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Author's Note: I now return you to your regularly scheduled Retcon already in progress :) Here's Ch. 7, things are picking up pace I think.Kudos to anyone who can tell me who the new character I introduce is, and no cheating for those who I've already told :) I'd like to thank djkauf for the editing and DC Comics for the characters.

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Chapter Seven:

I stared at the pale girl in the mirror and frowned. It was still hard to fathom that this girl was now in fact me. That was all made worse by staring at her naked body. The body that was one hundred percent all girl now. It happened yesterday morning or rather the beginning of day two with the Allens. After the revelation the day before I thought things were going to go more smoothly.

Barbara/Barry came around a bit and took some blood even but when I woke up that next morning I screamed bloody murder. Iris and Bart came rushing into the room. Bart turned about three different shades of red, which only caused me to freak out even more. Iris quickly pushed him out of the room and held me while I cried for about half an hour.

That was yesterday. Today I was a very scared and confused girl staring at herself in the mirror. I was trying to find a part of me that was still myself but it was nearly impossible. The girl in the mirror looked a bit like me but she could just as easily be a distant cousin. She still had some of my features but her skin was much paler, her hair jet black and almost to her butt and her eyes were a piercing sapphire blue whereas mine had been green. Then there was the two foreign bodies on my chest, definitely bigger than when they first appeared there. If I had to guess, I’d say at least a C by now. They were currently crammed into a sports bra. I still refused to acknowledge that I needed more clothes. I was still wearing the same ones I bought from the second hand store. The black hoodie was my new best friend, regardless of how damn hot it appeared outside.

The hoodie and my shirt were on the bed behind me. I glanced at them, frowning. The shirt was getting a bit tight now, having been bought when my boobs were a little less pronounced. Which meant I’d have to go shopping soon, something I was dreading more than anything? Katie used to drag me all over the city and when the sales lady wasn’t trying to get me to try on stuff because I was such a pretty girl, I’d tried desperately to find something manly to do. My manly excursions always lead me to places like the electronics store and the hardware store. But no matter what, everyone always used to think I was a girl and tried hitting on me.

I frowned at the image in the mirror again. I guess they can hit on me all they want now. There was a gentle knock on the door. Before I got a chance to say anything, the door opened and Iris poked her head in. She frowned. “Rachel honey, you’re not dressed, the Agent from the government will be here any minute.”

I sighed and thanked her. When she closed the door, I went and got my shirt, pulled it quickly over my head and left the room. I slumped down the hall dragging my feet. I wasn’t really looking forward to this meeting at all. Though my name was cleared with the police for Katie’s death, ---her suicide as they ruled it---I was still wary of talking to this person.

After “Barry” took my blood sample, he took it to the lab to test it. He said since finding out he was a Meta, he discovered a way to test his blood and screen it for the genes. He got the results back yesterday but they were inconclusive. Though it was clear I wasn’t normal, I wasn’t really Meta either. But he sent his findings to the government anyway. They contacted us last night and informed us that an agent would be by to ask me some questions.

When I got to the kitchen, there were only two place settings. I looked at the clock on the wall, realizing that my late night had led to an early afternoon wakeup. It was lunchtime. I sat down and Iris put a plate of grilled cheese sandwiches in the middle of the table. I grabbed one even though I wasn’t really hungry. I couldn’t get to sleep once again. I was never going to get used to sleeping on my back and with the wild dreams, I’d been having, I was afraid to close my eyes. Not that I dreamed last night when I finally did drift off but I dreaded the long hallway or another incident where I watched some girl get brutally murdered.

“Where’s Bart and Barry?”

Iris sat down. “Bart went to the cemetery today.”

I bit my lip as a tear slowly trickled down my cheek. Iris reached forward and gently patted my hand. Katie’s memorial service was yesterday. I guess it was a little rushed but her family wanted to get it over with fast. I thought about going but in the end, I just couldn’t bring myself to do it. It was just too painful. The thought of seeing her in a casket made me feel sick to my stomach. I put her there and there was nothing I could do to change that. Today she was being laid to rest. Bart went to the service yesterday; he said one of us needed to be there for her. Apparently, he felt like he needed to represent both of us as they laid her to rest today. Once again, I just couldn’t think about her no longer being here with me. I wanted to go but every time I tried to get up the courage, I broke down. Iris said she’d drive me over later if I wanted---after everyone was gone. I was still trying to drive up the courage for that trip too.

“Is Barry working?”

