I've been thinking a lot about what's been going on between me and my brother and sister-in-law, and I think I understand their point of view. Essentially, they dont think that Dorothy is real, that there is no woman buried under this male flesh.
As far as I can tell, they think what happened was this: A sad little boy named Todd, having experienced rape and without any male role models in his life, decided to reject the masculine and build a feminine persona as something like an imaginary friend. Then, years later, with his life a wreck because of an inability to act like a grown-up, he retreated into that persona, and refuses to come back out.
But, there is another possibility, and that is that Dorothy is in fact real, my true self finally brought forth after years of fear and struggle.
Sadly, that is one they dismiss.
Ah, well.
Comments
Did Dorothy exist before your assault?
From all you say she did.
IF, a BIG if, you can convince them this is true then they might understand Dorothy.
But then so many are hung up on nature vs nurture.
Apparently the most recent medical evidence is that nature - your genetics and the in-utero environment -- is the most important component to self-identity and sexual preference. Nurture -- IE experience -- must play a role but ...
In other words no one can make you or turn you gay, straight, TG. You are born that way. And depending where you are along the spectrum from uber male to girly-girl female life experience may affect your inclinations to a degree but they can't make you what you are not... If I understand this correctly.
Best wishes.
And sometimes people will never get your POV.
Good luck.
John in Wauwatosa
John in Wauwatosa
Actually...
No matter which is "most important" the real answer is always that you need nature and nurture to be who you are today.
Even if there is a genetic or hormonal basis for things like sexuality and gender identity, that doesn't make people "born that way" it forms an enviroment rich for the devolpment of such.
To say a baby is born transgender, cisgender, or with any sort of sexuality is absurd.
Babies don't have gender identities or sexual orientations. They are babies.
Um, no...
If that were true then there would be no children feeling/showing transgender feelings at 2-4 years old unless they were raised in a very unusual environment. Since there are (myself included) I think it's safe to say some babies are born transgender. They just don't know it right away because all they know at birth is eat, sleep, etc. Once they become more self aware it begins to show itself.
Nurture has more to do with how one's nature is expressed rather than that nature itself.
Saless
"But it is also tradition that times *must* and always do change, my friend." - Eddie Murphy, Coming To America
<.<
So babies identify as a gender other than their assigned one? If the answer is no, how can they be described as being born that way?
Let's look at this another way, if you met a version of yourself that grew up in a cage being fed by tubes. Purely feral. Would you recognise this hypothetical person as being anything like yourself?
Such a person wouldn't even understand the concept of gender.
Those two years from birth until toddlerage just so happen to be the time when the brain is being fundamentally devolped.
The answer to the first
The answer to the first question is, in my opinion, yes. I believe transgender children have shown behaviors consistent with their proper (i.e. not biological) gender as very small babies, in fact. So nurture had no opportunity to be involved. Also, there's always the John Money incident with David Reimer? (Not sure of the name). He was raised as a girl from an extremely young age but it didn't take, thus ruining Money's assertions that gender is all about nurture.
As for your hypothetical, she would know her body was wrong just as I did. She just wouldn't understand the social implications just as I didn't at first.
I believe current theory suggests that gender (and probably sexuality) are determined before birth. There would certainly be some influence after birth. But their core identity/sexuality is probably pretty well set before then. Obviously babies have no conscious understanding of gender/sexuality at that point, however. That doesn't mean it isn't there. Let's face it; small babies have little conscious understanding of anything.
Saless
"But it is also tradition that times *must* and always do change, my friend." - Eddie Murphy, Coming To America
I don't know Todd, I know you Dorthy and You're real to me.
If they get too uncomfortable by you shaking their gender norms then it's on them.
Because these people are scared of mirrors.
Gay...Lesbian...T-folk.
They really don't want to be reminded of stuff maybe they're questioning.
People who are afraid try to pull don't the ones brave enough to do something honey, it makes them feel better about themselves.
You are exactly who your hearts tells you.
*Great Big Angel Hugs*
Bailey...A Proud Big Brother.
Bailey Summers
Read at your risk!
And the horse they rode in on! You're real Dorothy!!!
Ole
We are each exactly as God made us. God does not make mistakes!
Gender rights are the new civil rights!
Actually
Your a bit off the mark.
At the time of your initial assault that shocked yourself there was no todd and dorothy. Just you.
You built the facade of 'Todd" around your inner core to protect yourself from harm as much as possible.
Your innerself eventually wanted freedom. Sadly this innerself was in conflict to your physical gender.
You nutured and protected yourself so long and from everyone that they cannot see this new infant self as anything but a delusion. That says less about you than it does about those who judge you.
Remember infants are scared of EVERYTHING. Handling that fear in an adult body is incredibly hard.
It's easy to pass judgement
It's easy to pass judgement when you don't have all the facts, You're the only that knows who you really are inside, rape really has nothing to do with what gender you are, its a shame that it happened but it has nothing to do with you being female inside, if you are transgendered than you were born that way and chances are you would have still wanted to be a woman.
It's a shame that your family are unable to see that but people can be blind, and family can more so when there are emotions involved.
Cain129
On closed minds
I'm certain your brother and sister in law think they mean well, but the inability to see other possibilities reveals a small mindedness that they seem afraid to come out of... this does not mean they are not good people Dorothy, it means that it will take them time to accept that Todd probably never existed at all except as a shell, a persona to protect you Dorothy. My father refuses to accept me. he called me two days after Easter to tell me he wouldn't open the card i sent him because he refused to recognize my name on the envelope. i hope that he will look into his heart and accept me as i hope your family will accept you Hun.
Diana
Reality
I sometimes ask myself if my feminine self is real. But I've been asking it less and less. She is real. I'm real and I'm her. She's me. I have a bit of tomboy in me but that can't be helped. I grew up on testosterone so it's natural to have a wee bit of the tomboy.
I've also wondered if I talked myself into being the way I am but that doesn't ring true. It seems much more likely that I've been trying to talk myself out of being feminine to escape society's harsh judgment.
Anyway, I only know a kind and feminine individual named Dorothy here. I've never heard of Todd.
Hugs
- Terry