X-Why-Me…Chapter 5

Chapter 5

*Two months later…

Emily sat in front of her computer trying to ignore the maddening itching ache in her breasts.

She’d hated being small and skinny and flat and she had never had a period…never would according to her doctors. Yes plural, since the whole thing with her being a CAIS XY person came out in her family she’d been to several specialists and even had her DNA tested for some disorder where she’d need kickstarter hormones.

It turned out she didn’t. The tests for the things they were looking for turned out positive for CAIS but not the other stuff. It was a bit baffling and disheartening for her especially as time had passed and she’d learned about CAIS women…shapely, lovely…not her.

Other than the obvious things she was healthy. Her vagina turned out to be shallow but not too bad at just over four inches deep on the shallow side of average and a bit narrower but according to her gynecologist not a big deal…ha..ha…lol…not.

Angie had tried to cheer her up with. “Hey to you every guy’s got a big one, enjoy it!”

A little off the mark but she actually was trying. She and her sister still had little in common save their share secret and She wasn’t going to tell anyone, neither of them were.

Her little sister was still very “Girly” and “Popular.” and Emily was well…she was still herself but a lot inside had changed. Jack being an ass and breaking it off with her because she was too much a “little kid” had hurt. This whole XY thing had thrown her and shook her up and she was still sort of trying to get a grip emotionally.

She second guessed herself a lot. CAIS girls were supposed to be pretty girly, and lovely, from the internet stuff she’d read but she wasn’t like them. But it seemed like puberty of some kind was starting to settle in and her doctor said that it might be the case too because she was XY she might be having her growth spurt more along the times that teen boys had tended to start theirs.

She knew she ached a lot lately and her boobs were driving her crazy…itches or no itches there’s only so much slimy creams she was able to stand applying to her skin. It was like some of those soaps with the moisturizers in them, she didn’t like those because she didn’t really feel clean afterwards.

Emily flipped through the pages of the online yearbook from when her mom was back in high school. They were doing okay now and her Step dad/Dad was probably the most to credit for that she was certain but she was also certain that she needed to know more about her family history, even the medical stuff especially about her birth father. Her mom didn’t really keep anything with him in it around the house. Whatever had happened was bad…bad enough to cut him out of their lives forever.

But even here in a book that should have stuff about him there wasn’t much like he was one of those kids that avoided the whole picture thing. Her mom was all over the place in them but her birth father she just got partial shots and there was one semi okay shot but it was a team picture.

She was looking because he wasn’t really clear in her own memories, when he’d been with her mom she’d been really little. The only thing she vaguely remembered was the fights and them yelling at each other.

But the team picture for the hockey team did show her a few things. He played goalie, they looked a lot alike so there wasn’t a whole lot of doubt who her bio-dad was and he was short.

Like five five in the graduating year short.

“Yeah…so that’s why I’m not all long legged XY beauty pageant stuff…Wow he’s short…”

She looked at stuff for the hockey team and he was good by what she knew about hockey…they went to state three times and won once…he had a great goals stopped record or she thought it was good. It got him a scholarship to Michigan State.

But he was a ghost, even on Google there was nothing except the hockey stuff….it was like he dropped off the planet.

He might even be dead…except she couldn’t find an obituary listing that fit him.

Emily got herself a bottle of juice from the mini-fridge she saved from the side of the road last week while passing some apartments in town that were used by the community college. She was with her Dad and it had been a cool sort of moment…apparently he had supplied his first place like this and was proud of her for keeping the tradition.

Angie was first very eww then a bit jealous as Emily has bought a used microwave and a toaster from the local good will from her allowance and had been making her bedroom more like her own apartment since it was in the basement.

Her dad was all for it because it was good practice for her own independence. It was just one of the changes she’d been making lately.

Letting her hair grow out.

Hitting the books harder, rearranging her room and turfing a lot of the old posters and stuff from when she was a tweenager, she was just getting started really even if she was still kind of lost….

