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Editor Note: The images used for this story were purchased and used under royalty-free license* from iStockphoto.com . ~Sephrena
Author Note: Please email me at AngelJediGirl (at) gmail (dot) com before posting this story to any other site. Posting to a pay site is prohibited.

Author Note: Many of the songs that Sarah sings are "inspired" by real life songs. I'm not a songwriter, but I can tell a story. A special thanks should be given to the artists that helped shape the music that is Sarah Carerra. Embedded in this chapter are the songs that inspired this part of the concert for you to enjoy if you wish to. They are here to give you an idea of what Sarah's songs sound like.

Comments and suggestions are also welcome at the above email address.

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Sarah Carerra Book 3: Concerto in A-

Chapter 3.12 - Utah State Fair

A thump followed by a rattle awoke me early Tuesday morning. For a brief moment I was confused, before I realized that the plane was landing in Salt Lake City. It was only 7:00 in the morning local time, reminding me that it was going to be a long day. At least I didn't have to go to school today. Performing a concert was always a much better way to spend the day.

The concert at the Utah State Fair was the only concert that would occur on a school day, other than the one that I would be performing at school, of course. But that didn't mean that I was going to miss much school. My father had already told me that I would be going to school tomorrow. I needed to attend every day that I could so that I could take the days off I needed to throughout the school year. Since I rarely got to bed before 3:00 in the morning on concert nights, I knew that school was going to be horrible tomorrow.

It was definitely a different experience as the small jet rolled down the runway. Because of the odd schedule I had today, and the need to fly home late tonight, Dad had actually chartered a luxurious private jet for me!

But the private jet was only the beginning of the new experiences that I would be having today. In the cabin with me were only three other people, instead of the six who usually travelled with me. Mom, Dad, and Austin remained in Los Angeles. This would be the first concert I would perform without my family around. I was already depressed that they weren't with me, but I knew that they wouldn't be able to attend all of the performances I'd have in my life. Having them at so many of the concerts this year had already been an amazing experience.

When the plane came to a stop I grabbed my purse and my guitar, the only baggage I had today, and followed Amy, Mason, and Cole off the plane and to a waiting limo. It looked like I was living in luxury today. The limo ride to the Fairpark was less than 10 minutes, and soon I was on my bus in the backstage area. I wanted to go back to sleep, but instead I spent the next hour doing radio interviews. Then there were a few more press-related events before the sound check. After the sound check I ate some lunch before I had to attend the Starshine party.

It was nearly 3:00 in the afternoon by the time I was able to return to my bus. I had four hours before I had to start getting ready for the concert, and I planned to get as much sleep as I could to make up for what I would miss tonight.

As I crawled into the bed in my bus, I smiled at the thought of all the fun things that were going to be happening tonight. I might not have my family with me, but that didn't mean that I didn't have any friends here.

* * *

A knock on the door awoke me some time later. I glanced over at my alarm clock to see that it was approaching 7:00 in the evening.

"I'm up!" I yelled at the door. I could visualize Amy nodding from the other side before turning away from the door. I climbed into the shower to help wake me up fully before getting dressed and opening the door to my room. What I found as I entered the main room of the bus brought a smile to my face.

"Josh," I said warmly. Josh Holliday had been reading a magazine. He placed it down and stood up before smiling at me. I hadn't seen or talked to Josh since I had left the stage in tears at his concert at the Staples Center two months earlier. It took time, but I had managed to overcome the hurt and pain that he had caused me that day, and I knew that I could get through this night without the same thing happening. My feelings had changed for Josh.

But it was immediately apparent that Josh had changed too. He was staring at me in much the same way that I had been looking at him that night. Whatever had kept Josh from getting close to me seemed to be gone, and before he even spoke I knew that he was hoping to rekindle the fire that I had put out that night.

He was going to be disappointed.

"Hi, Sarah," he replied. "It's been too long."

I laughed lightly. I still thought that I could have gone years without seeing him again. But we had agreed to sing the duets at one of his concerts and at one of mine. Here in his hometown was the perfect place to sing them, so I had no real choice in the matter. Many of my fan sites even speculated that he would be on the stage at some point this evening, and I wasn't going to let my feelings disappoint them. I was still upset at how Josh had treated me, but I wasn't going to do the same thing to him.

