Can I have some Brown Sugar for my Damper? Chapter 12.

*Before…

It was a really, really good day.
Even just driving home and with Sam falling all over me completely worn out and asleep and mumbling it was perfect.
We stop at my place and Rudy gets my things and dishes and he carries them for me and I can’t help but to look back at Sam still in the truck and part of me does this sigh.
Rudy sets the things on the counter and he looks me in the eyes and he kisses me.
“We have time right?”
I nod.
“It’s just I don’t want to rush this, not with how good this is and Sam.”
I nod and swallow. “I get that. I really do and I want to whole thing Rudy, even the waiting.”
He has this soft look on his face. “I know that this whole single dad thing’s not what you’re used to Morgan.”
“No, but the thing is Rudy you’re both worth it, you’re both worth the wait.”
It’s true, with the way that he wraps his arms around me and the crossing of them settling into the small of my back and then he’s kissing me long and slowly and sweetly.

*And Now…

Never in a million years would I’d ever think that I’d be this happy. I mean there was a whole bunch of times that I was in some really bad spots and there were some times that I really wanted just out of it all and to just unplug and vanish off somewhere and somehow just be me but left alone me. Left alone me would have been unhappy as hell. And yes Rudy’s a really big part of that.

And so is Sam who makes parts of my that I’ll never have in my lifetime ache in that wanting to be a mommy way.

Actually kids in general are sort of hitting those buttons inside of me.

But I’m happy.

I have a good job and I’m getting better at it and I’m getting better at understanding Straya and getting to get along and know my co-workers and town even better and it just feels despite my age fresh and new.

I’ve thought about Rudy and I and some people might be all hung up on the fact he’s one of the first guys that I’ve met here and that I’m so hung up on him. Actually in love with him but we’re taking it slow.

After my ex and what I know of his slow’s good, especially with a child in the mix.

But there’s a time when you are allowed to see a good thing for exactly what it is.
And he’s not perfect but he’s a good thing.

It’s been two months since the beach party get together.

Two months and it’s gone by so fast but it’s been good too.

He doesn’t work on my place now it’s all done and he’s moved onto other jobs and as it turns out he’s in a decent demand for his skill with doing cabinets and the stuff he can do with tilework too and he has some regular landscaping clients too.

Some of them have fruit trees and there’s things that he drops off that he was given that are just sort of mind boggling to me that these things are growing in yards here.

I have more lemons and limes than I knew what to do with so i bought some kitchen appliances and some mason jars and I can cook and I can bake even though the heat here is still something that I am trying to get used to.

And the blackflies sometimes and the mozzies… that’s mosquitoes back home and when you’re in town you’re kind of sort of sheltered but when you’re home it’s a different thing.

I made lemon jelly with some of the lemons and that’s a lot like just a lemon marmalade and I juiced some of them and you can keep the juice frozen and that actually works great for me and making drinks.

And lemonade, I adore lemonade really.

And I made pies and tarts and even if I’m sick of eating them Rudy will eat them and so will the people at work too.

I’ve learned to really like persimmons they’re this fruit that sort of tastes to me like ripe papaya and a little of cantaloupe but as a shape and the fruit itself they remind me of a tomato a lot.

There’s still lots to get used to like the prices on some things.

Lamb, it’s cheap here and even if the locals don’t think so try buying lamb the quality here and frequency here in Montreal it’s way less available and more expensive. The beef is amazing here too and I’ve been exploring various butcher places around the city just looking and seeing what they have to offer.

I don’t like Emu; it’s like a strong flavor to me.

And on Rudy’s days off…today he took me to Princess Charlotte Seafood’s and the place is huge. I mean huge for me and I’m from Saint John we’re a Bay of Fundy Port and I will tell you that not even on our best day do we come close to that place.

I don’t know yet what half of the things were but he bought a bunch of Blue-eye and we cooked them home on my grill nice and slow and crisp and they were a nice fish. Actually not like anything I ever had before and I’d never just had it the way that Rudy served it up either with two bottle of white and he made this oil out of olive oil and lemon juice and the zest and some garlic and lots of parsley and capers and salt and pepper of course.

He had some of the Naan bread he’d heat up on the grill and we’d eat bites of fish with that oil dip and feed each other and drink wine.

And Sam?

Rudy’s Mum was up and she was babysitting.

And she’s staying for a while too.

Because she wants to meet me.

....................
……………….

I roll over in the bed in his arms and I’m in my under things and he’s in his since we’re still not there yet and I look at him.

“She wants to meet me?”

He rolls and gets comfortable and he looks at me. “Yeah she’s tired of just hearing about you.”

“I have never talked to the woman so much as on the phone yet.”

“So? Isn’t it better this way?”

I sit up and look at him. “Really? So just what am I going to say to her when things about me come up like me getting my operation and stuff? I mean you’re amazing hon and I love you but I’m not so sure that your mother’s going to take things the same way.”

“Well she knows.”

“What!”

I can’t help it it’s the reaction that I had when it comes to something like this…being Trans is scary. Being Trans home’s pretty bad but I’ve seen enough stuff in the paper to watch where I go and who’s hanging about.

