I used to keep a secret, and yesterday I kept a secret.

They were sort of the same secret - That I'm transgender, but how I feel about it is totally different.

For most of my life I hated the girlishness in my head, feared it, and dreaded that someone would ever find out, and kept it as secret as I possibly could.

Keeping that secret caused me grief, pain, and led to me almost killing myself before I was willing to tell someone.

Then for a while, it seemed like all I did was tell people - councillors, doctors, my employer, my co-workers, my family, just about everyone.

But I went to my day long counseling yesterday, and reinforced my decision to not talk about being trans while in the group, and I think it was the right call. This group isnt about me being trans, its about me fixing the other problems in my head if I can, and it would have been a distraction that I dont need while I focus on them.

Now, I dont actually know if what I am is a secret to these women or not - do I "pass" well enough for them to not have doubts about my gender, but it hasnt come up, and that will do.

Baby steps forward, that's what its all about.