Lead Shoes-17

Chapter 17

I put the van into drive and well pull out of the single lane alley going slow and keeping and eye out. Will’s little sister was put into foster care since he couldn’t take care of her and Mom’s been trying to get her in with us instead of the place that she was in but with Will’s problems and Mine and my record with stuff that happened to me back home and Mom’s records there’s been several snags.

There’s apparently some cow in CPS that doesn’t think Mom should be my guardian or Will’s since she must be at fault for supporting me or some bullshit like that. Truth is we only heard that from a friend of a friend of Mom’s and CPS is being all tight lipped and just saying that Mom’s request in still under review.

If it is true it must really gall the cow that I’m of an age here in Canada that she doesn’t have a whole lot to say on the matter.

It’s been actually about two month’s since Will’s been living with us and it’s…

It’s been hard actually, like real life hard and not the loving happy all the time or me making it all better thing that I first thought that it was. He get’s frustrated and I’m there or I have a bad day and get frustrated he’s right there which you’d think would be all romantic and great and stuff.

Uhm…not true.

Like when you’re frustrated with each other. It compounds things and with Will having all this happen and the stuff with his little sister. God I know it seriously sucks but when he’s pissed off and he’s taking it out on me…

I get mad too.

That’s something I honestly never thought would be me. I mean you look at stuff about MTF’s online and there’s this huge fantasy scam almost that we have to be meek and mild and pretty or at least act that way.

Like I just said it’s a scam and I even bought into it. I thought that when I’d get mad at him for taking it out on me that I wasn’t being very “Girly” that it was sort of questioning the whole me really being a girl thing because fighting and arguing wasn’t very “female”.

I think it was after our third blow up that I had with Will over him thinking this time about quitting school and trying to get a job to support him and his sister. We’d got into a shouting match and stuff was said and he left and I…ha…ha…tried to run to my room.

I got that angry that I forgot myself and I can sort of walk when I’ve got my boots on but I can’t actually run or storm any where.

Bam…I hit the floor and it hurt…full on boob crash and that was all I needed to start bawling.

I was still there when Mom came home from work and she went over and sat on the floor and pulled me onto her lap and I cried into her stomach for another good ten or fifteen minutes.

“Kayla what happened?”

“Will and I got into a fight.”

“Over?”

“He..he was going to quit school and get a job…” She helps me sit up and then hugs me from behind.

“I take it that you let him know that wasn’t a good idea?”

“Yes! Mom that’s retarded! You can’t get any kind of job or have any kind of future without an education.”

“Good girl, I learned that one the hard way honey.”

(Sniffle.) “Yeah and dad did too, he was just one of those guy that did that too y’know. Around town because he didn’t have a life or like a future because no one wanted his useless butt.”

“And?”

“And he told me that I wasn’t living his life and that I don’t know what it’s like and to mind my fucking business!” (Sniffle-sob.)

“And you said?”

“I blew up Mom, Will might know what I’ve told him that home was like but he never lived it…he thinks that he’s the only one that’s had it hard!? I lost it again and….and…”

I started crying again.

“And what sweetie?”

“And I’m…Mom what’s wrong with me that when he does that and he’s blowing off steam that I just get right back into his face…it’s…It’s not girl…”

She looked at me and turned my head and stared into my eyes.

“Mikayla, listen to me. There is nothing ungirly or unfeminine about standing up for yourself.”

“But…but boys fight and all that stuff aren’t I just lying now? I mean I really lost it with him. Mom I wanted to smack him…”

She laughed and smiled looking at me some more.

“Kayla he sounded like he deserved one. Look honey women come in all kinds, all shapes and sizes and backgrounds and experiences and well some of them might be the shy and quiet meek and mild girls and if that’s who they are that’s fine…but slugger what you did when those kids where bullying your friend that’s not you.”

“But…”

“Honey would you call me or any woman that was in the army or the cops or stuff not real women because they did that stuff?’

“No…but…I’m supposed to want to be a girl…and I do and I like being nice and pretty and I try to be nice and sweet.”

“Kayla what does any of those things have to do with not taking someone’s bullshit?”

“Mom?”

“You can be all of those things and you can still just be yourself. You’re one heck of a tough chickie Kayla.”

(Sniffle.) “I am?”

“Yeah, hell yes you lived with CP and with your Grandmother and the church treating you like that and all the stuff with your dad. That’s you honey and before you even got started on transitioning you always were a girl. That’s a lot on anyone’s plate so take it from your mom okay you’re a tough and amazing girl.”

I hugged her tight and she did the amazing all over again by just being there and being sweet and loving and caring.

