"Are you happy with your development so far? I mean by that the changes to your body shape and skin and of course do you have the size breasts that you wanted", she asked. "Wrong question Dr Thomas", I responded, "did I ever WANT breasts?"   The Price to Pay - Vol. 3.8 - Friends by Alys

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Part 8
 
I was in a very dark room, only illuminated by moonlight through a window. I was lying on a bare wooden floor. I was being held down by four boys bigger than me. Each of them was using their body weight to press down on a limb.

My legs had been pulled apart.

I was naked.

I struggled as much as I could but it was impossible to move anything apart from my head. They began chanting:-

"Take the bitch, take the bitch...", over and over again, getting louder. I saw the outline of another boy approaching in the dim moonlight. I heard a familiar voice.

"No one to help you now, sexy, I still want what you promised and I'm going to take it now"

The Oaf, who was also naked with a very erect penis, lowered himself down on top of me. He thrust hard into me. It was the worst pain I had ever experienced. I felt I had been split in two.

I heard a wild animal scream, loud and piercing and continuous. It was my voice. I began to shake with the experience and then became aware of someone shaking me vigorously. I heard a voice.

"Wake up Celyn, wake up you're having a nightmare. Wake up now!", came the insistent demand of my Mother.

The horrific scene began to fade from my awareness to be replaced by the blurry image of my Mother looking down upon me. I opened my eyes and things began to focus.

"Whassup", I slurred, "what happened?"

My Mother, in her stylish nightdress, lay down on my bed and put her arms around me. I felt safe and secure and the residual terror dissipated quickly.

"You were having another nightmare, sweetheart, and you were screaming. It must have been bad."

"That's the third night in a row, Haf", came the voice of my Father from the side of the bed. "It's OK now Celyn we are here for you to protect you."

"Was it the same dream darling?", asked my Mother.

I nodded

"I wish I'd killed that dirty bastard!", my Father said venomously.

It was the third night that we had been back in Wales. After the Oaf's attack on me the rest of the holiday had been a complete waste of time. I had said goodbye to Amarjit, the next morning, holding onto her until the last possible moment and then crying buckets after my first love had flown away in the plane. My parents had been very curious about what they saw as an over-reaction to the departure of a holiday friend, but had not pressed the issue. The Oaf had been released from prison the next morning but had not been charged with sexual assault as the police said it was just my word against his.

"We must do something, Haf", said my Father.

"Yes, this can't go on", she agreed. "OK, I have an idea. Celyn is due to see Dr Thomas next week, maybe we can bring the appointment forward and maybe she will be able to help"

"We can't just phone her up and see her straight away, she is a busy woman", I said.

"Well as it happens she did say to me that in view of your almost unique status that if ever an emergency arose she would do everything to accommodate us. I have her personal mobile number. I'll ring her in the morning. Now you settle back and try and get some sleep, love", my Mother replied.

After tucking me snugly in my bed and giving me a last hug and kiss, she and my Father left my bedroom.

It was almost noon when we all stepped out of the taxi outside a tall Edwardian building on Stryd Llydan in Cardiff. Dr Thomas had come up trumps and had promised to squeeze me in for half an hour between two appointments. We walked up to the front door and I pressed the bell under the large brass plaque that read 'Dr Enfys Thomas MBBs, DRCOG,MRCGP,FPcert'. She was the main consultant in South Wales who saw patients with Gender Dysphoria.

"Hello Celyn", she said cheerfully, when I was invited into her room by the receptionist a few minutes later.

"You are looking very pretty today, this is a radical change of image for you. I am surprised but also pleased", she said referring to my short denim skirt, low cut light blue T-shirt and make up.

"Thank you", I replied, smiling at the compliment, "I'm trying out different combinations of clothes to see which ones I am comfortable with"

"That's a very sound idea. Now let me just ask some of the regular questions that I ask all of my patients at this stage, you are now just over 18 months after starting hormones", she said as she glanced at my personal file on her computer screen.

"Are you happy with your development so far? I mean by that the changes to your body shape and skin and of course do you have the size breasts that you wanted", she asked.

"Wrong question Dr Thomas", I responded, "did I ever WANT breasts?", I asked looking at her directly.

She stared at me with her mouth wide open. She did a quick double take and then smiled.

"I am sorry Celyn, I have had a busy day and had forgotten how different your situation is to the rest of my patients. Let me rephrase that question".

"Do you think that the changes to your body, up until now, will enable you to live successfully as a girl?"

I paused for a minute and then spoke carefully.

"It's not the body that is the problem, I'm used to it now and as long as I don't conceal my shape then everyone assumes I am a girl. The problem is how I feel about the whole situation. Although I thought that I was beginning to come to terms with that until...."

"Until what Celyn?"

I felt my eyes getting moist, a single small tear slowly emerged and slowly slid down my cheek. I wiped it away.

"Until someone tried to rape me!", I blurted out. I put my head in my hands and began to sob.

