Kukla

by shalimar

Notes: This story contains violence including murder in the form of genocide. If for some reason you shouldn't read this including, but not limited to emotional, legal or age restrictions, don't read this story. I had great emotional difficulty writing this story, but I had to get this monkey off my back. You may have the same emotional problem reading this story. If you do, stop and either continue later or don't finish it. What I just said is NOT a challenge. The Babi Yar massacre, the main event in this story, occurred on September 29, 1941. That is the reason for the post date. The First Lady throwing the memorial wreath into the ravine actually happened. I don't remember if it was Hillary Clinton or Barbara Bush. If I'm wrong with the First Lady, Hillary fits this story because she was born after Babi Yar.

Kukla means doll in Russian.

"Bill, hold me. I have never needed you more than now. I don't care what happens when we get back home. I need you now. You can even have that Mona or Monique or whatever that bimbo's name is when we get back to the States. I won't care. Right now I need you to hold me."

Bill put his arms around me and held me tenderly. It was something that I had not felt from him in years, and I missed it. He thinks that being the president of the United States gives him the right to have sex with every girl he comes in contact with. I don’t think he realized how much he hurt me with his antics. He deserves to sleep on the couch, or should I just move out and take Chelsea with me? But right now, because of what I just experienced, I needed him very badly, and I appreciate his tenderness, now. I also needed to talk.

"I was here before," I told him. "Back in '41. I was a young boy then:

"Why?" I asked mama a few days ago. "Why do we have to leave the city?"

"Because the Germans ordered it," mama told me. "Their order said that any
Jew left in the city would be shot."

"I don't like it," I said. "I have this bad feeling. Let's leave before.
Go to the country and hide out there."

"We'll be fine."

"But it will be two days before Yom Kippur!" I pointed out.

"We'll fast someplace else," she told me trying to reassure me.

"But why us?"

"The notice said it is for our safety," she said.

"Then why isn't the rest of the city going?" I asked.

"I don't know," mama said wringing her hands.

"It is not right, mama," I continued.

"I don't know," she said, hiding tears from me. "I don't know."

"If papa were here I KNOW he would listen to me!"

"IVAN!"

I knew I had upset my mother. Normally, she doesn't deserve this from me, but I had this ominous feeling that something was wrong with the German orders. I missed my father, but he was trying to fight this Hun invasion. Papa, with his unit, had pulled back near the city of Stalingrad. They would try to defend the motherland there. I wish I was old enough to fight also. I would rather have Uncle Joe than these monsters.

It was still early morning when mama got me out of bed. We had to get to the train station by 8:00 AM. It was near the cemetery. My father's family had used this cemetery for generations. I got dressed in my white shirt, black pants, cap and shoes. I washed my hands and face. I then said the prayers that my father insisted I say each morning before we had breakfast. Papa said it was a protest of that bastard, Stalin. Little Tasha came down after mama had dressed her. She was falling asleep holding her doll to her chest. My sister was all of five at the time. In her gray dress she looked like she was dressed for school. She should be going to school with me this morning instead of us relocating.

"I see you have Kukla," I told Natasha. "Is she coming too?"

Tasha could only nod her sleepy head as she clutched her favorite doll.

We ate breakfast in silence. We were leaving what had been our home for over 100 years. I saw tears in mama's eyes as she looked around the house. My Uncle Shyer had made sure that we kept the house after the revolution. It helped that he was the head of the party in this part of Kiev. At least it helped until the Germans came. Now we were becoming non-citizens. This is part of why I had this ominous feeling.

When we arrived at the train station there was confusion everywhere. Friends were saying goodbye to friends. People were moving past the temporary curtain that separated the station from the adjoining street. German soldiers were stationed every two meters. We were told by the soldiers to go through an opening in the curtain. When we went through the curtain we were told to put our luggage on the side and that our luggage would be coming to us at our new location. I was worried. How would the luggage get to us? Where was the train? People kept on coming in, but the station didn't fill up. Something was horribly wrong. One soldier on the inside of the curtain noticed Kukla. He told us that the doll had to stay with our other supplies. I pretended to put down the doll on our luggage, but instead hid it under my shirt. Tasha saw it and tried to take it from me, but I stopped her before she made a commotion.

"Shush," I whispered to Tasha. "I'll give it to you in a few minutes when it's safe for Kukla."

"Promise, Ivan?" she innocently asked.

"I promise," I told her as I tweaked her nose.

"Stop that," she pouted.

It was then that I was able to see what was happening. Some solders were marching a group of people towards the East along the road that led out of Kiev. At the beginning of the line was Rabbi Meyer. The soldiers were pulling him by the hair of his chin. Once he stumbled and fell. A soldier kicked him. The other soldiers laughed at the rabbi's plight. Another soldier roughly picked him up and pushed him. Then they shaved his beard and cut his side locks. They acted as if HE was a common criminal. Why? What did he do to deserve this fate? The Germans were acting like bullies. I was getting angrier by the second, but what could a ten-year-old boy do against an army out for blood? When I realized the "out for blood" idea I got that foreboding feeling again.

Ahead of one of the next group of people was Uncle Shyer. The proud party leader was being dragged by solders in a truck with a rope around his neck and his hands tied behind his back. I prayed that he would not fall, as he had to run to keep the rope from hanging him.

Then we were put on a line by soldiers that marched us out of town towards the East. A cold wind was coming from Russia. Even my fur-lined leather jacket, a gift from Uncle Shyer, was useless in the early morning wind. We marched for a few kilometers until we got just outside of Kiev where we entered a forested area. As we entered the forest I heard gunfire, MACHINE GUN FIRE. The others people in my group appeared to be just as frightened as me. The machine gun fire made Tasha cry. I picked her up and let her look around. She clutched Kukla to her chest and put her thumb in her mouth as she leaned her sleepy head on my shoulder. Our group stopped near a ravine I had played in with friends less than a month before. The locals call it Babi Yar.

