---

Image Credits: Title Picture purchased and licensed for publishing from

123rf.com. The model in this image in no way supports nor conveys the issues and situations brought up within the story. The models use within this work is solely for the representation of looks of the main character of this particular story. ~Sephrena

---

 
 
*Before…

I was going to nod again but Alex does something that surprises me and he slides over on the bed more and he gives me this really big hug.

“I believe in you Jade, you’re the only version of you that I’ve met and you’re probably the most real girl I’ve ever known.”

I…It…all of it the stuff I was just talking about and trying to explain and the frustration I have from trying to even be me online sometimes and running into or seeing so much hate and the fears I have of all the bullshit that’s going to come at me from the stuff I have to face in the future and this unexpected and unasked for acceptance and sweetness.

It all starts to hit me and I’m starting to sniffle and then I’m starting to cry.

*And Now…

Being called real is really just…

It’s a very heart in my throat wanting someone to see me since I was like six and it had sunk in that there was something wrong.

And it got more and more wrong the older I got too.

And after so long this…this yeah just really, really sends me over the edge into sniffle town.

“God Alex where have you been all my life.” (Sniffle-sob.)

“Uhm…Portland.”

I Blubble…yep, Blubble…y’know when you’re a complete mess and crying and you’re nose is running and you’re right in the whole ugly gooey wet crying thing and someone makes you laugh?

Burst out laughing in a complete mess and it’s mixed with the crying so it sounds wet.

Blubble…

Because it was so off the top of his head sweet and manner of factly done.

And…to top it all off her hugs me tighter.

Like I needed it.

And I do…it’s just so… (Sniffle-smiley-sob.) “Portland…?” (Sniffle.) “Like in Maine?”

“Uhm yeah.”

“I… (Sniffle.)…just live sort of across the bay.”

“Really?”

(Sniffle.) “Yeah…I just live in Greenwood.”

“……………..Uhm I don’t know where that is.”

(Snuffle.) “I’ll show you.”

“Cool…y’know you sure cry a lot.”

(Snuffle.) “Sorry…it’s bottled up a whole lot…I’m like never me home.”

“Ouch…that has to suck…here blow.” He’s got a box of tissues and he’s holding them in front of me.

“It really, really does suck.” (Snuffle.)

“Well you can be you with me Jade and it’s cool. Heck you can be you with me no matter what?”

Oh…Oh goddess I might just start crying again.

“Really?” (Sniffle.)

“Yes really. Absolutely we’re friends.”

“We are?”

“Definitely!” He says it with this really big smile too and with like enthusiasm. I mean who’s like that? To just be cool with something, to be cool with someone like me?

I hug him pretty hard after that and he hugs me back and we’re like glue right up until there’s knocking at the door and the call of “Room Service!”

“Eeep! ohmygawdIlookawful!” I hop out of Alex’s and high tail it to the bathroom.

“Yeah you kinda do!” Alex calls after me and there’s laughter in his voice.

“You’re not supposed to say that to a girl Alex!” I look in the mirror and I am a mess.

“A guy’s not supposed to lie to a woman either Jade!” he calls into to me.

Okay…okay he has a point there. And y’know I’d rather have a really open and caring and honest guy like Alex than some dingleberry that is going to just tell me stuff that he thinks that I want to hear.

I hear him paying and talking to the room service person and I wash my face and I really debate putting new make-up on. It’s kinda going to be a pain to do it now and it’s pretty late at night and then there’s the thing of it makes me feel pretty. And I like feeling pretty and I…I’m pretty sure that I want to do it not just for me but for Alex too.

I really do want to look good for Alex.

I mean this will likely not…and the thoughts that are going through my head of the things I want to do and the things that I kinda want to do for him are…but then there’s reality and even as awesome as things are like that it’s just…we barely know each other.

But a girl can still sort of be attracted right? Still just like a guy and think that sort of stuff without going through with stuff right?

I look in the mirror…it’s just me, just me with my hair styled different and I honestly don’t look like Psylocke…I mean not even close.

Will he?

Will he like just plain old me?

I come out after the room service person had left and I sort of just lean on the doorway of Alex’s bathroom.

“Do I look okay?”

Alex looks up at me and he smiles. “Yes, absolutely.”

“Good…I mean this is the first time you’ve seen me without my make-up on and I was worried.”

“Worried?”

“Some guys like the pretty package.”

“Well you definitely know your way around make-up and stuff but I kind of just like Jade.”

“…………………”

“In any way she wants to be.”

I shake my finger at him. “You just like to make me all weepy and stuff don’t you?”

“I’ll take happy tears over sad ones if that’s okay with you.”

(Sniffle.) “Dang it Alex…stop it with the lines…all the good stuff it’s making me cry again.”

