Talking to your self is only a stop gap tool, people use to wrap there mind around a situation, or circumstance. Many times you need to reach out to some one else to gain the perspective you need to come to grips with what is within or without.

SAM

This down time is totally necessary, usually I wouldn’t take time to repair things along my way. No it took me breaking my self, to get the point I needed rest. This time I think I broke my mind, or at least cracked it. This was a hard place to be for me, because my mind is not physical. I cant hold it like a broken arm or limp on it if it was a broken leg, Both of these are parts of me they, actually physically prevented me from doing things.

My mind is not just another part. I can't put a splint on it, to remind me. and allow it to heal. This wasn’t like patching a flat bicycle tire, I had no experience with this repair. So with my life on pause, I called my mind mechanic.

"Sam why does this being in your head make it not an injury? My god women you’re a person not a machine, there is no automatic repair button. Sam what triggered this melt down?"

“ I just can't handle that I was put in jail because I prevented a woman’s murder. I had to watch too much of that shit going down in theater. . But it wasn't our job to rewire their heads, just to do our jobs of fighting the war while respecting their cultural differences.

My commanding officer called it the Prime Directive, I called it bull shit. He got in my face one day about it; telling me if I wasn’t able to put my inner little girl in check I could be transferred to a more fitting posting aligned to my sensitive personality. I declined his offer wanting to choose my time and place to get off of this bull ride. You never let the bull decide when you get off, his goal is to stomp you. You hold on with your teeth until it's an opportune time for you to depart the bull's company”

“I can understand why this situation would bother you, but what I am hearing, is that this time something broke .”

“I thought when I got home I was done with that type of shit, but here has become just as bad, The police and judge told me it wasn’t my business and stay out of it. Things, that's the same non interference shit.”

“Go on; what was your thinking at that time,”

“This was here at home, not over there, there was no one but me to stop that drunken ass. The police had plenty of time to respond, But she ran out of time, this guy went full out on a mother who was shielding her little girl. He had punched the mother several times, closed fist, She was down at his feet covering the little girl. He then wound up for a killer blow on the back of her neck and I cut him short. For saving a life I got thirty days in the slammer to reconsider the errors of my way.”

“Do you regret your actions or your incarceration.?”

“My incarceration, I would take the same action again.”

“So if you are OK with your actions and still feel your values are good enough to fight for, where is the rub? I understand a month in county jail is no picnic but good and brave people often run afoul of the authorities. I am not supporting what the judge did, he was clearly motivated by some thing other than the rule of law. But I think you feel this is too close to where you live, inside of you.”.

“Jolene you put your finger right on the pulse of the issue. There no one was standing up for innocent people. I come back home to find the same type of tactics being used here against innocent people. The authorities didn't care if someone was brutally murdered, they were worried about some one else doing their job, stealing their thunder. Standing up and saying no is a crime here.

What happened there has done more than take the wind out of my sails. This has punched a hole just above the waterline and I feel like I am floundering. I am pumping like mad to stay afloat but for the first time in my life fear and panic is in control of me.”

“I understand Samantha, my brother is on walk about in Alaska trying to find himself after returning from Afghanistan. I will tell you the same thing I told him go find a place where the water is calm, and pump your bilge dry, Then consider what repair work you need to do, with out the panic over sinking. Withdraw from the hustle and bustle of day to day life, give yourself time to heal.

From what you have have told me before, you haven't stopped moving since getting back state side. I think you have been running from these issues. with this instant brings boiling over your pot. Your buried issues are arising from the grave to demand justice.”

“Shit Jolene ,you mean I am having a private Zombie apocalypse.? He he he he”

“That's a good way of putting it Sam,. I am telling you, it's alright to be upset about this. Stop thinking past is prologue or that you are crazy for doing the sane thing. The world is really what's crazy here, not you. So take some time get away from people and give yourself time to decompress then heal. You can't patch an inner tube that still has air in it, can you.”

Sam

My time alone helped me secure my control over myself enough that I wanted to stretch my legs a bit and see just what this section of the country had to offer. I never felt comfortable not knowing what was around me and what roads went where. Time for Tarok to get out of his stall and have a little fun. The nice thing in building your own equipment is that you can build it right for you. My motorcycle is the most tricked out toy I have and I do love my gadgets.

