“Everything okay, Son?” Conner asked. “I thought I heard crying in your house, haven't seen Tracy next door either.”

William was quiet for a few moments as Vance took his first swing. “No Dad, it's not.”

“What's wrong?” The older man asked.

“We learned something last night and it's tearing Tracy up.” William replied.

“What's that?”

William leaned the ax against the house and led his father away from the house. “Dad, the other day when she was attacked in your back yard it started behind the barn.” He pointed to the large structure that was on his property.

“Yeah, she said that. Then she ran, right?” Conner asked.

“It's more, Dad.” William led his father to the corner of the barn and he stopped, then they both watched Vance cutting wood. William let out a sigh and shook his head. “They attempted to rape her.”

A glimpse into Tracy the next morning, and how William takes care of his anger issues. Plus because it makes me laugh, more of Vance and Sage

A special thanks to DJKauf for the editing

December 4th 1982
Northern California

Tracy opened up her eyes and found herself still in Sage's arms. She kept her head against Sage's chest. As she lay there she could recall her bad dream. She could still hear Bruce and feel his body lying on her and she began to sniffle, with the tears fast approaching.

“It's okay, just let it out.” Sage said, but her eyes stayed shut. She pulled Tracy in a bit more. A part of Tracy began to think that they had this conversation earlier. Her hand moved along Tracy's back, in a back and forth motion, one that helped calm her friend down. “Don't let this bottle up, just let it all out.” As if on command her tears began to flow faster. The sobbing got louder as she recalled the dream and her attack. She had felt so useless, so weak.

Sage just stayed put, but she opened her eyes and began brushing the hair out of Tracy's face. She decided to try something her mother did whenever she cried. Her voice kept that soft tone of concern as she kept talking. “Picture your pain, grief, and all the shame you feel as the tears. Each moment of weakness is another tear. Each regret over the past few days is a tear. Let 'em all out. Get the pain out of your body. Wash the grief out, get rid of the shame. It's not your fault.” Her voice dropped to a whisper as she kissed Tracy's forehead and repeated her statement. “It's not your fault.”

~o~O~o~

William stood away from the house, ax in hand. He couldn't stand to hear his daughter's occasional sobs through the very thin windows of the house anymore. He had tried to comfort her, but he wasn't sure how to deal with it. So he had to deal with the frustration that he was feeling. He had gone outside to chop of some of the wood for the fire place. He had also pulled his son with him, to give the girls their space. The other girl was off helping his mother because Tracy was unable to.

He was watching Vance take a big swing into one of the logs as Tracy still sobbed in the house when his father walked up. Conner stopped by William as they watched Vance cut another log. The older man stayed quiet for a few moments, till Vance finished and grabbed another log.

“Everything okay, Son?” Conner asked. “I thought I heard crying in your house, haven't seen Tracy next door either.”

William was quiet for a few moments as Vance took his first swing. “No Dad, it's not.”

“What's wrong?” The older man asked.

“We learned something last night and it's tearing Tracy up.” William replied.

“What's that?”

William leaned the ax against the house and led his father away from the house. “Dad, the other day when she was attacked in your back yard it started behind the barn.” He pointed to the large structure that was on his property.

“Yeah, she said that. Then she ran, right?” Conner asked.

“It's more, Dad.” William led his father to the corner of the barn and he stopped, then they both watched Vance cutting wood. William let out a sigh and shook his head. “They attempted to rape her.”

Conner turned and faced his son, his blood began to boil. “They what?!?” He snarled.

“That Bruce kid, the one that hurt Mom? He tried to rape her.” William balled his hands up and grunted in frustration. “He was just going to scare her, but when they saw her in the skirt, he cut her shirt open and was going to share her with his friends.”

“That little bastard.” Conner took a step away from his son, trying to calm down, when that failed, his swung his fist into the old wood of the barn. No enough to hurt his hand, but strong enough to make a loud boom.

“I know Dad.” William balled up his fists again, but he never swung.

“What about that fourth asshole? Was he a part of it?”

“No Dad. He actually tried to stop it.” William said. “When Bruce hit him, Tracy made her break. I guess she kicked him in the nuts, that's why he attacked her.”

“I see.” He looked at Vance once again. “So is that why my granddaughter is crying right now?”

“She had a bad dream last night. It's been a bad night. She kept waking up and crying through the night and into the morning. Her friend Sage, the redhead, is in there with her.” William replied.

“I see. Think we should cancel dinner?” Conner asked.

“No. She wants to talk to Mom when she gets over there.” William started walking towards Vance. “She needs to talk to Mom, she needs something to cheer her up.”