He looks at me. “One they’re not lines and two I think that you need some happy tears Jade, I mean jeez from the stuff that you told me you don’t get to be you. You have to steal moments of you and then deal with this the rest of the time the hard way.”

(Sniffle.) “Yeah…”

“So if I can let you let off some of that while we’re here together I’ll try my damnedest to do that.”

(Sniffle.) “Okay…Why?”

“Because I like you remember silly…” He gets up and he comes over and takes me by my hand and he leads me over to the bed and sits with me.

(Sniffle.) “I’m sorry…I’m just not used to this at all Alex, it’s really nice but you’re a shock to the system.”

“Yeah well so are you.”

“Me?”

“Yes you, now are you going to eat your pizza or let it get cold?”

I reach for a slice and it smells really good and I give him a shy smile. “Thanks Alex, I really mean it thanks.”

“You’re Welcome.” He’s pretty serious saying it but that changes into a carefree kinda Alex smile as he takes a slice himself and starts eating.

I wipe my eyes and eat some more but smile back…and then I cover my mouth and blush because I smiled at him with a mouthful of pizza.

Which actually just makes him smile all the more.

Wow…I mean…he says all these really awesome things and he does these really awesome things but they’re still kinda things that a nice guy might do just being a nice guy. I really love all of it but I’m really kind of cognizant that I could be so reading things into him that are so feeding my crush.

Which is scary.

Like butterflies scary.

But it’s crushing on someone butterflies so…I mean do I just shove it away and down and all of that or do I do the crazy likely break my heart thing and just actually let myself crush on this boy?

My way too busy and never shuts up girl-brain gets interrupted by him turning on the TV and channel surfing.

I’m sort of watching him do that as we eat. I mean it doesn’t bug me I get the whole channel surfing thing and stuff but watching what he pauses longer on is kind of interesting. It says stuff right?

Or am I just reading into that with girl-crush analysis?

I kinda don’t want to be one of those girls that constantly thinks about everything and overthinks like ninety percent of it.

But I think I actually might be.

And you know what my brain realizes as his phone does an alarm chime and he turns off the TV and grabs the box of pizza? (Yeah they actually brought it in a plain white pizza box.)

I’m attracted to Alex.

I’m attracted to guys.

I mean I’ve thought about it home and stuff and there’s sort of been different people that I’ve found attractive and some were girls…and I’m not sure that it was attraction or something else but at the time it was kinda sort of and the same with the boys I know too it was all kind of there and all kinda sorta in vagueish fantasies and stuff but Alex.

Alex is hitting me right in the I like him part of me…of I would definitely kiss with him parts and I’d really like it and the thing is it’s me wanting to be touched too and touch not like Frankie’d be touched but how someone would touch me if I was Jade…like for reals and stuff.

And realizing that is a very inhale and whoa moment.

Alex looks at me and he does the Alexander elf eyebrow thing. “You okay?”

I nod mouth’s kind of dry right now.

He offers his hand and I wipe my hand off because I think it’s sweating some and I talk his hand and he leads my out of his room and to the elevators so we can go down and catch the movie that they’re playing.

He still holds my hand all the way down and even with me into the conference room where they have the movie all set up for us to watch with like one of those projection screen things and we get some seats.

We get some looks too.

And we both sort of blush.

I’m holding hands with someone in public.

Okay that kinda sorta a very good thing and I look at Alex and it might be the same thing and I think it is because he shifts his grip a little better instead of being embarrassed and letting go.

And there’s something just unbelievably weird that happens with this.

We’re getting sort of jealous looks.

I mean I know a jealous look when I see one and these aren’t the Donna-esque hateful and mean ones but they’re the “Oh…damn…lucky…” ones that we geeks and stuff usually have when we see other people together and we’re hit with those feelings of wow…that’d be nice.

I wish it was me…

And this time it is us.

I’m not gloating or anything because with these people it’d kinda suck but at the same time there’s this thing that is inside of me that is just giddy over being somewhere in public with a guy and he’s holding my hand and I’m the girl that some of these other girls want to be.

I mean me…of all people.

And it does feel good.

And it’s so strange because I sneak a look at Alex and it’s just like one of those moments that you get when you can just read someone like one hundred percent and he just looks like he’s thinking the same stuff as me.

Which is just.

Alex looks at me and he whispers as we take a pair of seats together. “Okay….this, this is pretty cool.”

“I know…I don’t go anywhere usually and all the places I’ve ever gone too even like home.”

“I’ve been alone…” We both say it in stereo…we so just.

And I’m looking at him and he’s looking at me and there’s this…I don’t know what it was but just before it passes as we kind of become aware of it…we actually have a moment or something.

I mean I don’t know what it is or was but it was definitely a moment.

The movie starts up and there’s some fan cheers and applause and stuff and just before the volume goes too high for me to hear him say it I catch.

“Even when I’m with people.”