Jessica’s Journey

Sequel to Andrews Dilemma

By, Cain129

Part 4

Special Thanks to Wren Phoenix for the editing.

Synopsis: Things are starting to get back to normal for Jessica, though she is still dealing with witnessing the death of her father. Her family and friends have rallied around her, giving her their love and support.

 
 

Chapter 10

 
 

Megan and I sat on the front porch and waited for Scotty to arrive. The three of us were planning on meeting up with everyone else at the Bronx at 8pm. As we waited I turned to Megan.

“So, how is Jennifer doing?” I asked.

“She’s excited about tonight; I just hope Glen doesn’t fuck it up. He’s a nice guy, but you know what he’s like.”

“I wouldn’t worry about it. Jennifer is a big girl and not one of those bimbos that he normally dates.” I said with a smile.

Megan frowned. “Yeah, to be honest though, it surprises me that Jennifer wanted to go out with him. They’re such total opposites.”

“You could say the same thing about Scotty and I, Megan.”

“That’s true, but the two of you seem to have this chemistry, and it’s like the two of you have been together forever.” Megan said smiling.

“Sometimes it feels that way but we’ve only been dating a few months and who knows what the future holds? We might make it, or we may choose to go our own separate ways. Things are great now, we’re both in high school, but what will happen when we go to college?” I said, frowning.

“I think that if anyone can make it work, Jessica, the two of you can.”

“Maybe, I hope we can make it work, the both of us will try.” I said.

Megan laughed, “I can picture the two of you twenty years from now, having kids of your own and embarrassing them, just like Mom and Dad do now.” Megan said, with a giggle.

“Man, three month ago I would have thought you were crazy to be saying something like that.” I said giggling

“Yeah something tells me that Andrew and I wouldn’t have had much to say on this subject! So tell me, is it everything you dreamed it would be?” Megan asked

“Well, mostly it is, but nothing ever turns out quite the way you wish it would. Back then I thought that I was a transsexual, and my dreams were slightly different. I wanted the operation to become female.”

“I didn’t know that it was even a possibility that deep down, I really was a girl physically. I just wanted to become one, and to have my real mother and father accept me for who I really was. You know as well as I do how that all turned out, but for the most part I am happy with everything.”

“I have the best parents that a girl could ask for, and they love and accept me. I have a sister that I love to death, a great guy that loves me and then there are my friends.”

“So, am I happy with how things turned out? Yes, I’m happy”

Megan put her arm around me. “When you first moved in with us, I just thought it was temporary. Mom would help you get better, and then eventually you would end up going home or into fostercare. I didn’t want you to go home or to end up in fostercare, but I also didn’t want to have a sister. I liked being the only child and having Mom and Dad to myself.”

“Then along came Jessica. Mom and Dad took a liking to you, and before I knew it they were spending more time with you than me, and I really didn’t like it. I was their daughter, not you Jessica. I couldn’t say anything because of the way I had found you, lying there under those bleachers, half dead.” She shivered, remembering it.

“I was so afraid if I said anything you might have tried something stupid and I couldn’t live with that. So I kept my month shut, and kept how I felt to myself. Then something happened. I watched you accept who you really were inside, and you began to change, or maybe it was me that changed. To be honest, I don’t really know, Jessica.”

“But anyway, I watched you become the person you are now. As the days went on I started liking the idea of having a sister. The day that you were taken from us, I realized how much you really meant to me. The thought of losing you was more then I could handle. When you finely came home to us, it was the happiest day of my life.” Megan said, as she leaned over and hugged me.

I smiled and wrapped my arms around Megan. “I know it’s been hard for you Megan, and I’m sorry if I hurt you. Being part of this family has been a dream come true for me, and I couldn’t ask for a better sister then you. I never felt that I belonged anywhere until I moved in with you.”

