Chapter 15

A happy New Year

The sudden news about the fire in my flat stunned me for a couple of seconds and I didn’t answer the agent’s question.

‘Hello, Mr Evans, are you still there?’ asked Simon Johnson.

‘Er, yes, sorry, whatever happened?’

‘The fire brigade say that you appear to have left a plastic bag containing some clothes on top of one of the storage heaters, in contravention of the notice warning you not to do so. The bag had been smouldering for a day or two, but eventually caught light when the heaters came on again last night. Fortunately, one of your neighbours noticed some smoke in the hallway and called the fire brigade otherwise the whole house might have gone up in flames.’

‘What about everything in my room?’

‘That’s why you need to come and inspect your belongings. It looks as if there’s been a fair amount of smoke damage to your clothes and other belongings, and also some damage from the residue left by the fire extinguishers. There’s also the issue of your having to find yourself somewhere else to live. I’m afraid that under the terms of your contract you will be forfeiting the damage deposit on your flat as the fire was clearly your fault. When can we meet to discuss your room?’

I thought for a moment before answering. Tom had never met the agent, but he had met several of the other people living in the house. I didn’t have time to change back into Tom, and it would only complicate matters if I were to turn up there on such an occasion dressed as Clare.

‘Mr Johnson, I’m currently staying with friends in Scotland, and can’t get down to London for a day or more, but I have a friend who knows where everything is in my room, could I arrange for her to meet you there this afternoon?’

‘Yes that’ll be alright — I’ll be at the house between one and two o’clock today.’

I closed down the call.

‘What was all that about Clare?’ asked Debbie, who had overheard my half of my conversation.

‘There was a fire in my flat last night. They want someone to go round and inspect the damage. Would you be willing to do that for me, and then come round to Suzanne’s flat and tell me the worst?’

‘Yes, of course I will, but are you insured?’

‘I do have a policy covering my personal possessions, but I’m not sure if they’ll pay out if the fire was judged to be my fault.’

‘I’m sure they will do, so as long as you didn’t start it deliberately.’

Debbie came with me on the train, and went then to talk to Mr Johnson and look at the damage to my flat, whilst I went to see Suzanne and explain what had happened. Debbie joined us about an hour later. She’d had the good sense to take a digital camera, and took out the memory card and inserted it into Suzanne’s computer so we could all see the extent of the damage.

‘I’m afraid it is pretty bad Clare. From what I can see there’s very little in your room that’s going to be worth saving. All of Tom’s clothes, your audio and video equipment and your CD collection appear to have been ruined by oily smoke or else by the extinguishers used to put out the fire. The room stinks and is going to need a fair amount of work before it can be made habitable again. The landlord is insured for the damage to his property but it won’t cover the loss of rent and he isn’t very happy with you at present. The agent is saying that you’ve forfeited your deposit and made yourself homeless, and to be honest, it would be difficult to argue with them. He therefore wants someone to collect any salvageable belongings tomorrow, so that the builders can move in on Tuesday and begin to strip the place in order to repair and redecorate it as soon as possible. They’re threatening to throw away anything that’s still there when they start work on the room.’

‘Oh my God! what am I going to do and where am I going to live?’

‘You can stay with me until the mess is sorted out,’ said Suzanne; then added as an afterthought, ‘either as Clare or as Tom.’

In all the excitement I’d momentarily forgotten about issues of gender.

‘If necessary, I’ll loan you some money to get yourself some clothes for Tom, but it might make more sense for you to continue as Clare until you get yourself sorted out, since she already has plenty to wear.’

‘But if I stay as Clare what am I going to do about my job?’

‘Karen has already offered to let you come in to work as Clare next week, if you want to. She may have said it in a lighthearted way, but all you have to do is telephone her to explain the situation,’ said Debbie.

‘But how long will it be for?’ I asked.

Suzanne shrugged.

