“Yeah, I know that now. I was young and stupid and I messed up big.” Rachel said. “But I understand, at least I think I do.” She patted at the seat once more, this time Tracy sat down.

“I do.” Rachel replied. This caused Tracy to look up at her. “You're finding yourself.”

November 26th 1982
Livermore California

The door opened all the way and two girls, one who looked slightly familiar to Tracy, came in. The familiar one was a bit taller then she was, but about her body size. She wore a black skirt and white top. Then Tracy recalled who she was. Rachel, Frank's youngest niece. It had been almost three years since the last time they had seen each other. The girl next to her had pale skin and bright red hair. She wore a pair of girls jeans with pink flowers on the front and back, a baggy floral shirt and a pair of glasses.

Tracy began to try and hide in the couch when Rachel saw her. She gasped and ran over to Tracy, looking her up and down. “I was right, you look so cute in that.” She squealed out. “Did you like it? The rest of the clothes I mean?”

Tracy looked slightly confused, so she turned to her Aunt. Shelly just smiled. “Rachel overheard me when I talked to your mother. Those clothes upstairs were hers. She brought them over this morning.”

“Oh.” Tracy replied.

Rachel smiled at her. “I thought you'd like them. They don't fit me too well anymore.” The girl took a seat next to Tracy and her friend moved closer into the room. “I was wondering if you'd like to hang out tonight, if you don't got anything going on that is.”

Tracy wasn't sure what to do. A part of her wanted to say yes. She had never been invited to hang out with the girls, not before. And most of the ones she knew wouldn't let her anyway. She looked to her mother who shrugged. “It's you choice. Well you, Shelly and Frank.”

“Oh We're fine with it.” Shelly said.

“Please say yes.” Rachel began to hop in place.

“I've never really hung out with a girl before.” Tracy admitted before biting her lower lip.

“That's not true.” Rachel said. “You've hung out with me and my sister, Jamie, before.”

Tracy turned to her Aunt, then leaned closer. “She...she knows about me?” The girl whispered.

“She did over hear.” Shelly whispered back, not that it mattered.

“I know, but I don't care. Remember, I met you before.” Rachel whispered into her ear. “But that wasn't the real you.” She leaned back and gestured to Tracy. “This is the real you.”

“What do you mean?” Tracy asked. “I'm always the real me.”

Rachel gave a light chuckle. “No.....” She looked around the room, then at Tracy. “Can I talk to you alone? Outside really quick?”

Tracy looked unsure, but her mother was right there and she wanted to know what Rachel had meant. Plus if it gave her the chance to hang out with two girls, she'd do it. “Okay.” She replied. Rachel stood up and offered her a hand, then the two girls went out the sliding door to the patio, shutting the door behind them so they had privacy.

Rachel moved to the far end of the patio, aware that those inside were somewhat watching. She sat on a covered seat swing and patted the other side. “Thank you for wanting to listen.”

“It..it's no problem.” Tracy just stood there, questions galore running though her mind. “But what did you mean, that wasn't the real me?”

“You don't remember, do you?” Rachel asked, looking at her closely. She sighed, “Six or so years ago, when you, Vance my sister and I were playing in the park across the street from here? I remember you saying to me that you were a girl. I never really understood what was going on. I remember asking you about it three years ago, but you got mad at me.”

Tracy looked back in her memories, well, Troy's memories and there is was. Something she had done her best to forget about. Rachel had said something and Vance had heard. He had teased Troy for the next three weeks. But the more she though about it, the more she recalled being in a small park, swinging on a swing set and talking with Rachel. “I got mad because Vance heard and he teased me.”

“Yeah, I know that now. I was young and stupid and I messed up big.” Rachel said. “But I understand, at least I think I do.” She patted at the seat once more, this time Tracy sat down.

“How? I barely understand it. I...I just want to feel right.” Tracy said. “I used to think that being Tracy was a release, the chance to not be Troy.” She shook her head and looked at her feet. “Now....hell I hated the fact I felt that I thought I needed to be Troy when I was here. I can't wait for the weekends where my Grandfather is out of town so Tracy can be out.” Her eyes misted up and she just sat there.

“Hey. No need for the tears.” Rachel slid closer and slipped an arm around Tracy.

Tracy leaned into Rachel. “I don't know what's wrong with me.”

