Charlie…10

Chapter 10

Sable’s in the window and she’s looking down at me hand over her mouth and she’s all smiley and teary and I can’t help but to feel so right about myself. I never knew that a girl can look at you and it changes everything.

Right now my genetic gender doesn’t even register.

She’s there a few minutes before she runs from the window and outside. She’s got a long pink striped baseball jersey nightshirt on.

One minute she’s there and the next minute she’s in my arms and she’s kissing me and I’m kissing her but she jumped in my arms and I’m still holding her off the ground and then instead of setting her down I sweep her up and carry her back inside because it’s cold out here.

We make it to a couch and kept kissing and making out. She breaks the kiss to look at me and hold my face in her hands with her eyes dancing.

“Charlie….oh….(sniffle.) thank you…no one…no ones ever done something like that for me.”

“Really?…It wasn’t too corny?”

“Really…(sniffle-laugh.)…oh Charlie! Corny’s good, corny’s great.”

We kiss a little bit more and I press my forehead to Sable’s. “It’s your fault Y’know.”

“My fault…for what?”

“Seeing me, making me feel the way that I’ve always wanted to feel.”

“Well ditto there fella, most guys that find out about my past…most people are either assuming I’m all slutty and easy and stuff or they treat me like I’m just some whore.”

“You’re not a whore. I think you happen to be all kinds of amazing Sable. I love your heart.”

(Sniffle.) Sable buried her face into my chest and mumble-cry-happy-sniffles. “Say that again…”

“Which part?”

“The last part…”

“Oh… I love your heart.”

She’s hugging me really hard and she’s shaking and she’s shivering from holding her own pain in. It’s that deep pain Y’know. I know it. That pain that you just kinda of ignore, you ignore it and you just file it away and gloss it over with you telling yourself that yeah it sucks but I’m going to be okay.

We all do it to just keep going. All of us do Y’know what I mean. sexuality, or gender stuff, abuse or an addiction, a medical condition…anything where you’re suffering but in these constant small amounts and there’s no one there to just say that thing we all need to hear.

That it’s okay to be and feel exactly who we are…scars and all.

I think I just did that for Sable. I wasn’t looking to do that but I did mean what I said and after the first thirty minutes I carefully text dad and record her crying it out on me and send him the message.

[She needs me, can’t go.]

[Can C that, Ok, Proud of U son.]

I close my eyes and fight my war inside with the Evil E running through my veins and making me want to start crying too. Fucking girly hormones. Yeah I’m on a blocker and I’m taking hormones now but I swear…it’s the boobs. They store the stuff and it’ll rear it’s curly permed head and hit my like an acid (LSD) flashback.

I just breath through it and hug her a bit tighter and squeeze my phone harder and stare at dad’s return text until it passes and I’m really trying to pull those words off the screen into my soul.

We fall asleep together on the couch and I get woken up by her laptop on the coffee table turning on and blaring the theme song to Hawaii Five-O as the surf report comes up preset to some alarm or something on her laptop.

She moves and stretches in a really nice way. “Charlie? You’re still here?”

“Yeah, where else would I be? You needed me here right?”

“Uhm…most guys wouldn’t have stayed.”

“I’m not most guys.”

“No…you’re so much more…”

She moves to kiss me and I stop her and she blinks. “What?”

“I’m not kissing you before I brush my teeth.”

“Charlie…” She leans back trying to give me one of those girly you’re being s stunned guy looks but her hair all mussed, no make up and her eyes still with sleep in them it’s so not working, but it does make me smile.

“You look beautiful Y’know that?”

“I…oh… Oh! Charlie!” She jumps up, paws at her hair does that super cute girly OMIGOD my BF’s seeing me without all my prep-work done freak out.

I take the moment to pop a few pieces of Dentine ice in my mouth as she’s actually babbling about how she can’t believe she did that and that she let me see her like this in the morning.

It’s really beyond cute.

I stop her as she starts to run off to do her morning ritual and I stop her. Pull her back. Then kiss her. “Charlie! No! I’m not pretty yet!”

“You’re beautiful and I don’t care…I said I was worried about my morning breath for you… (I pop a bubble.) but that’s taken care of so…”

I kiss her really deeply and pin her to the hall way entryway for a few minutes. I break the kiss and she’s panting and wide eyed. “There’s some good waves if you get ready you can run me home and I’ll grab my stuff and we can catch a few waves before school.”

“Okay! I be right back!” She actually runs to get ready and she’s not long. I head to the kitchen and make us two instant coffee’s and I get down the hall and she’s out of the shower and brushing her teeth while shimmying into her wetsuit.

Completely new morning looking, like this or even just her stunning everyday she beautiful.

I do notice a black cord around her neck with a NA token on it.

I know there’s a lot to her story she’s not telling me. Like her folks not being around.

But small steps.

We just found each other.