“My own parents didn’t really want me, they wanted the perfect son. They couldn’t accept the fact that they ended up with a daughter. All my life I felt ashamed of who I was, and I hated myself, because I couldn’t live up to their expectations. I hated God for sticking me in that body and making me feel the way I did.”

“When your Mom and Dad took me in they accepted me, and said it was all right to be myself. They helped me become the person I am today. I didn’t have to hide who I was anymore, they gave me the choice. I could be Andrew or Jessica.” A tear shone in her eye.

“I was afraid at first, but as I watched how loving your mother and father were towards you, I felt jealous of you. You had everything that I didn’t have, and you just took it all for granted. You had parents that loved and accepted you, and would do anything they could to make you happy. I had never experienced that until I moved in with you.

It was a dream come true when they started treating me the same way, and to be honest, I didn’t know how I was supposed to react. I’d be lying if I said that I didn’t love the attention, because I did.

The only attention I received from my own parents was mental and physical abuse. Then here were your parents. They invited me into their home, knowing full well how screwed up I was. They loved and accepted me and didn’t treat me like I was some kind of freak, they actually wanted to spend time with me.

My own parents wouldn’t even give me the time of day. The only time they wanted me around was when it suited their needs. When it came to what I wanted, they really didn’t care. What I wanted was never a priority to them.”

 

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Megan sat there, thinking about what I had said, and then she smiled. “I’m so happy that things worked out, Jessica. I love having a sister that I can spend time with, and I’m not jealous anymore, I’m just happy.”

I looked at my watch. It was already 7:45, and I was wondering what was taking Scotty. I reached into my purse and noticed that there was a text message. After checking the phone, I realized that it was set to vibrate. I must have set it like that by accident. I read the message, and it basically said that he was running late, but was coming and should be here before 8pm.

 

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Megan and I waited until 8pm, when Scotty came around the corner, but he wasn’t driving his own car. After Megan and I climbed into his car, I turned to him. “Nice ride, but you know it’s not a good idea to keep a girl waiting.”

“Sorry ladies, I was having car problems and had to talk Dad into letting me borrow his. Then I ended up playing 100 questions with Mom and Dad, about this mystery girl that I am dating.” Scotty said, frowning in frustration.

That made me worry a little, but I kept smiling. “I’ll forgive you this time, so what did you tell them about me?”

“Nothing much, really, I didn’t think it was my place. All that they know is that the two of us have been dating for awhile. They really want to meet you. I hope you don’t have plans for next Friday, because we’re going out to supper, and I said that I would ask you to join us.” Scotty said, with a quick look my way to gauge my reaction.

I looked at him and teased him by taking my time thinking about it. “Well, I guess that would be all right. What time is supper?”

“Around 5 pm, so you might just want to drive home with me after school. That way we can hangout for awhile before supper.” Scotty said as he put the car into drive and headed towards town.

The drive to the Bronx was not a long one, but we were taking a different route than what I was used to, but it was Megan that ended up speaking first.”

“Where are we going Scotty?” She asked.

“Relax Megan; I’m just picking up my cousin Jeff. He wasn’t doing anything tonight and wanted to join us.” Scotty said with a smile

“Isn’t he the one that used to pick at me all the time?” Megan asked nervously.

“Yeah, but that was years ago Megan, and he only did it cause he liked you.” Scotty said, chuckling at her anxiety.

“Boys picking on girls, is that really a sign of affection Jessica?” Megan asked.

I smiled. “To be honest I really have no idea. There is only one guy that I’ve ever liked, and he’s sitting next to me. I don’t think I would have tried using that ploy as Andrew. It wouldn’t have worked well, and chances are I would have been beat up, considering I was never into girls.”

“I guess you’re right Jessica, you were never really a boy anyway.” Megan said.

“Nope, I’ve always been a girl, even with those nasty parts.” I said frowning.

“Let’s not talk about those nasty parts, let’s just leave it in the past where it belongs. All that matters is that you are normal now.” Scotty said, sounding a little aggravated.

