"That is good news!" my Mother said, squeezing my hand again. "Wow, does that mean I'm cured?" I blurted out. The Price to Pay - Vol. 1.9 - Progress by Alys

I sat in the chair in the waiting room, holding my Mother's hand. We had had a few strange looks as the sight of a teenage boy holding his Mother's hands was unusual to say the least. I had resisted maternal pressure to present myself as a girl. I had met Dr Williams, the young doctor in the team that was treating me, firstly as a boy and felt more comfortable in presenting myself in male clothes. Even though the overall effect with my shoulder length hair and feminised face was to give an androgynous appearance at best.

"It's taking a long time, Mum, "I said.

"Yes Celyn," she replied," but you know it's unusual to see the doctor on time, there are a lot of other children here"

I looked around the room at the range of children and parents waiting. All ages and sizes of children and seemingly of parents or guardians. All hoping for good news whenever they got to see the doctor treating them. I looked up at the white board by the reception.

Waiting times:- Dr Andersen - 20 minutes, Dr Williams - 30 minutes, Dr Jones - 45 minutes

We were well past the time expected for our appointment with Dr Williams and my stomach was approaching a state of extreme queasiness.

"Celyn Morus for Dr Williams," announced the young female nurse who had appeared in the reception area every five minutes or so in the last hour to collect children.

We both got up and followed her into the small consulting room that she indicated. Dr Eifion Williams looked up as we walked in and invited us to sit in the two chairs opposite to him. The nurse waited near the door.

"Hello Celyn, hello Mrs Morus. I hope you are well." said Dr Williams in his friendly West Walian accent.

"Yes thanks," replied my Mother, giving me a reassuring squeeze with her hand.

"Well let me get to the point," said Dr Williams with a smile on his face. I relaxed at the sight of his smile. I reasoned that no-one gets their death sentence from a smiling judge.

"These are Celyn's latest blood results," he continued, holding up some sheets of paper with lists of figures and percentages, "and I have to say that they are really remarkable. They have exceeded our best hopes"

"What do you mean?" asked my Mother.

"They show that Celyn is now completely free of cancer and is in clinical remission."

"That is good news!" my Mother said, squeezing my hand again.

"Wow, does that mean I'm cured?" I blurted out.

Dr Williams looked at me and a slight frown appeared on his face.

"I'm sorry, that is very difficult to say about cancer, it can often recur a long time after an apparent cure. The best we can conclude is that the tests show that at present you are clear"

"But I can say this," he continued," this trial has indicated 95% survival at two years and your results seem better, you have responded very well to the drug cocktail. So who knows how long you will be cancer free. At present we will continue the treatment and look to see how things are in a month"

We made an appointment to see Dr Williams again and were about to get up an leave when he took out another sheet of paper.

"I'm sorry before you go there is some information that I need about the effects of the treatment. As part of the permission to take part in this trial we are required to monitor the side effects"

"What do you mean?" asked my Mother.

"The feminising effect of the drugs," he replied.

"About me turning into a girl, you mean," I stated a little bitterly with all my efforts of appearing boyish being thrown back into my face.

"Yes, it's about that," said Dr Williams with a weary smile on his face," if you prefer to talk about it like that. Now if you would get behind the screen and change, Julie my nurse will examine you"

I walked behind the screen and took my clothes off quickly, carefully folding them into piles. I put the gown on and then sat on the edge of the doctor's couch.

"Ready," I called out.

Julie, the young freckled faced nurse came in. I stood up for her to measure my height, weight, and then around the hips, waist and bust. Then she asked me to raise my gown while she looked at my hips and my labia. She recorded something on her clipboard. Finally she asked me to raise my gown further to examine my breasts.

"My they have come on quickly," she said as she gently touched and squeezed me," I guess you have to wear a bra now"

"Not if I can avoid it," I responded, feeling increasing embarrassed as her the contact with her fingers caused my nipples to enlarge.

"You will find it painful not too soon, you should get used to it"

I shrugged my shoulders. I would cross that bridge when I had to, hopefully a long time into the future. I hoped the rate of my breast development would lessen.

Later, at home, the three of us sat at the kitchen table eating a our lunch. My Mother had informed my Father of the good news.

"That's great news, Celyn, how do you feel?" asked my Dad.

"It's a great weight off my mind, a sense of relief, Dad," I replied.

"You know, Haf," he continued, "we need to seriously look at Celyn's education options now" he added.

"Yes," my Mother replied, "Dr Thomas did say something, last week, about Celyn going back to school, to Cwm Wysg. Maybe now that he's much better we should consider it"

"That's crazy!" exclaimed my Dad, "get real here, how long before someone finds out the real extent of Celyn's changes, we'd have all the media here in a flash, without thinking about how we would be ostracised by most of the people we know."

"Why would you be ostracised, Dad?" I asked feeling a little downcast with all the good news from earlier on being undone by the complications of my life now.

"Surely there is a way..."

My Mother was interrupted by the ringing of the phone.

"Hello, yes this is Mrs Morus......who?......Dr Thomas? Oh I see.." my Mother spoke into the phone.

For the next few minutes I listened to half of conversation that didn't make much sense out of context. Finally my Mother concluded the call.

"Thanks for phoning, I really appreciate you for not waiting for the next appointment before giving us this information"

My Mother turned to myself and My Father.

"As you must have guessed, that was Dr Thomas," she said, "she has researched and worked out a plan for you to go to school. She suggested you return after the whitsun break, to give us time to sort out courses etc."

My Mother briefly outlined Dr Thomas's plan. After she had finished there were a few moments of silence between us and then my Father looked at me.

"Celyn, that just might work" he said.

"Well, I'm not sure, I'd be afraid of being caught out any moment" I said

"Oh yes there was one other thing," interrupted my Mother.

"What was that?" I asked.

"She told me what you have to say to Meryl!"