"Are you Miss Celyn Morus?" he asked. "Yes," I replied, even though the 'Miss' part had surprised me. The Price to Pay - Vol. 1.7 -Official by Alys

The tears were flowing freely as the final scene in the cemetery faded into the credits and the haunting music. I wiped my eyes.

"Can I have that handkerchief after you've finished?" asked Meryl, sitting next to me on the sofa, with my arm around her shoulder, and sobbing too. I handed it to her. We had been watching Schindler's List. I had had plenty of time to work my way through my parents' DVD collection since leaving hospital.

"This is damp," said Meryl, "you must have been crying as much if not more than me"

"Yes, I've noticed that I've been more emotional since my treatment in hospital, but anyway it is such a sad film"

"Must be a side effect of all the anti cancer drugs you're taking, I guess" commented Meryl, "You know even though the film is very sad there is at least a bit of hope that some people can be saved"

"Yes but not always the most deserving," I replied and thoughts of Heulwen renewed the flow of tears and I had to retrieve my handkerchief.

I had given Meryl and other friends a very limited description of my surgery and treatment. As far as they knew I had had some surgery in the groin area and was now having chemotherapy.

"It's so nice to spend some time without your family being around," she added after we had cuddled silently for a few minutes.

"Yes it is, lucky that my parents insisted on taking Taran around the uni in Caerdydd. They were probably worried that she would go there in full goth and frighten the lecturers off"

Meryl laughed.

"I wouldn't be seen dead as a goth," she said, "my Mum would kill me anyway if I ever wore stuff like that"

She started stroking my leg with her hand, it slowly inched its way up my thigh. I reached down, took her hand and placed it on my tummy.

"Sorry Meryl, I'm sore down there"

She turned her head towards me and kissed me lightly on the lips. I leaned my head down towards her and returned the kiss. She responded with more passion and moved her hands up to my chest. I winced a little when she touched my sensitive breast buds. Before she could be aware of what she had touched I put my other arm around her, so that we were face to face and her arms were around my neck. We continued our kissing for a while. Suddenly I broke off the embrace and sat back on the sofa.

"What's wrong Celyn?" asked Meryl in a very concerned way.

"I think I just feel tired. These drugs seem to make it difficult to respond to you"

"Oh, OK, well maybe I should be going anyway, I think you need some rest"

With that she hugged me, I saw her out to the door, We embraced on the stop and then she was off on her bike back home. She stopped and turned to wave before she rode out through the gate.

I went back inside and put on my new Foo Fighters CD and sat back down on the sofa.

It was so strange that the feelings that I had had for Meryl before all the hospital treatment didn't seem to be there any more. Maybe it was the hormones, maybe it was not being able to share what had really happened to me with her. I had insisted that none of my friends was to know because I was certain that once one person knew then the whole school would know within days, such was the efficiency of the school 'gossip machine'.

I heard a car pull into the drive, there was a knock on the door. I got up, walked over and opened it to a well dressed middle aged man.

"Yes?" I said.

"Are you Miss Celyn Morus?" he asked.

"Yes," I replied, even though the 'Miss' part had surprised me.

"I have your new passport," the man continued, smiling and handing over a package to me.

"Thank you," I said accepting it from him.

"You're welcome," said the man and then walked back to his car. I closed the door and heard the sound of his car leaving.

I opened the package and took out the brand new UK passport. 'Miss Celyn Morus', 'sex Female" were the two bits of information that caught my eye immediately. Inside the package was the new birth certificate that the hospital had given me before I left. They had managed to obtain it quickly because of my unique situation.

I was still feeling a bit shocked after getting the passport when my parents and sister returned. I showed them the passport.

"Well I suppose I'll have to call you my sister from now, if it's all official," said my sister laughing.

"Don't worry I'll still call you Goth-Girl", I replied teasingly.

"It does pose some questions that we haven't really been considering," said my Mother.

"What's that?" I asked.

"Well now that you have complete official status as your new gender what do we tell people? What do we do about your education? The Education Authority won't continue to organise home tuition if you are well enough to go back to school."

"Oh my god we can't tell people at work that our son is a transsexual!" blurted out my Dad, " we will lose all our customers!"

"I can't you back to school like this, everyone will call me a freak!" I yelled.

"Stop Celyn and Gareth, we need to sit down and work something out. Taran please can you and Celyn go upstairs while your Father and I have a talk about things"

Taran and I went upstairs, she lead me into her bedroom, full of dark Gothic posters.

"What shall we do," I asked?

"Dunno, SIS," she replied.

"Do you have to call me that?"

She laughed.

"Well, what if we do a deal?" she asked.

"What deal?," I responded.

"You don't call me Goth-Girl and I won't call you Sis, agreed?"

"OK Taran, you've got me there. Anyway what shall we do now, while they're having their chat"

She considered for a minute.

"I know," she said.

"What?"

"Why don't I make you up as a Goth, to see what you look like, just for fun"

"Well OK," I agreed reluctantly

She chose a long top, short skirt and tights and handed them to me.

"Go and change into these and then come back and I'll do your make up."

I went back to my room and changed into my panties and padded bra and the clothes that Taran had given me. I already felt strange just wearing them. I sat down facing her in her room and she proceeded to apply her Gothic make-up skills. After twenty minutes or so she pronounced herself satisfied.

"Come and have a look," she said indicating the full length mirror on her wardrobe.

I stood and stared at this complete stranger looking back at me. Unmistakeably a girl, and someone who could be in her late teens, early twenties and not the fourteen that I was. I looked so sophisticated. I quite liked the look. As I continued to admire myself another face appeared in the mirror. A face that was shocked and getting angrier by the second!

"Take those miserable clothes off at once!" said my Mother, "having one strange Gothic daughter in the family is more than enough"