Getting into my leathers, grabbing some water and a bit to eat, took all of ten minuets. Dropping the ramp and rolling Tarok out of his dock about five. Helmet check, bike check systems check, and data systems primed all happened as I pulled quietly away from my home away from home.

Some people like loud bikes I like my quiet one; let’s me go places no one can follow or track. On the outside Tarok looks like a mildly custom bike but nothing else stood out from any of thousands of other bikes on the road. I was invisible.

Heading out of town following the back roads I took a GPS lock, on any note worthy features I came across. Police station here, Fire station there then a marked forest service road number 65732 running up into the hills noted on map showing a squiggle running up. There were other paths on the side of this mountain, just not on the map, those were the ones I wanted to find. It is on my list to explore so with out fan fair I quickly reset Tarok's suspension to run on gravel noted my GPS recorder and went for a ride.

Betty

We have only been here in Haven for a few weeks and my withered roots had already driven down deep into this rocky soil. No one was more shocked at this development than myself. In my opinion one of the biggest curses of modern life was the loss of a real home town. For most people it was their life style to move with one town being as good as any town. For of us and many others it was a matter of survival.

Until Haven no home stood for more than a year at most, because my work was helping people; my family had become refugees in our own country. Our moves were not because we want to, or like to, we move because the monsoon rain of events in our lives demands it.

No sooner that we had a chance to settle down in one community when something would make it a good idea to move to another location. Some times it was economic forces, some times social ones but the solution to either was to move or die. That's why Haven has been such a shock to my system.

Before we moved here, people for hire by who we were in litigation with was given found our address, Then we would become the target for harassment. Sometimes by pressuring a landlord, by telling neighbors lies or false rumors, pulling dirty juvenile tricks on us, or on our neighbors blaming us for what they were doing. Anna called them Griefer's , people that loved to inflict grief on people, the neighbors would say it's just a part of life, so sad too bad to be you, now get the fu*& out of here before we hurt you to.

Authorities also work under the rules they’re here not to prevent things from happening but to keep a lid on it when it did. The path of least resistance was to snag the victim charging them with the crime of the others. This kept paperwork low and maintained the world view they have that it was the world that was crappy and mean.

Here in Haven I wasn't a social outcast or do gooder, I was part of the solution to the problems that people wanted solved. I was one of the persons who served the community keeping things working. That's not social engineering, it's Democracy. Confucius once had to rehabilitate a crime infested district When successful, the Emperor asked how he did this, Confucius told him simple “You need reward the good and punish the bad.”

All of the places I have lived before I never had the chance to just get out and roam about. I decided today, Saturday, I was going to take the kids and do just that. I had already gotten an idea from the old maps what was near by so I packed us some trail food and water rousted the kids from bed by yelling

“FIELD TRIP.”

It took only fifteen minutes before they were ready to go.

We walked and sang as we wound our way up into the hills surrounding Haven. I could feel where James was working on the barrier so I steered clear of going that way. There was a prominent foot hill that stuck out somewhat alone that looked like a mole hill thus it was named Mole mountain, some called it pocket mountain but the kids loved the name of Mole for a mountain.

There was rumored that there were some nice looking crystals up towards the top, lurking on the slopes. So prospecting we went, up and down and up and down, Soon we were joined by a pure white wolf who wore a collar with the name of Melissa engraved in fancy script. The girls acted like they had known this wolf for a long time, I already knew this was one of James's assistants, I just haven't met her human form . My worry was what would happen if the kids encountered a genetic wolf? Would the meeting be good or bad.

Betty

I had settled down on a spot of the slope and started to draw mushrooms and grasses adding a sprinkling of drawn little faerie's making their home there. I was engrossed in my work when Crystal cleared her throat requisitioning my attention.

“Ma, there is some one here who wants to talk to you.”

