WRONG NUMBER
PART I: The Wrong Number

How extraordinary it was what a simple mistake could bring about! I had intended to phone my schoolmate and casual friend Matt about a homework assignment when my life took a decidedly unexpected turn. I dialed Matt’s number without paying too much attention since I knew it without having to look it up. The phone was answered after the third ring.

“Hello?”

Hey, that’s not Matt. That’s a girl’s voice! Oh shit, does Matt have a girlfriend? I didn’t know about that, the sly devil!

“Oh, er, hi. Is Matt there? I’m hope I’m not int--”
“Who the hell is Matt?”

I burst out laughing. I couldn’t help it. The girl’s remark had absolutely smashed my funny bone. I struggled to recompose myself.

“I’m sorry. I don’t mean to be rude to you,” I said between giggles. “It’s just that your reply struck me as hysterically funny.”

I finally noticed that the girl was laughing, too.

“Oh, that’s okay. That remark was kind of rude, really.”
“That’s all right. Anyway, it looks like I dialed the wrong number.”
“No problem. It happens.”
“Well, I guess I’ll let you get back to… your life.”

Now it was the girl who was giggling at Kelly.

“You sound like a lot of fun. What’s your name?”
“I’m Kelly. How about you?”
“I’m Keri. It’s nice to sort of meet you!”

We both chortled into the phone.

“You too. So, Keri, it is all right if I ask you a personal question?”

She paused for a moment to consider.

“Why not? I don’t know you from a pile of dog shit, so what do I care?”

The laughter continued.

“You really crack me up! If you don’t mind my saying so I’m glad I got to talk to you. I hope I don’t sound like a sleazy creep. I swear to God I’m not!”
“Thanks for the compliment.” Keri paused as she realized the implications of what Kelly was saying. “How old are you?”
“I’m fifteen. How about you?”
“I’m fourteen. Hmmm. Okay, so at the worst, you’re only a teenaged sleazy creep.”
“I am not a creep!”
“Don’t worry, I believe you. I don’t know why I should, really, but I do.” She shrugged. “Eh, call it a girl’s intuition.”
“Okay. That works for me. You realize I’ll have to take your word for it that you’re fourteen, too, and not some slimy older child abuser.”
“Hey, you take that back!”
“I’m sorry. I don’t mean to insult you.”
“I know. I’m just kidding.”
“Oh, okay.”
“So, Kelly, right?”
“Yup, that’s right.”
“What are you wearing, anyway?”

We both erupted in laughter. It was a damned good thing she couldn’t see my face. It had turned red as a fire engine. Shit. What should I do, lie to her? No, I promised myself I would never lie to a girl. Of course, I don’t know this girl and I’ll never see her again. Then again; by that same token there will be no harm done if I tell her what I’m really wearing. The question is whether she’ll believe it.

“Kelly? Are you still there?”
“Er, yeah, I’m here,” I stammered.
“So, what are you wearing? I take it from your silence that it must be juicy-looking —- and I’ll just bet I wish I could see it, too!”
“Er, well, that really depends on how open-minded you are.”

Keri’s eyes were as big as satellite dishes. She answered slowly and with a pensive undertone.

“No shit! Well, now you’ve got me intrigued. Come on, spill it! I’ll tell you what I’m wearing. I’m wearing a purple long-sleeve cotton shirt, a denim skirt with a frayed hem and black tights. Your turn. Come on, now! Be a good sport!”

This was getting interesting —- fast! I took a deep breath and glanced at my closed door.

“Okay. I am wearing a floral turtleneck, short denim skirt, white nylon tights and canvas Mary Janes with flowers on the toes.”

Keri was perplexed — amused, but perplexed.

“So why I do I have to be open-minded about that outfit?”
“Because I’m not a girl.”

Keri stopped was she was doing and stared into space for a moment.

“You’re not?”
“No, I’m not.”
“Okay…” What the hell. I’ll bite, she thought. “So… you’re crossdressing, then?”
“Something like that, yeah.”
“Oh, is that all? No worries.”