And be thankful for my car because as bad as the traffic can be it’s not as bad as French drivers and the trains here while they’re nice trains oh sweet Jesus the horror stories from the girls at work.

Bogans the trains and stops are full of Bogans.

There’s enough transphobia around for me to freak a little at being outed.

Rudy’s sitting up and he’s moved to sitting cross legged on the bed which is for him this sign that he’s taking this really seriously. He does it watching sports he’s into on the couch or movies too.

“It’s okay Sam told her.”

“Oh…”

I don’t know why it’s different coming from a kid but it is.

“So what happened?”

I move so I’m sitting and matching him and we sometimes do this sitting facing each other so that our knees are touching and we’re looking into each other’s faces.

“We were home and she was asking him what was new and instead about talking about school or his favorite game he said just right out of the blue. I might have a new mum.”

He rubs at the back of his neck a bit embarrassed. “Needless to say mum stopped her baking for a bit.”

I nod. “What she’d say?”

Rudy blushes. “Well mum being mum she broke out the golden’s and sat Sam on the porch and grilled him over you and all and he said she’s a girl but she wasn’t like born that way.”

A golden is an ice cream bar brand called Golden Gaytime and yes it’s an old name. But they’re stuff actually pretty good.

“And what’d your mum say?”

“You dad’s dating a man?”

Ouch.

He looks at me. “Sam looked at her and he actually set down the ice cream bar and he poked her in the chest with his finger and he said like he was all mad at her. Who you are’s in there grandmum Morgan’s a girl, she’s like a super girl.”

Oh…

Oh that sweet little man.

I wipe at my eyes and Rudy reaches out and wipes some of my tears away too. “There wasn’t much she could really say after that and so she asked questions instead about the things that we do together and what you’re like and she wants to meet you.”

“But she said…?”

He nods. “Yeah I know but she hasn’t said it since and she’s not the kind to cling to something like that.”

I look at him. “Maybe hon but there’s a lot of stuff people will shut up and cling to around the people they love.”

He nods really quietly and he looks me in the eyes.

“I really do want you two to meet but this isn’t an interview Morgan I love you and I’m not asking her for permission.”

I nod and I swallow. “When?”

“Whenever you want dad’s having himself a vacation while she’s gone.”

“What does he think?”

Rudy does a little chuckle. “Well dad’s dad and his first bit was as long as you love her it’s none of my business son. Then he saw a picture of you and he said holy Christmas look at those tits!”

I’m blushing and yet I’m smiling between my implants and I wanted size and now the hormones I have a very, very nice set of breasts.

I look at him and I bite my lip and I shift so I’m up on my knees and I’m kissing him and I reach up and over and unhook my bra.

“You mean these?”

He stares a second in this really gratifying way and he nods. “Definitely those, oh my god Morgan what are you doing to me?”

“It’s been way past three dates Rudy.”

He’s nodding but still eyes locked onto my breasts like he hasn’t seen breasts for a long time and the reaction is well I’m not going to lie it’s exactly what I had been dreaming of.”

I get up and walk off the bed backwards and smile at him. “I’m going to get cleaned up, I’ll be right back.”

He nods and watches me go and I get cleaned up both inside and out and of course wouldn’t you know it all of the excitement goes to exactly where I don’t want it to go and I swallow and take a deep breath and walk out and bite my lower lips.

“Hey…”

And he looks at me and he smiles.

Even with that going on.

“Gosh you’re lovely.”

I blush and I make my way to the bed and I get out some condoms from the bed table and some lube and set them on the sheets and I keep going across the bed until we’re kissing.

“Good answer bucko.”

He smiles at me and it’s not his boyish one it’s this deep loving kind of smile. “That’s because it’s the truth Morgan.”

We kiss and kiss and his hands sink to my breasts and his touch is magic. Oh I’ve done lots of touching and I’ve a toy and I’ve had my Rudy and me dreams and fantasies but my touch isn’t his touch and his touch is a lot better.

Rougher but in a good way, his hands are hot and big and they’re rough and his mouth is so hot and wet and the things that he’s doing to me.

It’s a pure pleasure thing that no guy can really get as it sort of reaches into you with such a depth…there’s so many nerves and feelings and they’re so widespread and they’re so big and they feel…I love having breasts and I love having big breasts I do and I don’t even have the words to express the levels of pleasure and satisfaction.

Well there’s this…the feelings for me and I don’t know about natural born women but the feeling are so satisfying in that dysphoria shattering sort of way.

Amazing and validating and Rudy is making sounds come out of me that I usually don’t make but they’re me, that deep down me and they’re affirming too.

“Schooch up here and straddle me honey.” I tell him and he looks confused and he’s sort of doing it and he looks like he’s scared to because he’s a big guy and I wriggle my butt and self-down and I grab the lube and I squirt some into my hand and on him and then a little in my cleavage and I pull him to my chest.

Rudy’s eyes go huge. “Really?”

I nod. “Guys like that right?”

He looks at me. “I’ve never Morgan.”

“Well hon it is my idea.”

He looks at me and he bites his lip and in extreme boner he actually says to me. “We can still wait; you don’t have to do this for me.”