“I do.” Rachel replied. This caused Tracy to look up at her. “You're finding yourself.”

“I am?” She sniffled.

“I think so.” Rachel replied. “I want you to meet someone. Will you?”

“They wont make fun of me, will they?” Tracy asked.

“Not at all.” Rachel turned to face the large sliding glass window and she began waving till she caught her Uncle's attention.

He came over to the door and slid it open. “You two okay out here?”

“Yeah, could you send Sage out here?” Rachel asked.

“Yeah, we'll keep the pizza warm for you two, just don't take too long, I'm starving,” He gave them a smile before ducking back inside.

“He is the coolest Uncle ever.” Rachel said. Tracy just nodded.

The thin girl slid the door open and stepped out, shutting it behind her. “Hey.” She said as she walked over to them.

“Tracy, this is Sage.” Rachel gestured to the girl with them. “She's totally cool.”

“Sage?” Tracy raised one eyebrow.

“Not my choice. My parents were hippies in the sixties.” She laughed. “You should meet my brother Moonglow and my sister Andromeda, they got it worse. At least my name means wise.”

“Or an herb.” Tracy smiled.

“That too.” The girl nodded.

“Look, neither of us will judge you. I told Sage about you already Tracy. She's the one who helped me understand what the hell I did to you three years ago.” Rachel said, moving Tracy to the center of the seat of Sage could sit down.

“She...understands?” Tracy was confused. “How? I don't understand it myself.”

Sage reached for Tracy's hands and she held them. She wasn't sure she wanted to give her the full story, not without a lot of explaining. So she went with what Tracy knew. “I understand because I was born a boy too.”

Tracy looked closely at the other girl. She couldn't see it. “So...” She was at a loss for a moment, then her mind began working on the easy questions first. “Sage is your girls name?”

“Nope. I go by Sage if I'm a boy too.” She replied with a smile. “I've met a few other hippy kids and Sage can be either boy or girl name, so why change.”

“You got an easy one. I got stuck with Troy.” Tracy replied.

“Yeah. But you got to pick your real name, right?” Sage asked.

“No my parents....oh OH. You mean Tracy?” She asked, the other two girls nodded. “Yeah, I picked it.”

“See. You got an awesome name.” Sage smiled at her.

“So, you used to be a boy?” Tracy asked as more questions filtered from her mind.

“I'm different. Nothings been removed or changed yet. I just don't conform to one way of thinking.” Sage took a seat, but held one hand up and she tired to look smart or mystical. “Sage is who he, or she, wishes to be. I like to be on both sides of the fence. At least for now, till I choose.”

Tracy nodded as she thought about what she had said, some of it passing over her head. “I used to think that I only dressed like this to relax. But it's become more.”

“Like maybe, Tracy is who you should have been?” Sage asked.

“Yeah. See we stopped in Tracy...” The two other girls began to snicker. Tracy shook her head and smiled. “The town, and I changed back into Troy and I hated it. I didn't want to be in those clothes anymore.” Tracy replied.

“So then just be Tracy.” Sage replied. “Your mother knows. Seems like your brother is okay with it too.”

“Mom's been super cool. Vance...I don't know. He's been okay, but I'm waiting for him to hate me again.”

Sage nodded. “Brothers are like that.” She agreed.

“So what do you think? Can we hang out? Maybe a sleepover?” Rachel asked.

“You mean...You'd want to hang out with me? Even thought I'm not really a girl?” Tracy asked.

Sage held up a hand to stop Rachel. “Um, Tracy, there's two of us here born different. She's slept over at my place a lot. Heck, we got like three other friends who'd have been here tonight, but their out of town visiting relatives. So tonight it's just be us, three normal girls having fun.”

“Three...normal...” Tracy repeated and her eyes began to tear up even more. “I don't think any of the girls back home would even talk to me.”

Sage stood, then pulled her to her feet. Her arms wrapped around Tracy, Then Rachel stood and hugged Tracy from the other side. “Who cares about them. If they can't accept you, you don’t need 'em.” Sage stated. While they hugged the sound of a stomach gurgling broke the mood. The three girls began to snicker. “Okay, I think one of us needs to eat.” She said with a laugh.