‘As long as you wish, or feel it is necessary. Maybe it’ll be until you’ve received your insurance payment and gone out and bought some new clothes for Tom, or perhaps Karen will want to place some time limit, or I may drop dead — who knows! Let us not fix any kind of deadline or time limit — you can stay with me as long as you wish to.’

‘That is very kind of you to offer, Suzanne, but I’ve already spent the last two and a half weeks as Clare,’ I said.

‘So you will be getting used to the idea, by now,’ said Debbie with a grin.

‘What do you think I should do Suzanne?’ I asked.

‘I know what I think would be best for you, and I also think I know what you would like to do, but it is now time for you to take ownership of your decision and responsibility for its consequences,’ she replied.

Debbie nodded in agreement.

I sighed.

‘Alright, I’ll see what Karen has to say about me coming in to work as Clare.’

Debbie handed me her mobile phone which included the number of our boss. I called her number.

‘Hi Karen, it’s Clare, Tom’s alter ego, you’ll no doubt remember from last night.’

‘Of course, how could I forget someone who looked so lovely,’ she replied.

‘I’m afraid I have a bit of a problem. There was a fire in my flat last night and all Tom’s clothes and belongings have been destroyed. I’m fairly broke and so I was wondering whether I might take you up on your offer and come in to work dressed as Clare for the next few days until I’ve a chance to make an insurance claim and get myself some new clothes.’

Karen laughed.

‘Now why doesn’t this call surprise me?’ she answered. ‘Of course you can come into work as Clare, if you want to, but there was no reason for you to set light to Tom’s clothes just to make an excuse for doing so.’

‘I didn’t burn them deliberately!’

‘So how did the fire start then?’

‘I seem to have left a bag of his clothes on top of a heater, which was turned off at the time, but later came on automatically.’

‘I see,’ she said, and then paused before continuing.

‘We won’t argue about it now. I’m sorry to hear about your fire, and I don’t see why you shouldn’t come into work as Clare on Tuesday, if that is most convenient for you to do so.’

‘Thanks, do you think Helen will mind?’

‘It’s not up to her to mind or not, but why ever should she? In fact she was saying to me on the phone this morning that you are much better looking and more interesting to talk to as Clare than as Tom.’

‘I’m not sure how to take that.’

‘Don’t let it worry you, just take it as a compliment. We’ll look forward to seeing you on Tuesday morning as Clare, and as far as I’m concerned, you can continue doing so for as long as you need.’

‘Will you mention it to Head Office?’

‘Probably not, it is not the sort of thing I need to worry them about although I doubt if they would be concerned so long as your work was being done,’ she replied.

I put away the phone, turned to the others and shrugged my shoulders in resignation.

‘It looks as if Clare is going to be around in place of Tom for a little while longer.’

‘Good,’ said Debbie. ‘I think we all know that you’ve made the right decision, but, as Suzanne said, it was for you to decide.’

‘It’s as if fate is conspiring to keep me as Clare,’ I said smiling.

‘No, you’re wrong,’ said Suzanne. If that were the case then fate had also conspired to give your mother cancer or me muscular dystrophy. Nobody, not even fate, has been conspiring to keep you as Clare against your will. You have decided to do so in response to events that have happened, but you might equally have taken other courses of action. We make our own decisions and take responsibility for them.’

I didn’t respond, not being sure what I felt about my decision, and its implications. At last after an awkward silence, I changed the subject.

‘How long will these hair extensions stay in place?’ I asked.

‘They should be alright until the end of January, but we can always arrange for them to be re-secured, if necessary,’ said Suzanne.

‘I’m sure that the end of January will be more than enough time for me to get myself organised.’

‘Alright then, if you’re sure, but what about your boobs?’

‘Debbie fixed them for me again yesterday and they feel and look alright. I’ll need to keep an eye on them but they should be ok for a few days.’

‘So that seems to have sorted your problem for the time being. Now Clare, why not make a pot of tea for everyone,’ said Suzanne.

