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The Legal Stuff: Bears Know Best  © 2012 By Tiffany Shar
 
This is a work of fiction. Names, Characters, places, and incidents either are products of the author's imagination or are used fictitiously, and any resemblance to actual persons, living or dead, businesses, companies, events, or locales is entirely coincidental.

Copyright  © 2012 By Tiffany Shar. All rights reserved. No part of this book may be reproduced, scanned, or distributed in any printed or electronic form without permission.
 
 
Preface
 
 
Like the first three books I posted here on BigCloset, I will be posting a full copy here on BigCloset. I will be posting it up in 28 installments, but that may change if I feel like a posting needs more. The book has a total of 35 chapters and a short epilogue. The full version should be completely posted by September. For those that cannot wait however, I have an e-book version of the full book available from Lulu.com as of today. You may find it at My Store. My assumption is that the majority of my readers would be more interested in this edition of the book rather than a hardback or paperback. There are two types of eBooks available depending on how you wish to read it. One is the ePub format that you should be able to load on any e-reader (you may need an additional app, but I believe all will read it), and the other is a standard PDF formatted file. I believe the PDF is the best way to read it on a computer screen personally. If you enjoy this work perhaps you will consider supporting me by purchasing it ($8.95 for the eBook formatted files).

Thanks again, and I hope you enjoy reading Bears Know Best!

 

I will be traveling the next week through a remote area, so I’m not sure that I will be able to make any more postings this week until late next Sunday. Because of that, I’m going to post two chapters today! Thank you all for reading, and if you get a moment to comment I would love to know what you’re thinking!

Chapter 5: What It Would Be Like

I GRABBED MY key, iPhone, locked the door as we left, and followed her up to her room. “What are we doing?” I asked.

“Just sit down for a minute,” she told me. She went into her closet and began digging through things. I had no idea what she was up to, and ended up staring blankly at a bra she had left sitting hanging on a dresser knob.

‘Should I be wearing those?’ I asked myself. I had little doubt that if I was a girl I would be by now. ‘Would it make them feel better?’ I found myself wondering.

“Okay, so Taylor you are not allowed to freak out on me,” she told me a few minutes later.

“I’m not allowed to freak out on you?” I repeated dumbly. “After you haven’t freaked out on me, I think that’s the least I owe you,” I replied.

She smiled at me and said, “Okay then. You are worried that if you really are a girl, what you would do?”

“Sort of,” I hesitated. I was beginning to guess why she had been digging through her closet.

“Well, let’s see!” she told me. She held up a bright blue, layered skirt, and a white sleeveless t-shirt that matched with it up to it. I couldn’t help but notice the lacy accents to the top of the shirt and the sleeves. It was girlie with a capital G. I looked at her and for the first time noticed she was wearing something similar to it.

I stared at her for a moment, I had guessed where she was going, but I still couldn’t believe it. ‘What’s there to lose?’ I asked myself, and fought an internal battle for several moments. I decided that a practical question was at least in order, “Umm… Alyssa, aren’t you a lot bigger than I am? Your clothes aren’t going to fit me very well,” I told her timidly.

“Now I am, but this is from a couple years ago before I grew…” she said. She seemed to be testing a pond of ice to determine if she was going to slip through.

I sighed, “It can’t hurt,” I told her. Truth be told, I was kind of curious to see how ugly of a girl I would be. I might very well be doomed to a crash course in girlhood, might as well get a head start.

She squealed slightly and bounced on her heels. “Great!” she told me. She seemed to think for a moment and went to her dresser and dug around for a moment. “I think this bra should fit you pretty well actually.” I was embarrassed by the fact she just handed it to me like it was any other clothing. I was worried it was going to smoke and catch on fire in my hands. She noticed and laughed, “It’s okay Taylor,” she said. She dug around a bit more and found an old pair of purple panties from somewhere in her drawer that she seemed to think would fit.

“Okay, I’ll turn around, and you get dressed.” She told me as she handed me the final piece for clothing too.

I sat stunned for a moment with the pile of clothes before shrugging and setting down the clothes on the bed. She turned around, true to her word, and I found myself as red as a beet. I kicked my flip-flops off; before I pulled my shorts, underwear, and t-shirt off fairly quickly.

‘You’re already growing breasts, and have ovaries, what’s this going to hurt?’ I asked myself before hurriedly putting on the panties. It didn’t have the same kind of tag as my underwear — these were printed on like a t-shirt. I figured the writing would go in back. The skirt had elastic to hold up the waist, so I just pulled it up to my waist and tried to follow the same tag rule.

I stared at the bra for a moment, unsure of how to put the device on. I figured the cups obviously went over my breasts, and my arms went through the straps… I got to that point and couldn’t quite figure out how you were supposed to snap the two clips together behind your back. I sat there contorting my arms for several minutes before I felt the two hooks catch.

“Are you almost dressed?” Alyssa pressed excitedly.

“Almost, give me a moment more,” I told her with a sigh. I looked down at my chest and found myself surprised at how well my little boobs filled the bra. I knew the guys at school would have killed to get a view like this from a girl… I shook my head and moved for the final piece of clothing. I pulled the t-shirt over my head. I snagged the rubber band I had holding my hair in its ponytail as it came down.

“Okay,” I said aloud as I pulled the rubber band out of my hair the rest of the way.

“Wow!”

“That bad huh?” I asked.

She had a mirror on her makeup cabinet that I was getting ready to look at, but she said “Hold on, don’t look yet!”

“Why?”

“Well if you’re trying to see if you’ll look good or not as a girl, let me get you all of the way there first.”

