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The Legal Stuff: Bears Know Best  © 2012 By Tiffany Shar
 
This is a work of fiction. Names, Characters, places, and incidents either are products of the author's imagination or are used fictitiously, and any resemblance to actual persons, living or dead, businesses, companies, events, or locales is entirely coincidental.

Copyright  © 2012 By Tiffany Shar. All rights reserved. No part of this book may be reproduced, scanned, or distributed in any printed or electronic form without permission.
 
 
Preface
 
It's been a while since my readers have heard from me, and I know that this isn't the book that they expected to be next. The Standing Up to Life series will be concluded, but I had reached a writers block with the series and needed to take a break. Bears Know Best has been that break, and I hope you all will enjoy it!

Like the first three books I posted here on BigCloset, I will be posting a full copy here on BigCloset. I will be posting it up in 28 installments, but that may change if I feel like a posting needs more. The book has a total of 35 chapters and a short epilogue. The full version should be completely posted by September. For those that cannot wait however, I have an e-book version of the full book available from Lulu.com as of today. You may find it at My Store. My assumption is that the majority of my readers would be more interested in this edition of the book rather than a hardback or paperback. There are two types of eBooks available depending on how you wish to read it. One is the ePub format that you should be able to load on any e-reader (you may need an additional app, but I believe all will read it), and the other is a standard PDF formatted file. I believe the PDF is the best way to read it on a computer screen personally. If you enjoy this work perhaps you will consider supporting me by purchasing it ($8.95 for the eBook formatted files).

Thanks again, and I hope you enjoy reading Bears Know Best!

Dedication
I would like to thank and dedicate this novel to the countless authors and authoresses whose tales I have read online. They have given me hope and helped me to understand myself more than anyone else could. Knowing others are out there is probably the biggest source of strength that any of us can draw from! I would also like to thank all of my readers who have given me such great feedback over my previous novels. I hope you will enjoy this new work!

Finally, a big thank you especially to Carla for all of your hard work in editing my long novels!
 
 
Chapter 8: Shaping the Gem
 
I SPENT THE next hour of our drive buried in my iPhone, texting Alyssa, searching the internet, and playing a couple of games… but I didn’t pay attention to any of it. I realized suddenly I was just avoiding thoughts about what I was doing and whether it was right. ‘I’m a freak either way,’ I told myself. ‘Which way would I be happier?’ I asked myself.

‘That’s the part that scares me,’ I answered myself. I knew which way I thought I would be happier, and I felt like I had known it the moment that Alyssa had me dress in her clothes on Monday. I worried about what Dad would say when he actually met up with me for the first time like this. ‘Would he really be okay with me?’ Then of course there would be Rachel, I had my suspicions on how she would react — and it wouldn’t be good.

I was so consumed with my thoughts that I barely registered that we had stopped in front of a building that said, ‘Antoinette’s Salon and Day Spa.’

“We’re here,” Mom told me.

I was nearly shaking as we got out of the car and she led me inside. “Have you been here before?” I whispered quietly.

“Several times,” she told me with a smile.

She gave me a sideways squeeze as we approached a counter just beyond a set of beautiful glass doors. “My daughter Taylor has an appointment,” she told the lady.

“Of course Ms. Redding,” the lady said with a smile. She was dressed very professionally in a very flattering skirt suit. “Let me see if Alanna is ready for her,” she told us.

As she turned around I thought about the fact it seemed odd for someone at a hair salon to dress that upscale. I began to understand more though as Mom and I sat down in their waiting area and we were immediately offered beverages and cookies. The level of service was not what I expected at all from a barbershop… I guess maybe I was too used to the ten-dollar barbershop cut that my dad still liked to go for, even with his wealth and success.

“Taylor, they’re ready for you,” the hostess lady came in, not long after I made myself comfortable.

‘They’re?’ I asked silently.

