This is a bit shorter than I usually deliver, but the reason should be obvious.

CHAPTER 24
“Merry, love, you are smiling rather nicely, aye? Something pleased you?”

There was a slap on my arm. “You, you interfering busybody prodnose, you could have left him to his own plan!”

I gave her Paddington. “And waited another five years? Look, Merry, Eric had to have a bit of a prod, and so did I, aye? Would you say that those who prodded us did good or bad?”

Her face fell slightly, and then the smile came back. “Well, if they hadn’t prodded you, you would not have been here to prod us, so I can hardly complain, can I? Annie…it is at times like this I really know that you love me. I wish…I wish…”

There were tears then, and a tilt of the head as they trickled rather than poured.

“Why did I have to have Adam instead of you?”

I kissed her tears away, and there was only one answer I could give. “Adam was me, love, and I am Adam, and without him would Annie have been the same? Now, look, happy face, aye? Steph and Kirst are leading the pack this way”

They were indeed. Kirsty was first, as befitted her status. “Merry, you cow, trying to upstage me on my wedding day! Come here, you lucky girl!”

There was a long sequence of hugs and squeals, and I found myself smiling at the irony that just as they agreed to make a joint venture of their lives they were driven apart by two crowds of well-wishers. Dennis put a stop to things, taking the microphone from the DJ.

“Lads and lasses, you may have noticed how much I love my wife. It seems that our love is so potent, so all-pervading, that it’s started infecting those around us, like. Now, there may be some people who haven’t noticed; perhaps you’ve been in the Gents, or you are still in nappies, but we have another new couple here, who have literally just got engaged to be wed. Now, apart from my wife, and my bairn, I can’t think of many finer people, so, just this once, the bride and groom are going to toast another couple. Ten seconds to grab a drink…nine…eight…seven…six…five…four…three…two…right, to Simon and Merry, long may fortune smile on them! Simon and Merry!”

The answering shout came back, and with matching blushes they kissed. That led to a really odd moment, where we had another couple do their solo dance , but nobody was complaining, certainly neither Den nor Kirsty, who popped off after a while to change into something more suited to shaking her thang in front of rock chick, mad Amazon and smiling hubby. Darren and Shan were there, as were the Armitages and sundry coppers, the McDuffs and two solo trouts, their men keeping up tradition by propping up the bar.

It was midnight when the last slow dances were ended, and the randomly shuffling couples were finally forced to fission and resume their solo careers. Katriona and Roger had left hours before, taking DA with them for his early night, and I was swaying round the floor wrapped around my Eric, realising that there was nothing untoward between us, and never would be again. I whispered in his ear as we danced.

“Darling….light of my life…”

“What do you want, woman?”

“Apart from you? Nothing. It’s just…you know, that thing we decided, about waiting till after our wedding, aye?”

“Yeah?”

“Well, can I refer you back to your first question and my first answer, and just add ‘as soon as I can rip all of your clothes off’, aye?”

“Are you sure?”

I pushed my thigh between his, and there he was. “What do you think? Now, I just need the ladies’ and then I need you, aye?”

I walked off to the toilets, almost feeling silly as I tried to place my feet just so, so that my arse would swing in what would have been sexy in a real woman, for that was the thought that hit me as soon as I turned away.

Up and down, up and down. Yes I was complete, no I wasn’t real, yes I wanted him, no I couldn’t see if it would work, shit, life is never simple for us freaks and abominations. I hit the door and went straight to a sink where I splashed some cold water onto my face.

Steph and Sarah were right behind me, and it was Sar who laid into me, in as nice a way as I have ever been told off.

“You haven’t yet, have you? And you thought you would, and now you think you aren’t adequate, aye?”

Steph lifted my chin to look at me more closely. “Just looking behind your eyes, Annie, and I can’t see him. And neither can Eric, right? Sar, do your bits work?”

“Oh fuck yeah! I got told off the first time, I tend to shout a lot, bit graphic in my orders, like”

“Take me now big boy?”

“Well, it was actually fuck me, fuck my brains out, according to my house guests”

“Tony still like it?”

“Well, he did last night, and this morning….and, em, half an hour ago outside….sorry, weddings make me randy. Look, I’m supposed to be a biker bitch, it’s what we do!”

“What, outside churches?”

“So I made that bit up, OK?”

And on it went, and I watched as the double act bounced back and forth in front of me, until I had to grin, and Steph rounded on me.

“Your man is waiting, girl, and I did notice the front of his trousers, so you have a duty to perform, and so has he, so that you can both know who you really are”

“Yeah” added Sarah, “You haven’t had any man in you for ages, time you put that right!”

Once I stopped groaning at the crap pun, I had to ask. “How did you know, girls?”

Sarah sighed. “You walked off all strut and swivel, and then your shoulders dropped, and I have been there, so has she, and this is too good a day to spoil, so you just go home and make it even better, right?”

So, with no choice, I returned to the finest man on the planet, and we made our rounds of the guests before the newly-affianced couple delivered us home, and I found I couldn’t get the key into the door, as my hand was trembling too much. Eric put his there to steady it, and I half fell through as it opened, and then he helped me go just far enough to shut it behind us, as he then pushed me against the wall as our mouths closed down the distance between us. He had a hand on my breast, and another on my arse, and I had mine between his legs, and it was in the hallway that we ended our separation as I discovered exactly how good Doctor Syllables was at his trade.