The hug broke up and the three girls headed inside. Maggie and Vance were sitting at the table with Shelly. Frank was eating in the kitchen, hovering over the counter. “Everything better?” Maggie asked her daughter as the three girls took a seat. Tracy was still wiping at her eyes as she sat.

“Yeah.” She smiled at Sage and Rachel, then she looked at her mother and Aunt. “Can we have a sleepover?” She asked. She decided to play her best chance for getting it approved. “I've never had one before and they don't mind about the Troy thing.”

“I don't mind. In fact I expected it.” Shelly replied.

“Awesome possum.” Sage replied. This caused both Vance and Tracy to stare at her. She smiled at them. “What? I did say I have hippy parents.”

“So what are you three going to do?” Maggie asked.

“Well there's MTV, if Aunt Shelly don't mind.”

“I don't.” The shorter woman replied.

“Awesome.” Rachel said with a grin.

“What's MTV?” Tracy asked. Both Rachel and Sage's jaw dropped as both of them faced her.

“You're joking, right?” Rachel asked.

“The Cable music channel?” Sage prodded her.

“We don't have cable. We only have like two channels back at home.” Tracy blushed and held her head down in shame.

“That's okay. We'll introduce you to it tonight.” Rachel got up and opened up the duffel bag that lay close. She pulled out a bottle of pills, and opened it up. She removed one and then dropped the pills back in the bag. She moved it closer to the table as she took her medication. She noticed Tracy was watching her.

“Are you sick?” Tracy asked.

“Naw.” Rachel shook her head. “It's for my Epilepsy. I get Petit Mal seizures.”

“Oh, is that something I can get?” Tracy asked.

Rachel laughed. “Not unless you take part of my brain.”

“Sweetie, that's what I got, but I have the Grand Mal seizures.”

“Oooohhh. I forgot what that was called.” Then Tracy looked into the bag. “What's all's in there?”

Rachel pulled out a pink plastic box. “Makeup. If you're mother is okay, we can give each other makeovers.”

“As long as it can wash off.” Maggie replied. “I'm not a fan of girls under sixteen wearing makeup, but for this one night, I'll break that rule.”

“Thank you Mama.” Tracy said.

“I also got my Walkman and a bunch of tapes in here. I don't know what you listen to, but I got a lot of new stuff, like the Go-Go's and Cyndi Lauper.”

“Are they good?” Tracy asked.

Sage smiled. “They're great. You've never heard their music?”

“I...I kind of control the music at the house.” Maggie said. “I don't want them hearing bad influences.” And it was true. She controlled their television viewing too, to a point. Not that you had a lot of choice with just two channels.

“My mom's the same way.” Rachel replied. “She'll listen to a tape before I get to have it.”

“Well, then, I guess it's okay. But back home I'll still want to hear what your listening to.” Maggie said, looking to her daughter, then she looked at her son. “That goes for you as well. Let me hear it and we can discuss if I'll allow it.”

“Okay Mama.” Tracy answered again.

“Yeah.” Vance said as he stuffed a piece of pizza in his mouth.

An hour or two later Tracy sat on a stool in the bathroom. She wore a borrowed nightgown, having left all of her Tracy sleepwear back home. So she ended up with a tie-dyed T-shirt that went to just above her knees from Sage. The other two girls stood behind her, working on her hair while they gave her advice on the makeup.

“Remember, a little is a lot.” Sage said as she showed her how to apply the blush.

“Says the hippy girl.” Rachel replied.

“I'd rather have a little makeup on, then look like a clown.” The redhead stuck her tongue out to the mirror.

“So who all knows about Tracy?” Rachel asked, before sticking her tongue out at Sage.

“Well, Mom, Vance, my grandma, my best friend Peter.” Tracy counted off each person on her fingers. “Aunt Shelly and Uncle Frank, plus you two.”

“What does Peter think?” Sage asked. “Is he okay with it?”

“Yeah.” Tracy nodded. “He's been really cool about it.”

“What about your Grandma?”

“She helped Bring Tracy to life. She's been there for all the big problems.” Tracy replied.

Sage put a hand on Tracy's shoulder. “Wrong. She didn't bring Tracy to life, she just helped bring her out into the open.”

Tracy smiled. “Yeah. I see that now.”

Sage looked at her reflection and leaned in close. “You look pretty.”

Tracy's cheeks turned a deep red and she seemed to shrink in place. “Thanks.”