Chick Lit Author is Actually a Dude!
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NEW YORK: The literary world was rocked this week when world famous author Christine Ericson announced that she was actually Christopher!
Ericson, whose bestselling novels Why Chocolate is Better than a Man, and Cosmopolitans at Five have been mandatory purchases for American women everywhere, stunned her fans with a Tuesday press release. It seems that the queen of women’s literature is really a king.
“Fifteen years ago, I never expected this to happen,” says Ericson, 39. “I was just a young guy, working in a record store, trying to get a novel published. Unfortunately, no one was interested in my science fiction and spy stories.”
“Chris has a lot of talent,” says Kate Adams, Ericson’s publicist and alleged former girlfriend. “But I felt he was limiting himself with his laser stories. I suggested he try his hand at romance.”
“That didn’t go any better,” relates Ericson, who has made the list of best dressed female celebrities for the past five years. “No one wanted to hear a guy talking about what it’s like to be a woman. Then one day, out of the blue, a publisher offered me a huge contract. It wasn’t until I read the letter closely that I realized what had happened. He assumed that ‘Chris Ericson’ was a woman. I was torn between my desire to be published and my fear of being a fraud.”
“Chris and I discussed it,” says Kate. “We decided to play along. It would have been illegal to for them to cancel the contract because of Chris’s gender.”
The pair thought Chris would be able to discretely collect royalties and no one would be the wiser. However, that first novel, Vendi Vedi VISA: I Came, I Saw, I Shopped! became a national bestseller. Bookstores, radio shows, and fans everywhere wanted to get to know Christine Ericson.
“For the first book signing, we hired a model to sit in for me,” relates the author. “But she was such a ditz, I was embarrassed to watch her. Besides, I was the one who wrote the book! This was my moment!”
Kate, who’d just graduated from beauty school, thought of a unique solution. “Chris was skinny, had long hair, and not much of a beard. One makeover later, he was ready to face the world…as Christine.”
“I was nervous at first,” says Ericson. “I was supposed to be taking a part in a discussion on relationships at a local college. I was quiet at the start, but when I realized no one suspected, I joined right in. Soon I was going on and on about boyfriends, clothes, and what it means to be a woman. I don’t know where it came from, I guess I just had the knack.”
Ericson’s ‘knack’ soon blossomed into ten novels, an advice column, and the popular television show Sex in the Suburbs, Desperate Stay at Home Moms, and the women’s talk show Point of View.
“I had to sacrifice a lot for this success, and the hardest thing to give up was my relationship with Kate. We realized early on that Christine would have to replace Christopher, more or less permanently. Still, she’s my best friend and a top notch publicist.”
Ericson admits he had to sacrifice more than his girlfriend for his new, glamorous lifestyle.
“Those first few years I look like I’m dressed for an Arctic expedition,” groans the chick-lit queen. “But after the checks started coming in, I was ready to invest in some much needed plastic surgery. I’m sure most of my readers are familiar with how well that turned out.”
Ericson is referring to some recent candid photos taken of her while on vacation at Montego Bay. Her bikini body would be the envy of any young starlet and led many to speculate that the nearly forty-year-old author had had some work done.
“You have no idea,” she smirks.
Reaction to this announcement has been varied, especially among the Hollywood hunks rumored to have dated Ericson.
“I don’t care what she’s saying,” says producer Juan Victrola, who famously spent three weeks with Ericson in Rio last summer. “Christine is every inch a woman.”
“All I can say is my compliments to the plastic surgeon,” quips rocker Johnny Testosterone, who was favorably rated in Ericson’s non-fiction work The Biggest Rocks in Rock ‘n Roll.
Ericson’s fans have been equally supportive. “I’ve been a fan of Christine Ericson for ten years,” says Georgia student Martha Leo. “And if she had to work to achieve her womanhood, then I’m even more impressed.”
Ericson would not comment on what inspired her to go public with her male past. However, a new movie, tentatively titled From Family Jewels to String of Pearls: the Christopher Ericson Story is set to be released next summer.
Comments
Veni Vidi Condico
"I came, I saw, I concurred"; I do concur! With the opinion that Czolgolz is (as I've said before) one of the masters of TG fiction.
NYT Headlines: "CHRISTINE CASTS NO 'PEARLS' BEFORE SWINE; Author refuses to send an official copy of "From Family Jewels..." to anti-LGBT groups for prerelease reviews."
"JUAN VICTROLA CANCELS CONTRACT WITH RCA; 'that creepy dog was always sitting at my feet, listening to me with a tilted head'".
"JOHNNY TESTOSTERONE & BAND ARRESTED FOR RUNNING DOWN SUNSET BLVD WITHOUT PANTS; 'We were just a bunch of nuts hanging out', he pleads"
Thanks, Cz! Can't wait for you to post "For One Day Of Your Life" here!
Hugz - **Sigh**
Sighs are the natural language of the heart.
-Thomas Shadwell
thanks for the giggle
nice little blurb, thanks for sharing.
thanks for the giggle
nice little blurb, thanks for sharing.
Hmmm.....
I guess the question on my mind is does Chris love being female? If so you go girl! If not just eww! IMHO. Hugs, Taarpa