Okay, so Tuesday night I go to work, and managed to pull a muscle in my leg. It gets bad enough I have to not work Wednesday night, but I came back last night despite limping pretty hard.
You'd think that was the worst part of my night? Not even close.
See, I also got attacked by a massive sense of worthlessness and despair to the point I felt like even dying wouldnt save me - I'd just go to hell.
I dont really know where this thing came from, but its welcome to go back there.
I have enough troubles as it is......
Comments
I've been there.....
I know how you feel as I have been there myself many times - most recently as a day ago. All I can do is to offer you a shoulder to lean on and a simple bit of advice - "This too shall pass."
I know it's corny, but nonetheless it is true. With the help of your friends, of which I feel lucky enough to count myself, if you push through it you will feel better.
Know this, you are not worthless, and were you not be here you would leave a very large hole in many, many hearts. You owe it to the rest of us, if not yourself, to keep moving forward - to push through this feeling of worthlessness to the daylight on the other side. Take my hand and follow me, for there are plenty of helping hands out here.
When life gets you down, don't be afraid to reach out and know that we will be here. If it gets really bad - you can always reach me. If it helps, I will be more than happy to give you my cell phone number and you can call me or message me at any time.
Dallas
D. Eden
Dum Vivimus, Vivamus
hey, that sounds like ...
Hey, that sounds like my line!
Oh ... wait, that was King Solomon. Or ... maybe a Sufi poet, depending on your cultural heritage.
Regardless, it's good advice in my opinion.
You have friends
And don't forget it.
I hope you can get past your despair, you've got many people who care about you. I can't even pretend to know how you feel, but if you ever want to talk you've got a sounding board. You're not worthless, you're well loved. Please talk to someone.
Oh, and I hope your leg feels better too ;)
Love,
Titania
Lord, what fools these mortals be!
Self Worth...
Self worth is a tough one. I spend a lot of time struggling with that.
I try to put it into what I write. Which of course makes for pretty depressing stuff. I'd suggest that my ideas might be candidates for the James Tiptree Jr. Award (the pen name of Alice B. Sheldon) except that A) I'm just not that good, and B) The James Tiptree Jr. Award actually rewards writing about expanding or understanding gender roles. Rather than simply being stunningly depressing works, which Alice Sheldon was also known for.
I think ... that feelings of self worth are things that can only really come from inside. I guess that doesn't help much, sorry. There are things you can do, that can help some.
The one thing I can say is that if you're in an emotional rut, try to do something completely different to break yourself out of it. Try going to a museum and picking a painting or other work of art and focus on it for at least an hour (longer if you can). It's a meditative process that can seem rather dull at first, but it can give you considerable insight into the work if you stick with it, and it can put you in a completely different mental space (which is the big benefit).
Talking to people can be good too. Friends, a therapist if you have one, a minister or priest perhaps. Basically, try to do something to get outside of your own head for a while and give yourself a break.
The other issue, as ridiculously simple as it might sound is taking care of yourself physically. Be sure you're eating correctly, food with a proper nutritional balance, not junk. Be sure you're staying hydrated, clear liquids, not sodas, juices or what have you. If there's something you can do that won't aggravate your leg, try to get some simple exercise in, and be sure to get enough sleep.
I hope things go better for you.
I wish
I could give you a hug right now.
I hope I have licked my self hate problem. That little dark core still left still talks to me, so I think I understand where you are coming from. I am pretty successful in ignoring it nowadays, but it is always there, lurking.
There is a disconnect between feelings and intellect. I am pretty sure I pass (except for the speech patterns), but emotionally I think everyone can see right through me. You know what? It doesn't matter. I'm not doing this for them, but for me.
Just remember there are a lot of people on your side. We understand better than your siblings ever could.
You are liked and you are loved. Use it to help love yourself.