When I looked up at Crystal's smiling face I was also visited by a shock. The person or being that my daughter lead to me was none other than the legendary Green Man who in Celtic beliefs is the god of summer. At nine years old I couldn't expect she would know who this was, or what his appearance meant, she was just being her normally buoyant self, helping an adult who she knew meant no harm. For nine, Crystal had an extraordinary refined sense of a person’s inner make up. With her chores done she bid us both good by and returned to her digging up the hill.

“You have a wonderful daughter there, Betty. She has so many gifts to offer this world.”

His voice was resonantly masculine and cultured, his features were human whose skin on his face were comprised of many leaves. There were the fall colors shot through the predominantly green of his skin and simple clothing. His appearance left no doubt that this was a working Deity spirit, who got his hands dirty performing his tasks.

“My Lord “ Taking a deep bow of my head.

“Oh please, this isn't court, dispense with the frilly formalities. I know my arrival here is not expected as my duties are elsewhere, but from all the stir my comparatives have been going on about I needed to see how you are doing?“

Looking up into the face of one who I had only seen depicted in story books is a bit disconcerting but I still accepted their proffered hand in assistance for arising from the ground.

“Thank you how should I address you sir?”

“Oh that would be fine but my real name this year is Keven. With all of the being born in the spring and dying each fall I have taken to changing my common name every cycle.”

This caused me to chuckle a bit which I stifled out of respect.

“My child I am pleased to bring ye merriment, as your face lights up in the most enjoyable manner, not unlike your daughter's; when you smile it is a thing of beauty. Having that image within my memory will comfort me during my rest this winter. So relax and walk with me there are matters I wish to share with you before my time here has passed.“

We walked a bit and he chatted to the trees and bushes along the way as one would greet a friend upon the travels of a social stroll. Keven would pause and inform me of the purpose of this shrub and uses of that plant and how to prepare that bark. I was totally mesmerized by his gracious and generous manner.

We had traveled a short distance when I hesitated and strained to listen for my children’s sounds as to reassuring my self of their continued well being.

“Betty, ease your mind, the wolf form Melissa is looking over your children keeping them safe from harm. I would not put those precious treasures of yours in any danger so relax and have a seat.”

In just the moment of my distraction he had manifested a picnic supper of great verity.

“This is most generous of you my Lo /Keven??? “

It was his turn to smile and laugh warmly.

“My wife was truly well spoken of you my dear, and I see she was very understated.”

Offering me a crystal goblet of the purest quartz filled with a deeply red wine.

“Worry not, Betty, this is but the last and the sweetest of my summer wine I share with you as a celebration of your progress and a salute to your courage in accepting this very difficult responsibility. I felt it was proper for some one to reward you with a simple celebration.”

Gesturing to the feast of nibbles from pickled mushrooms , and salads of many type of greens, rustic breads, cheeses, and so many vegetables and relishes. I sipped the wine flavored of strawberries and cherries, savoring its delicate flavor noting the lack of any alcohol taste. After sampling the mushrooms and several of the relishes. I calculated this was all locally grown items.

“Keven if you are trying to seduce me you may just succeed.”

“Nay my lady Betty it is too late in the season for that. But I will not promise you next mid summer's night, not to interrupt your dreams. But to be sure, I am pleasantly married and my wife is too aware of my wandering eye. Thus she keeps me well sated and on a very short leash.”

“Thank you for this, Keven, I have been so wound up I needed this very pleasant diversion It has relaxed my anxiety of what is going to happen tomorrow with the Elders of the Upper Skagit nation.”

“It serves no purpose to fret or worry about that which has yet to transpire my lady Betty, you are well aware that tomorrow is but a dream, it is only the present which is real. So be with me for this time and allow me to take your mind off the tasks you have set your self upon,”

There was a pause of silence between us as the warm afternoon framed the picture of fall beauty surrounding us in this most unlikely location and company. We would talk about small things concerning how the mushrooms were prepared and who would be a good friend to court a friendship with. He commended me in surrounding myself with the best people for the job, and then allowing them to do their jobs.

“James especially is a great choice for mending the structural problems with your barrier, he is really in his element here. I need to warn you of a great change that may be on his horizon one that is well overdue. Just remember he is a big boy and needs to be just that. My word to the wise for the day.”