 

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Chapter 11

 
 

We arrived at Jeff’s home and pulled into his parent’s driveway. Scotty said he would be right back, then he left Megan and I and ran into the house to get his cousin.

Megan looked at me. “This better not be Scotty and you setting me up.”

“It’s not, sis. I had no idea that Jeff would be joining us, but he is older now, maybe the two of you will hit it off.” She glared at me.

“Well, if he gets fresh, my knee will be hitting it off with his groin.” Megan said not sounding very happy.

“God, Megan, if you had any idea how much that hurt, it wouldn’t even be a consideration.” I said remembering from personal experience how it felt.

Soon Megan I saw Scotty leaving the house, followed by his cousin Jeff. I had to admit, he was pretty cute. If I wasn’t with Scotty I might have been interested. Scotty and Jeff climbed into the car.

Jeff smiled. “Hi Jessica, it’s nice to meet you, Scotty has been talking about you so much, I feel like I already know you.” He turned to Megan and smiled. “It’s good to see you again Megan. It’s hard to believe you’re the same girl that I used to pick on. You sure grew up to be a beauty.”

“Thanks Jeff,” Megan said blushing. “You look pretty cute yourself.”

“Just so you know Megan, I am sorry how I treated you. It’s no excuse, but there was a lot of stuff going on in my life and I took it out on you. Since my parent sent me off to the private school I have learned to deal with most of it. It doesn’t make what I did right but if it means anything, it was never anything you did.” Jeff smiled, hopefully.

“Well, I’m happy that things are better for you now, but I still find it hard to understand why you acted like such an annoying jerk.” Megan said the fire still obvious in her eyes.

“I would like to explain to you better. Maybe the two of us could talk about it when it’s just the two of us.” Jeff said, sounding frustrated.

Megan looked at him. “You can say anything you want here, Jessica is my sister. She’s not the type to tell anyone, and you know Scotty isn’t going to tell a soul.” Megan said reassuringly.

Jeff looked like he was trying to figure out what to say. “I have a minor learning disability, Megan. They put me into the ‘special’ classes at school with some kids that had more severe impairments. Unfortunately, it sent a message to all the other kids at school that I wasn’t normal, and a few of the kids at school started making my life a living hell.

Everything changed once I started fighting back, and things started getting out of control. I was no longer being bullied, which was great, but somehow along the way I went from being bullied to being the one doing the bullying.”

I was so frustrated with being in those classes with those kids, and I hated myself because I wasn’t like everyone else. I took out my frustration on anyone that came my way, even you, Megan. With you it was different, I liked you. Believe it or not, I went easy on you because of how I felt for you.

You were my first crush, but I didn’t think that you would be interested in a guy like me, not when you could have any guy that you wanted.” Jeff said in frustration.

As I sat there next to Scotty, I could feel for Jeff as he told his story to us. He was not the monster that Megan had made him out to be, he was just a scared kid that wanted nothing more then to be loved and accepted, like the rest of us. I knew how that felt. I had been in the same place that he was. I may not have had a learning disability to make me feel like shit, but I had plenty of other things that made me feel the same exact way as he did and had I been capable of doing the same things that he had done, I likely would have done the same thing.

Megan looked over at Jeff and smiled. “I like this Jeff better then the old one. Let’s just put the past behind us and have some fun tonight.”

“Yeah let’s put the past behind us, I would rather look toward the future anyway.” Jeff said with a big smile.

 

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The rest of the ride was a more relaxed one. Although we had a late start, everyone was looking forward to the rest of the evening. After arriving, Megan and Jeff headed in first. I wanted a few minutes alone with Scotty to talk, and once the two of us were alone, I turned to him.

“Isn’t it the girl that usually plays match maker?” I said with a smile.

“Yeah, but I couldn’t resist. Both of them are single, and would have been sitting around the house alone. I figured what the hell. The worst that could happen is that they end up killing one another.” Scotty smiled.

