It seems that my small drabble has struck a strong nerve. I hope not to hurt anyone's feelings as it's was something to do on a quiet night at 3:00 in the morning and as some wanted to know a bit about me, here it is in a condensed form. Yes the copyright thing still stands as this is my work yada yada post anywhere as long as it's free.

 
My life so to speak was a different one than most I think as I was the youngest of 5 kids and grew up on my own due to the age difference. Yes I got the hand me downs but not like most boys do, some things were from my sisters.Pants shirts etc were the norm back in the sixties when my parents could not afford new clothes for everyone so we made due.

I spent most of my childhood chasing cows playing in mud puddles and cornfields,it never dawned on me that I was wearing girls clothes only in my later years did it become an issue that I kept to myself.

Those were the real great days of my earlier life, long hair was the norm and yes I did have super fine hair that the hairdresser loved. (sigh)I was skinny kind of geeky looking yet still looked ok yet was so dam clumsy it hurt.

I did have some girlfriends but it never worked out I found myself not interested anymore with either sex, its still the same today . I read about transgender etc (I look male but don't feel it sometimes )I have a fem side that is fun I guess who knows

Maybe it was the moving around that the family did those years I was young,I had no father figure as my dad was working all the time to feed us brood and my mother was big time tired at 33 years old when she had me . I was left to my own devices at a young age and began experimenting in my room with dresses and shoes from my sisters closets. They did have cool stuff the silky slips, tie died shirts etc I was curious and who can blame me. The thrills were getting more and more as I loved to dress quite well with my long hair and stuffed bras.

It became more in later years as I was caught and complimented that I fit my sisters dress better than she did,but nothing was said a raised eyebrow or two and it was gone.So in relief went further into my self hoping not to get caught again with the nail polish on or shaved legs (yes i was caught again sleeping in a nice sun dress)

My teens were hell as the new kid on the block that was weird and strange, beatings were normal for me everyday as my inner self slipped out some times,( had gotten a perm in high school I liked it but others did not) my time in school came to an end a bit scared but intact, ( I was 6 foot 4 inches in grade 7 and 8 and hardly grew after that)and never raised a hand in anger.

I filled out a bit as I got older finding that some clothes didn't fit anymore so I graduated to adult sized dresses, shoes are a bitch to find in my size,the runs to the mall to get french tipped nails and the lies to the clerk then life got in the way and these things were left on the side.

Health issues with my grandfather one year(he passed) and my dad the next, took his life early (I still can see him in that hospital bed the machines keeping him alive and knowing he was gone, 2 weeks was all that took.) So my life changed again as my mother now needed me more than ever, it worked good as life came and gone my urges under the surface still there .

Then now her healths failed and my life was sealed for the time being I took care of her for the next twenty years from broken bones to slipping memories, shes happy now I guess but I will now have to deal with my own life at 46 Wow talk about a wake up call. Its doesn't seem to be so bad but my health as slipped and I find age is creeping up on me
which I did not ask for yet got hit with.

I wrote that drabble a long time ago when life was kicking the shit out of me and I have learned to be happy with myself as is.

No there are no girlfriends or boyfriends I live now on a small pension and still dress from time to time for my happiness and yes I did find peace.

I hope this small short story of my life (and i mean short) gives you an insight into my life.I hope yours is as good as you can make it and wish you all love health and hugs. rues