“I understand.” They stopped near Vance as he finished with another log. “Hey, can I give that a try?” Conner asked.

“Sure, Grandpa.” Vance walked over and offered the handle of the ax to Conner, then he went over and leaned against the house.

Conner put a log on the chopping block and looked to his son. “They tried to rape her?”

“Yeah.” William answered.

“And they hurt my wife, daughter-in-law and granddaughter?” Conner didn't look this time, keeping his attention on the log, but William still answered.

“Yeah.”

“Those sons ah bitches!” Conner let his anger grow, then he focused it all on the log before him. He swung the ax through the air and hit the log in one fluid motion. The force of the impact split it on the first try. He looked at the wood, then to his son and Grandson. “How much of this wood do we need to cut today?” He reached for another log and set it on the chopping block.

“I was going to stop when I wasn't angry anymore.” William replied.

“I can understand.” Conner got into the starting position again and swung the ax once more, splitting the new log in one shot. “Vance, Set up a second, bigger stump on the other side of the pile. No point in doing this one at a time.”

William nodded as he saw what his father was doing. He picked up his ax and moved to the pile. “I so want to hurt that kid.” He said.

“What about Tracy? How is she feeling?”

“She's not doing good. She's thinking she should stop being Tracy, just because of that jackass.” William replied.

“Man...that's bad.” Conner said as he looked to his son, who only nodded. “She's just finding herself, the last thing she needs is to question if she is wrong for feeling like she feels. I don't totally understand all of this, but she's happy, isn't she?”

“I know, Dad.” William shrugged. “But I don't know what to do. This is Maggie and Mom's area of expertise, that and the girls. They could help her too.”

~o~O~o~

Tracy's tears stopped and she just lay there in Sage's arms. The two girls lay perfectly still, just the sounds of their breathing and the occasional chopping of wood from outside could be heard. “Feeling better now?” She asked in that same tone of voice.

“A little. Where did you ever think of that cry the pain out thing?” Tracy asked.

Sage smiled. Talking was good, as long as it didn't become crying again. “Mom. She reads a lot of books about all sorts of meta physical stuff. It's like willing the pain to leave your body.”

“Have you done it before?”

Sage gave a slight nod. “Yeah.”

“Really?” Tracy asked.

“Yep. Been a while though.” Sage knew the next question, so she just cut out the waiting for it. “Last time I did it was a couple of years back, one of the times I dressed up as Boy Sage. We went to the mall and we were seen by kids from school. They started to pick on me, by time I got home I was a wreck.”

“Oh. That sucks. Do they still pick on you?” Tracy asked.

“Not really, I moved to a new school system.” She replied.

“Oh.” Tracy looked up at her friend and raised one eyebrow. “Um, where is everyone?”

“Our moms are out getting food for dinner tonight. That chopping sound you hear is your Dad and brother chopping down the orchard and Rachel is off at your grandmother’s place, helping clean up.” Sage replied.

“What time is it?” Tracy asked.

Sage reached an arm back and grabbed a thin watch. “Almost ten.”

“You let me sleep this long?” Tracy began to sit up, but Sage pushed her back against the mattress.

“Yes, you needed it. You've been awake several times during the night.” Sage replied.

“Just once, when I had....you know.” Tracy lowered her head.

“No, that was the first time. You've been awake several times during the night. You were out of it, badly. I told your mother I could handle it.” Sage brushed some of Tracy's hair back.

“Thank you.” Tracy said.

Sage kissed her forehead once more. “Now, I was wondering if I could take a quick shower? Or do you need me here for a bit more?”

“I think I'm fine.” Tracy replied.

“Good.” Sage hugged Tracy once more and Tracy became aware of something that hadn't totally registered about her friends state of dress. “Each time I've tried to get up, either your brother has been in here and watching me, or you started to have a bad dream.”

“That's why your topless?” Tracy asked.

“Yes. Your pervert of a brother keeps coming in to sneak peeks of me. Your Dad finally locked the door to give us some peace and quiet.” Sage shook her head as she chuckled.

“Sounds like Vance.” Tracy replied with forced chuckle.

“Hey, your mother said she'll help change the dressings on your surgery site when she gets back. And to remind you no showers today, but we can do a sponge bath. Want to do that when I'm done?” Sage asked.

“Sure.” Tracy replied. “I may need help though. I can't even comb my hair or touch my feet without pain in the ribs”

“Wanna wait for your mother then? Or do you trust me?” Sage Brushed some more of her hair aside. “I just want you comfortable.”

Tracy thought about it for a moment. She didn't want Sage to see her male parts, even though Sage had them too. “Could I wait for my Mom?”

