Raven Demarco grew up living a sheltered life. When she starts University to get away from that she is caught up in the world of the paranormal. Secret organizations, magic, creatures from myth and legend, and worst of all her own legacy and the demons who want her blood.
Chapter 2: Falling Amethyst |
Thanks to my readers for reading my work and patiently waiting for new chapters and to the Big Closet team who give so much of themselves to keep this site going
October 30th, 11:42 pm
I stared at the book on Norse mythology that sat in front of me on my desk and tried not to fall asleep. It wasn’t that I found the topic boring; in fact I found it very interesting. I could hear Jamie get off her bed on the other side of the room and move around, and suddenly my Calculus book was placed in front of me. “You should be studying this Raven, it never fails to put you to sleep and you damn well need some.”
I turned to my roommate and shook my head, “I’ve got midterms to study for.”
Jamie frowned at me, crossing her arms before pulling me out of my chair to sit us both on my bed. “Are you studying so much to pass midterms or is it just a good excuse to avoid sleeping?” I was about to argue when she continued on, “Wait, don’t answer that we both already know the answer. You’ve been sleeping little enough as it is without actively avoiding it. You need sleep girl.”
“I’m not avoiding sleep,” I argued weakly, “I just need to study… and caffeine, a lot of caffeine, so can we drop this?”
“No way Raven, we are not dropping this,” she said, shaking her head. “You’ve been having these nightmares for almost a month now, and I’ve let you have your space hoping you’d get through whatever it is. Now as your roommate, and your friend, I am asking you to tell me what’s going on with you, or do I have to get the others in here too? They’ve been worried, especially Erin. You two usually talk about everything, but you’ve been shutting her out too.”
Erin and I had become close over the past two months. Despite her early teasing about me being ‘Raven’ we got along really well. We were in the same biology class and usually worked on our assignments and studied together, and when we weren’t doing that we spent our spare time together talking, shopping, or just hanging out in one another’s rooms. We had formed a similar type of friendship that had developed between Jamie and Kendra, and our little group often joked that Asako and Jennifer should room together so that Kendra could share a room with Jamie and I could room with Erin. I looked away guiltily as she mentioned Erin. “You know what’s going on, I’ve been having nightmares.”
My roommate shook her head, her frown deepening. “I know that! Come on, tell me about the dreams, maybe I can help you with whatever is causing them.”
I sighed, still looking away. “You’ll think it’s stupid.”
“Dammit Raven! I’m your friend; you don’t need to be so self-conscious around me. The only thing I think is stupid is you shutting us all out. Now what are these nightmares about?”
I lay back on my bed and closed my eyes, taking a deep breath to steady myself before speaking. “It always starts different; I’ll be in class, the hallway, the dining hall, or at a party or something, usually in a group or a crowd. Then I’ll make some sort of social blunder and everyone around is laughing at me. And there’s always that horrible voice…” I trailed off, shuddering at the thought of that voice, harsh and grating like crunching gravel.
“A voice?” she asked. “What does it say?”
“It’s always taunting me,” I replied as I let go of her hand to clench both my fists at my sides. “It says things like ‘You’re not one of them’, ‘They will never accept you’, and ‘You’re better off alone’ and then it starts laughing along with everyone else in the dream.”
She was silent for a time. Finally she sighed and I opened my eyes to see her watching me in concern. “Raven, I know I’m only a student, but I think that you could be suffering from social anxiety or possibly demophobia. It’s understandable with your sheltered background.”
“Demophobia? What’s that, a fear of demons or something?” I asked.
“That would be silly, demons don’t exist and that wouldn’t be related to the dreams you described. Demophobia is the persistent and irrational anxiety and fear of crowds or large gatherings of people,” she explained. “Do you get extremely nervous or afraid when interacting with others? Any trouble breathing?”
I shook my head, “Not any more than any other person, I don’t think, and I’ve never had trouble breathing. Why would this suddenly happen now? I haven’t been having any troubles socially with you, Erin, or the others, and I was doing fine in large groups until the dreams started.”
