"That's quite a coincidence," Tina wondered with increasing alarm. "Mom? Please tell me that it's just a coincidence!"

CHAPTER TWENTY-EIGHT

Marlene and Kent didn’t spend any time together in bed that night after all. Mom stayed right by her daughter’s side in the medical clinic, making sure there were no problems; the RN observed her closely too. Dad spent the night trekking between the girl’s cabana (to check on Janis) and the clinic. It was 5 p.m. the next day before Tina began to awaken; thankfully, there were no apparent lingering effects of the ‘roofies’.

That evening, Dr. Brand spoke with shock and regret about what had occurred — in both the initial and the "6 hour do-over" rounds of the previous evening’s events.

“I’m so sorry for what happened, Mr. and Mrs. Braxton. Everyone here is praying for Tina, and for all of you. I want to offer you a full refund for your family’s stay here, and to pay for any subsequent treatments that are needed to check on Tina. Dr. Rahne Ruiz and I feel horrible about this. Although we’ve had ‘incidents’ the last forty years, none have come close to what happened just now.

“We hired James two months ago, and did the background checks; he turned out clean. About a month after the time he came on, our grounds crew — a family — all took off for greener pastures. We got Fred, Ron and Stuart off of a tip from James, who had known them previously. All four are the worst hiring decisions we’ve ever made. Although (as you’ve found out) we are powerful, we are obviously not infallible.”

Kent smiled. “I was waiting to see how you would respond to what happened, and I’m thankful to see you really care. You know, Dr. Brand, I’m the CEO of a large company. I’m aware of how the behavior of one or two hires can sink the largest ship. Also, the counseling and this ‘UET’ — even with all of this bad crap from last night — has indeed helped me, and my relationship with Tina. So forget the refund for the stay; I want to see this place continue to exist, to help others like us. I will take you up on the offer to pay for Tina’s medical follow-up, though.”

~o~O~o~

Although the Isla was privately owned, in governmental matters it was under the umbrella of the Bahamas. The four bad boys were sent there for holding and eventual trial, an overwhelming bevy of evidence against them. A fifth man, Sam, had also been charged initially, but he plea-bargained with the government; he would go free in exchange for his damning testimony about James. New groundskeepers — Nguyen, Ashley, and N’kundu — were quickly hired, and a new bartender — Isaac — was found.

~o~O~o~

Except for Janis and her kleptomania sessions, the Braxton family was given a reduced formal counseling schedule. Drs. Brand and Ruiz just asked them to attend one session a day, followed by an “exit interview” on Saturday,. “The rest of the time,” Brand had told them, “should be ‘vacation’ therapy.” Marlene and Janis were still “in the dark” about the mind switch; after Tina’s reveal of it to Marlene was rejected on that horrible night, it was felt to be better left alone.

~o~O~o~

The Thursday session of counseling featured Kent getting with Dr. Brand, and Marlene with Dr. Rahne.

“Anything you think you’ll take away positive from this place, Kent? I hope that the negative that’s happened will fade into the background,” hoped Brand.

“Positive? Absolutely. Tina and I seem closer than ever. And I’m trying to remember your instruction about humility — it’s a lot easier to be 'meek' since the UET experience. That really blew a hole in my pretentiousness ... it hurt, but I needed to be brought down a peg.”

“Besides having to be a daughter and obey parents, and being in a smaller weaker body, how specifically did you feel humbled?”

Kent shook his head at the memory. “That night when I got seduced by James — I thought only a ditsy bimbo could fall for a the lines I fell for. I mean, I swallowed them hook, line and sinker. And Tina didn’t get fooled by his tricks on the “re-boot” — except for the drugged coffee, and that was my fault for failing to warn her.”

“I’m proud of you, Kent. It takes a big man to admit a mistake like that. And admitting a failing is the first step to making sure it never happens again. Is there anything else good you’ve gained here?”

“Well, I have actually enjoyed having someone — you — to call me on my bullshit. I’m going to miss that when I leave here. I need a 'peer-mentor' in my life for that, to be a ‘third eye’ that sees what I cannot see that easily. I don’t know a good person to do that with — it would take a brave soul. After all, I can be pretty intimidating, even without realizing it.”

“May I make a suggestion for someone to fill that role?” Brand picked up the phone in the counseling room, and punched three numbers. He put the handset down in its’ cradle.

