Feeling Keystrokes

We met online it wasn’t even what either of us were expecting and nothing that we were looking for.

I was typing away on a site with one of my hobby sites and it just started as these little exchanges.

Friendly talking and quirky.

God I loved that.

Now I wasn’t one of those people that grew up online and I had a good deal of reservations about just who people were and stuff online and I’ll admit I’m the same. Pen names or alter egos or “online names”.

Took me awhile of being green to get that yeah there’s fakers out there and all sorts of badness out there but there’s real truth too.

And Love.

Yeah Love.

I kind of met her and after we traded PM’s back and forth and e-mails and we got closer and closer that we started to find that things were building.

Honestly building in ways that I never thought that they would.

She was good with my own quirks; she was good with me being me. I was good with being her too.

Especially since her online….it’s the only place she can be herself.

She’s stealth and right now has to live that way and that’s completely okay with me. Families are families and honestly sometimes you’re hit with commitments that won’t let you leave and then a place that isn’t safe to be out in.

But this isn’t about that but it is.

That’s because I know her, I know her probably better than anyone that I’ve ever been in a relationship with. I know she knows me better than anyone.

When you get home after a shitty day at work and she can feel you through the keystrokes…know when things are quite right and that something’s wrong.

And I’ve felt it too.

You ever just see words on the screen and know it wasn’t a good day? That her back is killing her that she just wants someone to talk to her and take her out of the shitty day she’s had.

Like shitty family moments, like feeling in freefall when her job was pulled out from under her, like when she cut her hair just to find work outside as not herself.

I know that there’s some that these are just words on a screen back and forth but I have felt her on her bad days, swore I can hear the frustration she goes through sometimes.

Sometimes family yeah?

Her’s and mine.

Sometimes everything else.

Nothing’s perfect, life can be just hard and situations are what they are but.

But still…

There’s just these times where you know.

And I know that she knows.

It’s a pretty big thing this.

I have her, I know we love each other, we talk, joke, laugh, cry and even vent and be angry and we dance and we write these things most of the time but I can still close my eyes, kiss, dance, hold her…and we’re there for each other and we are our Forever and Always.

It’s not perfect but we have it and we do know how lucky we are.

And you know, I’m writing this and she’s asleep and we won’t talk until our schedules click tonight.

But I can’t wait…I want to feel her keystrokes again.