Well, I had my daughter last night, and it got me thinking about being a parent.
I think that parenting is a little like a high wire act without a net, one little slip can be disaster. Because we all have flaws, darkness, and those are bound to come out ...
This is maybe even more true of a trans parent, whether they transition or not.
Then there's me. Not only am I trans, I am also broken in some terrible ways and I fear passing on my darkness to an innocent child.
And yet, Samantha seems to be a healthy, happy girl, who has a lot of compassion for people who are hurting.
Maybe I'm doing it right?
Comments
Trans Parent would be a great title for a book
You can see right through it but that's not why. :)
Hugs,
Erin
= Give everyone the benefit of the doubt because certainty is a fragile thing that can be shattered by one overlooked fact.
Here's to doing it right.
I know that I was far from a great parent in my kids early years, but some how thing do have a way of working out.
My youngest (daughter) turned 40 this year. She has two children of her own. Ages 12 and 14; a boy and girl respectively. Just two weeks ago, she had to tell me a story about what had happened to her on Sunday afternoon.
It's Christmastime, so of course our church is preparing a Christmas concert, in which she and my wife are participating. After church they have practice. My granddaughter took a short interest in learning drums and as a result has (had) a very nice electronic set for practice at home. However she hasn't used them in nearly two years and there's a young man in the group who want to learn drums. So my daughter decided that after practice, they would take my wife home, and bring the choir leader along and then go by her house and pack the drums in the van, with the help of the choir leader, and deliver them to the young man in question. Then she would have to give the choir leader a ride back to the church to get his car. When they got there my daughter notice a woman, whom she didn't know standing at the sanctuary door.
My daughter went into the church through the staff entrance (she's youth worship leader and has a code) and retrieved her music. On the way back out, she looked again at the woman who was now looking inside the church. No one else was there. Something tugged at my daughter's heart and she went to the woman.
Long story short the woman had come to Hillsboro to visit a friend who had been thrown out by her boyfriend, was short of funds and had no place to stay the night, but had an appointment with an agency on Monday to get help. After only a moment, she thought of the two times that I, that is my wife and I, had taken in people who needed a night's stay and decided that she could do it as well; called her husband and he agreed.
She took the woman to her house, fed her and gave her a place to sleep. In the morning, she took her there, albeit at 6:00 am for an 8:00 appointment. The woman was over joyed and texted her later to say she had been hooked up with the Red Cross for help and thanked her again.
So you see, my daughter didn't take away from my parenting the flight of temper and yelling that was all too prevalent, or the indifference to their general growing up, but instead took away the two acts of kindness she's seen and emulated them.
BTW, she's raising two great kids. Who somehow have picked that kind of thing themselves.
Hugs
Patricia
Happiness is being all dressed up and HAVING some place to go.
Semper in femineo gerunt
Ich bin eine Mann
If you still have darkness,
write some dark stories. I remember it helped you before, and we all got to enjoy the stories. Two birds with one stone. = )
Your doing it right
I had the same worry when I started the job my self. But what I have discovered is that children latch onto your core person and they reflect that back to you in there own way. Your daughter is mirroring you so relax and just do the best you can with love, things will work them selves out.
Huggles
Michele
With those with open eyes the world reads like a book
Child rearing and education
A german proverb says it aptly:
"Vater werden ist nicht schwer, Vater sein dagegen sehr!"
Losely translated that would be:
"Becoming a father ist not difficult, on the other hand being a father very much so!"
And me thinks that applies even more so to parents who have any kind of trans issues. Especially if they start to confront their issues (whether or not they consider transitioning). And if the other parent is even a tiny bit trans phobic, life becomes a living hell and parental kidnapping is often the result.
But even so, please remember, children also have a free will, and do make their own decissions. Some will decide to become good adults in spite of our failures and shortcommings, and others will decide to rebel to spite our best efforts!
And then there is also the influence of the other parent. And when divorced parents re-marry, you also get the influence of the patchwork parents. Sadly, more often than not, at least one divorced parent will try to induce disobedience and/or rebellion towards the other parent in their children. Alledgedly to make the ex-spouse suffer and pay for the perceived pain leading to the separation and/or divorce. What they do not realize, is that their own children are the biggest victims of this parental abuse, and often later in life this "abuse" will backfire.
So, Dorothy, do the best you can, and let your consciense know this. If you did what you could, to the best of your abilities, then you have nothing to fear. I am convinced that none of us will be judged by a standard beyond our abilities. So if we give our best effort, and fail due to circumstances beyond our control, we need not fear. But if we fail to give our best effort, we stand to lose a lot more. In the end your daughter will make her own decisions, and will have to live by the consequences of those decisions. Just the same as you and I have to live by the consequences of our own decisions.
Jessica