Mom nudged me forward and followed me back with the lady to a room with a single swiveling chair, and a sink with a chair in front of it. The swivel chair looked like even it was a nicer chair than in the barbershop I had always been forced to go to. “Hi Ms. Landt, Ms. Redding,” the lady that waited for us said.

“Hello,” I said politely.

“What can we do for you today?” She looked at both of us.

“I’m going to leave Taylor in your hands,” Mom started, “but, this is what she would like to do with her hair.” Mom pulled the magazine page from her purse.

Alanna took the page from her hand, looked at me, looked at it and then said, “I think this would look good on you,” she smiled and added, “but would you mind if I just use this as a guideline?”

Mom took the lead, “As long as it’s close to this,” she insisted on my behalf.

“It’s going to look great,” she assured us both, and then Mom left the room. “Just sit and relax Ms. Landt, and I’ll get you looking great in a short while!”

“You may call me Taylor,” I told her. Preferring that she did, I felt like some sort of high society stuck-up snob when she used the Ms. Landt name.

“I’m sorry miss, but it’s just one of our policies and traditions here,” she told me from in front of me.

I sighed, “As you wish.”

“Well, first thing is first; let’s get your hair washed so we can get started here properly.”

She had me move over to another chair next to a sink and had me lean back as she began washing my hair. I was practically purring as she massaged my scalp, it felt so good! I was surprised, and impressed, that she never once commented on the split ends that Mom and Alyssa had both already griped about. She wrapped a towel around my head and led me back to the chair. “Just lean back and relax,” she told me.

With that I felt her move her scissors in a flash throughout my head over and over again she snipped. ‘I hope she’s not cutting it all off…’ a voice inside my head worried.

“Ms. Landt, if you don’t mind my asking, why is it that such a pretty young lady such as yourself came in here without a prettier haircut?”

I sighed, I was kind of surprised it took her that long to ask. “I’ve been living with my dad for the last eight years. I haven’t been a complete tomboy… but I guess I haven’t been that girly with my hairstyle either,” I told her, hoping it was enough to satisfy her.

“I guess I can see that then,” she said from behind me. She came around the front and winked at me, “Don’t worry, that won’t be a problem anymore!”

I smiled. Inwardly I was terrified to see how I was going to look when she was done. The good thing was that she had a blank canvas so to speak. My light brown hair came down to three inches below my shoulder, and was full and thick all the way through to those split ends that I had to assume were swiftly disappearing.

“Do you want any highlights?” Alanna asked as she continued snipping away.

“Umm… not this trip,” I told her. Until I knew I was for certain a girl, I was going to avoid more permanent things like hair coloring! Of course all of the layers in the hairstyle I’d chosen were going to cause problems too. I should still be able to put it in a ponytail just fine though.

“Okay then,” she said as she came around front again, “I think I’m just about done. Your mother asked for us to wait to show you until she’s in here.”

“That’s just cruel…” I told her.

“Well… I could let you peek,” she told me with a wink.

I shook my head, “No, that’s okay, let’s let her have her fun,” I said. “I only moved in with her this past weekend.”

“That’s sweet of you,” she said with a smile.

Someone knocked at the door and another lady came in. “Hi Ms. Landt, I’m Trina,” she daintily held out her hand. I noticed instantly she had the most pretty and interesting nails I had ever seen. It could have been art on a canvas in the museum!

“Nice to meet you,” I said to her.

“I’ll be doing your nails today,” she said with a smile.

“Okay,” I said. I was beginning to get nervous, I so wanted to see myself! I was surprised Trina didn’t ask me what I wanted on my nails. She had taken the polish Alyssa had put on off, and was filing away at a couple edges when I decided to ask. “Did my mom tell you what to do with my nails?”

She didn’t miss a beat with her file as she nodded and said, “Yes, she did.” I was a little scared but she added, “I think you’ll love it!”

I smiled at her, “If they’re anywhere near as nice as yours, I’m sure I will.”