And the more that I thought about that the more I saw the woman not under the other stuff but with the rocker hair cut and the bar job that’s been to prison and had tattoos and with all of that she’s honestly amazing.

So there’s been bad along with the good between us and no he’s never gotten violent with me he’s never pushed me or hit me or even punched the walls…okay not that I’ve seen but it’s just a rough and rocky time.

If life was a fairy tale then I’d look like Rapunzel from Disney and be a dancer instead I’m just me and I think I’m getting to be a little bit closer to being more and more good with that.

Mom did set up this old punching bag in the basement for him though she got from a friend and it’s helped actually.

He’s calmer after he’s come back from thrashing that thing.

So we’re actually good given what’s going on and I look over at him in the passenger seat and he’s got his elbow up on the door and he’s sort of chewing on his knuckles while he’s looking outside and bouncing his knee.

He’s worried…he really is.

She’s still a kid just like us as much as we think that we’re not because of the stuff we’ve been through. It’s more I’m not so worried as what she’s going to do as what she might get talked into or have done to here.

We’re not a bad city but we’re still a city and there’s still a lot of assholes that’d take advantage of her. Especially a teen girl that young late at night…

I pull into Tims for a refill, coffee and sugar a good mix of both is keeping us going and we went in since I need to pea and we really should get something solid in us too while we’re here.

He still get’s my door for the van and for Tim Horton’s and it’s very, very nice especially during all this going on.

I stop after the second set of doors inside and I lean over on my crutches and I kiss him on the lips.

“Wow…uhm thanks?’

“You deserved it.”

“Why?”

“They way we’ve been. Will it’s too easy to get all caught up in the fights and the stress. I know this has been a really shitty time honey but you’re still trying…you’re still a decent guy.”

He looks at me and he does the whole tough I’m a guy swallow and blinks a few times and I kiss him again on the cheek.

“I’d love to hear what really sweet and romantic thing you’re coming up with honey but I really need to pee.”

I scoot off to the ladies room giving him time to regain his man-self and not cry and stuff and I really do have to go. I swear the hormones are shrinking my bladder….what it is; is it’s more stuff to do being a girl compared to just standing up and doing it. So of course I have to go more it’s like cosmic law or something.

I actually have an idea while I’m touching up my make-up in the mirror. I head out and he’s over at the Wendy’s section. Up here a lot of Wendy’s are like paired or share a building with Tim’s I think it’s a franchise thing or something.

I’m hungry and that’s good and he’s already ordered for me. I like most things just not their burgers. He got me a large fires and a chili and he even got pepper. I just can’t have salt on my fries; it just doesn’t taste right to me.

I make a face though when he puts vinegar over his. Unless it’s fish and chips that’s just ick.

“I have an idea, she have her phone?’

“Yeah but she’s not picking up and the cops said that she’s been keeping it off so they haven’t been able to find her since she took off.”

I take out my phone. “I don’t need that to see what she’s been up to.”’

“You don’t? How?’

I smile at him. “She a teenaged girl and she’s not going to beat her need to be on her Facebook or Tweet stuff.”

He’s nodding and I’ll admit I’m a sucker for that too. I’m no where near as bad as some of the other girls at school some of them just completely live in their phones but I’m on there quite a bit myself especially since I’ve made some more friends since the dance.

It takes me most of the meal to check through her stuff and to “creep” her FB page and go through the pages of people on her friends list and stuff before I find a text.

“I think I’ve found her.”

“What where?”

“I think she’s at Bowl and Wash.”

I’m actually going onto their page and getting the address.

“Where?’

“Bowl and Wash…it’s a Laundromat with an attached Bowling Alley and it’s open twenty four seven. Mom’s taken me there a few times before when I’m in too much pain to sleep.”

He buses our trays and gets our coffee and the doors again and we’re at the van when he kisses me like I kissed him.

“You really are amazing y’know. I don’t deserve you.”

“Oh yes you do mister, some little never been through anything girl wouldn’t be able to handle you.”

“Well thank you. I’ve been pretty hard to live with.”

I kiss him back. “Will, it’s okay. We’re in a relationship and it’s real not the Family channel.”

“Will you stop telling me that me being a Butt is okay?’

“Fine…fine…you owe me some serious make-up dates then Butt.”

He smiles the first in awhile as we get into the van. “Deal.”

I’m smiling inside a lot at the change and I pull us out and head to where she’s likely holed up at. Hopefully she’ll still be there when we get there.

Yeah it’s not a fairy tale or a sitcom and y’know it’s still good.