I look at him and I stroke his cock, it’s actually a really nice one too about seven inches and he’s cut but it’s still very, very nice.

“I know but I want you, and did you ever thing that I want this and the feelings of us making love together as something to draw strength from when I go and meet your mum?”

“Me…me giving you strength…oh hell girl you’re half the reason I wake up and do stuff in the mornings now Morgan. Sam’s the other half but before you I was a dad but the rest was just a builder-bloke going through the motions.”

I use his cock and I pull him to me and he comes willingly and it’s a little clumsy at first and I will say it’s sort of fun and kinky but sexually it’s only kind of a thing…it feels good , it feels a hell of a lot better once he gets his hands on them and starts feeling and doing things that way while he’s pumping away and he gets some lube on his hands and on my nipples and he’s slippery twirling my nipples really fast as he’s getting faster and faster and when he pops I’m so aching and worked up that the hot shooting streams covering my chest send me over the edge myself and I pop.

He pulls away. “Did you just?”

I nod, it was a pop and a long overdue one for myself really but the feelings were far more powerful than any volume I did.

Rudy on the other hand well he’s had that pent up first cum and I get some Kleenex and I wipe myself down. It has a serious funk scent to it. That first in a long time does actually for everyone I guess it’s stuff in your stuff guy or girl that builds up.

I clean him off pretty good and I kiss him and then I roll us over until he’s on bottom and I kiss my way down to his cock and I start giving him a blowjob to get him hard again.

Okay I’m no expert on that either having really little experience that way but I don’t bite and I don’t gag either but I don’t actually try to swallow him either.

I know that’s not going to happen.

But he gets hard again and that’s a plus and once he is I suck on that for a while before I get out a condom and I slide it onto him and it thankfully fits and I’d been just guess from the size of his boners that I’ve felt before.

I roll over and he follows me and I pass him the lube and he gets some and he starts to lube me up and finger me but he does it with one hand while he’s kissing me and playing with my right breast.

I’m bi or something and I have liked and loved girls before but I’ve also discovered that I like men, I really like men and that real is far, far better than a toy.

He’s a little thicker than my toy and he’s a little longer but he’s alive and there’s this feeling of another person’s body heat all heated up because of passion and pheromones and all that good stuff and he feels so hot as he’s sinking into me.

We make love for a long time, I pop twice before it’s just happy twitchy sort of orgasms after than but Rudy is just a machine and he keeps getting there and then recovers and we go through five condoms before the very last session is like three AM and he actually stops after that and immediately gets a runners stitch in his side.

Me…I’m just sort of sweat soaked and just…just amazingly made love to and well not to be vulgar but well and beautifully fucked.

I shove a pillow between my legs and sort of squeeze since the last two were missionary like and my legs and thighs are sore from being wrapped around him.

I deeply exhale as it’s soft and soothing. “Oh wow, oh my bunny.”

Rudy laughs. “Bunny what the hell?”

I reach over and I pull him to kiss me and he rolls over and he has such a happy smile and he’s sweat soaked too and he looks amazingly beautiful to me.

“Well buns you know and it’s not a beaver or a pussy.”

He bursts out laughing and it’s something that goes right to my heart literally as he keeps laughing and he pulls me to him and buries his face in my chest and he laughs.

And that feels good and I’m more than giddy too and we’re both laughing and I wince some. “Ow…”

He breathes against me. “You okay?”

“I hurt, I’m sore and in a really good way sir, you have a very powerful and sturdy dick Bucko.”

I feel him blushing and he says into my chest. “Well I had help.”

“Little blue help?”

He nods.

I laugh. “I thought something was up.”

Rudy goes. “Booo…that was bad.” Into my chest and I giggle but I can feel him smiling.

I run my fingers through his damp hair and say. “You really didn’t need to use that hon.”

“I’m thirty five Morgan tow maybe three would be like it that’s all, hell that’d be everything and I wanted to make a good impression.”

“Good impression, Jesus Rudy we nearly boffed a whole through the bed not leave a dent. If you did me any harder then I wouldn’t need SRS you’d have boffed it off and carved me a fanny.”

He’s laughing into my breasts and my chest again and he kisses my breastbone. “That might be a plan we can attempt.”

I laugh. “I don’t think it’ll work honey but I’ll give it a go for sure.”

We just sort of lay there in this big sweaty pile of intertwined happy before end up giving him a nudge.

“Let’s go.”

“Mmmm…where?”

“Your place, if I’m going to go and meet your mom I want to do it on my terms.”

He looks up at me. “Your terms?”

I look down at him. “I want to go there and make you all breakfast.”

He stares at me. “Okay…seriously okay.”

I smiles and we sort of sit up and we kiss slowly but it’s really long and deeply and sweetly with a sort of feeling we weren’t letting come through before now.

It’s really, really amazing.

Kissing can be amazing.

We get up and I carry off the sheets to get them in the wash and make coffee and then get a shower and we leave after two cups and I have the sheets out on the line to dry and we get in his truck and he head out to his house and it’s still really early.

I fought to get out of a relationship and I’m damned well woman enough to fight and keep this one too.