“What else?” I asked. She pulled the chair out from her makeup table and faced it away from the mirror it held.

“Sit,” she said simply.

As I sat down she shook her head, “Stand back up,” she told me.

I looked at her, puzzled, “Did I do something wrong?”

She brushed the back of her skirt with her hands and said, “Smooth the skirt out behind you as you sit down.” Alyssa sat down in the chair to demonstrate before having me sit again, “Much better,” she praised.

I heard her gather up some things from the dresser behind me. She stood in front of me and asked, “Taylor, do you trust me?”

“Duh,” I told her with a nervous smile.

“Okay then, put your hands out like this,” she said and she quickly attacked my fairly long nails with a file for a moment. She had me wipe them on a paper towel and then produced a bottle of nail polish that was about the same bright blue as the skirt I had on. Like the expert teenage girl she was, she had my fingernails and toenails painted in a coat of polish quickly. As they dried she sat the polish back behind me and began pulling at my hair with a hairbrush.

She had a spray bottle of water on her cabinet that she used to get it damp to play with. She messed with it for a long time, put a second coat of nail polish on my fingers and toes, and then continued with my hair. She tried a ton of looks before she found one she was happy with. I felt her add some sort of clips to my hair, but without a mirror I couldn’t see what she was doing.

I fidgeted a bit, I was feeling impatient. “Almost done,” she told me with a smile as she peaked back around from behind me. “Close your eyes,” she told me. I did it without question, and felt a bit of panic and surprise as I figured out she was putting makeup on my face. ‘Not that the nail polish wasn’t already something you were going to have to take care of later…’ I told myself. I wasn’t sure what I wanted to see when she finished treating me like a human Barbie Doll. If I looked pretty that would be horrifying to whatever side of my body might be male. On the other hand if I looked ugly and was supposed to be a girl… well that would be pretty terrible too!

“You can open your eyes now,” she told me as she clipped a necklace closed behind me. I found my knees and hands shaking as I felt pressure on each of my ears as she clipped a pair of clip-on earrings onto my ears.

“Okay Taylor, stand up and let’s see,” She told me as she came around and grabbed my shaking hand.

I looked at the girl standing next to Alyssa and froze.

“No way!” was my whispered reaction. I felt my hand move to my face and noticed how the color seemed to go well with my eyes. Alyssa had put a light brown eye shadow with green glitter on my eyes that made them stand out. I just stood there in shock for several moments.

“Well…?” She prompted.

“I’m… I’m…” I couldn’t get the next word out.

“Pretty?”

“Yeah…” I replied.

“I knew you would be.” She said and gave me a hug. I stared at myself some more. The blue skirt went almost to my knees, probably longer than it had on Alyssa, because the top and the skirt were both still slightly too big. Not too noticeably, but as short as I had been all of my life I knew when clothes were too big.

I turned around and noticed the skirt flare out slightly like I had noticed in girls over the years. I smiled a bit as I realized that this didn’t feel wrong. Quite the opposite, it felt right. I wasn’t ready to dress like this for anyone, but if I really was a girl… well, I could deal with this.

Just then the doorbell rang downstairs. “Stay here Taylor, I’ll be right back,” Alyssa told me. I just nodded back dumbly. I still couldn’t believe that was me. I distantly recognized her footsteps disappear downstairs a return a moment later. “Taylor, it’s your mom…”

I shrieked quietly, “Oh no!!!” I said.

“Taylor, don’t panic,” she told me reassuringly. “Why don’t we go down and show her how you look,” she told me.

“But…”

“It’s okay, she won’t scream at you… I kind of already warned her,” she added guiltily.

I glared at her, but couldn’t stay mad at her. “I can see you’re going to be a bad influence on me,” I told her grudgingly.

“Me?” She acted innocent.

“Yes — you! I seem to go along with any crazy suggestions you have. We’ve only known each other for a couple days and you already have me dressing in your clothes. What’s next?” I smiled a little bit as I said it so she would know I wasn’t being too serious.

“Oh, well, don’t worry, I promise I won’t make you jump off any bridges,” she told me.

“Right…” I replied and made to walk downstairs.

“Hold on just a sec Taylor,” she stopped me.

I heard her dig through her closet again before she handed me a set of shoes that looked like a sandal crossed with a corkboard. “These are called wedges,” she told me and sat them on the ground. I placed my feet timidly in the shoes and was amused that they gave me a couple inches boost in height. She buckled a strap on each shoe before standing up and smiling at me.

“Well I guess I can cheat on my height issues if I’m really a girl,” I told her.

She laughed.

“Assuming I don’t die walking around in these,” I added.

She laughed some more and led me downstairs. I was terrified of falling enough that I kept a hand on the rail all the way down. Thankfully the shoes were strapped to my feet… if they were a flip-flop style like she had on I might have killed myself!

I found my mom standing in the entryway and watched her jaw literally drop. She rushed up to me and hugged me, “You look beautiful,” she exclaimed.

‘Well at least she’s not freaking out about me being dressed in Alyssa’s clothes,’ I thought to myself.

“Thanks,” was my reply.

She pushed me back to arms length and said, “I really mean that Taylor, you could be one of the prettiest girls your age…”

“If I was a girl…” I added.

“You might be,” she said quietly as she hugged me again.

Her purse was around her shoulder and she began digging through it for something. She pulled her own iPhone out and said, “Smile!”

“Mom!” I exclaimed in surprise as she took a picture of me. I watched the flash go and was as worried about my expression as anything.

She smiled at me.

“At least let me take one with some warning!” I said while unknowingly stomping my right foot. I heard Alyssa giggle next to me. I stuck my tongue out at her.