"Thanks for letting me join you this evening," Josh continued, his smile broadening even further as he thought about the love songs we would be singing with each other this evening. I smiled back, but I didn't feel remotely the same way he obviously did.

"It's the least I could do," I told him. "I mean, it isn't the Staples Center, but it's the best I've got."

He laughed at my joke, thankfully. I was half-worried that he would feel slighted for performing in front of a crowd of 5,000 instead of the 20,000 that had been there the night of his concert. My concert tour had been finalized before I had really become popular, and both Dad and Scott were still upset that I wasn't performing in bigger venues. They both thought that I could fill arenas like the Staples Center, but I only had two venues on my tour that came close to those numbers.

"I'd go anywhere to perform with you," he flattered me, proving that he had changed in the way he thought about me.

"We have to go, Sarah," Amy interrupted us, rescuing me from responding to his statement. I nodded at her. We had a ‘meet and greet’ scheduled for 7:15, and I had to leave if I was going to make it on time.

"I'll see you on stage," I told him before turning and following Amy off the bus. The relief I felt as soon as I was out of his presence surprised me.

* * *

The crowd roared as I finished singing 'Friends Forever' for them. I smiled, and looked down upon the friend who I had sitting in the front row just off stage. She looked like she was having an amazing time, and it was about to get even better.

"Speaking of friends," I told the crowd, with a slight bit of déjá  vu from the Missoula concert. "I have two friends I'd like to introduce you to tonight. Is that all right with you?"

The affirmative response was resounding, so I walked over to the stairs leading down from the stage and took the few steps to reach the ground. Then I walked over to where she was sitting.

"In the audience tonight is a very special girl," I said and reached my hand out to her. With an excited gleam in her eye the nine-year old took my hand and I led her back onto the stage. "I met this little girl in an airport earlier this year," I told the crowd as we stepped back up and onto the stage. I noticed that Amy had come out and was holding the box I would need.

I led the girl to center stage where everybody could see her before turning to Amy and taking the box from her. I had never done this on stage before, but this little girl deserved it.

"I'd like to introduce all of you to Megan," I said. A short cheer rose up, coloring her cheeks in embarrassment. Her face disappeared behind her blonde mane for a moment as she struggled to handle the rush of emotions that a cheering crowd evoked inside of her. I stepped back for a moment and let her bask in the full force of the cheers. When they started to die down, I stepped forward once more and wrapped my right arm around her shoulders.

"Megan is my #1 fan," I told the audience. "And I mean that literally. Megan was the first person to recognize me in public and want to meet me. She also received the first autograph that I ever gave. And tonight I have something special for her.”

I lifted the cover off of the box and pulled out its contents. Megan's eyes lit up as I pulled a small pink teddy bear out of the box. I wanted to give it to her immediately, but I couldn't. Instead I held it up for the cameraman who was standing next to me now. I knew that it was being displayed on the large video screen behind me.

"This is a Carerra Bear," I said, causing a small ripple of laughter from the crowd at the name. I had a feeling that most of my fans didn't know that these things existed. "For those of you who don't know the history behind these, let me give you the brief version. I was in a bad car accident when I was 10 that left me in the hospital for a while. My dad gave me a teddy bear to help keep me company. Since then it has been one of my best friends. It is always there for me when I need someone to hug or to talk to."

I turned to Megan once more. "Megan," I said. "This friend is for you. If you ever need anything in your life, this bear can help give it to you. Hug it when you need a friend. Talk to it when you need someone to listen. I still do that with the one my dad gave me, and now you have your own."

I held the bear out to her and she took it immediately and hugged it to her chest. The crowd cheered once again, but I was pretty sure Megan didn’t hear them as she squeezed the bear. I was slightly saddened as I walked her back to her seat, but I knew I'd get to talk with her more after the concert.

When I returned to the stage once more I smiled once again.

"I told you I had two friends I wanted you to meet tonight," I said into the microphone, and I could feel the baited breath as the crowd started to wonder who I was going to pull up on stage now.

I stepped to the side of the stage, and turned as the music started.

Jason started strumming the intro to 'Lucky' and Josh stepped onto the stage as the crowd roared its approval at this new development to the concert.