“Keven why are you folks so nebulous and vague with your warnings ? It does cause a lot of headaches if you follow what I mean,?”

“Betty, be more open with me. You wanted to say 'pain in my ass' didn't you, truthfully now.? We who exist in the rarefied spaces, must and do respect you. And honor the fact you as a race, for both the good and bad, need to exercise, and understand the freedom of your own volition. So we give you tidbits which do not derail that rule but still prepares you to be attentive to things requiring the exercise of judgment.”

“Keven, I like you, no bull shit no pretenses; you are the natural you.”

“I can be nothing else my dear it is my nature and I can not stray from that path of my own straight and narrow. Speaking of which I wish to present you with a bit of wisdom before I depart your company, my dearest,

Your future will require an amount of flexibility in some manners and a balance of rigidity in others, Look to my children for examples, for balance and extremes. Then apply them accordingly in full measure no holding back, trying not to offend or be to harsh.

In the manner of life and death, always err on the side of life, but realize you in some instances to be the very mask of death with out guilt or shame. Those situations are usually well marked and in your face. They require a decisiveness and clarity of purpose, that those of you who have lived among gently civilized people have seldom experienced.

But afterwards put down your weapons and embrace your children; they will balance you and remind you what you are fighting for. You were a womanly male for a purpose, you have been exposed to things, been allowed to do things, women normally never get a chance to. This blend is now your strength. Still remember that on your journey there are times to let go of ambiguity to accept with grace gifts bestowed upon you by chance and fortune.”

Gently cupping my face Keven looked deep into my eyes

'When after the travels of many miles you come across an enemy make sure the journey was theirs. So when you are forced to cut them down you will have no guilt in your actions.

You are a fine person Betty and I am looking forward to seeing what you do with these opportunities and challenges you have before you. I expect big things of you and I will devote the balance of my energies this year to give you cover in disillusioning those who are in conflict with your purpose and goals. Just be very careful in how you use your skills.”

The entire time he was speaking to me the illusion of the presence he had faded and slowly thinned out until all I could see was his Cheshire Cat like smile, which bid me adieu before fading completely.

There was only the now empty wine glass in my hand remaining. Its presence filled me with wonder and contentment.

Lilly

James, Elric, and I took a break from the toil of saving the Barrier; we got the reinforcements in place which pushed back as hard as the stones were pushing holding a balance of forces. The short spires of rock were originally to be used when the barrier was first established. But later they were found to be redundant. So James, being a good thrifty Scot, put them in a cave for safe holding in case they are needed.

Elric was the surprise for me, getting dirty pulling the earth up from the holes he was requesting the earth to allow. I always thought the Druids were too clean to be touched by any one less pure. But there he was working along side of the two of us sitting two of the stones in place. After a short prayer the stones started to reinforce the barrier by supplying the missing energy lost when the original stone crumbled. Dirty, we needed bathing then food. Heck I could no longer tell if I was a dirt brown wolf with white spots, or a white wolf with dirt brown spots.

James took us to a fairly secluded place not on any others tour map. We entered a very narrow opening to a cave that once inside looked more like a home than a hole in the ground. Once in, James rolled a large stone over the doorway to keep things ‘private’. The insides were dusty from lack of use but that never bothered any other wolves I have ever met.

James was quite proud of this little hideaway from the outside world. Ann and he spent some time here as a retreat away from the madding crowds of Haven. Ann told James that the parts she fashioned were a reminder of when she was a little girl. The family would take their cows up to high pasture in the low highlands. There was a summer cave home her family had in Scotland.

In the back of our cave was a natural atrium open through the roof of the cave directly under the hole a natural hot spring. All sorts of clingy plants grew on the walls and floor. Making this look like a bathroom from a very expensive house. Elric was impressed; very impressed when James informed us that he was the one who cleared the stones uncovering the pool and brought in all of the plants we see softening the walls. He even planted some trees around the opening to prevent people from peeking in or locating this spot.

James bid us to dive in and before either of us could act Elric got down to his skinny and waded in. James gave me an aside comment concerning that.

“Elric was an 800 year old hippy, as much as a Druid.”