The XY played on her head a lot.

She liked boys but she was getting these almost second guesses about her sexuality…she watched some of the girls some of the time and while she was pretty sure she wasn’t attracted to them it also was maybe like her tastes were changing…she could admit when she thought another girl was beautiful.

And some asian men/boys…were just…and while not a moody Emo-kid or a goth she found some of them hot too.

Unless they had those earring plug things…guy, girl those things were just gross.

She looked at her clock…she still had some time.

She logged onto Facebook under her real account she had two one was her public one and the other was her exploring one a phony one that she could be weird if she wanted. But she wanted to be herself as she went through the list of people on her dad’s team when she could find them on there and was contacting them asking if they knew anything about her dad…if they could tell her where he was, because she had some health issues and needed to talk to him.

That was her weekend pretty much and between that and homework and chores. She only gotten a few replies and they didn’t really know that much.

So she was checking again before getting ready for school.

Clive Reiner: 1 message.

She clicked on the message.

[Hello Emily, I went to Michigan State with Kevin. I don’t know where he might be but he has family in Seattle that he was close too so you might find some clues there. You father was a decent guy but a bit high strung and hot headed sometimes. I’m not sure if it’s a good idea to fill you in on this but you sound like Kevin left a big hole in your life and need some answers. Kevin left Fort Smith and went to college and after a few weeks he had gotten into a pretty hard partying crowd in school and then after Christmas break he had broken it off with your mother. All I know was you were coming along three months after the break-up and from what I remember you father dropped out of school to be with you and your mother at the time. I was under the impression that your mother had believed she’d be moving out of Fort Smith and in with him.]

She frowned at the screen and typed a thank you reply. It answered a few questions but not at the same time.

She loved her mother but she also had heard enough that she might have laid on the pregnancy pressure to keep him with her. Her mother was a local beauty but she wasn’t a good student…and god knows she’d screwed up stuff since that too.

She got ready for school and dressed extra warm as it was getting into December and she still was sort of very on the skinny side.

Long socks, her Uggs (Boots) jeans and a light soft tee-shirt under her zip-front school hoody and her newest fashion choice…a boys sized urban cammo jacket. She wasn’t sure why she liked it so much but she did.

Another XY mystery.

She went upstairs and walked with her sister down the driveway to the bus stop and waited a bit before looking over and watching Angie putting on hr make-up. She wore it at school a lot different than when she left the house.

“Found some stuff on my birth-dad.”

“Really like?” Angie gave her an honestly questioning look. Her father wasn’t a mystery to them, just an asshole that wanted nothing to do with Angie or really any of them.

“He was a goalie on the high school hockey team and good enough o get a scholarship to Michigan State.”

“Okay…and?”

“He left Mom here.”

“Well he was going to college.”

“She got preggers with me after x-mas break his first year.”

“Oh…”

“Yeah, he broke up with her then too.”

“So Mom…”

“Yeah maybe, he came back and gave it a go.”

“Oh…mom…jeezus. I’d never do that to a guy.”

“Yeah the guy said dad was off the rails partying in his first year too.”

“Well he was a jock and a first year isn’t that what you do half the time?”

Emily shrugged. “Maybe, the whole thing just kind of sucks to know.”

“Sorry?”

“It’s okay, I know why I’m so short and skinny though.”

“Oh?”

“Dad…he was like short, skinny too.”

“And he played hockey?”

“Goalie….I imagine he was fast.”

“Would that help?”

“Likely.”

“Going to try out?”

“Hell no, I suck at skating.”

“Yeah what about field hockey?”

“We don’t have a team.”

“Yeah, so…”

She shrugged again. “I dunno, the guy said dad might be over in Oregon that I might have family there. It’s a start of a lead.”

“So why are you even bothering Em he ditched?”

“I want to know, I want to know my family history and if there might have been any girls like me on his side of the family plus there’s other medical history in the family stuff I want to know about.”