“Okay,” she said. “Three, Two, One,” this time I smiled and stood with my hands clasped in front of me. I had my nails showing outward as she snapped that one. I walked around her to where I could see.

“That’s a good one,” she said, and I felt my jaw drop again.

I really did look like a pretty girl! ‘I still look like a ten year old,’ I told myself, ‘but I look… more like myself,’ I admitted.

“Nice job with the makeup Alyssa,” Mom appraised as she stared at me some more.

“Thanks Ms. Redding,” she said.

“Alyssa, please call me Heather,” Mom told her.

“Umm… Okay,” she said unconvinced.

“So what do you want to do tonight, Taylor?” Mom asked.

“I don’t really know,” I said. I was kind of surprised that I didn’t feel nearly as depressed as I had a couple hours ago. I had been surprised by the clock on Mom’s iPhone that it said it was as late as it was. I looked at Alyssa for ideas and she shrugged.

“Well… I notice you’re wearing a bra…” Mom could always find ways to make my face turn red with embarrassment.

“Umm… yeah,” I told her.

“Dr. Moore made a suggestion to me while you were changing back from into your clothes earlier that with as… umm… large as you have already gotten that it might be a good idea for you to wear one regularly…”

I found my mouth involuntarily open at that. “You mean wear bras on a normal basis?”

“They don’t have to be Victoria Secret and lacey,” she told me. “They don’t even all necessarily have to be traditional bras. We could buy you some sports bras that are more like a tank top,” she added.

“A bra is a bra,” I told her unconvinced. I moved my hand unconsciously along the top tier of the skirt I was wearing and sighed. “Sure,” I told her. “Let me go upstairs and change back into my clothes.”

“Why?” Alyssa asked.

“Umm… because it would be weird to go out like this?”

“Actually I think you’ll draw less attention this way,” she replied.

“What?” I asked. I was more than slightly shocked by all of this.

“Look, yesterday you were too scared to go into the men’s restroom at that restaurant, right?” She asked.

I just nodded.

“Everyone assumes you’re a girl when you’re in boy clothes. Why would being dressed like this be a problem?” She asked. I just stared at her. “I’ll go with you guys?” She suggested.

I sighed as I looked at my mom, she nodded to everything Alyssa said. “Okay, but only if you go,” I told her.

“Great!!!” she squealed. “Let me call my parents and let them know I’m going shopping with you guys.” She ran upstairs and returned with her purse, my iPhone, and another purse in hand.

As she dialed her phone to talk to her mom she handed me my iPhone and the other purse. “Here, so you have somewhere to keep your phone and stuff,” she told me.

I turned bright red. The purse was a denim purse that wasn’t all that large. I was able to put my iPhone in it and turned an even brighter shade of red when I saw the tampon that was in there too. ‘If your ovaries were to work you would need those,’ a voice inside my head told me. I shook it to try and knock that voice into silence.

‘What in the world is going on?’ I asked myself. ‘We’re planning on going shopping with me dressed as a girl for bras to hold breasts I shouldn’t have…’

Alyssa’s mom spoke to my mom for a few minutes and then we went over to our house and climbed in the backseat of my mom’s car. I swear I saw my mom smile at me as I smoothed the skirt out underneath me as I sat down. I blushed at that. As we drove away I thought about the fact I had left my wallet and money sitting in my room upstairs, but one look at my mom’s face told me that I didn’t need it. ‘What did I get myself in to?’

THE THREE OF us ended up singing along with the radio together on the drive in to Mentor, where Alyssa thought we would have the best chance for shopping. Other than bras though, I didn’t really know what we were looking for. As Mom pulled into the mall parking lot I felt a knot in my stomach. It was only the tug of Alyssa’s hand that managed to pull me out of the car. “Don’t forget your purse,” Mom told me as I stood up.

As I slung the purse over my shoulder I couldn’t help but smile a little at the picture of the three of us going into the mall. I knew for a fact that I looked more like my mom’s little sister than her daughter. “Where are we going?” I asked.

“Well… for a bra fitting,” Mom stated the semi-obvious.

Screech! I just stopped for a second. “Umm… does that mean I have to let someone… umm… see my chest?”

Mom and Alyssa both grabbed hold of an arm and led me forward, “Of course,” Alyssa said.

“Of course,” I muttered underneath my breath. ‘This won’t be embarrassing at all…’

We continued walking until we came to a JC Penney’s store. “They should be able to fit you in here,” Mom told me. “Unless you’d rather go to Victoria’s Secret,” she added softly to me.

I turned another shade of red again. This was beyond embarrassing! The thing that bothered me though, was that I wasn’t offended… this was just my mom embarrassing me. I wasn’t bothered by any of the rest of it. Alyssa and my mom led the way to the lingerie department and my mom found a lady working there. “Is it possible for my daughter to get a bra fitting?” She said it while holding her arms around my shoulders and presented me to the lady.

‘My daughter…’ should have sounded like poison in my ears, but it really sounded quite pleasant.

“Certainly, if she’ll follow me, I’ll measure her back here.” The three of us followed her back to a dressing area and she asked me to turn around. She used a cloth tape measure underneath my breasts, and then on top.

“What size bra is this one sweetheart?” she asked.

“I don’t know, it was a hand me down,” I answered honestly. I could see Alyssa smirk to the side. She wrote down the measurements and did some quick math. “Hrmm… you definitely are ready for a bra, I’m going to have to look to find some that are in your small band size,” she said. She led the way around the department and we gathered up some options to try on.