I loved that observation because it fit my observations of him. The other observation was Elric was cut like a body builder. I am not going hetero over him but I can admit that for all of his age he has held up well.

James has been running his tail off trying to break the law of normal physics of not being in two places at the same time. He is determined to keep Betty on her own track while taking care of these little things himself.

“Lilly, it works like this; Betty has the entire big picture on her plate plus any side dishes she is capable of dealing with on her own. It’s our job to field as much of this small stuff that could be a distraction from her main duties. Betty is a real go getter and tends to overdo rather than under do.”

"She sounds like she has a streak of the Dutch people in her lineage” Elric added.

“AI that she does, so I try to gently persuade her to take time off when she can so she remains fresh on the job. I also keep track of all the wee fiddly bits that may become the proverbial horseshoe nail. If the problem can be better solved with a wee bit of her attention then I bring it to her attention. But her main job is the big outside stuff, while we watch her back as the Yanks put it.”

“You guys just said something about Betty having some Dutch in her, what’s that about?”

“What Elric was trying to say, Lilly, is back in our day the Dutch were considered such hard working and industrious people that when they bought shirts they would come with their sleeves already rolled up.”

“Ya, I see that in her she does spread herself really thin, her children, the town all that mumbo jumbo, gobbledy gook, magic stuff, Betty worked last full moon. I was worried that the roof was going to fall in but she never stopped fighting and trying.”

“AI lass, that’s Betty alright, relentless in what she believes in... sounds like some one else we knew, Elric”

“I agree with you James, you would think that Ann and Betty were cut from the same bolt of cloth, and sewn by the same tailor.”

“Elric that would be a twist in faith only the Gods with their perverse sense of irony would arrange something that symmetrical.”

Lilly

As we soaked the warm waters worked their magic so we fell into blissful silence, with the only illumination being a candle from Elric’s bottomless pack. The hot spring did wonders to ease out the tension and pain of the work today. My next memory was James lighting oil lamps he produced from no where. He was dressed and ready to leave, so I started to scramble to get out of the pool but I found my body had become rubber, preventing me.

“Stay put lass you’re in for the night; Elric is gathering a fine supper for you and himself, and taking care of some business with an old friend. I need to run into Monroe to talk to one of my contacts about information he has for me. Ye have a bit of work ahead of ye tomorrow checking out some more of the Barrier. You be our legs and eyes and Elric and I will do the patching. For Betty’s sake we need to have as much repaired and patched as possible by the next full of the moon.”

“James is it wrong to say that I like Betty as a person, is that getting to close.? Daddy has been telling me that we need to keep our distance so we stay objective in our work. He has warned me not to get too attached.”

“If all things be normal lass but things are nay normal, so what ye are feeling is good and proper for this situation. The Morrigan has told me that so many things are on their way in the next five years more or less, winding up to massive changes. She is short on details, but I understand if Betty succeeds in October those of us here, will be here for the long spell. These people are our family now and we need to do what we do best to protect them.”

“James do you think the Morrigan has any chance to flunk Betty and send her packing. I don’t think the lady knows Betty very well if they think she is going to willingly leave now.”

“The lady’s has no doubt the only way Betty is leaving is in a box. Never tell Betty this but her accepting the job was the passing grade. The ladies love mind games and use them to great advantage to leverage what they desire or need”.

“It’s odd to think that a God or Goddess has need’s?”

“AI they do have just as many as we wee folks down here. Their’s also tend to be on a grander scale.”

“James is one of their needs to torment us. I think what they are putting Betty through is just too much for any one mind to comprehend. How can they for any reason think they can push any flesh that fast and that hard?”

“To a new comer like your self it would appear to be just that. But that is not the entire picture. Betty has been forged by Hephaestus himself. Every blow in her life was to shape her into who she is becoming now. This situation is tempering Betty to the steel she is made of. It may seem harsh but after what’s she’s suffered through over the years it is just the speed of the change which is difficult. This is drawing the brittleness out of her, this is annealing her strength pulling together everything she has ever done or experienced before now into a flexible and durable spirit that will not break in combat or rust in peace. Because combat always follows any peace both properties are important.