My roommate shrugged and shook her head. “I have no clue. Maybe you’re subconsciously suppressing it and your dreams are an outlet for it. I think you need to see a professional about this or maybe face your fear. I know you’re not a partier, but you should come with me and the rest of the group to tomorrow night’s Halloween party one of Kendra’s friends is holding, it might help us figure out if that’s really the problem or if it’s something else.”
“I don’t know Jamie, I really do need to study, and I don’t have a costume,” I complained.
“Erin said she’d help with a costume if I could convince you to go. Besides, it’s Friday and you’ll have the whole weekend to study.” Seeing my resistance start to weaken from her arguments she pressed on. “There’ll be cute guys there and Sarah’s apartment is on southwest Marine Drive, about a ten minute drive from campus. It’s near the beach, so if the crowd gets to you just grab me or Erin and we can take a walk to get some air. Or I heard about a really big party in Kitsilano.”
I groaned at that. “Kitsilano? No thanks, my house is there.” I had been avoiding going home, or even calling much since the dreams had begun, afraid that Lydia may find my lack of sleep a good excuse to try to convince me to return home.
Jamie merely nodded. “Well then you’ll have someplace to go if you need to be alone, or need a place to crash after too much drinking. It’s your house so stop avoiding it; it won’t kill you to go there once in a while.”
“Oh yeah,” I retorted. “Lydia would just love that, me showing up drunk with a friend or five in the same condition. It would be a great reason for her to keep me home where its ‘safe’ and she can protect me from myself.”
“We won’t go to the one in kits if it makes you uncomfortable, it was only a backup plan anyway. But you’re an adult Raven, Lydia can’t make you do anything you don’t want to do,” Jamie said, giving me a stern look. “Besides, doesn’t she work for you now that you have control of your money and property? I know she’s probably the closest thing to a mother you know, but she doesn’t run your life anymore, you do.”
I closed my eyes and rubbed my temples in an attempt to stave off the headache that was forming. “I know that. Even though she didn’t want me moving out to go to school, she didn’t try to stop me in any way other than asking me to stay. The look on her face when I left… I feel like just being here is making me a huge disappointment to her.”
To my surprise I heard Jamie laugh. “Everyone feels like a disappointment to their parents when they can’t see eye to eye. I felt that way when I came here too, like I wasn’t living up to what my parents wanted from me, but it’s my life, not theirs, and I need to do what’s right for me. I can understand Lydia wanting to keep you safe, but you need to be free to live your life and make your own decisions and mistakes. Without that you’re not living, you’re just existing.” I think she may have said more after that, but it was lost to me as sleep claimed me.
I dreamed again and awoke in a cold sweat. The voice from my dream lingered, unwilling to release its hold on my mind. How much longer do you think you can keep it up? Sooner or later you will make a mistake and they will all see that you are not normal. You will never be one of them. Like nails on a chalkboard, the sound and the words threatened to drive me mad. I lay there for several minutes with my eyes closed, trying to stop shivering, control my labored breathing, and banish the voice from my thoughts. By the time I had gotten control of myself and sat up in bed the alarm clock showed the time to be just before seven o’clock. I took off the clothes I had fallen asleep in the night before and, once I had slipped into my white bathrobe, I gathered my toiletries and shuffled off to the showers.
The shower was hot and managed to help ease some of my aches from sleeping in a strange position, while relaxing me enough that I could think about the things my roommate had said the night before. Deep down I didn’t believe she was right about the social anxiety or demophobia. I had gotten over any anxiety or fear of social situations during the first few weeks of classes. In fact, I had felt like I was starting to become more comfortable socially when the dreams began. Still, while I might not think she was right about the source of my problem, she could be right about getting out and having some fun.
I stepped out of the shower and, after patting myself dry and wrapping my hair in a towel, I put on my robe and returned to our room where Jamie was sitting up in bed. “How did you sleep?” she asked.