I did as she asked and we were soon talking of other things. We invited Debbie to stay with us to see the New Year in, but she’d already agreed to spend the time with her flat mates and their boyfriends, so she left us soon afterwards.

‘I’ll see you at work on Tuesday then Clare, it’ll be a brand New Year,’ she said as she left.

‘Yes, 2006 hasn’t ended particularly well for me,’ I replied.

‘I don’t know about that, if nothing else you have made interesting discoveries over the last few weeks and also found yourself a couple of new friends in the process. It may well mark the beginning of an entirely new chapter in your life.’

I didn’t press her about exactly what she had in mind.

‘We'll see. Thanks for your help and a happy New Year to you,’ I replied.

Suzanne and I spent the remainder of New Year’s Eve quietly at home together discussing my predicament and the options for the future. Eventually, at midnight, we had a final drink together to celebrate the New Year.

‘Well, Clare, do you have any resolution for the New Year?’ asked my friend.

‘I hadn’t really thought of any but it I looks as if I’m going need to get my life sorted out and begin again after the fire,’ I replied.

‘I suspect you may be staying here for a few more weeks until your insurance claim is settled, so you may as well accept the situation and enjoy yourself, as you did over Christmas,’ said Suzanne.

‘I suppose you’re right,’ I said smiling.

‘In that case may we agree that there will be no further reference to a certain young man called Tom, whilst you are staying here?’

‘Alright, at least until he gets his insurance claim, but how about you, Suzanne, what do you hope for, from the New Year?’

She sighed and looked sad, and I realised that I’d asked the wrong question.

‘I just want to carry on living for as long as I can,’ she replied.

It was a rather sombre note on which to begin the New Year and so I tried to think of something to cheer things up a little.

‘I suppose there’s one advantage to my continuing to stay in your flat, I’ll be able to help you get up and get yourself washed each morning and changed again in the evening.’

‘You see, my offer wasn’t entirely unselfish​,’ answered Suzanne. ‘I must admit that it took me more than two hours to get up this morning without your help. However, if you’re going to look after me on a regular basis then I’ll have to arrange to pay you.’

‘No, Suzanne, I will certainly not accept any payment after all the things you’ve done for me over the last few weeks. I do think though that you now need to think about arranging for some regular help for yourself.’

‘Yes, I know you’re right. I’ll do so as soon as you leave me.’

I was now quite used to helping Suzanne to get ready for bed and also to get up and get herself dressed the following morning, and neither of us felt embarrassed.

‘Is there anything you would like to do today, as it is your last day off work?’ she asked me the following morning, as we shared some breakfast.

‘I thought that I’d walk over to my former flat this morning, to make sure there’s nothing worth saving.’

‘Go ahead, by all means, but aren’t you worried that one of your neighbours might recognise you?’

I shrugged.

‘Not really. If anyone challenges me, I’ll pretend to be the cousin of a certain person whom I mustn’t name, and am acting on his behalf. But it hardly matters now if someone does recognise me, I won’t be going back to live there again.’

‘After you have done that I suggest we have a quick look through your wardrobe together to ensure that you have some suitable clothes to wear at the office next week. If you’re short of anything I’m sure I’ll be able to find you something of mine to wear.’

‘I was thinking of that myself, but I can’t keep taking your clothes Suzanne but perhaps I may borrow something if you don’t mind. I’ll also buy myself some more underwear in town, assuming there are some shops open.’

‘Off you go then Clare, and I’ll see you this afternoon.