In the end I spent a half-hour trying on bras there. We managed to find five that fit well, and thankfully four of them were pretty discreet in color. One of them was a bright pink with a white bow tied in the middle. I didn’t want to get it, but Alyssa said, “It’s pretty!” I sighed and agreed. With five bras in the crook of my mother’s arm we walked over to the athletic section of the girl’s department and picked out three white, and one black sports bra that rounded out a collection of bras that no boy should ever need to have.

We headed back to the lingerie section to checkout. “Don’t you want the panties to match this bra?” the clerk asked me while pointing to the pink one.

“Umm… sure, I didn’t see them though,” I lied. The last thing I wanted to do was her to think I was a boy.

She pointed them out. I bit my lip, “Can I get them Mommy?” I asked to disguise my absolute horror and embarrassment.

“Of course,” she smiled at me and helped me find the smallest size there was. I hoped it was small enough!

The clerk bagged up our purchases and I asked, “What now?”

“Why don’t we take these two bags back out to the car and we’ll walk through the rest of the mall?” Mom suggested.

I cringed a bit inwardly, but nodded, “Okay.” At least I didn’t have to walk around with two bags of bras though for the rest of the trip…

Mom opened the back of her SUV and I placed both of the bags down on the floor. As soon as we closed the door it was time for the real doom to start! I think the only stores we didn’t go into were the video game and Goth stores…

“Ooh! That’s a really good deal!” Alyssa said, catching my arm and pointing me towards a rack.

I followed her gaze to a rack full of shorts on sale two for one. We were in a shop that had both guys and girls clothes, but we were most definitely on the girls side. Mom saw it too, “Taylor, why don’t you try on a few pairs,” she suggested to me.

My mouth went wide, “Why?”

“I think you could use a few new pairs of shorts,” she told me.

I thought about arguing, but in a store in a mall I had no doubt that a girl not wanting to try on new clothes her mother was willing to buy her would seem weird. I sighed and said, “I guess, help me pick out a few pairs.” Mom and Alyssa went to work helping me pick out six pairs of shorts in the smallest size the store had.

“I hate to say it, but you are probably going to have to stay in girls sizes for jeans,” Alyssa told me quietly.

‘Why was I going to have to wear girls jeans at all?’ I asked myself. ‘Oh, right, might be a real girl…’

As I tried on each pair Mom and Alyssa gave their opinion. “I like that pair, they’re almost too big though,” Mom said.

“I think they’ll be okay,” I said.

“It’s close,” Alyssa replied.

We ended up getting two pairs of shorts there that seemed to be marginally smaller than the others. “You know, you can’t tell anyone where you bought them, but Justice might have better sizing,” Alyssa told me as she nudged me in the direction of a store overflowing with bubble gum pink displays.

“And why couldn’t I tell anyone where I bought them?” I asked, and added slyly, “I may never talk about this shopping trip anyway!”

She smiled at me, “It’s meant for ‘tween’ girls, like through fifth or sixth grade.”

“Oh…” I grimaced. Even as a girl I would be too short and petite to look like a real teenager!

Mom hugged my shoulders and said, “Don’t worry — we won’t buy you any of the t-shirts!” Thankfully Alyssa’s giggles weren’t loud enough to attract attention.

I saw what she meant about the logo t-shirts as we walked in, but Alyssa managed to lead us over to their jeans and shorts area. “Actually these aren’t too bad,” she said as she held a pair up to me. They looked exactly like what most of the girls in school had worn, just in a smaller size. It looked like some of the pairs even had the premade holes in them that had girls constantly sent to the office in my last school.

“Let’s try a size twelve,” she suggested and we began digging through racks. Mom also grabbed some pairs of tens on a whim too. Too soon I was in the dressing room trying on pair after pair of shorts that did seem to fit a lot better, well at least the tens. Maybe too much better! I didn’t quite realize how far the trip had grown out of hand, until Mom passed me three skirts to try on.

“Mom,” I hissed.

“Please?” She said with a smile and pleading eyes.

I sighed, “I guess.”

All three actually looked good, and before I knew it we were buying those, the shorts, some socks, a pair of pajamas, and a pair of jeans. As we left they saw some bras that might actual fit my band size a little bit better, but I protested that the others fit fine and we kept moving. I was sort of smiling as we left and walked down the mall some more. With the Justice shopping bags in hand I had no doubt my age had just decreased.

We ran through store after store, but for the most part managed to leave empty handed. An exception to that was Claire’s, where Mom got a little carried away with Alyssa’s help. I ended up with six pairs of clip-on earrings, three necklaces, several bracelets, and most importantly to them — a ton of hair accessories.

“We really need to do something with your hair,” Mom reminded me.

“I know, but I really don’t know what to do with it now,” I complained.

“I know sweetheart, thanks for being a good sport on this trip.”

All told the rest of the mall only yielded four t-shirts, I mean blouses, two tank tops, a package of four camisoles, and two sets of jogging clothes. “You might as well get a couple sets if you’re going to be dragging me jogging every morning,” Alyssa had said.

We had just returned to the car with that haul when Alyssa smacked her head with her hand. “Shoes!”

“Is that the Ohio way of saying crap?” I asked her.

She stuck her tongue out at me, and Mom said, “You’re right Alyssa, but why don’t we go ahead and get dinner first and then we’ll go back and do some shoe shopping?”

‘Thank you Mom!’ I thought loudly as my stomach growled.

“Okay,” Alyssa agreed.

