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Every morning, I get up, look at this body of mine, and wonder how I can possibly make being female work. I mean, put it in a suit and have it lose 50 pounds, and it would probably be called "handsome".
And yet here I am, trying to change that, and somehow make this body pass as a woman's.
Its dam hard, and sometimes, it feels like a hopeless task, so why do I bother?
I've never had enough discipline in my life to reach any goal I've set, so why do I think this will be any different than when I tried to become a nurse, or before that a teacher?
Because being a woman, even if its only by sufferance, feeds a part of my heart and soul that was starving when I tried to be a man.
I've got a lot of flaws that have nothing to do with my gender - a tendensy to hide from my problems, a struggle to see myself as a worthwhile human being, a lack of overall maturity, but maybe, just maybe I can get a little better at those over time.
one way or another, I have to keep going. The alternative is to die inside, and probably shortly afterward die on the outside too.
ah, well.
Comments
Fear for you.
One of the first things we as trans women develop is super critical views of our selves and the fear of just being. I am 6'2" with eyes of blue and I have been referred to as Zena the Amazon in our apartment complex. But the confidence I walk with is my own inner knowledge of my completeness as a woman and my acceptance of my self. Just give people enough consistent clues and walk proud that will do wonders for your public appearances. There are an enormous number of us older women who have slightly or pronounced masculine features but people clue off of dress mannerisms ect ect. Most people want to be polite you need to focus on this as being the norm and your body language will sell the rest, People see what there minds tell them and if 8 out of 10 features say female there minds will Fill in the blanks.
Just please do not beat your self up love your self instead.
Huggles
Michele
With those with open eyes the world reads like a book
Handsome
Some where in the passage of time handsome has meant a nice looking male, Before that handsome was meant as a man with womanly features.
I'd rather be handsome than a manly man.
I was tore apart mentally by my mom,grandparents and others so I didn't have low self esteem, I had no self esteem. I was made to feel like a freak and as I grew older and got away from my family. Two marriages kaput. I now live 24 seven as a female. I used to hide my two tattoos, but lately I've been in sundresses and sleeveless dresses not afraid to be who I am.
I used to blame everyone for my failures and I was hard on myself for my ineptness. Since transitioning I've gaine self esteem, scoff at those who think ill of me and I tell myself constantly I am who I am, if they don't like it then they have issues.
Being female isn't about the clothes, its how one carries herself and her own personal self esteem. I can admit mistakes, cry when I want to get my hair done to make my day better and have worthwhile conversations with girlfriends that are interesting and intellectual. I like to see a good looking man and I hate conversations where my breast seem to have grown lips to converse with a male. I get cat calls and ignore them. the idea is to never let someone gain empowerment over you.
Becoming a female is not an over night venture its days and weeks and months leaning the little things a woman does with herself to be out and about.
I've read a lot of you blogs. for ourself write out what you expect your feminine self to be and do, be realistic. Baby steps first...
Jill Micayla
Be kinder than necessary,Because everyone you meet
Is fighting some kind of battle.
Babe inside!! <---- imagine intel logo here
Today my mother and i put new brakes on our van. Covered in gease and brake dust we didnt worry about what other people think. Being TS isnt about being all femme and girlie. Some of us are cursed by below average looks. Without us the good looking people would just be average. Ugly or unattractive people need to quit wishing we could appear on Baywatch and make the best out of what we have.
When i was 14 my mother caught me dressed up. Then 3 days of wear what you like later she stripped naked at 400lbs and asked me... Is this what you want???!!! I cowered under the confrontation and shook my head and said no but inside i was thinking NO!! I WANT TO BE PRETTY!!! I wanted the boys will crawl naked across broken glass to eat the peanuts outta my shit good looks!!
Did i want to be horribly fat and unattractive?
FUCK NO!!!!!!!!!!!
Inside, outside... through and through
A real babe!
Janet
Mistress of the Guild of Evil [Strawberry] Blonde Proofreaders
To be or not to be... ask Schrodinger's cat.