She began with a base coat that was a light pink. It was opaque enough I could definitely tell it was painted, but it wasn’t a bright in your face color. Down towards the bass of the nail I watched her begin to use first a purple, then a pink nail polish to make little flowers on each nail. I figured she’d be done at that point, but then she started carefully applying some tiny jewels in the middle of the flowers, and colored in a wave pattern around the design leading up to about a quarter of the way from the tip of my nail. None of my fingers on one hand were the same, but they matched with the other hand when she was finished.

“Wow!!!” I exclaimed as she had put a final coat on them and I had a brief look before she had me stick my hands in some weird UV light contraption. “They’re amazing!”

Trina just smiled and moved on to my toenails. She used a similar concept on them, but went with a sparkly silver base coat underneath the designs. I hoped I could avoid damaging them anytime soon! I figured I must be getting ready to have Mom in, but another lady came and introduced herself as Evelina. She was apparently going to do my makeup for me. Other than a brief set of instructions on how to apply the makeup myself, she was in and out in under five minutes. ‘I hope I can learn to my makeup that quickly,’ I thought as Alanna returned. I still hadn’t seen my face though, so I had no clue on what I looked like now.

“Well Taylor, are you ready for your Mother to see?”

I smiled, “Uh-huh!”

She stepped out of the doorway and Mom entered. I watched her eyes open wide and her hand go to her mouth. “Oh my God,” she said with a smile. I couldn’t take it anymore, so I stood up and turned around to see myself in the mirror.

My hair now came to just above my shoulders, and skimmed it lightly. I had a ton of layers cut into my hair and I liked how it changed my entire look. The new hairstyle was completed with some side-swept bangs that I felt made me look a little bit older than I’d looked before. ‘There really is no way to make a short boy look any older,’ I thought to myself. My subtle makeup didn’t hurt that either. I didn’t look like I was going to the prom, but she had used a pretty green eye shadow that brought out my eye color.

“What do you think?” I asked as I turned back around to Mom.

“I think you look amazing,” was Mom’s response. “Thank you,” she said to Alanna who was in the room still.

“You’re welcome. It was a pleasure to work on your daughter. Perhaps if she has a big dance or something we can have her back here and do things up even more special,” she suggested. Mom and I both beamed at her, as I had the feeling that I would have many dances. Alanna then spent ten minutes showing me, and my mom, how to recreate my hair style.

She led us back down the hallway and at the front desk I was handed a bag, “These are the makeup products that Evelina used today, and some hair care products that would work well for you,” she told me.

“Thanks,” I told her. I looked at Mom and said, “Thank you,” to her with a big smile.

“You’re welcome,” she smiled as wide as she ever had with me, “let’s get going, we still have a lot of shopping to do!”

As we walked out the door I replied, “Shopping?!?!” I had added an excited tone to my voice, “Did you say shopping?”

“I think we’ve created a monster,” she said as she unlocked the doors with her remote. I placed the bag of stuff from the salon in the back of the escape, before coming around and having a seat in the front. She looked over at me again and shook her head, “You look beautiful Taylor. Dinner first?”

“I thought you were promising shopping, now it’s dinner, why do you give me these hard decisions?” I asked with overly dramatic indignation.

“Dinner it is,” she laughed. We drove over to a neighboring shopping center and we decided on dinner at The Cheesecake Factory. It was noisy inside, and I couldn’t hear anything as we waited to be seated. I noticed a few boys staring at me, and I smoothed my skirt out self-consciously. Alyssa had mentioned about being careful to not sit with my legs open in a skirt, so I was careful to cross my legs. About ten minutes later we were led over to a table.

“Enjoy your meal,” the hostess said as she left us with the gigantic menus.

The menus weren’t apparently on my mom’s mind, “Did you see those boys checking you out?” she asked nonchalantly.

I blushed, “I think so.” I admitted.

“So?”

“So what?”

“What did you think of them?”

“I was so embarrassed and worried about them that I didn’t really look at them,” I told her honestly.