“No problem. I'll take a fast shower, then we should go for a walk, just to let your dad know it's safe in here.” Sage rolled over and stood up, showing her bare back and a bright red pair of panties to Tracy. She bent down and grabbed a bag that lay by the couch.

“Okay.” Tracy lay flat on her back. “I'll get up in a bit.”

“Good, see that you take it easy too.” Sage said, holding the bag to her chest, looking at the door as though Vance would come bursting through at any moment.

~o~O~o~

Half an hour later, Tracy and Sage slowly made their way around the house to where her Dad and brother were. Sage didn't hold her arm, she just walked a half a step behind, in case Tracy tripped. She was shocked to see her Grandfather there as well. The amount of chopped wood shocked her, too. They stopped for a moment as her father swung the ax, splitting a log half way down. He picked up the ax, the log still stuck on the end and he swung in down again, splitting the log on the second try. Vance was trying to do the same thing, with less than stellar results.

Conner was sitting on the end of a trailer that they had for their tractor. He caught the movement out of the corner of his eyes and he looked to see his granddaughter making her way to him. He gave her the best smile he could muster, then patted the bed of the trailer and stood up. “Here you go, young lady.”

“Thanks Grandpa.” Tracy said as she sat down.

Conner looked to the other girl. “You should have let your hair dry a bit more. Don't need you getting a cold from wet hair.”

“Nah, I go out with wet hair all the time at home. Heck it's colder there at times.” Sage smiled as she took a seat.

“Okay, just don't want you getting sick while you’re here.” Conner sat on the tire to the trailer and they watched Vance and William each grab a log. As Vance looked up, he saw Sage and his cheeks went red.

“Hi, Sage.” He said, wearing a goofy grin as he picked up his ax again. She just smiled and gave him a small wave.

“Ah, I see now.” Conner said.

“See what?” Tracy asked.

“Why your brother keeps staring at the house every few chops.” Conner said with a chuckle.

They watched as Vance lifted his ax in the air, with his attention more on Sage then on the wood. He brought it down, missing both the wood and the chopping block and sticking it in the soft ground.

“Maybe we should take a walk, so he's not distracted.” Conner said as the laughter began to get louder. "Like this, he may chop his feet off."

Tracy watched her father put his ax down and he began to laugh. “Boy, I think you're done for the day. At least with the cutting. Now for the stacking.”

“Maybe I should help Sage. You know, help her with Tracy.” Vance said with a grin, his eyes on the redhead.

“It's okay Vance, I'll walk with them.” Conner said. “Son, could I take some of this for my shed? I got a few projects I want to work on for the winter.”

“Sure. We'll stack some in the trailer for you.” William said as he went over and collected Vance's ax from the ground.

Tracy leaned over to Sage and smiled. “You got him so distracted.”

“I know.” She chuckled. “Kind of fun. Good thing it's not summer time and I'm not wearing a swim suit.”

“Oh, that could be fun.” Tracy smiled back.

“Girls, that's just mean.” Conner said, trying to keep a straight face, then a smile started to form. “Poor boy wouldn't know what to do. I'm willing to take pictures of him when you do it. Just to remind him later.” He stood up and offered Tracy his hand, which she took and slowly stood up. He looked to William. “I'll walk with them and I'll help when I get back here.”

“Okay, Dad.” William said as he and Vance began moving the cut wood to a part of the barn where they stored the wood.

~o~O~o~

The sun was still in the sky when Tracy had sat down on the porch swing on her grandmothers back porch. Sage and Rachel were on either side of her and the mothers, plus her grandmother sat with them, but at the table. Maggie had asked Tracy if she wanted to talk about the night before with the other women. At first she didn't, but some encouragement from Sage and Rachel helped her to see it would be for the best. So they had all gone over the whole events on the day of her attack, plus the nightmare she suffered through.

When they were done, Modine got up and moved to the swing. Rachel got up and let the older woman take her place. “Sweetie, so you are thinking about not being Tracy again?” Her grandmother asked.

“Yeah.” Tracy replied, her eyes on her lap.

Modine put a finger under her chin and gently moved her head till they were facing each other. “Tracy, I told you once, only you can make the decision to start or stop being Tracy. If you want to just walk away from Tracy, then you have to make that decision. You, no one else, just you.”

“I know. It just seems like a good idea right now.” Tracy replied. “Maybe I should just do it?”

“Or maybe you should make the decision on your own?” Modine offered with a raised eyebrow.

“What do you mean? I am making the decision.” Tracy looked at her grandmother, confusion on her face.

“Are you?” She asked. “Or is that boy, Bruce, making that choice. Him and the one that got away? To me it sounds like you're letting them make your choice through fear.”