“Wow, you really are open-minded. It’s nice to know that someone is.”
“I certainly hear that. So, why did you tell me? You didn’t have to. Don’t get me wrong, I have literally zero problem with that. Actually, I kind of like it,” she smiled devilishly. “I’m just curious why you opened up, that’s all.”
“Hmm, probably because I don’t know you from a pile of dog shit and it won’t matter anyway.”

We laughed at my regurgitation of her joke. Keri shrugged.

“Okay, that works for me.”
“Actually, the real reason is that I promised myself that I would never lie to a girl.”

Now Keri was positively tantalized.

“Really? I definitely like to hear that. Mind if I ask what brought that about?”
“No, not at all. Hey, I just admitted to being a crossdresser en femme, so this one’s a breeze in comparison.”
“Hmm, I guess so. Anyway, shoot.”
“Okay. Well, we’ve probably both seen guys lying to girls to… well, get what they want, to put it in the least disgusting terms possible.”
“Thank you for doing so, seriously.”
“You’re welcome. Anyway, they lie to their girlfriends, too, and that just really pisses me off. You have no idea how much that burns my butt.”
“I’m with you 100% on that one, I assure you. How come it pisses you off so much —- that being a good thing, by the way?”
“Oh, thank you! It pisses me off because…” I paused again. Oh, hell. There’s certainly no reason to hold back now! “…because I think they’re very lucky just to have someone and they don’t even know it.”
“You don’t have a significant other?”
“No, I don’t.”
“That’s okay. It sounds like you’re ready to find your next one. How long has it been since you had your last one?”
“Well, actually, I’ve never had a girlfriend. Ever.”

Again, Keri stopped what she was doing.

“Really? You haven’t? Is it because you’re a crossdresser?”
“Really, I haven’t, and it is because I’m a crossdresser. I’ve never been able to find enough confidence to ask someone out.”

Wow. Poor guy. She paused, considering her next words. Should I tell him? Yeah, he’s been honest —- I think -- and someone like him sure as well won’t have a problem with it. Besides, I don’t know him from dog shit, so what the hell!
“Well, Kelly, maybe you should know, since it sounds like you don’t already, that there really are girls out there who actually prefer boys like you.”

Now I stopped and stared into space. I had never thought of that!

“There are really? You’re not shitting me?”
“I shit you not,” she chuckled.
“Any idea where I can find one?” I kidded her.
“Well, actually…” She paused again. “You’re talking to one.”

I smiled, feeling her words buoying my heart with hope.

“Really?”
“Again, I shit you not!” We giggled together.
“Well, I think that’s terrific. I think you’re terrific, actually. Thank you so much for just being alive so that people like me have a chance, however small it may be.”
“Well, Kelly, I guess you’d have to thank my Mom for that one! She’s the one who brought me into this world. I hear it took 47 hours.”
“Well, kudos to her, then!”
“Thanks, Kelly. You know, I guess it’s my turn to admit that I’ve never had a boyfriend either.”
“Really? Is it because of what I think it is?”
“It sure is. I’m into boys who love dressing as girls and I have always been too scared to admit that -- until you called.”

I knew how lonely she must have felt. I knew deep in my heart. I decided that a dose of kindness was in order —- even though I didn’t know her.

“Well, you can rest assured that there are definitely boys out there who would be very glad to go out with a girl like you, who can appreciate us —- assuming there was enough in common, I mean. Anyway, I would know; I’m one of ‘em.”

Keri smiled as a tear slid out of her left eye. She felt a maddening temptation as a positively crazy idea popped into her mind. Maybe she was just that pathetically lonely, but her intuition insisted that I was for real. Still, she felt so afraid that she began to tremble. What if her intuition were wrong about me? She would be beyond crushed. She needed to think. She needed time. Think, Keri, think, dammit!

