There once was a flower
That wanted to grow
But she was transplanted
To a place where her beauty didn’t show.
The place was so dark
Where there was hardly any light
It was like there was never a day
It looked like it was always the night
She used to remember the Sun
But hadn’t seen it for a very while
She wanted to go back to when she was happy
And to a place where she did smile
No one ever visited
Or came to show her care
She never heard a lullaby
And she felt so lonely there
The only time she got water
Was with her own tears
And the only thing that kept her company
Were her own doubts and her fears
But the flower didn’t give up
And decided to never quit
It would grow where no flower ever had
And one day she would escape the pit
The flower tried not to whither
She wanted to bloom
She fought with all her worth
To be freed from her doom
One day the flower finally fell asleep
Never to cry any more
Author's note: This poem is going to be in my next novel "The Unreachable and is supposed to be written by a seventh grader who is trans (but it hasn't been revealed yet). What do you all think? Do I capture a helpless and intelligent twelve year old or have I become delusional again. Is there a way to improve it, can you think of adding some lines. I kind of like it, it's pretty sad but I turn it around later (When a flower dies, sometimes it plants the seeds for a garden.)
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Comments
Could be what a 7th grader might write
The language is age appropriate as best I can tell.
Clearly an unhappy possibly suicidal child given how she ends it abruptly IE the two line verse compared to the others all at four lines. Plus her wording.
This is a child that believes it is time to give up. That her life is wiithout hope.
John in Wauwatosa
John in Wauwatosa
Yes, the poem captures the
Yes, the poem captures the angst and despair of the child brilliantly. Hopefully, any caring friend, guardian, parent, and/or teacher will read and try to help.
May Your Light Forever Shine
You Captured It Perfectly
As someone who taught this age group for many years I'd say you captured it perfectly, Katie
I agree with Nicki
I think you've captured it perfectly
absolutely
you've done a great job of portraying a young childs mind. keep up the good work.
robert
Perfect bit
reminds us of what we need to aspire
Goddess Bless you
Love Desiree
I love it
This poem really brought strong emotion for Unreachable series.