharon, meanwhile, just wished that someone else could drive the damned car so that she could comfort her sister. Sharon managed to pull a package of tissues out of her center armrest and hand it to Keri.

“You are not going to lose her! You two are meant to be together. You’ll see.”

Tara and my mother sat in the waiting room desperate for news about Kelly. They looked up to see Keri running towards them, with Sharon not far behind.

“Is she okay?? What are they saying??”

My mother stood and embraced Keri.

“We still don’t know, sweetheart. They gave her an MRI and there are internal injuries. There’s something about a serious external injury as well. She’s in surgery now.”

Keri began to cry again, burying her head against my mother’s shoulder. Sharon put one hand on Keri’s back and Keri threw her arms around her sister. Tara approached them and hugged them both. Keri began to wail.

“It’s my fault! If only I hadn’t run out of the house like that! Kelly was thinking about me! It’s my fault!”
“No it’s not, Keri. That wasn’t what I meant when I said she was preoccupied with you. Besides, you didn’t tell her to walk into the street without looking where the fuck she was going!”

Tara covered her eyes with one hand.

“Tara! Don’t you ever say that again! Kelly is human and she was devastated.”
“I’m sorry, Mom. I didn’t mean it like that. Nothing is coming out of me right.”

My mother’s expression softened.

“Come here, sweetheart. We’re all very upset.” She took Tara in her arms.

Having her daughter in her arms brought another thought to her mind.

“Keri, honey, you should probably let your mother know where you are.”
“I’ll do it, Keri. You wait here for news.”
“Thanks, Sharon.”

Sharon walked a short distance from the rest of the group and made the call.

Fifteen minutes later, Keri’s mother came hurrying in.

“Hello, you must be Keri’s mother. I’m Anne. You’re very kind to come.”
“I’m Carol. Keri mentioned that your husband passed some time ago and I thought you could use the support.”
“Yes, I’m very grateful. Thank you!”
“Is there any news?”
“No, not yet. We’re still waiting.”

They embraced and my mother filled Carol in on what little she knew so far. Tara and Sharon hadn’t met each other’s mothers and properly introduced themselves. Once the “pleasantries” were taken care of, they could do no more than wait.

The next four hours were the most agonizing of Keri’s life — or Tara’s or my mother’s. Keri spent the first thirty minutes pacing around the room. She was very tired from everything that had happened and she curled up in a ball on one of the chairs. For the next half an hour she alternated between looking at her watch and looking around for a doctor who might deliver some badly needed news. Over the next three hours, she became quite drowsy but couldn’t bear the idea of falling asleep and missing any news. She put up quite a fight to stay awake.

Finally, a doctor emerged from a nearby double door and trudged toward them. Keri’s head shot up when she heard someone approaching. As soon as she saw the doctor approach, she jumped out of her chair.

“I’m her girlfriend. Is she going to be okay?”
“Where’s the mother?”
“Here!” My mother stood and identified herself.
“I am Dr. Steven Goldberg.” He shook her hand. “I have good news and I have bad news.”
“Please just tell me,” begged my mother.
“The good news is that Kelly is stabilized and will recover fully. He has four fractured ribs and he has lacerations to his liver and spleen but we were able to successfully repair that damage.”

Keri began to cry with cautious relief — as did the other three ladies. My mother, however, had to know everything.

“What’s the bad news?”

The doctor lowered his voice.

“I'm afraid that his testes were destroyed in the collision. We’ve had to remove them. According to the paramedics, the vehicle that hit Kelly has a large hood ornament in the shape of a Jaguar, and the damage is apparently due to impact with that hood ornament.”

Keri’s mouth opened and she covered it with both of her hands. Carol put an arm around my mother as the doctor continued.

“Now, I do have one question to ask you. Normally, the next step at this point is to start Kelly on testosterone replacement medication, but Kelly came in dressed as a girl, complete with long hair and everything. If you feel it would be best, we can delay giving Kelly testosterone until you consult with a psychiatrist -- at least, we can for a time. Kelly seems not to have begun puberty yet and it is possible to chemically delay puberty so that Kelly can have more time to think things over. Do you think Kelly might prefer that?”

My mother nodded her head.

“I think it would be best, doctor. You know, I caught a couple of episodes of a soap opera with a male-to-female transsexual character in it whose body, unfortunately, is male to the point of very broad shoulders and a very pronounced jaw and… if Kelly is a girl… and if we can save… her… from that…”

Dr. Goldberg nodded his head.