“Well it looks like they’re getting along, so maybe it will work out for the two of them.” I could only hope for the best.

 

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Scotty and I made our way inside and looked around. It didn’t take long before we found the rest of the gang. Britney and Natasha were already here, along with Cliff and Brian, who were carrying another table over and joining the tables together. We thought we would all sit together, so Megan and Jeff were bringing a couple of chairs to the table. Scotty and I found a couple of chairs and we carried them over to join the rest of the gang. Once everyone was seated, Jeff and Scotty headed off to get our drinks. I looked over at Megan.

“So what do you think about Jeff now?” I asked.

She smiled “You guys set us up, didn’t you?”

I smiled. “It was Scotty! He thought that if the two of you talked you might hit it off.”

Megan shook her head, “He is not the same guy that he used to be. I like this Jeff.”

I smiled and nodded. “I like him too, Megan.”

It wasn’t long before everyone was back at the table and chatting away, there were a lot of questions about what happened with my kidnapping, but Scotty and Megan stepped in. God bless them, I still wasn’t ready to talk about what had happened. Maybe I could do it one on one, but not as a group. No one pushed me after that, which I was thankful for. Tonight was about having fun.

There were plenty of other things to talk about. I could see that Jeff looked like he was having a hard time, and I decided to try to bring him out of his shell a bit. I knew that once the others got to know him, they’d like him, but it looked like he needed help to break the ice. I turned to Scotty and whispered in his ear. He knew what Jeff liked better then anyone and he turned to him. “Jeff, did you see the game the other night”, Scotty was referring to a football a game.

“Yeah, I lost $20 on that game, they really need to stop hiring their referees from the institute for the blind.” Jeff said which made Cliff and Brian laugh.

“You’re right Jeff, I have no idea what game the referee was watching but it wasn’t the same game that I was watching.” Brian said sounding slightly pissed.

“I bet there were a lot of guys waiting for the referee to leave after that game! They’re lucky that they have their own exit, otherwise he likely would have ended up in the hospital.” Cliff said, and all the guys were pretty much in agreement with that.

With the ice broken, it didn’t take long for Jeff to relax. Everyone seemed to be in good spirits. I looked over at Scotty, and I smiled as he put his arm around me.

 

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Everyone was having a great time and by 9pm the place was full and people were already getting up on stage, either with their guitars or doing karaoke. A few were not too bad, while others were dreadful.

“Are you going to do a song, Jessica?” asked Megan, hopefully.

“I wasn’t planning on it, Megan.” I was kind of hoping to just relax and listen tonight.

“Come on Jessica, none of us have heard you sing!” Natasha said with a smile.

“She’s really good, and can play a guitar like you wouldn’t believe.” Megan boasted, proudly.

“Yeah Jessica, lets hear what you’ve got.” Britney said.

Brian smiled. “You know Jessica, they’re not going to leave you alone until you get on stage and sing for them.”

“All right, but I’m only doing one song.” I said firmly.

I got up and made my way over to check out the song list. I found one that I liked, then filled out the request form and returned to our table. There were a lot of names ahead of me by now, so if I was lucky, we would be long gone before my name was finally called. It was about 10:45 when Jennifer and Glen arrived, both of them looked like they were having a great time as they joined us at the table.

“Did we miss anything?” Jennifer asked as she took a seat next to Glen.

“Not yet, we’re just waiting for them to call Jessica’s name. Everyone is dying to hear her sing.” Britney said with a smile.

“You’re all in for a treat I’ve heard her playing with Megan’s father.” Jennifer said, looking at me. “Are you going to play the guitar too?”

“I wasn’t even planning on singing tonight, otherwise I’d have brought a guitar.”

“Well you’re in luck Jessica, Scotty’s guitars is still in my van, along with everything else. I just never got around to putting everything back in the garage.” Glen said with a smile, and handed Scotty the keys to his van.