Rahne entered the room, with Marlene in tow. Brand pointed towards Mrs. Braxton. “Kent, may I present to you the best candidate for your ‘third eye’, your ‘external conscience’. Rahne has been talking with her about this, and we both feel your spouse has the prerequisite qualities to make a good ‘peer mentor’.”

“I haven’t been too keen on giving you advice, honey, because you haven’t been too keen on listening to it,” spoke Marlene as she stroked his hand. “But I feel I have a lot to offer you, both for our family and even your work.”

Kent considered this. “But Mar — you aren’t really involved in the complicated business strategies I deal with every day.”

“I’m far from an expert in business, honey. But I feel I’m the world’s best expert on Kent Braxton. I can see when your thinking is influenced by stress, anxiety or anger. I’ve noticed also that when you have someone to just listen to you and hear you as you talk out a problem, that you are eventually able to figure out the solution. I’d like a chance to be all of those things to you.”

Kent appeared just a hint skeptical … but as he examined the look on his wife’s face, he remembered her qualities. Her ability to calm his anger, her ‘sixth sense’ about her family, her wisdom in even setting up this trip and therapy in the first place. “I can’t believe it. So much help for my life has been right in front of my face for years, and I’ve not seen it. Please forgive me, Marlene. Would you give me the honor of being my advisor?”

Marlene was hugging his neck before he even finished the sentence. “Honey — it would be a dream come true for me!”

Kent hugged his wife tightly as he turned his head to the two counselors. “Can you guide us in how to get started?”

Rahne replied. “Kent, t’would be our honor and pleasure.”

~o~O~o~

CHAPTER TWENTY-NINE

‘Vacation therapy’ seemed to relax the Braxton family, and they actually opened up to each other more.

~o~O~o~

Friday was a calm day at the Isla’s beach; no riptide warnings. Marlene and Janis frolicked in the waves. Tina was sunning, while Kent relaxed in the shade under an umbrella on the sand. He was perusing a John le Carre spy thriller. What a treat, he thought. The last few years I’ve been so work-focused that all I’ve been reading are the latest business gurus.

He heard the sand shifting beside him. Looking to his right he saw Tina, who was relocating her towel to just outside the shadow of the umbrella.

“Mind if I sun here, sir?”

“I’d be honored if you did, young lady.”

“Can we talk while I tan? I mean, I don’t want to interrupt if you’re in a suspenseful part of your novel.”

Kent put the book down. His daughter — estranged to him for most of the last year — wanted to talk to him. Nothing else in the world right now was more precious. “What’s on your mind, honey?”

“A few things. First — does Mom ever call you bad names? Like, Mo-Fo?”

“What?? This is Marlene we’re talking about here,” he said. “She gets red-faced if she says ‘damn’ when she jams her toe.”

Tina continued. “When Mario was saving you from drowning, she called me a blue Mo-Fo about five times. She said she did it because I was getting angry about you disobeying.”

Kent reared his head back in guffaws. “Blue MORPHO,” he snickered. “It’s a butterfly she reminds me of to calm me down.”

“OH. Well, that had a simple answer. Well, on to topic two.” She remained on her back, facing the sky, appearing calm; yet, her voice hesitated. “I need to know what happened.”

“You mean, when James drugged you. I got there just before any of them could — “

“No, no. Not that. You got to hear the dreadful thing that happened between that redhead and me — when I was still in your body. But I never got to hear about what you did — the thing you said was horrible, that you were too ashamed to talk about. I need to know what happened. Fair is fair.”

“Oh, no,” Kent sighed. “Honey, I’m so afraid to tell you. Yes, it was terrible — a terribly wrong thing for me to do. I’m afraid that when you know, you’ll never want to be around me or speak to me again. And that would destroy my heart.”

“Daddy.” Tina’s left arm reached out and took hold of Kent’s hand. “Nothing that ever happens will change the fact that I love you, and will always be your daughter. I will always love you, even if you hurt me, even if I hurt you. It’s called unconditional love. I learned it from my mother, and more recently, from my father.” She smiled from beneath her sunglasses. “I’ve got some pretty cool parents, y’know.”

Kent was broken by his daughter’s loving gesture. He awkwardly confessed what had happened between James and him before the mind switch was reversed. The petting at the pool, the multiple sexual acts, all of it. He didn’t get graphic with his descriptions, but he left no sin hidden.