The speed serves to prevent her from over thinking the situation, and to sneak her into the arena with out the combatants knowing she is here. They have been lulled into complacency thinking Haven is a soft target but Betty has the drop on them because they have no idea she is stitching together the torn fabric of the Barrier and bringing the people of Haven and the larger communities of the shire together under one flag it would be said.”

“So she is sneaking around hiding from the others who are sneaking around. this is like a cartoon That's
how is she going to win against so many people”

“AI lass if she can manage to keeping them in the dark until after the full moon on Samhain, she will be rooted here making it enormously hard to push her off this mountain. But until then she is vulnerable and so are we.”

“Is that why she was so beaten up from the last full of the moon?”

“AI Betty had to do things the hard way, so nobody knew she was doing it. I can tell you from working with Ann the energy and pain involved was considerable. In the end Betty left an illusion that the barrier was weakened but not down; but in reality she saved it.

September and the first two days of October’s circle of three are going to be back breakers, Samhain (October 31) is going to be either a victory for us or a blood bath for Betty. She is committed to stand like the Greeks at Thermopylae; she has no fall back, no place for her to go.”

“Why can’t she just drive away into the sunset and disappear like so many others.”

“If I understand what I have been told if Betty had passed us by, and went to Summer Town, she and her girls would have been assassinated, that’s how much the big corporations hate her for all the work she has done in helping people.”

“Wow, get out. They have that much of a hard on against her and the children?”

“You sound surprised Lilly, it has been the way things have been done since before the time of Rome. It’s just that people here in the States have a sheltered view of the world. Community organizers have now been put on a varmint list to be hunted no limit no license needed terminated with predigests.”

“So she stands here or is cut down from behind. There is nowhere to hide?

“It’s all a part of the new world order as the president called it. With modern technology they can locate almost any one any time, then termination is very easy.”

“If she wins how are we going to survive what’s happening. Won’t they just throw a bigger bomb or something?

“The Barrier is so much more talented than any one could ever imagine, with its protection and some slight of hand by Betty it is able to repel any thing norms can offer."

“Then why allow it to fall into such bad repair in the first place?”

“Ann was really keen that it didn't fall into the hands of the wrong members of the unseen community, who if they came into possession of this location with a functional barrier that could be used to unleash another evil on norms and unseen. So she rigged the game that those folks would not see this as a tempting target, because no one could fix what's broken.

But if a particular person with the right special skill set ,was to find their way here , then they could bring the Barrier back to full power and help it reach its full potential. That's the way it was supposed to work. If any one asked me when they sussed this out I would have laughed at them.”

“Then it's good they didn't ask you, James; who came up with this idea it seems to be such an impossibly long shot, for any one to bet so much on. Unless there was something else we don't know that would increase the odds that the plan would work. “

It was Ann and Fay were in cahoots to cook this up in secret, but it has the scent of the ladies Morrigan type of plan; I didn't find out about this until talking with Fay when she roped me into coming back here.”'

“And what was that like, James?”

“If Fay wasn't such a good friend I would have walked out I was so mad. I spent eight years with my guts in a ball knot thinking I let Ann down and didn't protect her. Then to be informed that it was all a mind game to disguise what was really happening. But I must admit it was a bloody good idea, But your right Ann wouldn't trust blind luck on a slim to naught chance of some random cast of events to bring just the right person at the right time to the right place. There is something else going on that I nay have figured out yet. I have some parts but not enough to act on”

“Well Master James are you going to share what you do know with me your Padawan Learner?”

James just chuckled “But my dear that would be telling and I nay want to do that. What you don't know can't come out by accident and spoil any plans. Nay offense, Lilly, but I have learned from a very old acquaintance that two people can keep a secret only if one is dead.” so being as I need and like you alive, I will keep me silence.

I will share this with you, if you think Betty has her hands full now. Soon she will be given a post. that although she will totally hate it is uniquely suited for Betty to perform.”

“James, let me see if I got this; if Betty is right for a job because she doesn't want it, does that make some who wants it wrong for the job.?”

“You got it in One, lass.”