There was nobody around at the house when I let myself in to my old room and examined the scene of devastation. Various electrical items with plastic cases, including my laptop computer and radio/CD player had caught fire causing oily black smoke. My wardrobe door had been open and so this smoke had spoiled all of the clothes hanging there. There were a few items of my underwear that had been in a drawer that were still wearable although they also stank of smoke, but there was very little else worth saving. I put them in a plastic bin liner and went to see what else I could find. Fortunately, all of the important documents relating to my former self, including Tom’s passport, birth certificate and insurance policy had been stored in a metal filing box. This was scorched but still usable and the documents inside were all still intact, although smelling of smoke. I dug out my insurance policy and rang the number for the claims hotline, trying to remember to speak as I used to. I reported the fire and asked what I needed to do to make a claim. The assistant took down all the relevant details and promised to post a claims form. I explained that my flat was no longer habitable and gave Suzanne’s flat as my new temporary address. The assistant promised to note the change of address.

‘How much am I covered for?’ I asked

‘If we accept liability, you’re covered for  £5000 for your belongings, but we’ll need to consult our loss adjustors first.’

‘How long do you think it’ll it take before I receive any payout?’

‘The company will normally make a decision within three weeks of the receipt of your claim form.’

A few minutes after I’d finished my call to the insurance company my mobile phone rang once again.

‘Hi Debs! A happy New Year to you!’

‘Hi Clare, and a happy New Year to you as well. You sound a bit more cheerful today.’

‘Yes, you were right; things could have been worse. At least I’ve somewhere to stay and a job to go to and two good friends, even if it does mean that I’ll be living as Clare for a while.’

‘So you’re counting your blessings?’

‘I guess so.’

‘I tried to ring earlier, but you were engaged.’

‘Yes I’m at my former flat, checking for anything that might be salvageable. You were right though, there’s very little that can be saved but I found my insurance policy and it looks as if I should be covered for the contents of my flat up to the value of  £5,000.’

‘That’s good,

I relayed the details of my conversation with the insurance company.

‘How long will it all take?’

‘Two or three weeks by the sound of things.’

‘So it now looks as if you’ll be remaining as Clare for the greater of January,’ said Debbie.

‘I could approach my father for a loan, but I’d have to explain how it was that I came to be living as a woman at the time of the fire.’

‘How do you think he’d react?’

‘I’ve really no idea, it’s not the sort of thing that goes on in Tyneside — or at least among those known to me and my family. On balance, I think it may be safest if I stay as I am, He’s away at the moment and I don’t think there’s much likelihood that he’ll want to pay me a visit during January.’

‘In that case I think you’re probably wise. You may even find that the fire was a blessing in disguise.’

‘Why, what do you mean?’

‘Well, that brings me on to my main reason for calling you this morning. How did you like my friend Andy?’

‘He was ok, I suppose, a little quiet but we had an enjoyable chat. Why do you ask?

‘He’s been on the phone to me this morning; he was really quite taken with you on Saturday night. He said that he was going to be in the Midlands next week and wanted your phone number so he could drive out to see you at Loughborough.’

‘Oh dear! Whatever did you tell him?’

‘I’m afraid that I had to tell him that your situation had changed since you’d met and that you were now planning to stay in London for a while. So now he wants me to give him your mobile phone number. I said that I’d check with you first. What do you think?’

‘Thanks a lot Debbie. That would be one more thing on top of all my existing problems to make my life even more complicated.’

‘But I thought you got on quite well with him?’

‘I did, but he won’t be very happy once he finds out about my past life, will he?’

‘You don’t know that. You should at least give him the opportunity to express an opinion on the matter once he knows the whole story.’

‘You mean give him a chance to insult me and call me a freak.’

‘You don’t know that he will do that. Not all men are so hung up about their sexuality. He may still want to meet you. Don’t you want a relationship?’

‘I don’t know Debbie. I’ve always been too shy in the past to ask anyone out, but I did enjoy talking to him on Saturday night.’

‘In that case you’ll have to take the risk that he might reject you.’

I thought for a moment before answering.

‘Alright then, you have my permission to tell him the whole story about me and then see if he still wants to know my phone number. If he does, you may give it to him, but not my address. After that I’ll just play it by ear.’

‘Good idea, I’ll ring him back now and let you know his reaction.’