“So, Kelly, um…” she paused to wipe the tear from her eye. “What are your interests anyway?”

We’ll probably have nothing in common, just watch!

“First let me tell you what I’m not into at all. That would be sports and other physical activities… well, except for one I haven’t tried yet… which isn’t a sport.”
“Oh, I think I know which one you mean.”

We shared a nervous giggle. I hate sports, too. That’s a good sign, but then again, he’s not talking about his interests yet. Not a great sign. Keri sighed, covering her mouthpiece as she did so.

“Yeah, that one. Anyway, let me move on to what I am interested in.”

Keri braced herself for the inevitable. What where the chances?

“Good. I’m interested to know.”
“Well. Okay, er, let’s see. I’m mostly an artistic person, but I have interests all over the place. There are several scientific topics I like to read about, like Astronomy and Seismology. I actually have a telescope, too. If you haven’t seen the rings of Saturn, you’re in for a treat, I’ll just tell you that right now.”
“Wow. I would love to see that sometime. I love inspiring, beautiful things like that.”

I haven’t looked into Astronomy, but it definitely sounds interesting!

“Me, too. W-well, m-maybe I could show you sometime.”

I was beginning to feel a strong desire to meet this girl in public. She could weigh six hundred pounds and smell like garlic —- and dog shit —- for all I knew, but at that point I couldn’t have cared less. It wasn’t that I was pathetic enough to take whomever I could get. There was just something about this girl I couldn’t put my finger on.

“A-anyway, my first and foremost passion in this life —- since I’m still single,” I tittered into the phone, “is music. I love music. I play it, I can sing it, and I also write it.”

Keri sat bolt upright. No way! We have the same passion!? Keri's idea banged around in her head, refusing to be ignored.

“I–I love music, too! I love it more than anything, since I’m still single, too,” Keri stammered to contribute.
“Cool!”

That time, we were both too nervous to giggle. I noticed that she had mentioned her kindred passion for music very quickly and enthusiastically. She sounded interested… but, of course, I had no idea what in the hell I was doing when it came to romance.

“S-so, Keri, please tell me about your interests — the other ones, I mean.”

We managed a nervous giggle.

“I’m mainly artistic, too, and I love poetry and photography, but I also have pretty strong interests in Geology, Biology, and a few other things.”
“That’s great! I love poetry, too! Wow, we certainly do have a lot in common. Of course, I’m getting a funny feeling that this might be too good to be true.”
“Yeah, I know exactly what you mean.”

We were both filled with large doses of hope, nerve and doubt. Keri closed her eyes and tried to garner her nerve enough. Should I really do this? Probably not, but... oh fuck it!

“H-hey K-kelly, um…” She had to pause to steady herself. “I-I d-don’t really know how to s-say this b-but…” She could barely get the words out. “A-are you thinking w-what I’m thinking?” Keri’s intuition was playing tug-of-war with her mind, pulling it in two different directions. It was telling her that I was for real, but at the same time it insisted that it was never, ever a good idea to meet someone in person who had randomly called her on the phone. Her mind clouded up with nerve. She began taking deep breaths. She wondered what was going to happen. Would it be wonderful? Would she be abducted, raped and murdered? Most importantly, could she resist finding out? Well, I couldn’t!

“Yes!” I said it a bit too eagerly, but I supposed that I had nothing to lose -- maybe. I might get beaten up or murdered for being feminine and buried in the woods somewhere, but this crazy, bone-headed idea just might work —- maybe. I rolled my eyes at my own folly. “How should we do this?”

By this point, we were both taking big, deep breaths. I was shaking with nerve.

“W-well, s-somewhere p-public.”
“Yeah. Public would be good. Maybe a mall.”

I was trembling more than I had been during the last earthquake I had been in!

“Yeah, yeah, a-a mall is good.” Keri closed her eyes and took another breath. “U-um, w-w-when do you w-want to…” she trailed off, taking another deep breath.

“Good question. How about Saturday?”