“We’ll have to fix that,” Mom said with a smile.

“So where all are we going to go shop?” I asked her to change the subject.

“Well, I thought we could go to the mall nearby and see if we find anything,” she started, “and then I figure we can hit either a Giant Eagle or Target on the way home to get the rest of the items on your list that you two came up with.”

I smiled and nodded at her, “That sounds like a good plan,” I told her.

We both stared at the menu for a few minutes and I watched a few plates go by. I’d eaten at one of these places a few times in Atlanta, and remembered how I’d not even made a dent in my plate. “Mom, do you want to split something?” I suggested.

“Sure, what sounds good?” She asked.

We ended up deciding on a chicken dish with asparagus and mashed potatoes in a mushroom and wine sauce. That left us sitting in the noisy room and I had to fight the urge to play with my iPhone like I normally did at dinner. As I fought with that urge, I played a little with my bangs that now were just brushing above my right eyebrow. Mom noticed and smiled, “I think that’s a really cute hairstyle for you,” she told me.

“What are we going to tell the doctors when they see me again?” I asked.

“What do you mean?”

“Well, their records have that ‘M’ in them, and I have to imagine they’re going to look at me a little weird when I come in like this,” I told her.

“Sweetie, they’re going to be very curious about you no matter what,” she told me.

“I know, I’m such a freak,” I said and frowned, looking down at the table. I had a sudden urge to cry, and I wasn’t specifically sure how I was happy one second, and wanting to leave bawling like a baby the next moment.

I felt Mom’s hand reach up and bring my chin up. “Sweetie, you are not a ‘freak,’ and I never want to hear you talk like that again. Yes, your condition is certainly unusual,” she said looking at me, “but you’re not a freak. Right now, all I see is a very pretty young lady who I’m proud to call my daughter. If that young lady decides this isn’t what she wants, I’ll be very proud of whoever she decides to be.”

I fought the tears I wanted to let out. “You’re so much cooler about this than she would have been,” I told her.

“Taylor, I know what you told your dad, but what exactly happened?” Mom asked.

I sighed. “I don’t know that this is exactly the best place to talk,” I said loudly, trying to make it to where she could hear me.

“When we get home?” she suggested.

I thought for a moment and shrugged, “I guess there’s no reason not to,” I told her. “But,” I said while biting my lip a little bit, “you have to promise me not to tell Dad.”

“Taylor…”

“No Mom, it’s the deal,” I told her.

She looked concerned, “As long as it’s not something where I feel you were endangered,” she said unwillingly.

I nodded and found myself looking at my fingernails some more.

“Those really are pretty,” Mom said, “do you like the design?”

“Do I like the design?” I asked. I tried to deadpan it and was going to try and fake being angry about it, but the truth was the total opposite and I couldn’t act that well. I giggled, “Of course I like it! I love it!!!” I waved them at her, “Aren’t they so cool?”

“I’ve had her do my nails one time before, and I couldn’t believe what she was able to do.” Mom told me.

“It was fun watching her do it. I mean, at first I’m like, ‘Okay, same thing as Alyssa did,’ except the fake nails of course. But, then she starts making these random brush strokes and I figured out she was making flowers. Then the little jewels, and such… it’s just cool.”

Mom smiled, “I’m glad you like them.” She paused, “Don’t count on me paying for them to be done like that too often though!”

“Thank you again,” I said with a smile.

Our food came not long after, and I was impressed they split the plate for us beforehand. Of course they charged a split plate fee, but that was okay. We both still had some food left on the plate in front of us when we decided to admit defeat. “Dessert tonight ladies?” our waiter came back to ask.

I looked at Mom and saw we both had the deer-in-the-headlights look. “No thank you,” I smiled and said to the waiter. He had the check in hand to give to Mom, but I snagged it out of his hand first. I took a brief look in it and then laid my own cash in his hand that I had slyly snuck out of my purse. “Keep the change,” I said with a smile.