“Oh it was easy,” I joked, “I just closed my eyes.”
My roommate groaned at the joke. “Very funny, but you know what I meant. Did you have another nightmare?”
I sat on my bed and plugged in my hair dryer before finally giving her a nod in reply. “Yeah I had another one, but I think I got around six hours sleep. That’s a hell of a lot better than I have usually been getting lately.”
“I really think you need to see someone about these dreams Raven, if this keeps up you’re going to burn out before finals.” There was concern in both her voice and her eyes as she spoke.
“I’ll think about it Jamie,” I offered in an attempt to ease her mind. Then in a deliberate change of topic I asked, “You mentioned a party tonight?”
Her face brightened at that. “Yeah, a friend of Kendra’s is holding it. Erin said she’d help you with a costume, if you need it, once you’re both out of biology class.” Then she looked at the clock. “Speaking of classes I had better go start getting ready or I’ll be late for mine.” As she headed to the showers I began to dry my hair and wonder just what sort of costume my best friend had in mind for me.
I was glad that Fridays were light on my class schedule. I only had my class on Norse mythology at nine o’clock, followed by a three hour break before my one o’clock biology class with Erin. Rather than just heading back to my room between classes I took the materials for both classes in my backpack and spent the time after my morning class in the cafeteria reading the assigned chapters on Odin and Valhalla while eating my lunch. Then I was off to my biology class, where we suffered through a less than thrilling lecture on how habitat influences a species’ biology, and how various animals have adapted to suit their climates or local ecology.
As we headed back to the dorm Erin asked, “How did you sleep last night?”
I was tempted to answer with the same joke as before, but instead I just did my best to give my friend a reassuring smile. “Better than I have in a while, I must have been more tired than I thought. And I must have gotten enough last night if I didn’t fall asleep during that lecture.”
She breathed a sigh of relief. “Good I’ve been worried that you’re working yourself too hard. You’ve been constantly staying up late studying the past two weeks. You really need to relax a bit. Did Jamie ask you about coming to the party tonight?”
“Yeah, she said you would help me with a costume,” I replied.
“Yup, I found the perfect costumes for us,” she said. “I thought we could go as a matched set, and if this doesn’t get you out of your shell nothing will.” The grin on her face as she answered made me suddenly have second thoughts about getting her ‘help’ with a costume. Only the fact that it was Halloween day and finding a decent costume would be practically impossible, and the thought that at least we would match, kept me from telling her I would find something on my own. Besides, she looked so eager.
“You can’t be serious,” I stated as I looked over the costume that Erin had laid out on her bed for me. She was already changed into her own costume, a white mini dress with lace trim and white wings attached. A halo, white pumps, and white lace gloves completed the outfit. “So this is why you suggested we get all our biology work done before getting ready for the party? So I wouldn’t have time to back out of wearing this.”
The practiced look of innocence on her face may have gone well with the costume, but I knew better. “Would I do that to my best friend?” she asked.
“Yes, you would,” was my response as I looked over the costume on the bed once again.
“Come on Raven, you’ll look smoking hot in that. If anyone in our little crew has the body to pull that off it’s you.”
“It’s funny that you used the words ‘pull that off’,” I retorted, “because I get the feeling that if I wear that, a lot of guys at the party are going to want to do just that.”
“It’s fun to show off once in a while,” she pressed. “I’ll be with you the whole time unless you tell me otherwise; to make sure nothing happens that you don’t want to. You need to let loose a little Raven. Now hurry up so we have time to do a proper job on our make-up.”
“Fine, I’ll wear the stupid thing.” I slipped out of my clothes and began getting into the costume. First was a red and black latex bikini top followed by a matching thong. “This isn’t a costume,” I muttered, “its fetish gear.” Once I was into the top and the thong I began to put on the accessories; a black mesh miniskirt with red latex trim and an attached devil’s tail, matching fingerless gloves, thigh high fishnet stockings, a pair of black pumps, and a hairband with devil’s horns.