“But what if they tell someone? What if Bruce get's out and comes back?” Tracy shook her head. “I just don't know what to do.”

“Let me ask you this. Does being Tracy make you happy?” Modine asked.

“Yeah, I guess.” Tracy replied.

“Then why stop?”

“Because Bruce knows?” Tracy answered.

“But he's in jail.” Modine replied. “For a very long time I think. So why worry about him?”

Tracy looked at the floor. “What about the other boy. Mr. Harper said that someone was spreading the rumor at school that I wear girls clothes.”

“So?” Modine asked. This caused Tracy to look at her like she was crazy. “Three years ago, someone spread the rumor that you wet your pants on a field trip, but you hadn’t. Think of this, Tracy. You can use this rumor to your advantage.”

“How?” She asked.

“First you'd need to talk to this Rivers' kid. Make sure he won’t tell no one and if he does, just play it off like Bruce told him to say that. Think of it this way. You managed to get one of the bad boys at the school arrested, possibly for a long time. You can say this is him trying to get back at you for stopping him from hurting me.” She smiled at her granddaughter.

“But isn't that lying?” Tracy asked.

“Yeah, but sometimes a lie is needed to protect people.” Modine smiled. “But that's not an excuse to lie to me all the time. Just this once, because it protects you from being attacked.”

“So I just tell people that I wasn't in a dress? That Bruce made it up?” Tracy asked.

“Yes, but only if you get teased about it.” Modine replied.

“Okay, so you’re saying I shouldn't stop being Tracy?” She asked.

“I'm saying that the decision of being Tracy is all on you. If you want to stop being Tracy, then stop. But remember that time around Halloween?”

“What about it?” Tracy asked.

“You stopped being Tracy for a week or two, were you happy? Did you feel whole?” Modine put an arm around her granddaughter.

Tracy thought about it for a moment, then shook her head. “No. I hated it. The more I'm Tracy, the more I hate being Troy.”

“Then why stop?” Modine asked.

“Because people could attack me?” Tracy replied.

“People can attack you for anything.” Rachel stated. “I got a cousin that was raped, just because the guy wanted to.”

“I know lots of people who were attacked for being themselves.” Persephone said. “Many of them are black. That's not something you can just change.”

“She's right.” Maggie cut in. “What's she's saying sweetie, is that there are assholes all over.” As her mother spoke and swore, Tracy's cheeks went red, she had never heard her mother swear so casually. “People who'd attack you for doing what you think, just because you're different.”

“I love my Grandson Troy and my Granddaughter Tracy equally.” Modine stated. “Please don't let other people push you into choosing how to live. You'll never be happy that way.”

Sage tapped her shoulder and nodded. “If I allowed others to rule my life, I'd be a boy by now and I'd hate myself. I live how I wanna live and fuck the world.”

“Sage! Language, young lady.” Persephone pointed at her daughter.

“Sorry, Mom.” Sage shrunk down in her seat.

“Don't make a hasty decision that you'll regret in the years to come.” Modine stood up. “Take a little while to explore yourself before you totally get rid of one side of yourself. You're still planning on going to Livermore in a week or two, right?”

Tracy nodded. “Yeah?”

“That will give you a week among girls to see if Tracy is what you want to be.” Modine moved back to her seat and Rachel got up and sat next to Tracy again.

“What if they find out about me?” She asked.

“They won't care.” Sage replied.

“How do you know?”

“They know about me and they could care less. Stacey and Casey are my cousins. They've known I'm different since we were all in diapers.”

Tracy looked skeptical, till she looked to Persephone who nodded. “They do. Heck, they were there when Sage was in boy mode a few times. None of them will care about it at all.”

“You sure?” Tracy didn't believe them. Not completely.

“Oh yeah, you'll fit in, trust me.” Sage gave a smile with her cryptic reply.

"Boy mode?" Modine asked. "You're like my Granddaughter?"

Sage blushed but looked up at her. "No ma'am. I'm different. I was born with both sets of parts. The doctors wanted to push for one sex or the other, but Mom told them no. She's let me live how I want to figure out who I am."

"And you've picked girl?" Modine guessed.

"I think so. I hadn't come up with a set in stone decision, but I haven't acted like a boy in more then a year or so."

"Interesting." The old woman nodded. "Could we talk more tomorrow?" She stood up and went to the door.

"Sure. I don't mind talking. I won't show you though, but I can talk about it." Sage replied.

"That's more then fair." Modine stated. “Come on ladies, there's apple pie inside with our names on it.” She looked to Tracy. “Come on sweetie, this is a decision that you can wait on. You need some happiness tonight....and pie.”

Ah yes, Apple pie makes everything better. unless it's bad apple pie.