When I climbed into the back seat I couldn’t help but notice the depth of the bags behind me. I remembered to smooth my skirt before I sat, and then stared out the window quietly as we drove a little ways to a restaurant. I had a feeling that if the doctor hadn’t discovered what she’d found today, I’d really think this was wrong and disgusting. ‘I probably should still feel that way,’ I reasoned to myself. The truth of the matter was that I had a lot of fun in the last couple hours. I made a much better girl than I did a boy; I had no doubt of that.

“You okay?” Alyssa asked.

“I guess…” I started, “No not really,” I added honestly.

“Should we stop?” Mom asked from the front seat.

I sighed, “No. I’m actually having a bit of fun, but that’s what worries me.”

“With everything going on today, I guess maybe we have gone a little overboard,” Alyssa admitted.

I reached over and squeezed her hand, “If this is a little overboard, I’m really scared to see a lot overboard!”

She giggled, “Just wait, I’ll show you sometime!”

“Are we going to tell Dad about this?” I asked mom.

“Not if you don’t want to,” Mom told me.

I sighed, “I hate keeping secrets from him… I don’t want him to totally freak out more though. It took everything I could do to keep him from jumping on the next plane out here earlier.”

“Taylor, I don’t think he’ll have a problem with it.” She seemed amused by something, “You know it’s a really good thing that we picked out a name that could be a boy or a girl’s name!”

“Maybe just a bit prescient?” I suggested.

“Maybe.” She said, pausing, “When you were born they had actually said you were supposed to be a girl all the way until the very last ultrasound before you were born. All of the sudden they could see that you were a boy in the image, but before that we had been preparing for a girl. The name was one we liked, and since it could work for a boy too we just kept it,” her voice had sounded a million miles away, but it made me wonder what had gone wrong.

“I think it’s a great name,” Alyssa told us with a smile.

“It is lucky though, you’re right,” I began towards Mom. “If for whatever reason this resolves into me being really a girl… well, at least the name on the paperwork I have still works.”

‘Good thing my dad is rich, and my mom is a lawyer, so that they can sort out the rest of the problems…’ I added silently.

We pulled into a chain restaurant and the hostess seated us right away. Dinner seemed to give my fears a chance to go away, and I just relaxed to enjoy being with Alyssa and my mom. Alyssa was definitely the type of person that, if I were a girl, would be my ‘BFF.’ Of course I might be.

I was famished from all of the walking around, stress from my situation, and everything else, so my food didn’t last long in front of me. It didn’t help that I’d only pecked at lunch, and never really had breakfast. My face flushed a little bit when mom said, “Take smaller bites, and don’t stuff your mouth like a chipmunk.”

I did try, but it was hard to unlearn that habit. I’d spent six of the last eight years living with my dad, who definitely didn’t take ‘smaller bites.’

‘Dad…’ I thought. ‘What in the world would he say to me right now?’ I had a good idea that his teammates would certainly not be too kind. ‘If I really am a girl, then there’s nothing wrong with this…’ I couldn’t help but adding to myself, ‘But, if I’m really a boy… does this make me gay?’ I spent the majority of dinner pounding my brain about what was going on. I had just decided I kind of liked dressing to match the way I looked except for the pain of the clip-on earrings I had on. I decided to pull them off my ears and was massaging my sore earlobes when I noticed Mom had a guilty expression on her face.

“Sweetie, I’m really sorry… We pushed you too far, didn’t we?” Mom asked.

I shrugged, “Yeah, but it’s okay,” I added while deciding to put the earrings into my purse for the rest of the trip.

“Look, we’ll finish up eating and skip going to look for shoes…” She started.

“No Mom, it’s really okay.” I told her with more conviction in my voice. “I have no clue what’s going on right now… I’m probably some sort of freak of nature,” she grimaced, “but, I don’t feel like this is wrong at all. In fact, it’s kind of nice to be dressed to match the way everyone already sees me.”

She nodded, not smiling yet.

“I mean, I don’t honestly think I could shave my head and convince people I was a boy, do you?”

Alyssa answered, “No, I’d just think you were a tomboy or a lesbian or something.”

‘Thanks Alyssa, blunt!’ I thought to myself.

“I’m not saying I’m ready to go to school like this… or even wear the new clothes every day, but I’m glad we bought them so I have the options. Especially since I have no idea what the checkbox on all of the forms for the rest of my life is going to say.”

Alyssa squeezed me in a hug from beside me, and Mom grasped my hand across the table. “You always have been way more mature for your age than anyone other child I’ve known.”

“Thanks…” I said.

“It’s too bad you can’t fit into the clothes that match your maturity,” Alyssa joked next to me.

I stuck my tongue out at her, “Not fair.”

“I think we should go back and hit Justice some more, I think some of those t-shirts would really make it obvious that you’re eight years old,” she mocked next to me.

I did the only thing I could think of in retaliation, I poked her in the side. All she did was grin back at me; there was no justice in this world. ‘Plenty of bad puns in my mind though…’ I added as I thought that.

“I take it you two are ready?” Mom asked.

“Sure,” I heard Alyssa say in unison with me. We looked at each other and giggled.

Mom drove back to the mall, and we began hunting for shoes. I don’t use the word hunting lightly! Shopping for shoes with the two of them was every bit as much of a hunt as anything my dad had drug me on as a kid. We ended up combing about half-a-dozen stores looking for more shoes than I had as a boy. After another hour of shopping we had in hand a pair of simple flip-flops, a nicer pair of white wedges kind of like I had on, a pair of decent running shoes, a pair of slippers, and a set of white and black ‘flats.’

“Do I have enough shoes yet?” I asked exasperated and tired.

“Nope!” Alyssa said.

I grimaced, “Really?”

“Really! A girl can never have too many shoes!!!”

Mom laughed and nodded.