“Like?”

“Cancer, heart disease…that stuff it runs in families.”

“That’s like important?”

“Yeah you too, what if that stuff runs in your family?”

“Shit yeah but I’d need a lawyer to find out.”

“You could always ask his wife.”

“No…I’m not gonna be that kid, the one that busts up a family.”

“Yeah…he’s a douche and so’s mine but I wouldn’t want to be the one that wrecks a happy family.”

“What if you find your dad and he’s got a family.”

“I’ll just try to talk to him like person to person…we’ve got Jake. I don’t want anything from him except information.”

The bus pulled up and they got on going their more peaceful but separate ways and Emily was lost in though until the bus stopped someplace new.

Well it wasn’t new it was the Sawyer farm but they hadn’t ever stopped there before. There was this girl there getting on the bus.

Tall, long, long legs in tightly faded jeans and curvy hips, small waist and a nice white blouse with a guys thin blue tie? It settled just nicely between her very prominent breasts…she had a cream colored knit sweater like coat with a hood that went down to her mid thigh and looked very stylish and expensive…nice jewelry…wearing a Vivienne Westwood ring…expensive and she was really beautiful…oval face, blonde but Nordic blonde with that pale hair and it was long and straight and shining.

The bus quieted down and they were all checking out the new girl. She had an old backpack over her shoulder with all these sew on patches that were flags and she had these beat up old white sneakers on…they oddly went with the tie look…

The new girl walked on looking for a seat and swayed just…

There was this knot in Emily’s stomach she’d never known before…and she couldn’t take her eyes off her…

She realized she was staring maybe more than anyone else and the girl stopped in front of her. “Can I sit with you? There’s no other seats.”

There was but some of the popular girls were already getting ready for war and had moved their books and packs to block the new girl from sitting with them. Tie…great looks…nice things but ratty sneakers…*Yeah…* she thought as she nodded and made room. *Heaven forbid she be interesting and not one of the sheeple*

“Sure…Hi…I’m Emily.”

She extended her hand and the other girl smiled a really nice smile, Emily hoped her hand wasn’t sweating…

“Kira.”

Oh that kind of fit and yet so wouldn’t go over with the crowd of popular sheeple girls at school. Too exotic in the land of boring….and of Brandi’s, Barbi’s, Ashley’s and Tiffany’s…

Proof of the I or E fad sound here her and her sister.

“You just move here?”

“Yeah two weeks ago.”

“Oh, never seen you around.”

“We’re renovating and stuff we just sort of got things where it’ll be us doing the rest in our spare time.”

“Makes sense, where are you from.”

“Los Angeles.”

“Wow, that’ll stir the pot here.”

“Yeah…I know but we had to move here.”

“Why?”

“The place was my dad’s grandparents place and we weren’t doing so well when the market crashed.”

“Oh, you look like you’re uhm…well off…?”

“For Wyoming? Yeah sure but for L.A.? things really got bad. Dad never said how bad but well were living here now because it’s free.”

“He find work here?”

“Him and mom are buying a restaurant in town.”

“Really, where?”

“The Cloverleaf?”

“Oh the old diner, downtown.”

“Yeah it needs a lot of work too.”

“Hey you guys need any help I’d be glad to lend a hand.”

“Thanks, I think we’ll need it.”

“Hey no problem welcome to Fort Smith, it’s not quite the middle of nowhere but the middle of nowhere took a shit here.”

Kira laughed and it was a good laugh too not a giggle but just a good laugh…it was also enough to get kids to turn around and stare at her. She leaned over to Emily and asked. “Okay so who’s who and why will they hate me.”

Emily swore that she was that close cheek to cheek almost that she could not just smell her perfume but Kira’s make up as well…hear her pulse hammering, or was that her own?

She licked her lips her mouth suddenly dry as she started to tell her about the people on the bus.