After he finished singing his part, I returned the favor by singing my piece of the song. We fell into the minimal choreography that we had used when we sang this song at his concert, and slowly weaved ourselves around the stage as we got closer and closer to one another.

When the second verse started we were within touching distance, but we continued to circle each other. Unlike the last time I had sung this song with him, my heart wasn't aching. The feelings that I had felt for Josh back then no longer existed. I could admire his good looks and presence, but the yearning I had felt on the stage at the Staples Center was gone.

But as the song wound to its conclusion, I once again saw something that intrigued me. It was the same flicker I had seen in his eyes that night just over two months ago.

There was hope in his eyes once more as he stared into mine. But our fates had been reversed. I could see him searching for anything that showed the love I had felt for him. Yet I knew that it wasn't there. I felt myself pulling away as he had that fateful night he'd broken my heart.

"Josh Holliday!" I said and the crowd erupted into applause and screaming. Even though it had pretty much been leaked that he would be joining me on the stage tonight, there still seemed to be surprise coming from the crowd. If nothing else, they seemed to be happy to have their hometown singer on stage with me.

When I was able to speak over the roaring of the crowd once again, I went on. "I had the opportunity to sing three songs with Josh at one of his concerts earlier this year," I told the audience. "And he agreed to join me tonight to sing them again. I'm very honored to have you here, Josh."

"I'm happy to be here," he replied, and the smile on his face told me that it was true. "Are you ready?" he asked me again and I nodded.

A loud, quick beat rang throughout the grandstands as we moved into singing the version of 'Does Your Mother Know' that we had come up with. The fairgrounds were awash in electricity as the energy of the song poured out of us. There was a lot of fun and humor in this song, and we played it up as best we could. The crowd erupted into laughter and applause as we finished. The song helped break up the intensity that the next song would bring.

"You let me introduce the next song last time," I told Josh as we looked into each other's eyes once more. He nodded, and I continued. "Would you like to do the honors this time?"

"A while ago I had the opportunity to sing a duet with someone I thought I could call a friend," Josh told the crowd. "But that turned out not to be the case. But now I have found someone who makes this whole song worthwhile." He stared into my eyes, and I became worried about what he would say next.

"Sarah," Josh continued. "'I Need You'."

Another cheer erupted from the crowd, but once again my attention was focused on Josh's face. Those three words had meant a lot when I had spoken them to him. They held the same meaning now as he repeated them to me. But as the song started to reverberate around us I watched as his face once more turned to pain. I couldn't take it anymore so I turned away.

When the first, distinctive note broke the silence the arena had settled into as they waited for the song to start, I knew things had changed. The first time I had sung this song on stage with Josh I had tears in my eyes nearly the whole time. I'd felt like my heart was breaking as we sung a love song together. I felt like my life was crumbling down around me.

But today was different. I still felt the hurt and pain that I'd experienced at the Staples Center, but it wasn't overwhelming. It was only a memory. That hurt probably would never leave me, but I no longer felt the same way about Josh. Instead, I was able to channel those feelings and emotions into the song, and I poured my soul into the song.

I began to worry as we sang, though. During the instrumental section of the song just after the second verse, Josh and I locked our eyes together. What I found as we gazed at each other shook me to my core. The hurt, the heartache, the overwhelming desire I'd had to run off the stage came rushing back to me immediately. But they weren't my emotions.

As I stared into Josh's eyes I could see all of the things that I had felt that fateful night at his concert burning within him. Our roles had been reversed. Now I was the one who wasn't returning those feelings to him. The passion and desire lit his face so distinctively that I knew for certain he had gotten over whatever kept him from getting close to me over the summer. Yet I also knew that I could no longer return those feelings for him. Josh had hurt me deeply, and I had learned to move on.

The melancholy tone that had overcome the song before returned as we performed it again. It was a surreal experience to be on the opposite side of what was happening on stage for a second time. I started to feel an ache inside my chest because of the way I was making Josh feel. I had been where he was. I had felt what he was feeling. I wouldn't wish that on anybody, but there wasn't anything I could do to alleviate that pain. I couldn't open myself to him anymore. I didn't feel the love that I'd had for him.

As the song came to a close once more I felt a tear run down my cheek. I hadn't meant to hurt Josh. I wished there was something I could do.