Once I had everything on Erin gave a whistle, “See, I told you that you’d look good. You’re hot as hell.”
I rolled my eyes at the joke. “You’ve been waiting all day to use that joke haven’t you? I swear that I’m leaving the party the first time a guy asks me if I’m horny.”
“With him or on your own?” she joked back as we applied our make up in front of her mirror. “Just so I know what to expect.”
The comment almost made me screw up applying the sparkly red eye shadow that went with the costume. “Why are you my best friend again?”
“My references were good?” She grinned at me in the mirror as she finished applying her own sparkly white eye shadow.
“If you keep this up I won’t let you drive my car tonight,” I teased.
She shook her head. “You don’t have a choice about that. You’re supposed to be relaxing and letting loose tonight, which means I’m the designated driver.” Since my car could only seat two, Erin and I would be going together, while Jamie, Kendra, and Jennifer would all be going with Asako in her Prius. The rest of the crew were all waiting for us when we got to the third floor common room. Jamie was dressed as a witch, Asako as a cat, Kendra as a French maid and Jenn’s sexy nurse costume was almost as bad as my devil outfit.
“Damn!” Jamie said with a grin, “You look good Raven. I never thought Erin would actually be able to convince you to wear it.” She looked in her purse and pulled out a ten dollar bill which she promptly handed over to Kendra. “It’s about time you and Jenn came out of your shells a bit.”
Kendra grinned back at her friend as she took the bill and started dragging Jamie toward the elevator. “I told you so Jamie. Now come on girls, it’s time to party!” Once we had made our way out to the parking lot we all climbed into the cars and Kendra gave Asako directions, while Erin and I followed them in my car. I let Erin drive so that she would have the chance to get used to driving my car before having to do so later as the designated driver.
As we drove along the streets of the west side from the campus through the University endowment lands toward Marine Drive, Erin and I talked about midterms and tried to come up with plans for the weekend to give us short breaks from studying and course work. Almost ten minutes had passed when we pulled up in front of an apartment complex on southwest Marine Drive. Kendra told us that the building overlooked the beach, but it was hard to see much in the fading light of dusk other than what was illuminated by street lamps, or the lights of the building and the homes to either side.
Kendra pressed the intercom number for her friend’s apartment and we all listened for a response. For a couple of minutes the only sounds were our breathing, the beeping of the intercom and the cries of nearby seagulls. The sudden crackling static of the intercom as someone picked up on the other end nearly made me jump. The sounds of music and people talking over it could be clearly heard in the background as a voice said, “Hello.”
“Hi Sarah, its Kendra and company,” our ginger-haired companion replied.
“Come on in girls.” Then the door began to buzz, and Kendra reached over to open it before motioning us all inside and showing us toward the apartment.
The girl who answered the door was tall and athletic looking like Kendra and dressed as a policewoman, with her blonde hair tied back in a ponytail. She gave us all a big smile, “I’m glad that you and your friends could make it Kendra.” Introductions were quickly made and we were all ushered inside where the party was already in full swing. There were people in pairs or groups trying to talk to one another over the music, a portion of the living room had been cleared for dancing, and the small kitchenette was crowded with people getting drinks.
“It’s really crowded in here!” I yelled to be heard over the music as Sarah gave us a quick tour.
“If you need some fresh air just go out the patio door!” she yelled back. “We’re on ground level and it’s only a short walk to the beach!” I nodded in reply and she continued the tour.
An hour later I was really enjoying myself. I was nursing my third beer of the night and talking to a really cute guy named Matt, with short brown hair and nice green eyes, who was attending UBC on a basketball scholarship. Erin was not far off, talking to one of his friends and sticking close in case I needed her. “Are you here on a sports scholarship too?” he asked as he looked over my body. “You look like you’re in pretty good shape.”
I shook my head. “No, sports aren’t really my thing. I still practice gymnastics when I get the chance, but I never really got into team sports.”