“You didn’t need to do that,” Mom told me.

“I wanted to; after all you’ve done for me!” I insisted and we walked back out to her car.

We spent a fairly successful ninety minutes at a mall that was close by, and ended up with a few other things that I really liked and couldn’t wait to wear. Mom also insisted we buy a few practical pairs of jeans, and one nicer dress that I could wear if I needed to dress up a bit. I had paused at Claire’s and thought about getting my ears pierced. A voice inside my head though said, ‘Hey!!! I’m still I here! You’re a boy!’ and I decided I wasn’t ready for that step.

Mom had also insisted that we stop inside a store called ‘Lush,’ for some bath soaps. Mom and I ended up picking up a sample of ‘bubble bars’ and ‘bath bombs’ that she insisted were to die for. “You’ll love these!!!” she told me. They weren’t cheap, but she assured me I could make multiple baths with them if I broke them up a little bit. She also insisted I get some of their sugar lip scrub.

On our way back out to Conneaut we stopped at a Target and looked for the essentials that we’d missed out on yesterday. Mom and I found a couple scents of deodorant that I liked and figured I could try them until I decided which I liked. Makeup remover, shower soap, razors and shaving gel, among other things were on the list. The two of us also raided their hair aisle for some accessories she thought would go well with my new hairstyle. That also reminded me that I needed some sort of storage space for all of that, so we found a jewelry box and a few organizer boxes to help keep everything neat and tidy in.

My iPhone began ringing in my hand about thirty minutes into the drive home, and I could see a smiling picture of my Dad’s face on it. I slid the slider to answer it and said, “Hi Dad!”

“Hey Taylor, how’s it going?” he asked.

“Pretty good, Mom and I are driving back from Cleveland where we did some shopping, got dinner, and…” I hadn’t decided if I should tell him or not. “I got a haircut,” I told him.

“Oh?” I heard him wonder into the phone.

“I like it, it seems like ‘me,’” I told him. “I’ll Facetime with you tomorrow night and show you?” I suggested.

He was kind of quiet for a moment, and said, “Sounds good Taylor.”

We talked for about twenty minutes about mostly me. He asked at one point finally if it was a girls’ haircut, and I said ‘yes.’ His only question and concern about the whole thing was whether I was happy or not. I loved my dad for that more than I can say. I didn’t ask about Rachel that night, and I don’t think that went beyond Mom’s perceptive attention. I was silent after I finished the phone call with him; ‘I miss him’ was my main thought.

It was getting late when we pulled into the driveway, nearly ten o’clock, but I owed Mom a story still. I didn’t know exactly what I was going to tell her either.

 

Chapter 9: The Truth

 
WHEN WE PULLED up to the house I was kind of surprised by how much energy I still had. Mom seemed to be fairly alert too, considering she had been at work this morning. “Taylor, why don’t we put away the things we bought today, and then you take a bath with part of one of those bubble bars?” She seemed intent on getting me hooked on them.

I nodded, “And then?”

“Then we’ll have some hot chocolate, and talk for a while?”

The ‘and talk for a while…’ part I wasn’t looking forward to. I had promised though, so the two of us quickly cleared tags off the new clothes we had bought for me. Except for the nicer dress that we had purchased, we were going to wash everything before putting it away. For now we just put it in the laundry room so I could take care of it in the morning. Mom helped me clear the tags off of the hair accessories and other goodies from Target, and then helped me set up the boxes with them in it on my dressing table, for now next to my computer.

“We need to get you a desk,” mom said, “don’t we?”

I nodded.

She looked around the room a bit before saying, “Well, we can’t do this much running around every week, but if you want, we could go to Pittsburgh and hit IKEA there on Saturday.”

“Really?!?” I asked.

She nodded.

“Cool!!!” was my excited reply. They always had a lot of neat things there, and not for the first time I wondered why my reaction seemed so girly already.

“Maybe Alyssa would want to come to?” she suggested.

