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Image Credits: Title Picture purchased and licensed for publishing from

123rf.com. The model in this image in no way supports nor conveys the issues and situations brought up within the story. The models use within this work is solely for the representation of looks of the main character of this particular story. ~Sephrena

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*Before…
And I soooo have this horrible expectation that if I did go over there I’d be so awkward that it’d be kind of like….y’know that I’d kill the vibe and it’d shut down and there’d just be…crickets.

I slip away before Alex gets to see me and I wander off back into the convention trying to find some solace in the booths and the stuff that they have there.

I’m trying really hard to force the blahs back and to just let me be me but like me before meeting Alex.

At some point y’know you have to let go of things that you were really likely never meant to have.

Not everyone gets to be happy.

I slip out to the main halls; I need a drink I need something cold to press to my forehead so I don’t start crying and stuff. I want to be here, I want to enjoy this because it’s the last night…they’re packing up and stuff tomorrow…I’ll be leaving and it’s already suppertime….this isn’t fair!

*And Now…

I likely end up doing that unsteady emotional wobble walk but I get to the hall that has the vending machines in it and I get myself a Dr. Pepper. It’s my fave type of pop and I don’t even get the diet stuff either. It doesn’t agree with me sometimes and kinda hurts my stomach.

I go and find myself one of those love seats in the hall to sit at and try to be non-obtrusive and kinda hide like I usually do all of my life while sipping at one can and putting the other one to my face to try and use the cold to keep from crying.

I feel so kind of self-hurt and disappointed with myself.

I do that a lot too, I just try sometimes to let myself go and to just try and live my life and everything but it’s actually one of the hardest things to do.

To stop thinking all the time and to not obsess over wanting and needing to be the real me and everything and then the real kicker is not blaming myself for the stuff in my life.

That’s almost next to impossible really.

If I wasn’t like this my life would be so different.

If I was braver and not so scared my life would be different.

If I was prettier then maybe someone would see the real me and my life would be different.

Yes, yes I’m that vain that I really do what to be pretty. I would like to have something that would just let me be me and maybe just goddamned maybe let me lift my head out of the gutter.

But no…I let it get to me, let my shyness take over and stuff and that whole awkward around people thing and that little voice.

~What would you ever really be to Alex anyway? ~

~He liked girls like Donna, beautiful girls not some lady-boi in a dress. ~

~You’d only get him labeled. ~

I get some tissues and I quickly apply them to my eyes to dab because I’m too much a wimp not to start crying and stuff and I’m really not sure how long I’m doing that for when there’s a weight settling on the extra space of the love seat thingy.

I open my eyes and peek from behind my tissue and see Natasha there looking at me with this worried look on her face and she’s dressed in this other dwarven costume but this time a sort of D&D minstrel thing and she’s got the beard thing going again only it’s like really fine looking and refined like super trimmed but with these little pearls that are dangling from a thing little chin braid and oddly it matches the white faux ivory hoop earrings she’s wearing.

She looks good with the loose artsy blouse and the corset that is doing amazing and makes me jealous things with her boobs.

“Hey Jade, what’s wrong?”

“I’m a coward.” (Sniffle)

“Okay…not from what I’ve seen.”

(Sniffle.) “Huh..?” Yeah my brain’s not really working yet being still in emotional fog and stuff.

“You’re here at the con and you’re out and doing cosplay.”

(Sniffle.) “I’m not really out….”

“Well maybe not but you’re out and in public and you’re dressed and I know and Alex knows.”

(Whine.) “Yeah….”

“Oh honey did you have a fight with Alex?”

(Sniffle.) “No…Alex has been awesome….it’s just.”

“Just…” She’s being really gentle asking me and stuff.

“Just we split up and stuff finally and it’s not like I could’ve like clung to him the whole Con and stuff and it was really awesome and stuff but…”

“But…?”

“But he’s doing other stuff and I wanted to see him and stuff but he’s with other people and stuff and he’s having fun.”

“So…? Go over and talk to him.”

(Sniffle-whine.) “I can’t I like stole so much time from him already and stuff and it’s just be weird going over there and just interjecting myself into their thing and stuff.”