Matt grinned at me. “A gymnast huh? You’ll have to show me some of your moves someday.” He gestured at my now empty beer bottle and offered, “Would you like me to get you another beer?”
“Uh sure, thanks,” I replied a bit uncertainly. Was he trying to get me drunk so he could get me into bed? He’d been nice so far, what if he was just being friendly? I wasn’t sure what he wanted. Were there some subtle social nuances that I wasn’t picking up on? You are not one of them, the voice from my nightmares taunted me. You think you can fit in but you can’t. You don’t know what to do, do you?
“No,” I spoke softly. The voice had never bothered me when I was awake before. “This is a nightmare.”
You’re not normal and you never will be, the voice pressed. Look at all these normal people around you; they know what to do and how to react to one another. Who can help you, your friends? They’re normal too, and soon they will tire of you. They will laugh at you along with everyone else.
I gripped my head in my hands trying to force the voice away. “It’s a dream. It’s got to be a dream.”
I didn’t even notice Matt returning with a beer in each hand, “Do you have a headache Raven? Maybe I should get you some aspirin. I remember the first time I drank too much, my friends never let me live it down.” He chuckled at whatever memory that brought up.
See, he’s laughing, the voice taunted again. Soon they will all be laughing at your attempts to be one of them, something you’re not.
“No! Leave me alone!” I screamed as I pushed past Matt and made a dash for the patio door. I thought I could hear Erin calling my name, but I just kept running until I was out the patio door and well on my way to the beach beyond. I needed to be alone.
All Rights Reserved
Comments
Not Fitting In. The Story Of Much Of My Life
Maybe my Asperger's/autism is worse than others who've commented (about theirs) over the years. There's not really an easy way to tell. I fit in with some people in some situations, but my inability to speak their (social) language properly so often got me in trouble, or made people think I was weird, that I wasn't accepted anywhere (for long). I tried to get out and join various groups, but nothing worked out; I quit trying. Butting my head (or my heart) into a wall gets old after a while and it also hurts a lot!
Hugs and Bright Blessings,
Renee
My social anxiety
has caused me similar problems. It's not an easy way to live, it hurts and it gets so lonely at times. I feel for you Renee. I think a lot of us can identify with Raven about not fitting in and sometimes it can feel like we have our own evil voices trying to make it worse for us Only Raven knows deep down that this voice isn't part of her and that would be scary for anyone.
*big hugs*
Amethyst
Don't take me too seriously. I'm just kitten around. :3
Why do I suspect......
That we will shortly find out who Raven's real parents were?......
Dallas
D. Eden
Dum Vivimus, Vivamus
Because I'm terrible at keeping secrets?
Raven will likely find out sooner or later about her parents and a whole lot more, but can she handle that truth?
*hugs*
Amethyst
Don't take me too seriously. I'm just kitten around. :3
Hey - Where is the TG part of the story? - Ooops, there is none.
See Amethyst dear,
I TOLD you people will read AND enjoy your story - HERE - even without a TG part.
It is a GOOD story. Why worry if it has a TG part or not?
with love,
Hope
Once in a while I bare my soul, more often my soles bear me.
Okay, okay
I'll let you have your 'I told you so'. Maybe I should have started posting it months ago after you told me that. I wasn't only worried about the non-TG part though, the buildup to the action in this story takes quite a bit longer than my usual stories, and I wasn't certain whether it was a good progression or not, since I actually started this before Twice Removed and was still uncertain at that point whether I could write a marketable full length novel.
*Loving hugs*
Amethyst
Don't take me too seriously. I'm just kitten around. :3
OK, I'm hooked on this one too,
but have no clue where it is going. I'll just wait and see like I do with the others.
Glad you're liking it. It's a
Glad you're liking it. It's a bit of a slow buildup to any real action, but I'm hoping it will stay interesting for people.
*hugs*
Amethyst
Don't take me too seriously. I'm just kitten around. :3