After a few minutes we walked for a hundred meters more. I had a plan to save my sister. Better she live than none of us.

I whispered in her ear, "I am going to put you down. Then I am going to make a commotion. Look at me. When the soldiers are all looking at me I will give you this signal. When you see it run in the forest and hide. Pretend you are playing 'hide and seek,' but don't let the soldiers capture you. Take Kukla with you. When it is safe, get away from this place and find someone to take care of you. Whatever you do, stay away from the soldiers."

"Come with me, Ivan," Tasha pleaded.

"I can't," I replied. "If I do, you won't be able to escape. Run away from the people here and the gunfire. And don't go back to Kiev. Never forget what happened here today. When you can, tell what you saw today. You'll know when. Promise me that, Natasha."

"Promise, Ivan," Tasha said.

"When you don't need Kukla any more, return her to me. You'll know what I mean."

"When?" she asked.

"When you're older. I love you."

She gave me a hug. I needed that from her then.

"Be a good girl, and make it," I told her. Please G_d, let her make it.

I put her down and told her to go to the other side of the line. I then stepped out of the line and stopped.

"We're going to get killed!" I began shouting as I looked around.

"Shut up, you stupid child! Get in Line!" the soldier nearest me demanded.

I looked around. All the solders were looking at me. I gave my sister the signal and she ran into the woods.

"Why?" I asked.

"Because I said so," the soldier said getting angry.

I saw Tasha was well hidden.

I said to the soldier, "What are you going to do? Kill me? You don't have the guts."

He hit my cheek with the butt of his rifle. I lost a tooth. I picked up the tooth and smiled at the soldier as I got back in line. If he only knew why I thought I had won. Tasha had made it into the woods undetected. I got back in line as we continued towards the machineigun fire. I was getting nervous, but the thought of my sister's escape gave me courage. I knew I had to devise a plan to save myself. I just had no idea what I could do.

While I was thinking, the Germans told us to stop. There was another group just ahead of us getting undressed. In this weather? Then as I expected, the solders told us to strip. I would be doing this in front of girls. Some of the girls were crying. They were as embarrassed and afraid as I was. But, what could I do? I did not have super powers. I was not Superman, Frankenstein or der Golem. Even "Uncle Joe" was trying to defend the motherland back in Moscow. Maybe those lazy Americans would get into this war, but it would be too late for me. If I attacked the German solders, I would be dead in seconds. I had to do something else.

After we got undressed, the Germans made us walk along a ridge in the ravine.
When we walked about 100 meters I saw bodies below our ridge. There were hundreds of bodies. Across the ravine I notice the solders were reloading a machine gun. I knew when they were finished loading they would be shooting at us. I thought that maybe if I jumped into the pit before the bullets came near I would survive. I was never so scared in my life.

I heard the machine gun fire begin while I saw the bodies fall ahead of me. I jumped. As I was falling I felt a bullet explode in my brain just above my right eye. I lost consciousness.

"I awoke as a newborn baby in my new mother's arms. I looked at that angel and smiled, at least as well as anyone that small could smile. I didn't remember any of what I told you, Bill, until I spoke to that survivor through the translator. She spoke to me just after I threw that memorial wreath into the ravine."

"Her name is Mrs. Nahama Goldman, formally Natasha Pressman. As she told me how her brother saved her by having her run into the forest near here the memories came back to me. She told me that she wandered through the forest avoiding the solders until about midnight. Under the moonlight of a gibbous moon she went across a farm field until she found the houses of a collective farm. She knocked on one of the doors. The old couple that opened the door for her saw a tired, hungry, dirty little girl clutching her doll and telling them an incredible story of people getting killed. At the time they thought it was just a little girl's nightmare. The old couple couldn't believe that the Germans could be that savage. They told her they would none the less protect her until she found her family. Fortunately, the old man was the head of the collective farm. He continued to lead the collective farm under the Germans because of his age. This old couple, at the risk of their lives, told everyone at the farm Natasha was their granddaughter who was staying with them while there was fighting in the East. The granddaughter's story satisfied the German authorities."

"After the Red Army passed the farm in December, 1943 Natasha tried to find her parents and brother. She was told her father disappeared with his unit outside Stalingrad during the battle for the city. The authorities presumed he was dead. Continued searches for her mother and brother turned up nothing. Uncle Shyer was her mother's brother. Natasha couldn't even start to find him because she didn't know her mother's maiden name."

"As she promised her brother, she bore witness against the soldiers that did the killing and survived the war. She always held her doll close to her on the witness stand as if the doll could protect her. Natasha was an effective witness because she was between ten and twelve at those trials. At one trial, she was able to point out the soldier that had knocked out Ivan's tooth. She saw him hang. She wasn't satisfied, just relieved as if a burden was removed from her."

After the war, Natasha escaped to the West and ended in a displaced people camp. From there she went to Israel where she fought in the War of Independence. A few years later she met Meyer Goldman. They had four children and twelve grandchildren. She came back with her tattered doll to Babi Yar to fulfill the promise to her brother. She was going to throw that doll into the ravine until she saw me. Instead, she handed me the doll and said to me, 'I kept my promise, Ivan.' Then Nahama hugged me and kissed me as tears rolled down my cheeks."

I buried my head in Bill's chest as he put his arms around me. I clutched Kukla and cried as the limousine drove us back to the U. S. embassy.

In memory of the 'other' 5,000,000.