I smiled and looked over at Scotty. “Guess who’s joining me on stage tonight?”

“Hey, it’s you they want to hear, not me!” Scotty said.

“Don’t worry, you don’t have to sing, just play along with me.” I said with a smile.

“I guess that’s alright, but none of that country crap.”

I smiled and grabbed his hand, then the two of us headed out to Glen’s van. Along the way I told him what the song was that I wanted to do, and he wasn’t very happy. At least it was a recent song that hit both the rock and country charts.

Scotty and I climbed into the back of Glen’s van to get the guitars, and I asked him if he knew how to play the song.

“Not really, but I can keep up with you”, Scotty said as he picked up his guitar, and I grabbed the acoustic.

“Okay, then let’s run through it and give it a try.” I started playing, and we went through the song once. After I finished I asked Scotty if he was ready, and handed him the acoustic. He took it and started playing the song, not quite the same way that I had played it, but I had to admit that I liked the changes he’d made to it. After he finished, Scotty handed the guitar back to me.

“How was that?” He asked, with a smug look on his face.

“Not bad, let me give it a try.” I started playing the song, this time copying what Scotty had done to the song.

“You’re a pretty fast learner.” Scotty said with a smile.

“Thanks, I’m pretty lucky, I was born with an ear for music, I only need to hear something once or twice and I can pretty much copy it.” I said, smiling smugly.

“That is one hell of a gift.” Scotty said, then started playing the song again, this time a little faster, with more of a rock feel for it.

I listened, and about half way through I started playing along with him. I was really surprised just how much the two of us seemed to be in sync with one another and I found myself really starting to enjoy playing with him. It was at that moment that we were brought back to reality, as we heard knocking on the door. When I looked over, it was Jeff. “Hey guys, you’re up!” he called, and then headed back inside.

 

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Chapter 12

 

 I was really nervous as Scotty and I took the stage, but I made my way up to the microphone while Scotty plugged our guitars into the amp.

“Hi everyone!” I said nervously. “I am Jessica and the handsome guy next to me is Scotty. The song we’re going to play for you is called ‘The Climb’, by Miley Cyrus.

I looked over at Scotty, and he nodded. I started playing the intro to the song, and shortly after Scotty joined me. I found myself taking a deep breath and started singing. At first I was a little shaky, but I soon found myself getting into the song and relaxing. It wasn’t very long before I was lost in the song and giving it everything that I had. Every now and then I found myself looking over at Scotty. He seemed at home on stage and was really getting into the song, too.

By the time the two of us reached the end of the song, I found myself looking out onto the dance floor. I couldn’t believe how many people were up dancing, including Megan and Jeff, and even Jennifer somehow managed to drag Glen unto the dance floor. Once the song came to and end the applause was unbelievable and people were yelling and screaming for more, I looked over at Scotty and he nodded.

I walked over to Scotty. “Do you know ‘You’re So Vain’?” He nodded. There was a keyboard on the stage that belonged to the club, so I walked over and switched it on and heard it come to life. I set it to piano, took a seat and adjusted the microphone. Scotty started playing the intro and counting me in, when the time came I started playing with him and singing the lyrics to the song.

As I sang the song, I started enjoy myself and every time I got to the part in the song where it said “you’re so vain,” I stared right at Scotty and emphasized those words. Everyone was laughing, as was Scotty, but he just kept on playing. Eventually we reached the end of the song, and I picked up the mic. “That’s it everyone, thanks for making my first time on stage so memorable, and have a goodnight.”

It was an awesome feeling as Scotty and I left the stage, people were so nice and kept telling us how good the two of us were together. It was nice to finally make it back to our table and sit down to relax.

“God, Jessica, you were awesome! I couldn’t believe that was you up there!” Natasha said as she gave me a hug.

“Yeah, you were great Jessica, you really should try going professional.” Britney said with a smile.