Tina was silent for a minute after he finished. She then cleared her throat, betraying the fact that she’d been slightly crying. “Ah … Dad. Are you still in love with him? I mean, even after the switch back?”

“Tina … it was never ‘love’. Not love like your mom and I have, one where we trust each other, where we’re each other’s safe place, as well as being each other’s passion partner. What it was, was the most intense emotional infatuation I have ever felt. Feelings like that won’t last, for anyone. But I confess I wasn’t prepared for the overwhelming rush. It overcame my rules, my common sense, my loyalty to my wife and daughter; it completely fulfilled me — temporarily — and at the same time it destroyed me.

“No, I don’t feel any love or even attraction to him, not after the switch back to this body. But believe it or not, his betrayal of me still aches my heart — in a small way.”

Tina nodded. “That’s what I felt — and still feel — with Mitch. I am hurt by his cheating, but the love I feel for him … I can’t get over it … I can’t live without it. Do you understand me now?”

Kent looked at his daughter. “Yes, honey. Yes, I think I do. I judged you harshly for falling prey to your emotions, but I think your brain and body feel emotions much more intensely than I ever imagined. I’ve been thinking about the ‘Mitch Sitch’, and I’m going to have a talk with Mom later today. Then, we’ll talk with you. But know this: the war between you and me is over. I surrender.”

“I do too. I think that makes us both winners.” She applied some more SPF lip-gloss. “Dad, do you think that pain — of James betraying you — will ever get better?”

“Every time I get intimate with your mother, it gets smaller, honey. One day soon I expect it to be totally gone.”

“Intimate with Mom. TMI,” laughed Tina. “So. I have another really shameful question to ask. This has to stay just between me and you.”

“Fire away, daughter. I doubt I can be more embarrassed than when I had to tell you about James.”

Tina took a big breath. “How … how was it, for you? Sex as a woman, with James. Did you … you know? Was it better than it is as a man? I’ll tell you what I think if you tell me.”

Kent swallowed hard. “I stand corrected. This is a LOT more embarrassing. I can’t believe that this is even an appropriate father-daughter topic.”

“Dad. You are the only person in the world I can talk to about this. And after what we’ve been through, what’s inappropriate?” Tina was laughing again.

Kent gave in. “Okay. As a girl it was … different. It built, and built, and built until it then tumbled over me, pulse after pulse. It was fantastic. But it’s fantastic to me as a man, too; just over a lot quicker. The thing I hated was being out of control, of being at the mercy of this guy. I like being in control.”

“Really? Just surrendering, letting myself be taken, is one of the things I like about being a girl.” Tina looked at her father; his cheeks looked sunburnt. “Uh-oh,” she whispered. “TMI?”

“Uh, yeah,” Kent admitted. “How — um — did you feel about what The Redhead did to you?”

“I was overtaken. Not with emotion, but with raw bodily lust. I tried to leave, but your body and hormones wouldn’t let me. The climax was — well, the most intense five seconds of my life. I think if it could last for thirty minutes, I’d like guy sex more. But five seconds? SO not worth it.”

“I see, I see, honey. Interesting. So, anything else you want to tell me?”

“Nope, Dad. That’s pretty much it.”

“So, this topic is over and done with for all time, then?”

“Yep.”

“Thank God.”

~o~O~o~

CHAPTER THIRTY

Later that night, Tina prepped for bed. Janis was already asleep. Tina spat out her toothpaste and rinsed her mouth. She pulled out her nightgown, and got ready to take her top and skirt off. The cabana door cracked open at that minute.

“Tina honey,” Marlene breathed. “Are you still up? Can your father and I talk to you out here for a minute?”

In the balmy evening breeze, daughter and parents sat on the grass. The father started the discussion. “Tina. From our conversation earlier today, you still feel you love Mitch, right?”

“I don’t feel like I love him; I do love him.”

“And your plan is to graduate, then get a job and move out from under us, and have Mitch move in with you, right?”

“That’s the plan.”

“What about college?”

“I guess it’ll just have to wait. If I have to work full time to live with Mitch, I’ll have to sacrifice college. In reality, I’ll have to probably work one and a half jobs just to make ends meet, until Mitch can get steady work. Mom, Dad: why can’t you just let me live at home, and have Mitch move in to my room?”