“I’m sure she probably would, I hope I’m not keeping her from her other friends though,” I told her.

“She’s a smart girl, she’ll work it out.” Mom said with a smile. “Now, why don’t you go try that bath,” she insisted.

She came into the bathroom with me and turned on the faucets like I was three or something, “Mom, you know I can run a bath myself.” I said a little indignantly.

“I know,” she sighed, “I just want to show you how much of this to break off,” she finished as she grabbed the bar in question and crumbled up about a third of it in the water and then swished her hand around. Already the fragrance in the room was very sweet and sugary. “Okay, I’ll get out of your hair,” she told me.

“Mom?” I said suddenly feeling bad.

She turned around, “Yes?”

“Thank you,” I told her.

“You’re welcome sweetheart.”

I ran back across to my room while the water ran to get my pajamas and a fresh pair of panties. The water still had plenty of time to run, so I began cleaning off my face like Mom had shown me the night before. I scrubbed every inch of the makeup off of my face. She had also bought some shower caps for me, and I carefully put my hair up in one of them to avoid having to fight so hard to make it look that good in the morning.

I had done my duty as a friend and texted a picture to Alyssa on the way home of course. Her response of ‘OMG, OMG, OMG, U LOOK GR8!!!!’ had been amusing. I personally loved it as I looked at it one last time before covering it. The water had just about run to where I wanted it, and was a great temperature, when I turned it off and climbed into the bath. The smell and feel of the water was amazing. The bar had some sort of oil in it that I could feel moisturizing my skin. As far as the smell, it reminded me of sugar heated up to make cotton candy, but not too overpoweringly sweet.

I found myself relaxing a lot as I lay down in the water up to my chin.

‘I shouldn’t be enjoying this, this much,’ that annoying voice in my head said again. ‘What do you think the other boys at school and back home in Atlanta are going to say when they see you?’

‘Ask me for a date, stupid!’ was my smart reply to my doubts. ‘I’m pretty!’ and that was genuinely it. I didn’t believe I was transgendered like some of the sites we’d come across earlier, that seemed completely in a different ball game. Maybe sort of, in that I had been raised as a boy my whole life, but truthfully I felt like the whole first part of my life was just a mistake on a page right now. ‘I mean, I have ovaries and a uterus — that makes me a girl!’

With that stupid voice inside my head running away crying at this point, I began to try and figure out what I wanted to do now. Going home to Atlanta seemed like an especially bad idea in light of the changes here. I knew I could probably go to another high school and avoid people I’d known in middle school, but the truth was that my Dad was famous. There were articles about him several times a year in magazines, and all of them talked about how much he loved his son. He hated how much time football took away from me, and I know that part of how he made it up to me in his mind was always mentioning me. I even had a number of pictures in those articles with him.

The simple truth was that as soon as boys in Atlanta figured out who my Dad was, there was going to be a risk they would find out that I wasn’t always Taylor the girl. Especially since my name hadn’t changed, just the boy versus girl thing. ‘Should I use a different name now?’ I asked myself.

‘Taylor is as much a girls’ name as it is a boys’ name now,’ I told myself. ‘But, it might help confuse people more if I didn’t have the same name.’ I pondered about that for a number of minutes as the bubbles began slowly disappearing. I also found myself staring at my nails some more, they really were beyond pretty, and as I waggled them back and forth I couldn’t help but feel disappointed that I’d never had this growing up.

The bubbles were starting to wear down to the point that I could see the confusing appendage beginning to show in the clear water, and I found myself picturing what I would look like without it. I looked at it a bit more, and for the first time realized it looked a little bit different than what other boys did when I’d seen them accidentally. I wasn’t one of those boys that spent time in the locker room measuring themselves, so I don’t think I’d really noticed before. It was just there, I took it out to go pee, and then it went back inside my clothes. It never had any more meaning than that to me.

‘Maybe they can get rid of it?’ I thought. ‘If someone sees it, it’s certainly going to cause problems in a girls’ locker room.’

