A trip to a costume shop for Halloween was the catalyst for a change within a young boy... The girl within would no longer be denied! Magic Carpet Ride By Torey Copyright © 2013 Torey All Rights Reserved.

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"Can I help you with anything?" the sales lady said as my eyes scanned around the costume shop.

My heart seemed stuck in my throat.

The coward's way out. I was still thinking that.

"I'm just looking," I said.

I felt that was a pretty safe answer.

"Are you sure about this," my mother asked just a couple of hours before.

I told her and my therapist that the Trenton County Masquerade Ball on Halloween was going to be my "jumping off" point, although right then, it felt like a jumping off the cliff moment.

The costume shop had just about every kind of costume you would want. They had the usual horror story costumes: Zombies, ghouls, goblins, the overdone costume from the Scream movies. Given the popularity of "The Walking Dead," you figured zombie costumes were a hot seller ... as were vampire costumes with all of the popular vampire-themed movies and TV shows.

The costume shop also had its share of historical period pieces: Civil War, American Revolution, the Middle Ages, ancient Greek, Roman and Egyptian costumes.

They had celebrity themed and sports themed costumes.

"Anything in particular you're looking for," the sales lady asked as I continued to browse the store's collection.

"Well, I am kind of looking for something for the masquerade ball," I told her.

"That's a pretty cool event for teenagers, isn't it?" She asked.

I nodded.

It was for kids 13-18, with a few chaperone's from the schools in the area. I'd had fun. I'd gone Darth Vader one year. And yeah, I'd been a zombie. And I went as Captain America last year.

To a degree, those costumes fit the theme of my life, which up until this point had pretty much been a masquerade.

"I bought my Captain America costume here last year," I told the lady.

"That's right, I think I do remember you from last year," she said. "Going the hero route again this year? We've got a really cool Iron Man costume."

"I'm sure it rocks, but I don't quite believe that's what I'm looking for this year," I said.

I didn't mind her being helpful. She suggested a "Great Gatsby" themed suit.

"That's not really me," I said, although I was tempted to tell her the dresses from the movie might be cool.

I was on the verge of chickening out when I saw it ... it was shiny and blue and hung in the corner.

Although I was aware of some of the whispers about me from school, I thought that costume would probably shock the people who saw the persona I tried to portray.

The kid on the pitcher's mound. The defensive back who finally gave up football. The still loving going up and down the field soccer player. Being a decent athlete helped mask who I am to a degree.

But yeah, I heard the rumors that I might be gay. I usually rolled my eyes when friends told me they heard it.

Seriously, though, I can't really say that I liked boys. I loved girls, but there were feelings inside of me that were confusing.

I told my mother a year ago that I felt there was a girl trapped inside of me. Or maybe I was this girl.

My father, when he found out, was furious.

They sent me to a therapist to get the feelings out, although what they heard from the therapist wasn't entirely what they wanted to hear. The therapist revealed to them I showed classic signs of being transgendered, a gender-variant teen.

But my mother wasn't shocked. She'd known I lived a little outside the gender box. I liked things boys normally didn't like. She saw a sweeter, tender side she knew I tried to mask.

Don't get me wrong. I like normal guy things, too. But I sometimes over emphasized that to mask the feelings I had inside.

I still browsed a little more, looking through male costumes, but still glimpsing over to the shiny costume.

"I really do hope we have something you would like," the sales lady prodded.

I took a deep breath. Then I told her there was a costume that caught.

"You're going to think I'm weird when I tell you which one," I said.

"This is a costume shop," the woman said with a laugh. "We specialize in weird."

I pointed at it. I couldn't say it.

She had a puzzled look on her face.

"The Princess Jasmine costume in your Disney Princess selection," I said sheepishly.

To my surprise, the sales lady didn't freak out.

"Wow, that's what I call daring!" she said.

"Yeah, but maybe I should try something else a little less daring," I said.

"Tell you what, why don't you try it on first and see?" the sales lady said. "I usually recommend that to the girls who are interested in our Disney Princess selection.

She handed the costume to me and pointed me toward the changing room.

"God, this is crazy I said as I changed into the costume. It was a bit ... revealing. Kind of scary. I felt really vulnerable.

"How's it going in there?" the sales lady asked.

"Okay, I guess," I said in a nervous voice.

"Come out and let me take a look," the sales lady said. "I won't make fun or anything, I promise."

I quietly stepped out.

To my surprise, the sales lady smiled.

"Oh wow, that looks better than I actually imagined," she said. "Your dark hair and complexion really make it work. You could use a little more curves. But I mean, well, wow."

I didn't mention that my body was sort of small for a guy my age, with little or no facial or body hair. In the words of my friend Jack, the "Testosterone Fairy" hadn't hit me yet even though I just turned 16.

It was one reason why I'd chosen the masquerade ball as a "jumping point." If I really wanted to "cross over to the other side" as my friend Jack put it, it might as well be now.

Just before I went back into the changing room, a woman with her 12-year-old daughter entered the shop.

"That Jasmine costume really looks cute on that girl," the woman said.

The sales lady laughed.

"Yes it does," she said, careful not to reveal my secret.

They were gone when I emerged from the changing room.

"We've got a wig and nice jewelry to go along with it," the sales lady said. "Please tell me you want this costume."

I've been wanting this costume all of my life, I thought, as I walked out of the costume shop.
 

 
 
"It's a good thing your dad is working tonight," my mother said as she helped me put the wig on and apply the make up.

"I know, but I'm glad he seems to be taking it well," I said as I looked at the girl in the mirror. I would say she was strange, but, deep down, I felt I known this girl all of my life.

"Don't forget your jacket," Mom said. "It's going to be awfully cool tonight. I can hear it now, I'm one of those Moms who'll allow her son ... or daughter ... wear something skimpy. And I'm letting you bare your midriff."

I rolled my eyes.

"Well, they could start throwing stones at you because you're letting your 'boy' dress up like a 'girl,' " I said.

"Your dad will shoot me if he heard me say this, but I'm letting my girl dress up like a girl," Mom said.

I hugged her. I appreciated her affirmation. I knew this wasn't easy for her.

The honking of the horn ended our first "mother-daughter" moment. I was riding with a couple of my friends to the ball.

"Well Jasmine, your magic carpet ride awaits," Mom said.

"Yeah," I laughed. "It's a Whole New World outside."
 
 
Resources:
 
A Youtube video of Jasmine and Aladdin that captures the mood and feeling of the moment!