It seemed everyone at the table enjoyed hearing Scotty and I perform together, and Brian and Cliff even suggested that I play a few songs with the band. I thought about it and thought that it was a great idea, and it could be a lot of fun.

 

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The rest of the night went by pretty fast, and it wasn’t long before Scotty was dropping Megan and I off at home. As usual, Megan left me and Scotty alone so that we could say goodnight to one another, only this time Jeff was walking her to the door.

“I had a great time tonight, Scotty, thanks for everything. I really needed to get out and have some fun.”

“I had a great time tonight too, it was a lot of fun playing with you tonight, and we are definitely going to have to do this more often.” Scotty said with a smile.

Scotty then leaned over and took me in his arms. Before long the two of us were kissing like two people that weren’t going to see each other for a very long time. When I finally came up for air, Scotty looked at me. “I love you, Jessica,” he said and just held me in his arms.

“I love you more.” I whispered to him, and then gave him a kiss goodnight.

The guys waited till Megan and I were inside before leaving. Once we were inside I flopped into a chair and turned to her.” What a night!” I said with a smile.

Megan smiled.” Yeah, really! I had a great time and you were awesome, sis.”

“I was scared to death.” I admitted with a smile.

“You looked pretty nervous at first Jessica, but once you got into it you looked like you belonged on stage.” Megan said, giving me a hug.

“Thanks, I can’t wait to do it again!” I said excitedly, and hugged Megan back.

That night before bed, Mom and Dad hit the both of us with a million questions. I just told them about my night and how much fun it had been, then headed off to bed, leaving Megan sometime with Mom and Dad to share the events of her night. I was exhausted, and pretty much passed out as soon as I hit the mattress.

 

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The following morning I was awakened rather early by my arch nemesis, that pesky wood pecker again, it seemed to becoming a regular event. He was once again outside my window pecking on the wood work. I knew better then to blame it on Megan again but the thought of that woodpecker brought back a thousand ways to get even, all I needed was an Acme catalog. On second thought that never ended well for the coyote and I really didn’t need to be stepping out the front door to have a anvil drop on my head.

I slowly pulled myself out of bed and made my way over to the window. I pulled it open and felt the fresh air hit me, then looked out the window and saw Woody. “Good morning, you little pain in the ass.” I said to the little bird that just looked over at me then returned to looking for his breakfast.

He was a cute little guy, I’ll give him that. I slowly made my way over to my bathroom and ran a nice hot bath and poured in some scented bubble bath, while the tub was filling up I grabbed my tooth brush and some paste and brushed my teeth. My mouth felt really dry and after brushing my teeth and gargling with some water, I felt much better and climbed into the bath.

I just laid back and soaked for a half hour. Part of me didn’t really want to face the world today, but I knew that I needed to see Dr. Humphrey this morning. It would bring everything that had happened to a head again and I just didn’t want to face that pain but knew that it was something that I needed to do. Then there was my birth mother.

I knew that she was going to be released any day now and the two of us were going to have to deal with Dad’s funeral and help with the move. The funeral was being held on Friday and that was something I was dreading. Part of me wanted to be there to say goodbye to him, but there was also another part that just didn’t want to face the rest of the family. I knew that most of his family wouldn’t understand or even try to see things for what they were.

The truth to them was that he kidnapped me and the police killed him, it was plain and simple. They didn’t know what really happened in the end. They were not there, but I was. He had taken his own life because he refused to see reason. I reached down and pulled the plug and climbed out of the tub, and started drying myself off. Thinking all I had to do was make it till Friday and I would have the weekend to relax camping with Amy, Tara and Scotty.

 

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After getting dressed, I spent the next 20 minutes doing my makeup and fussing with my hair until I was satisfied that I looked alright, then made my way downstairs and found Mom and Megan already in the kitchen. I grabbed a bowl from the cabinet and a box of coco puffs. I filled the bowl and joined Mom and Megan at the table.

“How are you doing this morning honey?” asked Mom.