Alyssa’s excitement in regards to shoes was kind of catching so I smiled back at her. My feet were currently dying in the wedge’s I’d worn. My shins and ankles felt like they were on fire, and I wasn’t sure how I was going to walk back to the car, let alone walk through even more shoe stores!

“Oh no!” Alyssa said suddenly.

“What?” I asked as Mom turned her head.

“Swimsuit!” She said.

“Umm… I’m not exactly planning on going swimming like this…” I told her.

“Maybe, maybe not, but you should still have something in case maybe we go down to the beach or something.”

I groaned. We were passing by Justice again and Alyssa suggested we go check in there, since the rest of their clothing had fit me better. After digging through the racks for a couple minutes we found a bikini that looked like it could have come from the juniors department of another store. “Well, go try it on!” Mom encouraged me.

To say I was mortified, well, a skirt is one thing — a bikini, something entirely different. I took off everything I had on, and slipped the bottom on. I noticed that it had a piece of tissue paper in the bottom, ‘That’s different,’ I thought to myself as I slipped it all the way up. It was a good fit, and I was kind of surprised that I couldn’t see a lump down there that could give me away. The top perplexed me for several minutes. I found out later it was called a ‘halter top,’ and it took me several tries to tie the string behind my neck.

“Mom, can you come in here…?”

She came through the door I unlatched, and breathed in deeply. “That looks great on you sweetheart!” She practically squealed. She had me turn around, and I could tell she was looking for any tell-tale signs herself. Having breasts that filled out the top didn’t hurt my fit into the suit. “Let’s show Alyssa and see what she thinks,” Mom said.

My eyes were probably as wide as they could have been, but mom dragged me out to the hallway. “What do you think?” I hear Mom ask through a fog.

“OH MY GOD! It looks great!!!” Alyssa said. “You soooo have to get it!”

I sighed, “I’ll go change and we’ll pay for it?” I looked at Mom. Today could not have been a cheap shopping trip. If this was a one-day thing, she had certainly spent way too much money on these clothes. I suppose she could always take them back if she wanted to.

As soon as Mom paid we made our way back down the mall towards the car for the final time. It had been an incredibly long day, and as soon as I sat down in the car I could feel my eyelids drooping. ‘What am I?’ was the last thing I thought as Mom pulled away.

 
 

Chapter 6: Expectations

I WAS DISORIENTED as I felt a nudge, a poke, and finally someone tickling my side! I jumped and squealed and sleepily turned towards my attacker, “Stop it,” I pouted.

“We’re home,” Alyssa told me. I looked out the window and could see we were at home in the garage already. The door was still open behind us.

“Ugh…” I complained.

“Are you this grouchy in the morning?” Alyssa asked me.

“Always,” Mom answered. I stuck my tongue out at her, that wasn’t fair!

“I guess I’ve been warned for future sleepovers!” Alyssa said bemusedly.

‘Sleepovers?’ I thought to myself. ‘Well I think Alyssa at least has decided I’m really a girl… Sure would be nice if I knew!’

“Anyway, thanks for taking me with you guys,” Alyssa told us as we all climbed out.

“Thanks for coming,” I found myself saying, before rushing over to her and giving her a hug. “Thank you,” I said more.

She hugged me back, “Anytime Taylor, I can’t imagine what this is like for you.”

We parted and I turned back to see Mom opening the back of the Escape, and a view of all of the damage from today. I gasped as I came to understand just how much stuff we really had bought!

“Come on Taylor, these bags aren’t going to make it inside on their own!” Mom told me.

I sighed and started to grab as many bags as I could for the first run inside. “Let’s just set everything in the living room for now, that way it’s not as far to the laundry room,” Mom told me as we walked in the door. It took us each three loads to get everything inside, and I could feel my eyes bugging out.

“I think this is more than I brought with me from Atlanta…”

Mom shrugged, “It might be, but if you are a girl, this is barely a start…”

I don’t know why, but I started to cry then. I found myself in my mom’s embrace, and couldn’t stop crying for the third time today. ‘What’s wrong with me?’ I asked myself as I hiccupped and couldn’t seem to stop crying, no matter what.

“Shhh, it’s okay Taylor,” I heard Mom soothe. She eventually led me to the couch and held my shoulders and head as I continued crying for an untold amount of time. When I finally managed to start to breathe again, and stopped doing more than sniffling, Mom said, “I’m sorry we pushed you so far today Taylor, we can take all of this back if you want,” she seemed to be jumping to the obvious conclusion that I didn’t want to be a girl.

I shook my head, “No, that’s just it, I liked the clothes when I tried them on earlier,” I sniffled and took a Kleenex she offered me. “I think I’m more worried if I’m supposed to be a…” I just couldn’t finish the sentence.

“Boy?” she somehow guessed correctly.

I nodded again. She sat there with me silently, waiting for me to speak. “It’s just… that I think I’m actually pretty…”

“You were until the mascara gave way,” Mom told me wryly.

I felt my hands go up involuntarily to my face. I remembered seeing a couple of ‘raccoon eyed’ girls at school before. “Oh no…!” I said.

“It’s okay Taylor, we’ll go wash your face off in a minute, go on.”

“I know you left me with Dad because you thought he would be better off money wise…”

“He was Taylor, and I don’t think I made the wrong choice,” she told me sadly. I looked in her eyes and noticed for the first time how guilt ridden they were on this subject. I had literally hated her for leaving me for the last eight years. It was only Rachel getting worse and worse that had driven me to consider the inconceivable idea of moving to live with her. I felt her squeeze me again.