"Josh Holliday, everyone," I said softly into my microphone. I turned to Josh, who was bowing to the crowd. Once he was finished he looked over at me, and I knew that he had been crying too. I almost lost my composure immediately, and I took a step toward him.

But being near me seemed to be the last thing Josh wanted. "Thank you," he told the crowd quietly before turning and walking off the stage. I watched silently for a few moments, trying to compose myself. I still had to continue the concert, and bursting into tears would not help me accomplish that goal.

Eventually, I was able to steel myself against the emotions that were swirling around within me and turned back to the crowd.

The show had to go on.

* * *

I sighed once more before stepping off my bus. I didn't want to do this. I understood now why Josh had never come to my dressing room after our concert at the Staples Center. But I also knew that I wasn't going to do that to Josh. I had been in agony that night, and I didn't want Josh to go through that.

It took me a few minutes to make the short walk from my bus to Josh's, where it was hidden out of sight from anyone who would have been able to look backstage. It had been parked there to try and keep his presence at my concert a secret, but now it felt like he had been shoved to the side to keep him as far away from me as possible.

The door to the bus was opened, and after signaling Amy to wait outside, I stepped in.

"Josh?" I called out, not wanting to intrude if he didn't want to talk to me.

Silence greeted me, and I began to worry that the bus was empty, even though the lights were still on. Perhaps he had already left and gone home. Just when I was ready to turn around and take the step that would return me to the ground, he appeared at the door that led into the living area of the bus.

I felt myself take a deep breath. He didn't look very good. In the short time that I had known Josh Holliday, I had never seen him appear anything other than spectacular. But now, on his own tour bus, I caught a glimpse of the fragile little boy that still existed inside of him.

"Sarah," he said. I was worried that he would be mad to see me, but he wasn't. However, it wasn't the type of greeting I was used to from him. He was hurting, and I knew it was because of me.

"I'm sorry," fell out of my mouth before I realized I was speaking again. Tears followed almost immediately.

"Hey," Josh said kindly, and before I knew it his arms were wrapped around me. "It's okay," he continued. "It will be okay."

"No!" I said, pulling back. "No! You aren't supposed to be comforting me, Josh! I came here to comfort you!"

I could hear him chuckling as he let go and allowed me to move away from him.

"You are amazing," he told me with a large smile on his face. I didn't understand what was going on! I knew that he was distraught, but he almost looked happy. I was having a hard time determining if it was real or fake. I was leaning toward ‘fake’, but he tilted his head ever so slightly and the scale shifted to ‘real’.

"But..." I started before trailing off. I didn't know what to say.

"It's okay," he reiterated. "I'm okay," he added. "I had my chance, Sarah, and I blew it. I never should have let you go, and now I need to live with those consequences."

I started once more. "Josh--"

"Sarah," he interrupted gently. "Please, don't feel badly about this. I should have seen it coming. I should have known that you had moved on. I should have been prepared for tonight. I wasn't, but that isn't your fault. None of this is your fault. Okay?"

I sighed. This was not working out the way I intended. I had come to apologize to Josh, yet it almost sounded like he was apologizing to me!

I opened my mouth to speak once more, even though I wasn't sure what I was going to say. I never got to find out though, because Josh placed a finger over my lips.

"I hope we can still be friends," he said. I nodded, and his smile grew. "But I think you should go for now," he continued. "It would be best for both of us."

I nodded, and with a short look back turned and stepped off his bus.

* * *

"Hi Megan!" I greeted my #1 fan 20 minutes later as I sat down next to her in the Observatory. I had been late to the Star Party because I'd had to go back to my bus and get Stephanie to fix my makeup again. But I knew I had other people that I needed to meet with after the concert, and I really wanted to spend some time with this beautiful little girl.

"Sarah!" she nearly screamed in excitement once again. She was still clutching her Carerra bear tightly to her chest.

"Thank you for coming," I told her, and then looked up at her mother who was sitting on the opposite side of her. I nodded to let her know I was thanking her too.

"Thank you for the bear!" she replied excitedly, eliciting a chuckle from me.

"You're very welcome," I told her. "The one I have at home has really been a help to me, and I hope this one will be your friend for a long time to come."

She smiled back at me, and I hugged her tightly. I had highlighted Josh's visit while we were on stage, but this girl, and all the others like her, deserved the recognition more.

* * *

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