“I’m a little nervous about seeing Dr. Humphrey, but other than that, I’m fine.” I said as I poured some milk into my bowl.

“It’s to be expected honey, it’s not easy to talk about things that you know are going to make you upset. All I can suggest is to take your time and if you need a few minutes here and there to pull yourself together, then take it. Dr. Humphrey will understand and she knows this it not going to be easy for you to talk about.

“If you want I can stick around and go to the appointment with you?”

“That’s alright mom, I can talk to her on my own, but if you wouldn’t mind sticking around afterwards, I doubt I’ll feel like taking a cab home.”

“Sure baby, just remember if you need me I’ll be in the waiting room. I just wish you weren’t so independent, though.” Mom said with a frown.

“I know Mom, but this is who I am, most of my life the only person that I could rely on was myself and it’s really hard for me to change, but I’m really trying and I do know if things get out of control, I can always come to you.”

“It’s just that we worry about you, that’s all. So much has happened and I have no idea how you are able to hold everything together. If it was me in your place, I think that I would be an emotional basket case.” Mom said frowning.

I smiled. “Mom, the reason that I am able to hold everything together is that I know whatever happens, I have a family that loves and supports me, and if something goes wrong I can always turn to my Mom, Dad and even Megan. I would be lying if I said that none of this is bothering me but I can handle it.”

“Alright Honey, just remember we’re here if you need us.” Mom said, looking worried.

 

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After Megan left for school, I gave Mom a hand cleaning up, and then the two of us made the trip to the hospital for my appointment with Dr. Humphrey. I was still pretty anxious and hoped that I could make it through the appointment without having a complete mental breakdown. I tried to concentrate on things that made me happy, like Scotty and the fun that we had last night singing together. It helped somewhat, at least until we pulled into the hospital parking lot.

While Mom found a place to park, I made my way inside. Mom said she would join me as soon as she found a parking space. As I walked, the closer that I got to Dr. Humphrey’s office the worse I felt. It was like my tummy was all tied up in knots and I felt like any minute I was going to vomit, but thank God that never happened. Still, that nauseous feeling just didn’t want to go away.

As I made my way into Dr. Humphrey’s office, I was met by the secretary. Since I was Dr. Humphrey’s only patient today the secretary already knew who I was. “Good morning, Jessica,” she said with a smile. “Please have a seat, and I will let Dr. Humphrey know that you are here.”

 

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I only had to wait a few minutes before Dr. Humphrey came out and called me into her office. As I took a seat, she smiled at me and asked me how I was doing.

I looked at her. “To be honest, I have been better, and there are times I just feel like I am hanging on by a thread.

Dr. Humphrey looked at me, “I know things seem pretty tough right now Jessica, but they will get better. The main thing is that you talk about what happened. I know it’s hard, but do you think that you can tell me about the kidnapping, Jessica?”

I nodded. “I was supposed to be bait for the police to catch my father, but things didn’t quite go as planned, there was a double cross. They tied me up and put me in the back of a van. I was scared to death, and then they took me to my father and left me with him. He was really angry at first because of how I was dressed, and he beat me around then he left me tied up for awhile. I tried to get loose but it was impossible. He had me chained up like I was a dog, and my hands and feet were still tied.

I knew that the only way that I was going to have a chance to escape was to play along with him and when the chance came, I would make a run for it, but first I had to get him to untie me. I knew my dad well enough that I could tell he wasn’t completely drunk yet, and I could still reason with him.

“So what did you do?” Asked Dr. Humphrey

“This whole mess started with my attempting suicide. I told him the reason that I did it was because I couldn’t live with myself anymore. I was tried of disappointing everyone and I told him it was better for everyone concerned that I died.”

“What happened next, Jessica?”

“I told him about my medical condition and explained to him that if they had sent me to a doctor when I was younger, I would have turned out normal. At first he didn’t believe me, but I told him about my run in with Mom here at the hospital and that she didn’t believe me either. I lied to him and told him that the doctor showed Mom the x-rays and explained everything.”