“Mitch and Janis,” Marlene cut in, “are like oil and water. Don’t forget that we still have that restraining order on him at our property; that’s because he threatened your sister. She’s scared to death of him. That’s the main reason we can’t allow it.”

Kent took it from there. “We know that you’re an adult now, Tina. So we’re going to start treating you like one; you make your life choices, and we will help you all we can. We will only refuse help if we think it will hurt you. So consider this proposal.

“When we get back home, I will find and rent an apartment for you to move into. You may have Mitch move in if you so desire. I’ll pay the rent — until you graduate from college, or turn 25, or get married. Whichever occurs first.”

Tina gasped. “REALLY?”

“There are some conditions you should know about. One is, you use birth control — unless you get married, then you can do what you want with that. We’ll pay for your contraception as long as you’re single. Another is, any damage done to the apartment — by you or Mitch — you will be liable for. You will need to sign a contract with us in that regard. And thirdly, after you graduate in a few months, we’ll pay for your college tuition and expenses — but if you choose not to go to college, you will need to find work to pay for your lights, food, etc. We’ll still pay your rent, as I said earlier.”

“Okay …” Tina looked suspiciously at her father. “You’ll support me, unless I get married. That sounds like an incentive for Mitch to never marry me. Is that what you’re trying to accomplish?”

“No, honey,” Kent implored. “I just feel that if a man and woman marry, it’s up to them primarily to support themselves. Marriage is an adult decision, and carries adult responsibilities. That’s always been my stand, with both you and Janis.

“However, I do feel it would be more appropriate for you and Mitch to live together for a while before marrying, just to make sure things work out. You don’t have to do that, of course; you can get married anytime you wish. But I am going to sweeten the pot a little. If you wait at least one full year to marry Mitch — a year starting from the time we get back home — then I will give you the princess wedding of your dreams. It will put all of those wedding divas on TV to shame. If you choose to marry him before then, I’ll give you $10,000 to do it with, that’s all. You still can have a nice, small, simple ceremony with that. No manipulation here, we just don’t want you to rush into things. And no matter what, we will love you, and accept whomever you choose. What do you say?”

Tina’s hand shot out to shake her parent’s. “Deal.”

~o~O~o~

The counseling had been completed. It was time for the “exit interview”. Only Tina and Kent showed to meet with Drs. Brand and Ruiz for this.

“We heard tha’ ye had tae do a conference call to th’ states on Friday regardin’ yuir company, Kent,” remarked Rahne Ruiz. “Did th’ discussion go well?”

“Yes. Robert, my second-in-command, had brushed back most of the takeover threat by the time I spoke with the shareholders. He told me that my ‘pep talk’ I gave him a few days earlier gave him the confidence he needed to handle most of the problem,” he said with a fond glance at Tina. “My conference call sealed the deal. I just have to do some mop up work when I get back … you know, kill a few toads.”

“Excellent! Now, do ye have any suggestions aboot wha’ we can do better as a therapeutic experience?” asked Rahne Ruiz.

Tina coughed. “Um — Dad and I have a theory about this place. Can we discuss it with you two?”

“Mayhaps,” Dr. Rahne Ruiz frowned. “Wha’ is it?”

Kent smiled. “We were hoping you could tell us that … Mr. Roarke.”

Mark Brand and Rahne glanced at each other with a knowing look.

Tina saw that look, and jumped up and down. “I knew it! I knew it! This has to be Fantasy Island, right? Mark Brand — two words that are synonyms for ‘Tattoo’. Except you’re the tall boss, not the short underling. And Rahne, you’re a Scottish woman with a Hispanic surname instead of a Hispanic — Ricardo Montalban — with a Scottish-Irish type name. I still don’t know how Angelo fits in with the TV show, but we’re right about this place, aren’t we?”

“Angelo’s been here only twenty years; when he came, the TV show had long ended,” said Brand.

“Okay, ye two,” sighed Rahne. “Wha’s said here, stays here. Just open yuir mind, and imagine. Imagine tha’ angels really exist, and tha’ there’s really a God tha’ they work for. Now suppose tha’ two angels forty years back came tae God with a proposal. This angel pair had a desire to heal human relationships, mainly. So they set up a place tae get tha’ done, all with the okay o’ God — he’s the CEO. It had been set so th’ wealthy pay full price, th’ less wealthy pay less, and the poor get in free on scholarship. They set aboot to find some o’ the worst relationship crises around, an’ then send out information tae attract ‘em tae comin’.