I decided it was time to get out of the bath and carefully dried my body, trying not to lose the pleasant feeling oils off of my body and onto the towel. I pulled on my panties, a pair of pajama shorts, and finally a camisole top that matched the shorts over my forming boobs. ‘It’s scary how much they fill out this camisole,’ I told myself. ‘I avoided the pushup bras at the store last night, but I wonder how much larger they’d make me seem…’

The last thing I did was pull my hair out of the shower cap and restore it to its’ new look. I loved how pretty it looked!

There was no doubt in my mind. For all of the confusion that had come before now, I was certain one way or another I was a girl. If that meant I was transgendered and not intersexed or whatever, well I’d take it. I liked myself, and my appearance, for the first time in my life. My height didn’t seem to be something that would be as much of a problem as a girl. Sure, Mom had to still use step stools to reach certain things, but she managed just fine being short. Girls didn’t have the stigma of being short that boys have. Oh, well they might get teased about it, but not meaningfully. There wasn’t the increased risk as much for them with violence from other girls like there had been for me with boys. And as a girl, I wouldn’t be expected to play football like Dad!

I left the bathroom and headed downstairs, finding Mom by the stove; with a teapot just singing that it was hot enough. She poured hot chocolate mix into two cups, and poured water over it, before silently motioning me towards the couch. I found myself curled up on the opposite side from her so I could face her.

“So… Why did you decide to come here, really?” she asked me after a few minutes.

“Well, I told you in general, it had to do with Rachel,” I started hesitantly. Dad did a great job of raising me, and I didn’t want to say anything that would cause problems for him.

“Yes,” she said.

“Well, Rachel isn’t a bad person, she’s not even I guess that bad of a step-mom,” started, “but she and I haven’t exactly seen eye-to-eye on things the last couple years since she and Dad married.” I took a sip of the hot chocolate and figured out it was still just a bit too hot to drink. “She loves Dad, but I think she loves him as much for his fame sometimes, as anything. If I do anything that could reflect badly on Dad, she immediately goes on a tirade towards me if he’s not around, about how I shouldn’t do anything to ruin Dad’s reputation…”

Mom nodded, not speaking.

“Anyway, things like my hair are especially sore subjects with her, since she thinks I look like a ‘fairy gay boy,’ as she put it four weeks ago,” I had a couple of stray tears in my eyes. “We fought big time about that one, and she even tried to get me to walk into a barber shop to cut it that day.” I took another sip of hot chocolate, trying to steel myself, “I refused to go in there once I saw where we were, and threw a bit of a tantrum,” I blushed a little bit. The truth was that I had looked like a six-year old throwing a fit that day, and I knew it. “I was literally kicking and screaming at her as she tried to pick me up out of the car.”

I was a bit embarrassed about this, as I knew it was below me.

“I ended up kicking her in the stomach and she called me a few choice names before getting back in the car to drive back home.” I grimaced, “All the way home she screamed at me, about how I was going to turn into my father’s son whether I wanted to or not.” I grimaced, “I was really afraid of that one,” I told Mom. “A few months before this we’d been in the doctor’s office, the three of us, to check on why I wasn’t growing yet. Rachel liked the possibility the doctor brought up of using growth hormones to kick-start everything. Especially since there was a deficiency in hormones at that point,” I added. Mom knew that part, but I don’t think she knew that Rachel wanted me on growth hormones. I saw her face change at that point.

“You’re kidding!” Mom said angrily. I could see that she was beginning to fume a bit.

“I wish I was… but the doctor strongly suggested we wait a few more months first, and Dad was of the opinion that it would be smarter to wait too. When we got home that night she spent the whole night trying to convince him that was the right way to go. He finally had enough and asked, ‘Have you asked Taylor what he thinks?’ She looked at me and I answered without asking, ‘I don’t want hormones.’ That was the end of that as far as Dad was concerned, but she was bound and determined.”

