Well, I had the WORST flashback I have ever experienced last night, and to say I'm not in a good place right now is putting it mildly.
I dont want to be graphic, but I could FEEL it happening to me, like it was happening right at that moment rather than a memory.
If its possible for something to feel horrible and yet pleasurable at the same time, that's what it was like.
And the pleasurable part is what makes it so much worse, that at some level it felt good makes the violation so much harder to bear.
I havent stopped shaking and crying yet. I dont know when I will.
All support appreciated.
Comments
Oh Dottie. ..
Feel so bad for you hon. I just wonder if the pleasurable part is just the minds way of trying to reconcile the horror of the act itself. I know it's not much, but I can send you great big squishy teddy bear hugs.... Popcorn Lady!
Here or there....
...You know you're going to get through this! I know you can do this because you're doing so much better than when this all started. Like I said earlier, and for the benefit of everyone else, perhaps?
PTSD in general and flashbacks in particular are so painful and difficult and we wish so much for the process to be sprint like the 100m run. But the process is a marathon; it feels like it will never end, and it feels like it's getting worse even when it's getting better. But it does come to an end. We learn to cope and the mind will eventually learn to incorporate the memories invoked by the flashbacks like any other memory. Hang in there! I'm so proud of you!
Love, Andrea Lena
Sorry!
Hi,
Let me add my thoughts to Andrea's. I can't speak for everyone regarding flashbacks. However, I have found that mine have diminished over the years. I no longer get the big scary ones. I do get small and disturbing ones, but only once in a while. Even then, it's only in periods of great stress.
My only advice is hang in there. The edge will dull with time.
And, there are lots of folk out here who have suffered, have recurring flashbacks and have survived in spite of them. So take heart from their struggles.
Red MacDonald