Printer-friendly version
Author:
Blog About:
Taxonomy upgrade extras:
Well, last night I had another encounter with my clueless co-worker, and after she once again called me by my male name, I made a point of talking to my supervisor about the situation. She talked to the girl, and the girl said she had met me when we both worked at Zellers (I dont remember meeting her, but that doesnt mean it didnt happen.) So according to her, she was having some trouble doing a mental switch and call me by the right name, but would do better in the future.
For now, I'm going to consider this a win, but I will be on my guard around her ....
Comments
My two cents...
Hey there Dot:
If she does it again, respond by refering to her as Henry or some other obviously male name. That will have two effects: one, it will instantly remind her she made a mistake, and two, anyone overhearing the incident will assume you two are old girlfriends with pet names for each other.
:-) ...Lora
No, wait...
Floyd. I like Floyd better than Henry. It's obviously male and it's fallen so far out of common usage that it does sound like a goofy pet name! (My apologies to any Floyds in the audience).
...L
Any Floyds in the audience...
Especially any Pink Floyds...
To Dorothy:
It sounds to me like all these things she's doing are her passive-aggressive way of showing her "disapproval" of you transitioning. Calling you by the "other name", showing that she's checking she's in the right bathroom, "only three ladies working tonight", etc... Well, too bad for her. You have a right to be yourself even if it makes her uncomfortable. I hope the supervisor saying something makes her cut it out, though, or at least tone it down. If it doesn't stop, just keep your cool and stay professional. You'll have to make a judgment call on what's appropriate. May have to see the supervisor again to say she's still being a problem to you. (I mean, even working with you at Zellers way back doesn't mean you still look like a "insert old name here" NOW.) On the other hand, maybe approaching her at a quiet moment and asking her calmly if these things she does mean she has a problem with your transition, and asking her how you can help her get over these feelings may help. I suck at confrontations, but I've sometimes had success with the calm discussion method. Your call, hon. Good luck.
Angel Lees
I actually did this, sort of.
I actually masculinized their given names though. A Kelie became "Kelvin" for example. Kelie got the idea, but others didn't so much.
I think it really only works for people who really just don't realize what they're doing... People who are being intentionally mean aren't going to stop. They'll just take it as escalation and escalate further... and require a different tactic TBH.
I think Dot's taking the right route in this case... This gal sounds like she's the "mean" kind not the "oopsie" kind. So she should have done exactly what she did: take it up the chain of command. Now the supervisor knows to keep an eye on the situation and can take appropriate steps if she DOES escalate. Which is quite possible if she doesn't just back off. It depends on her exact type of mean personality and just how big a bigot she is.
Abigail Drew.
Mel to Melony
One place where I worked, one of our salesmen transitioned on the job. I knew him as Mel for about two years and then the big company meeting to tell us that Mel was taking a week off and would come back as Melony. A picture was passed around so we could all see what Melony would look like. I, of course, didn't have a problem with it since I'm androgen and identify as much feminine as I do masculine. After the transition, I came out to Melony, asking that she not share, since I was still in stealth on the job. She was fine with it and we became friends instead of just co-workers. But even with that, as we were working one day, I was boxing up for one of Melony's customers and she was there waiting to take it out to them. My supervisor came by and asked if I was going to deliver it on my next run. (I was a driver for the company.) Melony had been standing behind me talking as I boxed it and without meaning to I said, "No, he's going to take it to them." I realized as soon as it came out of my mouth that I'd made a mistake. However, I thought it would just compound it and be embarrassing if I said any more, so I just kept my mouth shut and hoped that everyone thought I said, "she's" instead of "he's."
My only defense is that Melony had one of those voices that could go either way and with her standing behind me, I heard Mel talking and with out the visual in front of me, I reverted to he when it should have been she...
So I can understand the mental switch thing.
Hugs
Patricia
Happiness is being all dressed up and HAVING some place to go.
Semper in femineo gerunt
Ich bin eine Mann
Drothy....
sounds like you are on a good track. There are many ways you can react to this apparently uncaring individual. As opposed to calling her John or Henry or Vince or any other man's name - just address her as sir. Thank you sir - yes sir - no sir - my name is Dorothy sir. Or you can be real nice & make like you didn't hear her & completely ignore her but make a new report to your boss.
If you are feeling strong & courageous - ask her if she has a problem with her memory as you know she knows your chosen name. No hint of transition with the name bit only if she has a memory problem. The transition issue only occurs if she hassles you about washrooms. Then it is not a memory problem but an acceptance of your trans condition that is on the toilet so to speak. You could suggest that she take her complaint to management as you have discussed you position with them & they have approved your use of the correct washroom - the ladies. That would avoid a direct confrontation with her & shift the confrontation to management to deal with.
Good luck with your role of teacher of the ignorant.
Ruth
May the sun always shine on your parade