“But Dad… well, we’re not even close to the same! I love him, but I’m never going to grow up and be in the NFL like him. I don’t think I’d even be allowed near the high school football team here… Not that I’d want to either…” I told her ashamed.

She gave me another hug, “You know not every boy grows up wanting to be an NFL star,” she told me.

“Most do though! And given my Dad plays the coaches all assumed I’d want to too. He never pressured me to play, and I loved him for that, but the coaches all wrongly assumed that he expected me to play.”

“I know sweetheart,” Mom sighed.

“What do you mean you know?” I asked. “How could you know any of this?”

“Taylor, when you first told your dad about wanting to move in with me, he and I had several really long conversations over the phone about all of this. Your dad is much smarter than I think you give him credit for sometimes, he really isn’t just a dumb football playing jock. That’s why I knew he would go all the way when I met him,” she added. “He’s seen all of that, and even talked to the coaches last year about it. I just don’t think it did much good with them.”

I couldn’t believe that. They’d never let up for one minute, and mid-season it had gotten worse, ‘I wonder if that was before or after that conversation?’

“And, don’t think he doesn’t know about the battles between you and Rachel either. She must have some positives, because I think he does love her, but he can see what she was doing to you. He and I decided that letting you come up here would be a good idea for your sake, because of all of that” she finished.

I was stunned, as little as the two of them seemed to have talked over the years, I think I’d been wrong about all of that. ‘I wonder how many other things I’ve been wrong about with Dad…?’

“Sweetie, I don’t know for a fact what is going to happen with your tests.” She paused and wiped away a tear from her own eye, “I do know that you do seem to have gotten much more of me in you, than your dad, and I kind of have my own intuition about everything now. If you are a boy, then that is fine, and both of us will love you no matter what. If you should have really been my little baby girl instead, well I know both of us will love you no matter what then too.” Mom reassured me.

“I’m sorry I keep making you repeat all of this,” I told her turning red. Being called a baby was always embarrassing. It brought back too many taunts from school…

She gave me another hug. “It’s okay.”

“So have you told dad about today yet?” She looked at me, and I knew she understood I meant ‘today’ now as dressing as a girl.

“No…” She paused, “I thought I’d let you decide on whether the time is right to tell him… or not.”

“I need to… at least part of it,” I replied.

“Then do so, I don’t want for you to start keeping secrets from your dad,” she smiled.

I looked up at the living room clock and saw it was already 9:30 pm. “It’s already that late?” I asked in surprise. I had glanced at my iPhone as we got out of the car it had only been eight. ‘I cried for over an hour?’ I couldn’t believe that.

“Your dad should still be up,” she reminded me. How she knew as much as she did still surprised me. “May I suggest we take care of your face first though?”

I blushed and nodded vigorously. Mom led me upstairs to her bathroom, since I didn’t have anything in mine to take makeup off! She showed me how to use a few different moist towels, some sort of eye makeup remover, and then finally another soap she had me use on my face. After about five minutes of scrubbing she pronounced my face clean. “You know, if you do end up going this route, we’re going to have to get you some of your own makeup… I didn’t even think about it while we were out,” she said while going red in the face like I always did.

“Yeah…” I trailed off. “I don’t think I could have done that today though,” I added.

She hugged me and nodded. I could see our combined reflection in the bathroom mirror and smiled a bit. If this was a mother and son, this was all wrong… but if it was really the mother and daughter that it appeared to be… well, it seemed like a cute picture. I went back downstairs and found ‘my’ purse on the table. I removed my iPhone, and was about to dial, when I had an idea, “Mom, could you please send me that picture you took of me, earlier?”

She looked at me in surprise, but found her own phone and sent me a text message with it attached. I figured I might as well show Dad if it came up in conversation. I bit my lip and debated how wise this whole thing was, before sitting down on the couch in the living room and pressing the home button down for a second. “Call Dad,” I said to my iPhone. Siri was kind enough to dial with less work from me… ‘Not that it’s much work,’ I smiled to myself. I really enjoyed playing with this phone.

“Taylor!” I heard my dad say as he picked up.

“Hi Dad,” I said, somewhat timidly.

“Are you alright?” He said with concern, “I’m sorry I wasn’t able to talk longer earlier,” he added.

“Not completely,” I answered honestly, “but I don’t think I’ll ever be quite the same after today…”

“I’m so sorry Taylor, and I hate the fact that you’re so far away right now,” he added sadly.

“It’s okay Dad,” I replied. “Honestly, I think it’s better this way… Mom knows more about boobs than you do,” I laughed, trying to lighten things up.

He chuckled on the other side of the phone. “So what did you do the rest of the day?” He asked.

“Well…” I paused. At least if he got mad he couldn’t ground me from 800 miles away. ‘He could take away your allowance I guess… Oh well, I’m not going to keep secrets from him with this,’ I told myself. “I think I told you about Alyssa?”

“Is that your new friend next door?” he asked tentatively. “Is she cute?”

“Umm… yeah,” I told him to placate him. This was going to be tough. “She came over not long after we got home and I ended up talking with her a long time before I called you this afternoon.”

“So she’s becoming a good friend?” He asked. I wondered if he could tell by the way I was talking about her that I wasn’t thinking ‘hot date’ like he was.

“Yeah, she is,” I said with a smile. “Anyway, Mom had to go into the office for a couple hours to clear up some things with a client, so Alyssa and I went back over to her house.” I wondered if I could really do this, “Alyssa talked me into seeing… well, seeing what I would look like if well, we’ve been wrong all of these years.”

“You mean, a girl?” he asked. Somewhat to my amazement he didn’t sound hurt, angry, or surprised.

“Yeah.” I said simply.