That would give us three days to think things over. Keri liked that. She relaxed a bit, knowing that she had time to think. She realized that part of her wanted to meet right then, but no, it would be better to wait. Her mind cleared up enough to think of a thing or two.

“Yeah, Saturday’s… Saturday’s good. How about noon?”
“Noon sounds good.”
“Okay.”

She took another deep breath.

“Which mall should we go to?”

Keri tried to think of a mall that was nowhere near where she lived. There was a mall across town that she knew would be thronged on a Saturday at noon.

“How about Spruce Village?”
“Okay, that sounds good.” I took a very deep breath. “Okay, Saturday at noon at Spruce Village? Should we meet in the food court?”
“Yes, there should be plenty of people there.”
“Yeah. Wow, are we really doing this?”
“Yes, we are,” she confirmed her intent to show up.

Keri understood that the true reason for her fear was that she was going to go through with this. Otherwise, there would be nothing to fear. She could simply hang up -- even if the idea of hanging up filled her with more nerve that she might pass up on something wonderful. I can’t believe I’m going to do this. This is profoundly stupid of me!

“Hey, um, Keri, how will we recognize each other?”
“Oh, good question. I hadn’t thought of that.” My mind is too full of thoughts of assault and premature demise -— or having my heart broken.

She tried to think of what she would wear, but it proved difficult. Meanwhile, I could hear in her voice that she was positively petrified of taking this chance. I decided there might be a way I could make it easier on her somewhat —- although it could make me a hate target more than anything else.

“I’ll tell you what.” I swallowed. “I am going to come as a girl. I will wear the outfit I described to you a few minutes ago. Do you remember it?”
“Y-yes, I think so. Um, floral turtleneck, denim skirt, white tights, and canvas Mary Janes?”
“Good memory, Keri!”
“Thank you.” She paused for a moment. “Okay, well, um.” She hesitated again. “I’m sorry, um… I’m kind of frazzled at the moment.”

I tried to inject a dose of humor into the conversation to help us both feel more at ease.

“I don’t blame you. I’m feeling kind of mind-fucked right now myself.”

We erupted in laughter. Keri relaxed a bit, but she felt overwhelmed and needed to hang up.

“You crack me up, too, Kelly. Well, um, I think I need to, um, pour myself a double-scotch right now.” We laughed again. “Just kidding. I don’t drink —- yet,” she giggled, and I couldn’t help snickering myself.
“I’m feeling the same way. It’s probably a damned good thing nobody around here has any pot —- that I know of -- because I’d probably smoke it.”

We laughed out loud.

“Just kidding; I’d never touch the stuff.”
“Well, I am glad to hear that. I wouldn’t either. A big drink once in a while will probably be fun, but no drugs, thank you very much. Okay, Kelly, I’m kind of overwhelmed and I think I need to hang up now.”
“I hear you loud and clear. I’ll let you go then.”
“Okay. See you Saturday, I guess.”
“Yeah, Saturday.”
“Okay.”
“All right.”
“Bye.”
“Bye.”

* * * * *

At approximately three o’clock the next morning, Keri awoke in a cold sweat. She had had a nightmare about being chased by a faceless psychopath who was always two steps behind her no matter how fast she ran or how many turns she made. She knew that she would not be able to get back to sleep. She got out of bed and began pacing. She walked slowly around her room wrestling with her own mind, second-guessing her decision to meet the stranger —- and her sanity.

Finally, six o’clock came. Keri knew that Chloe would be awake because Chloe was a morning person who usually rose at six. Keri grabbed her phone and hastily dialed Chloe’s number. She messed it up a couple of times before she got it right. Chloe’s phone began to vie for her attention and she picked it right up.

“Hello?”
“Chloe, it’s Keri. You’re not going to believe this…”

Soon, Chloe was fully versed on every detail.