“I understand completely. Oh, one other thing. If Kelly should go in this direction, she still has enough nerves and tissue for a gender reassignment surgery."
"Okay. Thank you, doctor."
"Do you have any questions?"
"No, I don't think so."
"All right. I'm going to summon the psychiatrist for you.”
“Thank you, doctor.”

Keri could wait no longer.

“Can I see her? Please?”

Tears leaked from her eyes.

“Kelly’s in recovery. It will take a while for the anesthesia to wear off, and Kelly will be groggy upon waking because she has been given a good dose of Vicodin for the pain, but you can see Kelly now. This way, please.”

The doctor led them into a private room, where I was lying in a bed and surrounded with machines, and left to summon the psychiatrist. My mother walked over to me and took one hand in hers. Keri walked over to the other side of the bed. She sat very carefully on the edge of the bed, took my other hand in hers and gently leaned over until her head rested inches from mine.

“Hi, Kelly. It’s me, Keri. I’m here… and I love you. You're going to be okay.”

Keri stayed by Kelly's side, holding her hand and gently stroking her hair. Kelly's mother heard a soft knock at the door and looked up to see another doctor entering the room.

"Anne?"
"Hello, I'm Anne."

She rose to greet the doctor.

"I'm Dr. Eleanor Davis. I'm the psychiatrist on call."

Dr. Davis quietly closed the door behind her.

"Oh, thank you for coming!"

Kelly's mother shook her hand warmly.

“Oh, not at all. It’s my job. Now, Dr. Goldberg tells me that we have a child who is unsure of her gender, is that right?”
“Yes, doctor. Kelly has been exploring her gender for a while now.”
“Can you tell me how long?”
“She's been exploring for almost a year, but there have always been things I noticed.”
“All right. In what sorts of ways has Kelly explored?”
“She has been dressing as a girl around the house for almost a year and she began dressing out of the house as well two weeks ago. Once that started, she began dressing as a girl full-time.”
“Okay. Anything else?”
“Yes. She has begun to redecorate her room, too.”
“Please tell me a bit more about that.”
“She has taken down a poster of Einstein and… what’s the name of that performer?”
“Howard Jones.”
“Oh, thank you, Keri, that’s the one.”
“Did she replace them with anything?”
“Yes, she hung up a poster of Cyndi Lauper and a print of a vase of flowers. It’s pretty cute, if I do say so.”
“It sounds lovely. What other redecorating has Kelly done?”
“She began using some of her sister’s old bed sheets. They’re white with white embroidery and they’re unmistakably feminine. Oh, and a few months back, I let her repaint her bedroom walls to a powder blue color. She wanted to go with a pale salmon color, but I advised her to take it a step at a time and if she still wanted the salmon color we could always repaint again. There was one other thing… oh yes, the stuffed animals. She got out a Snoopy and a yellow horse that she’d had in storage from her younger days and placed them on the center of her bed, against her pillows. I think that’s everything. Anyway, her room looks almost like a girl’s room — and I think she’s just getting started.”

Dr. Davis smiled warmly.

“Well, Kelly certainly seems to have good taste.”
“She does, yes.”
“What can you tell me about Kelly’s social life? It seems that Kelly has a lovely girlfriend.” Keri waved the finger on one hand. “Is this Kelly’s first girlfriend?”
“Yes, it is.”
“You must be very happy to see that happen.”
“I am very happy for these two.”

Kelly’s mother smiled warmly at Keri.

“All right, how about Kelly’s friends? Can you tell me about them?”

Kelly’s mother paused for a moment to remember exactly who Kelly’s friends were.

“Well, she hasn’t really had what you would call a close friend until this last year. She has a few friends that she spends time with, but only one close friend. Sarah is her name, I think.”
“And Sarah is the friend that Kelly made within the past year?”
“Yes, that’s right.”
“Did Kelly seem like a normal boy growing up?”
“Well… define normal,” my mother joked weakly and the friendly psychiatrist chuckled with her.
“Isn’t that the question!”
“Anyway, she seemed different, wouldn’t you say, Tara?”
“Yes, definitely.”
“Please, tell me more.”
“The first thing that comes to mind is that she has always preferred to have her hair long. It didn’t get this long until three years ago, but it never was shorter than her chin. She was teased for that, the poor baby.”
“I’m afraid that does often happen. Can you tell me what made her decide to grow her hair even longer?”
“Well, about three years ago, she pointed out a girl in a magazine and asked if she could grow her hair like that. This girl had almost straight hair that hung to between her collar bones and her breasts. I was surprised at Kelly's request at the time, but by then I knew something was developing within her so I decided what the hell. People seemed to think she was a girl anyway, so other than at school where the kids knew her — and picked on her — she had few problems with her appearance.”
“Have you encouraged Kelly to explore or merely permitted it?”
“I never rewarded her for it or anything, if that’s what you’re asking. I facilitated her exploration but I always let her decide where she wanted to go, with a few limitations, of course.”
“Such as?”
“Well, when she went back to school last fall, she wanted to wear a skirt and tank top to class -- and I even thought she looked adorable in it — but considering her experiences, I told her to leave it out on her bed and she could change into it the minute she got home from school.”
“I see. What does Kelly’s father think of all of this?”
“He passed on six years ago. It was a car accident. A bus ran a light.”
“Oh, dear. I am sorry to hear that.”
“Thank you, doctor. It’s all right. We’re surviving pretty well.”
“Has Kelly had other male role models?”
“Hmmm. No, the only role model I ever remember her pointing out was Rorie, that girl from that TV show.”
“All right. What kinds of sports does she like?”
“Oh, she doesn’t.” That got a half-hearted laugh out of Keri and Tara. “She’s more interested in dandelions and butterflies than sports equipment.”

