copy rights are the norm here yada yada you can post this at any free site as long as it remains intact.I know this is a bit of a side track on the stories here, but just an up date on my life and its changes.

My early memories of my mother were of some one who was tired and worn down yet still fought the good fight and won out.
I imagine raising 5 kids would do that to you. I remember she had to leave for a while to go back home to Holland, why was never said but I think it was for mental reasons and a possible breakdown.
I can still see her coming into the bathroom door when she came back and handing me a toy. She never left again only for vacations and such and I was with her on some of them. She never complained on anything and took what came at her at face value. The joys of laughter at her accomplishments and the sorrows of losing her husband and parents and older brother years ago.I can also see the time when her family went back to Holland for a reunion and her younger brother who could not afford to go, suddenly was able to, due to my and my mothers help, my uncle had a ball and so did she. We lost my uncle a few months back and my mother again took it like everything else in life with dignity and poise. (Sorry for the flash back its the only thing that sticks in my mind right now of how she thought of others instead of herself)It seems now shes on another journey that I cant go with her , I may be beside her in the flesh but no closer she was diagnosed with stage 5 Alzheimer's and it rips my heart out to see this happen to a woman who fought like hell to live her life the best way she knew how. Living through war and oppression and coming out the other side to a new life in another country made her a very strong woman and the tough life here added to it I hope. Its just that I at this moment can no longer fix her illnesses as I have done in the past. This is the woman I have given 20 years of my life to take care of her and now it seems I have failed in that respect. My family has mostly condemned me for my choices and on a few occasions like a wedding and reception flatly told me I was not invited.So, this connection to my mother is strong and solid like nothing on this earth can take from me , but I was wrong . She at this moment is slipping from me and the others in my family and there is nothing on this earth I can do about it.I still have my me times but they seem so insignificant right now that its no longer a joy to do. I may be a little shocked at the outcome of all this and need some time to sort things out , but this woman who gave birth to me at 33 yrs old in 1965 will hold my heart for as long as this universe exists and beyond. These small snippets that I put down on my computer I hope still give some out there a look at my life and its course I may still put things into words and post them here for my own sanity. If your reading this hug your mothers a lot if you can, if you cant remember them with love and joy .