“Okay, Keri, sweetie, you know I love you, but why in the flying fuck are you going through with this???”
“First, I don’t want to make this guy sit in a mall by himself like an asshole. That would not be nice--”
“You are too nice for your own good. He called you; don’t forget that.”
“Yeah, but I was the one who finally put the idea of meeting on the table.”

Chloe sighed with exasperation.

“Okay, what else?”
“Half of my intuition insists that he’s for real.”
“And the other half?”
“The other half says he’s a fucking liar who would do the world an immense favor if he took a long walk off a short cliff.”

They both laughed out loud.

“Okay, any other reasons?”
“Three, actually. You know, it is possible to get a look at him before I actually approach him. He has no idea what I look like since I never told him —- so give me some credit for having a few noodles left up there —- and it would be safe enough just to see what he looks like.”
“Okay, I guess you have a point there. It would be plenty easy to turn around and leave. So what are your other reasons?”
“Well…” Keri paused to collect her thoughts. “This one’s awkward because it’s something nobody in this world knew about until I told Kelly about it last night.”
“If that’s really his name.”
“Yeah. If that’s really his name.”

Keri began to doubt herself.

“Okay. Sorry, I interrupted. Please do tell.”
“Okay. What I revealed to Kelly last night is that I am into guys who love to dress as girls and–“
“You are? Seriously?”
“Yes, I am. I prefer them quite a bit to the big, brainless apes who would never do such a thing. Please don’t laugh at me.”

Chloe shrugged.

“I won’t. That’s fine. I have no problem with that. Lots of people have secret preferences, you know. It’s certainly harmless.”
“Really? What’s your secret preference?”
“I like hairy backs. Don’t ask —- and please don’t tell.”
“Okay, I won’t. I don’t care anyway. It’s like you said, just a harmless secret preference.”
“Right.”
“Anyhow, I’m glad you don’t mind these things because Kelly is a crossdresser. In fact, he will be dressed as a girl when we meet him.”
“Wow. Okay. So you’re sure you’re going to go to the mall and meet this guy dressed as a girl on Saturday at noon?”
“I’m ninety-nine and a half percent sure that I want to do this, yes.”
“Then I am absolutely coming with you and I will not take no for an answer.”
“No worries. I’m glad you’re coming.”
“Okay then, that’s settled. We should probably ask others to come, too.”
“I thought about that, but if this guy is for real, he might be humiliated. By the way, speaking of the possibility he’s for real, do you know how hard it is to find a guy who loves to dress as a girl?”
“It’s probably really damned hard. I mean, sure, lots of them play around with it at Halloween or a fraternity initiation or something, but that’s not the same as loving to dress as a girl.”
“Exactly. So, that’s my other reason for doing this.”
“Okay, fair enough. You may yet have one or two marbles left in the game.”
“Well, one of them is probably a gum ball or something.”

The shared a laugh.

“All right then, sweetie, Saturday at noon it is. Want me to pick you up?”
“That would be great, Chloe. It's probably a good thing that I'm not enough to drive. In my current state of mind, I’d probably drive into a house.”

They cackled merrily at Keri’s early dementia before they said their goodbyes and hung up. As soon as Keri put her phone down on her desk she realized that Chloe would be a total surprise to Kelly —- and she didn’t have his phone number to tell him. Then again, Kelly just might bring a friend, too…

* * * * *

I was every bit as much of a mess as Keri was. I couldn’t stop shaking whenever I thought about meeting her. Telling her about my secret over the phone was one thing, but going to a mall dressed as a girl was entirely different. I had dressed as a girl many times before, and I had even grown my hair to my shoulders to perfect the look, but I had never left the house en femme! I had no idea what to expect, and I was very scared to find out.

Shortly after I hung up with Keri, it occurred to me that I should probably have a friend or two come with me. After all, Keri could be part of a family of con-artist psychopaths. There was even a real series about that very thing on TV. For all I knew, Keri could have been 112 and had a young voice. My intuition, however, obstinately refused to let it go. During the entire conversation Keri had felt truly real to Kelly. Keri would have to be a better actress than Vanessa Redgrave to pull off that kind of realism. Still, the chances of Keri being real were equally minuscule. Of course, I had called her, not the other way around.