“Now supposin’ that one o’ th’ first clients o’ this place was a television producer. Th’ angels didn’t want sensationalism associated with th’ place. If he later wanted to make a show aboot it, how could he do so discreetly? He’d have tae change some o’ the facts, as ye’ve discovered.”

“You both don’t look anywhere near forty years old, much less sixty,” Kent wondered.

“Angels tend to age very slowly,” Brand replied.

“Anyway,” Rahne continued, “both Mark and I continue tae operate this Isla. For a time, we remained th’ only two angels here; the rest o’ th’ staff are hired humans. Tis getting’ more pernickety, though — th’ world’s getting’ tae be rougher ‘n’ tougher, in my opinion. ‘Tis hard tae find good help, as all o’ us found oot th’ hard way. Th’ CEO, bless her, did send us a third, special celestial being — Mr. Angelo Giordano — twenty years ago tae assist us, though.”

“I notice you call your CEO — um, God — both ‘he’ and ‘she’,” Kent remarked. “Which is it?”

Brand smiled. “Everyone down here has imagined the boss as male, due to presupposed prejudices. The truth is, he/she is closer to both sexes mixed in one.”

“So God represents both sexes,” chuckled Kent while scratching his head. “On the way over from the airport, I had the androgynous person labeled as a weirdo, when actually he — or she, or she/he — is more representative of God than any of the rest of us!”

“Has Angelo been a huge help to you?” said Tina.

“He’s been an angel,” Brand shrugged.

“More than that, Mark!” scolded Rahne. “Angelo’s one o’ a special type, more powerful and privileged than us, even though technically we’re his bosses here. We — ‘n’ our guests — are blessed tae have him.”

Kent rubbed his beard. “Angelo Giordano. Angel … Guardian?”

“Guardian Angel,” Tina gasped.

“This place won’t last f’rever,” Rahne shrugged. “Still, we help who we can. We cannae save every starfish tha’ washes up on shore, but we throw as many back intae th’ sea as possible.. So — we need ye two tae be mum aboot th’ supernatural aspect o’ the Isla, as well as th’ Ultimate Empathy Therapy. Will ye?”

Father and daughter looked at each other, smiling. “Yes. We promise.”

“Thank you both so much for that,” said Brand. “To show our gratitude, consider both of yourselves eligible for a future free week here, with a free round of UET for each of you, to be performed with anyone else you wish — eh?”

Kent and Tina ran as fast as they could from that suggestion. They had blown out the door before Brand even realized it.

~o~O~o~

CHAPTER THIRTY-ONE

Most of the people on the cruise ship were up top on the main deck, waving goodbye as the ship pulled out of port. Marlene and Kent Braxton found that to be old hat. That’s why they were in the jazz bar, sipping on mixed drinks that their waitress just brought them. Keeping them company were Tina and Joe Willis, relative newlyweds, having married 10 months prior. Joe was Kent’s new son-in-law.

“I’m so excited”, said Marlene. “This is going to be such a great cruise. Four days at sea, then Oahu, Maui, Kauai, and the Big Island. What a piece of heaven it will be!”

“Honey, I don’t know how you keep finding these dream vacations, but you do,” admired Kent.

“Thanks for inviting us to come along, Mr. and Mrs. B,” said Joe. “I wish I could have helped out more with the expenses.”

“Joe, no worries,” replied his father-in-law. “You treat my daughter so well, and make her so happy. In that way alone, you’ve paid me more than I could ever reimburse you. I’m so glad it’s you that she married, and not Mitch.”

“Boy, me too,” agreed Tina. “Dad — allowing me to be able to live together with Mitch was the best move you could have made. It was hard to remain infatuated with him when I saw that all he did was eat, sleep, and avoid job-hunting as well as housework. Not to mention all of the porn watching, in spite of my attempts to keep him satisfied. God, how hard he tried to get me to bring in another girl for a threesome. When I came home from college freshman midterms and he had another freshman — a HIGH SCHOOL freshman — with him in our bed … well, that was the last straw.”

“His loss. My gain. Every day I wake up next to you, I’m amazed at how lucky I am to have you,” Joe said as he kissed Tina’s cheek.