The doctor smiled warmly.

“Fair enough! How would you describe Kelly’s disposition?”
“She’s very much the sensitive and emotional type, if that’s what you mean.”
“Yes, that’s what I was looking for. All right, Anne, I feel that there is more than enough here to suggest that Kelly is having gender confusion. It would be best for Kelly to begin regularly seeing a psychiatrist who specializes in gender matters once the injuries are dealt with.”
“Yes, I agree. I think it’s time she started.”
“Good. I can give you a referral for a specialist if you would like.”
“I would, please.”
“All right. Let me write down the contact information for you.”

Dr. Davis handed Kelly’s mother a slip with the name and phone number of a Dr. Kathleen McQuie. Kelly’s mother tucked it carefully into her purse. They shook hands warmly and the good doctor departed.

Keri had listened to the entire conversation in complete rapture. She and Kelly had shared details with each other, but a couple of dates are never enough for the full story. Keri had felt pretty strongly that Kelly must be a girl when she saw her room, and now Keri felt just about certain of it. Until that moment, Keri had no idea how much Kelly had been struggling. She realized how awful Kelly must have felt when she ran out of her house and felt equally awful thinking about it. She realized that Kelly would probably be asleep for a while and she decided that she wanted to do something special.

“Does anybody know when Kelly will wake up?”
“It will probably be a couple of hours, honey,” Kelly’s mother advised her.
“Okay.”
“Is there a gift shop here?”
“Hmmm, yes I think I saw one down near the main entrance.”
“Okay. Good.” Keri grabbed her purse. “I’m going to be right back. I just want to do something for Kelly. If she wakes up--”
“I’ll give her your message, Keri,” Tara hugged Keri as she finished her sentence.

Keri opened the door and headed for the gift shop. All the way to the gift shop, she was filled with thoughts of Kelly watching as Keri freaked out and ran away from her. She remembered how Kelly had pleaded for her to listen. She couldn’t imagine how Kelly must have felt. Just thinking about it made her want to cry. Keri hoped that she would be able to undo at least some of the damage she had inadvertently done.

She found the gift shop to one side of the main entrance and walked in. She found a selection of flowers, stuffed animals, cards, books, newspapers and more. She picked out a colorful bouquet in a vase and turned toward the cashier. She passed by the shelves of stuffed animals and stopped as one of them caught her attention. It was a small, purple teddy bear about the size of a shoebox. It held a small, red plastic phone handset to its ear with one arm and held the cradle with the other one. It wore a lavender t-shirt that had the words “I love my special girl!” printed in an arc over a red heart. It had a big goofy smile on it that reminded Keri of Kelly’s big, goofy smile — not to mention the one on her own face! She scooped up the teddy bear and brought it to the cashier with the flowers. She paid for them and headed back to Kelly.

Keri carefully opened the door to Kelly’s room and found it quiet in there. Conversation had died off and Kelly was still asleep.

“I’m back. Did she wake up?”

Keri hoped that Kelly hadn't awakened to find her gone. That would be all she needed after Keri had run out on her.

“No, sweetie, she's still asleep. Awww, that is the most adorable teddy bear I have ever seen. She’s going to love it.”

Kelly’s mother waited for Keri to carefully set down the flowers and teddy bear and gave her a great big warm hug.

Keri dragged an empty chair right up next to Kelly’s bed, sat down, held her hand and rested her head near Kelly’s. She had no idea when she’d fallen asleep, but she woke to the sensation of her hand being squeezed.

TO BE CONTINUED! NEXT IS PART 6: HEALING WOUNDS