“Jade…who gives a shit? You like him, he probably likes you too and we’re at a Con, you don’t have to follow the bullshit rules here.”

“Alex won’t like me the way that I think that I like him. I mean he knows what I am.”

“Chinese?”

“No…a boy…”

She leans over and she pokes me in my boob. “You are no boy, I am pretty loose with boys and I adore boys and I do NOT get boy from you at all Jade.”

(Sniffle.) “You don’t?”

“Definitely not I have the urge to eat cheese cake with you and dish about guys but that’s about it. Sorry you’re about as convincingly male as Vanellope from “Wreck-it-Ralph” is.”

(Smiley-sniffle.) “Really?”

“Jade if you were any more girly you’d be a pair of lesbians.”

Okay…that has me choking on my Dr. Pepper and Nat’s there rubbing my back.

“Better?”

I cough. “Yeah some…Nat what am I going to do?”

She looks at me. “Okay odds really are that he likes you Jade I mean he knows and he’s known from like that start of things pretty much right?”

“Yeah…”

“Then he likely spent all that time with you because he wanted to.”

“But he’s…and there’s the scroll and Donna.”

“Okay…you better explain that to me.”

I open my second can of pop and we start talking at stuff and go over the way that we met and Donna and how he was into her and stuff but the stuff that we did and the stuff that he did and I kind of just spill my guts and kind of fan-girl out my crush to her.

Real girl talk, real girl talk that I have never had the chance to get and…and…goddesses it feels so good and so right.

When we’re done I look at her and she’s looking at me and Nat has this look on her face and she’s actually doing this thoughtful beard stroke thing.

“What?” I'm kind of on pins and needles.

“Screw it.”

“What?”

“Screw it go big girl. You’re you and he knows that you’re you and if you really want to be happy Jade you kinda have to say screw it and really be yourself, your real self.”

“But…I..I don’t know how?”

“Sure you do, lead with your heart, be the quirky girl, the funny one, that brave girl that too a chance when she found the parchment and took a chance on heart and on fair play.”

“But…” My heart’s hammering, I want this soooo much!

“No buts, they get in the way. Do or do not there is no try.”

Oh so not fair using geek-fu on me.

“No fair.”

“Yes fair, y’know if you want the happy stuff you have to fight for it.”

I nod and wipe my face carefully. “So what do I do?”

“You step up and go big, you Captain my Captain the hell out of it.”

I roll my eyes. “You’re right full of it aren’t you?”

“Totally but I’m also right.”

“Yeah…”

“So what are you going to do?”

I think for a minute and look at the clock and stuff it’s…it’s kinda late now and so much time has gone past so very likely this might be my only chance.

“I…I think that I might have an idea but I might need some help.”

***………… It’s scary what I’m going to do but I’m still going to do it.

Nat got her guitar and some friends together and I’m changed into my Cowboy Bee-bop shirt and sweat pants but I did my hair and my make-up and I’m looking at them and then at Alex’s door to his room. We checked around all the places downstairs and he wasn’t there so he should be here.

Deep Breath….

I knock.

“Hey…Alex…I’m…I…I know it’s late and I’m leaving tomorrow first thing and…I just…”

Oh shit, shit…okay Jade breathe.

I put my hand on his door and I start to sing as Nat starts to play.

“All my bags are packed I'm ready to go.”
“I'm standin' here outside your door…”

“I hate to wake you up to say goodbye.”
“But the dawn is breakin' it's early morn”
“The taxi's waitin' he's blowin' his horn.”
“Already I'm so lonesome I could die…” Okay here my voice cracks a little as the feeling hit me.

“So kiss me and smile for me…”
“Tell me that you'll wait for me…”

“Hold me like you'll never let me go…” More voice cracking.

“Cause I'm leavin' on a jet plane…”
“Don't know when I'll be back again.”
“Oh baby, I hate to go.”

“There's so many times I've let you down”
“So many times I've played around…”
“I tell you now, they don't mean a thing.”

“Every place I go, I'll think of you…”
“Every song I sing, I'll sing for you…”
“When I come back, I'll wear your wedding ring…”

“So kiss me and smile for me…”

And the door swings open and it’s not Alex.