"My poor dear", said Dr Thomas, putting her hand lightly on my shoulder.

"Please tell me about it, take as long as you like"

Slowly, haltingly I gave Dr Thomas an account of the holiday and the Oaf's attack on me. She gently asked me questions from time to time to clarify things. She smiled when I mentioned my holiday romance. At one stage she had to briefly call her secretary to rearrange some appointments. Finally I had told her everything about my experiences in Cyprus. I felt emotionally drained but also much less anxious.

"Thank you for telling me that Celyn. It is a sad story, although Amarjit sounds like a wonderful person."

"Yes", I said smiling.

"I am so sorry that your opportunity to begin to find out what being a girl full-time will mean to you has been set back"

Dr Thomas called her receptionist to ask my parents in. They came in looking anxiously at me.

"Mr and Mrs Morus, Celyn has told me the tale about your bitter-sweet holiday. There are some positives from the experience but the assault at such a vulnerable time in her transition has set her back quite a bit. I think she will need some more specific counselling to help her to move on from this. We have a well woman clinic at my NHS practice. I'll refer her there to see Nerys Williams, the rape counsellor, if you're happy with that? Also I would like to see Celyn again soon, say in about two weeks?"

My parents thanked Dr Thomas and we left, stopping briefly to arrange the next appointment with the receptionist.

A couple of hours later I was just finishing an email to Amarjit on my computer in my room when my mobile phone beeped the arrival of a text message. It was from Sion.

hi cel how r u? gang meeting in romero's at 3. want 2 come?

ok, how shall I come?

as urself :))))

Half an hour later, after being dropped off by my Mum, I stood outside Romero's, on the high street in Y Fenni, still uncertain about the decision I had made not to conceal my gender for the first time in meeting the gang. While I summoned enough courage to face up to my friends I studied some of the posters in the cafe window. They were an eclectic mix of alternative medical therapies, health foods and progressive causes that reflected the clientele of Romero's. I was reading about a future meeting about climate change when I felt a touch on my shoulder.

"Hey Celyn, you look great", said Sion

I turned and smiled at my best friend.

"You too Sion"

"Are you coming in, the gang are all in there, I saw you waiting by the window and thought that you might be a little nervous".

"I'm really not sure about this Sion. The reality of facing up to them all feels a lot harder than how I imagined it"

"Come on Celyn, they won't eat you.", said Sion and turned to walk into the cafe.

"OK, let's get it over with", I said with a sudden resolve and followed him.

"By the way", said Sion, with a chuckle, as we walked through the cafe door, "I don't see any bikini lines on your tan"

I blushed hard and for a moment felt that my face was going to burn away.

We walked over to a far corner table in the crowded cafe. The other members of the gang looked up to see Sion approaching.

"Hey Sion, I thought you were going to fetch Celyn", said Sioned a shortish thin girl with long black hair.

"Yes, you said he was outside", said Sian, a plumpish girl of medium height.

"Who's your friend, anyway, Sion, aren't you going to introduce us?", asked Ceri, a tall thin boy.

"Hi guys", I said, "Don't you recognise me?"

There was a stunned silence. The faces of my friends were ones of total incomprehension, bewilderment and shock. At last the quiet voice of Branwen, an athletic tall girl broke the silence.

"Is that you Celyn?", she asked.

"But you're a girl!", exclaimed Ceri and his eyes wandered down from my face to somewhere lower down.

"Of course she's a girl", said Sion, "that's 10 out of 10 for observation Ceri"

The others laughed. Ceri looked a little crestfallen.

"Yes, Mr Clever Clogs, I remember sharing a changing room and showers with Celyn and HE was definitely a BOY!", Ceri retorted.

"Maybe Ceri needs to go to .......", I began

"Specsavers!", everyone chorused, apart from Ceri who was still looking a little annoyed and confused.

"OK guys, everyone sit down and I'll explain", I said.

For the next quarter of an hour I gave my friends a brief outline of the circumstances of my gender change. I wondered if I was going to have to do all these long explanations every time I came across people who knew me from before.

"That explains something that always puzzled me", said Ceri.

"What is that?", I asked

"How, when you came back to school after you were away in hospital, you never changed in the changing rooms, you always wore your games kit to school and left with one of your parents at the end of the day, instead of showering and changing in school, even those times when we had been playing and got muddy or wet"

"But I don't understand why you hid all this Celyn", said Sian.

"Yes, what's so bad about being a girl?", asked Branwen.

"Nothing wrong with being a girl, because that's what I am legally now. There are two main reasons for the deception though. One reason is I wanted to carry on playing for the teams, and it was quite easy to conceal the small changes that happened at first"

"What was the other reason", asked Sioned.

"How would you like to have go through every day of your school life constantly being referred to as 'The Tranny', 'The Freak', "The Boy-girl", "The Weirdo", "The Pevert" or a thousand other insults equally horrible?"

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To Be Continued...
 
End of Part Eight