I shook a bit, “The day she had the big fight with me over the hair, I had woken up that morning to find my breasts seemed way too big. They’d been itching the last couple weeks, but that was the first day I noticed them actually growing. I had thought about asking her for advice about the time she did that to me.”

“I don’t blame you for not telling her,” Mom said.

“Well, with the way she said all of that, I was worried she was going to somehow start giving me the hormones without Dad and me knowing. And well… I couldn’t tell Dad, because he genuinely loves her,” I told Mom. “And other than this, she generally is pretty nice.”

“Sweetie, ‘this,’ is unacceptable. You should tell him about this,” she soothed as she came over and invaded the personal space I had created on the couch, wrapping me in her arms.

“I know… but I don’t know how. I don’t want to make Dad become lonely again,” I told her softly. I knew that would make her feel guilty, but it was the truth, she had left Dad. Not for bad reasons or anything, but she had left the two of us.

She gave me a hug, “I won’t tell him, but like I said, you do need to.”

“Who knows, maybe she’ll take care of the issue herself,” I said hesitantly, “I get the feeling that her comments towards me after the results from the doctor’s office were not very nice.”

“Well, I guess at least you’re not there to fight with her all of the time now,” Mom told me.

I nodded, “I couldn’t stay there anymore. I was afraid of her.”

“So, do you think she’s going to flip about you being dressed as a girl?”

“I think so… it makes her step-son, or step-daughter a freak in her mind, I don’t see her dealing well.”

“Taylor,” Mom said holding me back from her so I could see her face, “I promise you that your Dad will not let her ruin your life in any way. We may have had our disagreements in the past, but he’s a good man, and I wouldn’t have left you with him if I didn’t think so.”

I sniffled a bit and nodded.

“I have a feeling your dad has a few suspicions on this,” she told me. “Hang in there,” she added.

“I know,” I sighed.

“I’m not glad for the reason, but I’m really grateful that you decided to come live with me.”

“Me too.” I said, before pausing, “I don’t think Dad would have done well with taking me bra shopping,” I laughed.

“I have a feeling he would have been a little out of his depth there,” Mom admitted.

“Thank you Mom,” I told her. “I’m glad that you are being so cool about all of this.”

“Well, I’d always wanted a daughter,” she told me honestly.

“Mom… what happens if we find out I’m really a boy… and the extra parts are just the accident?”

“What would you like to do then?”

“I don’t know…” I hesitated, “No, I do know. I would rather be a girl. No, scratch that… I think I am a girl.”

“Then I guess it looks like I have a daughter one way or another?” she asked.

I nodded, “Don’t tell Dad about that yet, please,” I added.

“I won’t. A daughter is allowed to have some mother/daughter secrets,” she told me with a smile. We sat together for a few more minutes and I felt my eyes feeling heavy. I yawned.

Mom pushed me up out of the couch, “Come on princess, time for bed,” she told me.

“Princess?” I asked sleepily, “I like that.” I said with a smile.

“We’ll have to make up for a few missed nicknames,” she said with a light laugh as we went upstairs and turned off the lights as we went.

She actually walked with me into my bedroom and tucked me in that night. “What, no bedtime story?” I asked sweetly as she turned off the lights. She laughed and closed the door.

I didn’t fall asleep immediately though. Instead I tossed and turned and wondered what I was going to do about Dad and Rachel. I missed him so much already that I didn’t know how I really was going to make it till Christmas without seeing him. ‘I could probably fly out for a weekend anytime I want,’ I thought. ‘But then I’d have to deal with Rachel,’ I admitted to myself.

As I sat and stared about the room I thought about what things I could do with it to make it more my own. The truth was, even from the first moment I’d stepped into it, I’d loved the way it had been designed. Maybe I could throw up some other artwork on the walls. I’d have to get Alyssa to help me so I avoided it being lame. My last conscious effort that night was to pull Allie into a tighter hug.