“Did he believe you Jessica?”

“Not at first, but it kept the two of us talking. I was eventually able to make him understand. The whole time though, he kept calling me Andrew. I eventually asked him if he would mind not calling me Andrew.”

“I told him about the operation, and said that I didn’t have a choice, they had to do it or I would have died. I had to choose a name and I told him that I chose Jessica because it was his mother’s name, and I felt that had I been born a girl they would have given me that name.”

“He seemed pleased that I had taken his mother’s name, and even said that I looked like her. After that Dad seemed to calm down and was more willing to listen and eventually he untied me.”

“I started playing the role of the perfect daughter, and I took care of him like Mom would have. The cabin was a complete mess, so I spent my time cleaning the place and took care of the cooking and making sure that he always had a cold beer, because once he passed out I would make a run for it.”

“But then the strangest thing started to happen. Dad actually started treating me different, and seemed to be warming to the idea of having a daughter. I am not saying that he would make father of the year or anything like that, but the monster that had been making my life a living hell all those years was gone.”

“How did this make you feel Jessica?” asked Dr. Humphrey

“Mostly confused, when I was a kid I used to love spending time with my father. We would go to ball games, fishing and other stuff.”

“When he started drinking, things changed. He became mean and was angry all the time and the father that I knew and loved was gone. In his place was this monster that hated everyone and everything, even me.”

“The man that was with me now wasn’t the monster that I was afraid of. The man that was with me was my father, the one that loved me and was remorseful for what he had done and wanted my forgiveness.”

“Then the police showed up. They told him to put down the gun and let me go. I wanted to run but was afraid the cops were going to shot him, so I stayed and tried to talk him into giving himself up.”

“I told him that I loved him and that I didn’t want him to die. He pushed me away from him,. Then he pointed the gun at the police and they shot him. I ran to him and I just couldn’t understand why he would do something like this. I took him into my arms and held him.”

“He could barely speak but told me that he loved me and was sorry and if I could forgive him. I just held him and told him that I loved him and I forgave him and then he was gone.”

“You’ve been through a lot Jessica, and I think it would be a good idea if you start coming in once a week. It’s going to take time to get over all of this, but you will. I think it’s also a good idea for you to continue attending the group meeting. I’m going to increase your medication for the next little while, which should help with the anxiety. How are you doing with sleeping, Jessica?”

“I’m able to sleep, but I find myself waking up throughout the night, and I still have the nightmares.”

Dr. Humphrey wrote out a prescription. “This should help you sleep, take 1 or 2 pills about an hour before you are ready for bed.”

“When is your father’s funeral?” She asked.

“It’s on Friday at 1pm”

“I am leaving an appointment open for 3pm, if you need to talk just come in, and if I don’t see you on Friday then I will see you next Wednesday, Jessica.”

“Alright, Dr. Humphrey, thanks for squeezing me in.”

“You’re welcome Jessica, and if you need to talk you can call me anytime and I’ll try to squeeze you in.”

 

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After leaving Dr. Humphrey’s office I found Mom waiting for me. She was reading one of the magazines. I smiled, then walked over to the receptionist and asked for an appointment for next Wednesday.

Once I had the appointment Mom and I said goodbye. We headed out to her car. I felt emotionally exhausted, and along the way I had to stop and use the ladies room to freshen up my makeup. I really looked as bad as I felt and decided that in the future I would refrain from wearing makeup when I visited Dr. Humphrey’s office.

The drive home was a quiet one, with neither one of us really saying much and I was thankful that Mom never asked me too many questions. I really wasn’t in the mood to talk about how I was feeling, and talking to Dr. Humphrey had left me feeling completely worn out. Once Mom and I arrived home, I headed off to my room and quickly fell asleep from exhaustion.

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End of part 4

To be continued in part 5