I called up my friend Stevie but had no luck. Jamie and Kris were also unavailable. I had one other friend left to try. I called Sarah to see if she could come. I was hesitant to show up with another girl because I didn’t want to give Keri even the slightest impression that I wasn’t being honest with her. If she was for real, it would devastate her. However, nobody else so far could make it and having Sarah was wiser than going alone. Besides, Sarah and I would never work romantically. We had tried but it was a complete failure. I was glad we were still friends, though.

Sarah picked up on the second ring. She had a very unusual way of answering a phone.

“Who’s this?”
“Hi, Sarah. It’s me, Kelly.”
“Hey, honey, what’s up?”

That had become her little joke when we’d found out we didn’t work romantically. I sincerely hoped she wouldn’t say that in front of Keri —- assuming Sarah could come.

In short order, I gave Sarah the full story of my extraordinary experience with Keri, who I hoped against hope was real.

“Okay, okay, hold the fucking phone. You’re going to do what??”
“I’m going to go to the mall, dressed as a girl, and meet a complete stranger I accidentally called who just might murder me for being too feminine. What on earth is the problem?” I couldn’t resist gently jabbing at Sarah.
“You are a meat-head. You know that, don’t you?”
“Yes, dear.”

I continued our failed romance joke —- and made a mental note not to do that in front of Keri, for the love of Heaven.

“So are you coming or are you going to leave me in the hands of fate —- and possibly a psychopath?”
“I should let you go alone. Normally, I would not do that to you. This time, however, I have to visit my senile ninety-eight year old grandmother who doesn’t remember me anymore. I am totally serious, sadly enough. So, I can’t make it. What about the others?”
“I got no love —- other than, possibly, from Keri.”
“Oh, don’t go there, just don’t, okay? She’s probably a transsexual or something.”
“Sarah, that’s not nice to transsexuals.”
“You’re right. I’m sorry.”
“Do you have a problem with transsexuals? I mean you know how much I love to dress as a girl. What if I were a transsexual?”
“I would accept you totally. You know that. I do not have any problem with transsexuals. I was just trying to… be funny, I guess. It flopped. I’m sorry.” Sarah paused for a moment. “Wait, are you saying that you might be transsexual?”

Dead silence.

“Well I-I was only saying, y-you know, theoretically.”

Really? Was I?

“Okay, honey. Well, look, can you get a look at her before you approach her? At least then you could quietly leave if you don’t like what you see.”

I squirmed as I answered.

“Er, actually, I can’t. I told her what I would be wearing and I didn’t ask her what she looks like.”
“You bone-head! Well, make damned sure the place is crowded. If it’s not, you should leave." Sarah paused as a thought occurred to her. "You know, you might be able to pick her out of the crowd, if you can spot a girl who looks unusually wigged out.”
“You’re right. I might know who she is.”

If she is for real, I might even know it with my heart. Wait, Sarah’s right: don’t go there.

“Okay, Kelly, well good luck with this. Please call me within an hour to let me know you’re okay, will you please do that?”
“Of course I will. That’s actually a really good idea; that way you’ll know to send the police if I don’t call you.”
“Exactly.”
“All right, well I will definitely do that. Well, talk to you Saturday, I guess. I hope this goes well.”
“Good luck… you big dummy!”

* * * * *

Friday night came and I tried to get some sleep, but I was too nervous about meeting Keri. What was really going to happen? Would I still be alive the following night? It was no use. I could not sleep.

Keri wasn’t sleeping much better. She tossed and turned all night, too restless to relax. She finally fell asleep at around three o’clock in the morning, but awoke after another nightmare just before six.

TO BE CONTINUED! COMING NEXT IS PART 2: THE MALL

[ Other Stories By Mona Lisa ]