“It’s too bad Janis couldn’t come,” sighed Marlene.

Tina took her mother’s hand. “I’m actually proud of her decision to stay home. She’s been through a lot the last four years — therapy for her kleptomania, remission, relapse, twelve months of jail. She said that coming on board a ship that has tons of jewelry, clothes, cameras, and drunken revelers with open purses — it would be too much of a temptation. She’s still required by her probation officer to attend three twelve-step sessions a week, anyway.”

“I agree, Tina,” added her father. “In the fall, I’m taking her hiking in the Adirondacks. Nothing to steal there but a breath of fresh air as one enjoys the magnificent scenery.”

Marlene nodded her head. “Just look at you two. Father and daughter. Speaking with love, respect, and understanding. Ever since you had that special therapy at the Isla, you have an outstanding relationship. It’s also made each of you a better person. Tina, you are much more mature, and less swayed by pure emotion while still passionate about your beliefs. Kent, you actually found some meekness, some humility, in your character. It has curbed that anger you once had, and has made you a much better father, husband — even businessman. Hannegill Enterprises has taken off like a rocket; I suspect it’s because your new management style reflects that humility.”

“The humble improve,” whispered Kent. "And don't forget, I have the best peer advisor in the world."

“Darling … it makes me a little envious of you and Tina,” Marlene confessed.

“What?” Kent’s head rose. “Honey — Tina and I are close, but no one is nearer to my heart than you are! You act as my third eye — I have gained so much insight into myself, and made so many more wise decisions since I learned to stop and seek your input.”

“But what if we could be even closer? What if we had gone back to the Isla and taken that special therapy, just you and me? Think of what bliss life could be, knowing that we would be as connected as it’s possible for two lives to be! Isn’t it worth just three to four hours of counseling a day for that?”

Kent fretted while trying to think of a response that wouldn’t hurt his wife’s feelings. Neither he nor Tina had ever told Marlene or anyone else about the true nature of the Ultimate Empathy Therapy, per Dr. Brand’s and Dr. Rahne’s request.

“Mom, you don’t understand what you’re wishing for,” Tina inserted. “Yes, the therapy helped me and Dad, but it literally almost killed us too. Neither of us would volunteer to go through it again — right, Daddy?”

“AMEN,” said Kent, making Tina suppress a giggle with a snerk.

Joe spoke up. “I don’t know, babe. I sure wouldn’t mind going through something like that with you. Your mom has told me about the radical improvement between you and your Dad. Why couldn’t it work for us? It’s just counseling, after all.”

Tina put a finger on her husband’s lips. “Lover — not a word more. You know not of the forces of which you speak.”

“Well, another Isla vacation isn’t possible anymore, anyway,” Marlene sighed. “I checked. The island was bought out from under them by a huge corporation; Isla Empatio Bonita no longer officially exists.”

“Aw no,” Kent groaned. “That’s too bad. That place was doing some good in the world.”

Marlene nodded again. “Well, it wasn’t a total loss. They just moved to a different base of operations.“

Kent tensed. “Which island did they move to? Honey — please, they aren’t now on a Hawaiian island, are they?”

“No, my husband. Not a Hawaiian island, nor any other stop on this cruise.” Kent and Tina both exhaled with relief at Marlene’s response.

Tina glanced to her right, where the drinks were being made. She cocked her head and smiled. “Everyone, look up at who’s tending bar! Isn’t that — what was his name, again — Oh! - Isaac?”

“Who’s Isaac?” said her mom.

Kent focused on the smiling black man with the handlebar mustache and the afro hairstyle. “Why, yes it is. Isaac was the man who took over bartending duties on the Isla when James got arrested. Well, how about that. I’ll walk over and say hello when it’s time for a refill.”

“Cool,” said Joe. “He kinda looks like Isaac the bartender from The Love Boat. I used to watch that on TV retro channels growing up.”

“I remember watching that show as a kid during its first run,” reminisced Kent. “It came on Saturday nights at 8 p.m., followed by Fantasy Is-“ the words caught in Kent’s throat. Suddenly suspicion and fear arose in his chest as he choked out a question. “What’s an ex-Isla employee doing working on this ship?”

“That’s quite a coincidence,” Tina wondered with increasing alarm. “Mom? Please tell me that it’s just a coincidence.”