“So?” He asked.

“So?” I replied dumbly back.

“How did you look?”

“Umm… here, hold on a second,” I told him. I hit the home button to get over to the texting app, clicked on the photo, and forwarded it to him. “It took a moment to send, but I said, “See for yourself?”

It took a few moments, all silent, but the photo came in to dad’s phone, and I could hear him breathe in sharply as he looked at it. “Wow… you look just like your mother…”

“I’m sorry Dad, I won’t do it again,” I stared.

“Taylor, wait.” He said, interrupting me. I stopped, ready to listen. “Look, I told you this afternoon, if there was a mistake, and you really are my daughter, then so be it…” He stopped for a moment, and it sounded like he might have been wiping away a tear. ‘Dad, crying?’ I asked myself in surprise. “And, even if you have boy DNA, and are supposed to be just as much of a muscular Neanderthal like I am, I’d still be okay with it, if it’s who you are and who you want to be,” He added.

It was a good thing that I’d washed the rest of the mascara off of my face, because it would have just been more of a mess now. “I love you Dad,” I managed to choke out.

“And I love you too Taylor. I mean it though, if you find that you’re better off or more comfortable dressing and acting as a girl… that’s okay with me.” He seemed to be at a loss for words again, “Honestly I think you make a very pretty girl, maybe this is the way things were meant to be.”

The two of us talked for a few minutes back and forth about some other things to try and lighten up the mood. I asked him about how the summer camp was going so far. “It’s going pretty good, we have a few smart aleck high school kids that I’ve been enjoying using as tackling dummies,” I could sense the smile on his side of the phone. Dad, wasn’t just good at playing football, he loved playing it! It was definitely his passion, and I would never speak ill of that, ever.

Dad began talking about his passion and all about the plays and technique that they were teaching at the camp. Though it bored me out of my mind, I let him talk just to hear his voice. I finally asked one more question, “Umm… Dad?”

“Have you told Rachel, yet?”

“Umm…” I heard him pause, “I did tell her a little bit…”

“Why do I have the feeling that she wasn’t very nice?” I asked.

“Because you know her too well?” He said sadly. “I think she’ll come around once we have a definite diagnosis from the doctors.”

I didn’t push anymore on that. “So I guess I should probably let you get going since it’s kind of late,” I told him.

“Yeah, you should probably be getting to bed… well, so should I. We’re kicking the boys out of bed early to work out tomorrow.”

“Have fun,” I told him. I meant it too.

“I will…” he trailed off for a moment. “Umm… Taylor, I’m going to put an extra bit of money in your account tomorrow when we get a break,” he told me.

“Why?” I asked.

“Well… I figure you don’t have any girl’s clothes, right?” I smiled, and decided not to let him in on that yet.

“Not really,” I said and kind of grimaced as I looked at the sacks that Mom was quietly going through and organizing their contents on the kitchen table.

“I don’t want you to have to borrow your friend’s clothes if you decide that you want to wear girl’s things,” he told me. “Plus, your mom mentioned earlier that the doctor said a bra might help with the extra assets, and those aren’t cheap, so do what you will with it, okay?”

“Thanks,” I said. I was grateful that he’d given permission to what I’d already done today with Mom.

“Anyway, I’ll send you a text when I put it in, okay?”

“Kay, Dad, I love you.”

“I love you too Taylor. Have a good night and I’ll talk to you soon.”

I breathed in deeply as I brought my phone away from my ear. I felt better now.

“Everything okay?” Mom asked.

I stepped up to go help her with the bags, “Yes, Dad really is awesome sometimes,” I told her.

“How so?”

“Well, he didn’t freak out about seeing me in a skirt, and… well, he kind of gave me permission to do what we did today, and go shopping.” I added.

“So all of this happens tomorrow?” She suggested with a wink.

“Uh-huh,” I told her. “But, maybe we can go ahead and think about makeup tomorrow?” I asked. ‘Where in the world did that come from?’ a voice inside my head asked.

She seemed as surprised as the voice inside my head was. “Umm… sure, maybe we can go into Erie, or maybe more properly into Mayfield Heights or something,” she suggested. “I do have to go into work tomorrow though. I have two cases that are supposed to be in court in the morning.”

“I’m sorry if I kept you from those today,” I apologized.

She gave me a big hug, “Taylor, I’m so happy to actually have you back in my life I don’t mind in the least.” She ruffled my hair a little. “Maybe I’ll see if we can get an appointment to do something with your hair too while we’re at it.”

I grimaced a little, “Nothing permanent?”

She looked apologetic, “We’ll get them to do something that could be changed into a boy’s haircut?”

I thought for a second, ‘Well I want to get makeup, we’ve spent a ton of money on girls’ clothes, and most importantly I probably have girl’s parts inside, and I definitely have breasts…’ “Okay.”

“Okay then, let’s get some of this stuff washed so you can wear it tomorrow.”

We spent the next half-hour taking tags off of a set of running shorts, a sports bra, and a top to get me through the morning run, and then a couple sets of clothes that I could choose from in the morning. Mom didn’t really like washing everything all at once, but other than the bras everything went into the washer together for the next day. “It’s on ‘Cold,’ Mom, it’ll be okay.”

“Laundry lessons from your Dad…” she had complained. But, the truth was neither of us wanted to do laundry until midnight. We did take all of the hand wash stuff like my new bras, a few pairs of underwear, and my bikini over to the kitchen sink and she showed me how to hand wash them. We laid everything out to dry on some mesh drying racks before calling it a night.

It was midnight before I crawled into bed, and I couldn’t believe how much had happened in twenty-four hours.