Marlene smiled as wide as Texas. “SURPRISE!! They moved the Isla therapy team, not to another island, but to a cruise ship — this ship!” She clapped with excitement. “Kent, I signed you and me up for that treatment! They even said that there would be no cost for the therapy portion, because Dr. Brand had offered you a free round of — what is it — UET! Oh, honey!” She hugged her love. “Aren’t you excited?”

“I’m … I’m speechless,” mumbled her husband. He looked shocked, numb.

Tina had her hand over her mouth. “Mom — please tell me that you and Dad are the only ones you enrolled in the therapy. You didn’t sign me up too, did you?” Before Marlene could reply, Tina felt a tapping on her shoulder.

It was Joe. “They told your mom that you also had been offered a free week of that UET when you left. When I heard that, I thought it would be great to sign you and me up for it. So I did.”

“Babe — you WHAT!?”

“I’ve been hiding the surprise for four months now,” he cooed. “It’s such a relief to tell you. I can’t wait for us to develop more empathy. I want to know you inside and out, what makes you tick.”

Tina looked pissed. “Oh, you’ll find out all right,” she breathed in his ear. “Remember how, when we make love, I’m always telling you I want it rougher — and you keep saying you wish I could show you what I mean? Well, I’m REALLY gonna show you. You’ll learn to be careful what you wish for, and to let me in on all ‘surprises’ in the future.”

A rich bass voice broke into their conversation. “Here you all are! We only have four days at sea, so the UET begins this afternoon.” All four family members looked up to see a tall, huge black man in a sailing uniform indicating officer status. Beside him, also uniformed, was a woman with striking red hair in a pixie cut and a stumpy hirsute man with long arms and a curly mustache.

“Dr. Brand! Dr. Rahne! Angelo! It’s so great to see you all again,” squealed Marlene.

“Or is it Captain Stubing, Julie, and Gopher now?” mumbled Kent, head in his hands. “I’m not signing the waiver this time, so you all can go-“

“Ye don’t need t’ sign another waiver, Kent. Th’ ones ye and Tina signed four years ago are good for life. It’s in th’ fine print.”

Kent looked woefully at Marlene. “Honey, what kind of swimsuits did you pack?”

“Since I’ve been body sculpting for the last half year to get ready for the cruise, it made me want to show off a little. I’ve got three new string bikinis for the trip; I left all of those dumpy one pieces at home. I packed for the sun; halter tops, miniskirts, short shorts. Why?”

“I can tell I’m gonna be wearing the complimentary bathrobe a lot, “ the blushing man mumbled.

“Cheer up, Signore Kent. Puta a smile ona you face. I lika di look ofa string bikine.” Angelo was chuckling.

“Then you can wear it,” sighed the father.

“I don’t understand what you’re so dour about,” wondered Marlene. “We’ll only be in counseling for a few hours a day, and then the rest of the time we just enjoy the cruise. No work, no chores. We just relax and be ourselves.”

“In a minute, sweetheart, you’re going to find out how wrong you are. We’ll be anything but ourselves.”

Marlene cocked her head to the side, looking dumbfounded at Kent. “What?”

“Marlene and Joe pre-signed their waivers as part of the cruise paperwork,” Dr. Brand said. “Everybody, here’s your individual sheets of paper, with what you have to read and what you have to say out loud.”

“W-wait!” Tina cried. “This is all so fast — don’t we have to have that desk-with-a-mirror-in-the-middle thingie?”

“Tha’ was always joost for show, Lassie,” said Rahne.

Tina growled at her husband. “I’m on my period. Serves you right.” Joe looked perplexed, wondering what that meant.

“Mar,” pleaded Kent, “give some thought to us just staying in our room for the next 60 hours.”

“MMMmmm,” purred Marlene. “Are you saying you want to ravage me for three days straight?”

“Well,” he replied feebly, “Yeah. Or, you could ravage me.” Kent’s wife raised one eyebrow high in confusion.

“Everyone read all the words on your paper to yourself, silently,” thundered Brand. “Mean them with all of your heart.” He waited thirty seconds. “Now, on the count of three, all of you speak aloud the last word on your paper, with your eyes closed. One … two …”

THE END

This is a work of fiction. Any resemblance to an actual person or situation is purely coincidental

Tremendous thanks to Cyclist for beta-reading and help! Without you this would have been a piece of hack work!

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