She nodded solemnly. “He got called in earlier this morning. A ranger found another body. The poor girl was dead for at least a day or so they figure, displayed just like the others. Whoever is cold enough to do that to someone should rot in hell for a million years.”
I nodded quietly. The third victim---the one killed in the desert. How could I forget about her? Every time I closed my eyes, she was one of the faces looking back at me. Her and the two others. At first, all I saw was Katie but somehow those three were there too now. They were so like me that it was scary. Three girls between 18 and 20 years old, all pale skin and black hair. The second girl’s hair was cut real short unlike the other two but that didn’t help escape the fact that all three of them looked so much like me it was scary. I tried not to think about that little fact but it was hard not to. I had no idea what it meant either. Were they after me? Was that why all these girls were dying? Or was it just coincidence. One thing was for sure though, I was certain that I was on their list. I’m not sure how I knew it but I just knew that they might come for me next. I should have been scared by this little detail but I was pretty calm about it.

Iris and I ate lunch together in silence. She was a nice enough person but we didn’t really have much in common. She tried to be civil but I was certain Bart and I had outstayed our welcome. Though she didn’t say as much, it was clear that she thought the two of us should try to get back to school. Not that Bart wasn’t going. With it being the weekend and all, there really wasn’t much of a need to go. But we both had every intention of returning. Well he did anyway. I’m not sure how I was going to explain things to my teachers. One minute Ryan was in the class and the next it’s me. Bart tried to tell me that freshmen classes were too big for anyone to notice anyway but it still bugged me. I hated the idea of trying to pretend to be something I wasn’t anymore. I wasn’t a guy at all now and going to class---pretending to be one felt wrong.

The knock on the front door interrupted my thoughts.

Iris got up and went into the main room. I listened to the voices as soon as the door was opened. I was surprised to hear a woman’s voice that wasn’t Iris’s. I was even more surprised to see the rather attractive woman who followed Iris back into the kitchen. I was expecting some stuffy guy in a black suit and tie, possibly even dark shades. What I wasn’t expecting was a Native American woman in a jeans and a nice shirt. I looked her up and down, from her cowboy boots up to the long crimson colored braid that trailed down her backside. This was definitely not what I thought of when someone said government agent.
When she saw me, she paused in the entryway. She was holding a file and opened it quickly. She scanned it then looked at me. The look on her face told me she wasn’t expecting someone who looked like me either. “Ryan Roth?” she asked with a hint of surprise.

I nodded, Iris laughed. “Is this your first Meta encounter?”

The woman nodded as the two of them sat at the table. She cleared her throat. “I was expecting…I mean…” she cleared her throat again, regaining some of her composure. “I apologize for the unprofessionalism; I’m Agent Dakota Jamison from the Department of Metahuman Affairs.”

I wanted to roll my eyes at the mouthful. But I liked the name. I had a cousin on my mother’s side named Dakota. She was a few years older than me and definitely did not look anything like the gorgeous woman sitting across from me. “That’s a cool name,” I said before stopping myself, she and Iris both smiled.

After the introductions, Dakota got right down to business. Though she came off as unprofessional and surprised before, she quickly recovered. She launched into her questions, all of which sounded like they were a set that they asked everyone. I was kinda typical. When did you change, have you exhibited any powers yet, that kind of thing. These ones went on for a while. Then she got into my personal life. She wanted to know about my family and friends, where I grew up, what were my future plans. I tried to be as candid as possible. I even found myself talking about Katie a bit and my grandfather. I never talked about him with strangers but there was something about her that made me want to open up. It made me wonder if she had a gift too. I couldn’t sense anything off about her---her emotions seemed to be in check. I think it was because she was so pretty and easygoing; after all, she was dressed real casual for a government agent.
The question session ended about an hour after she arrived. Then she got a bit technical. “We have had a chance to thoroughly review the tests that Mr. Allen sent us. Even though it’s clear that you’re not quite Meta, we’d like you to come in to have some tests run. My department has an office in Phoenix and there is a branch of STAR Labs here as well. We’d like you to come in at your earliest convenience so we can see where you fit in with everything.”

“Fit in?” I asked, somehow offended. “What the hell does that mean?”

She bit her lip. “Wrong choice of words. What I mean is, we want to see how you as an individual can help contribute to society.”

I shook my head. I’d given this some thought. As cool as it was to have powers---whatever they may be. I wanted nothing to do with this superhero stuff. My powers were dangerous and hurt people, I didn’t want to unleash them on the world. “I won’t be contributing to society at all.”

Dakota looked confused. “Did you not contact us for this reason?” I shook my head. “But you did contact Barbara Allen aka The Flash?”

“Not by choice” I said and then quickly explained. “My roommate is Barbara’s nephew. We came here to cool our heads after my girlfriend’s death. I didn’t even know Barry…I mean Barbara was a Meta until I caught her using her powers. She thought maybe I might be one as well after hearing my story so she took some of my blood and tested it. When she wasn’t one hundred percent sure, she sent it off to you guys.”

Dakota nodded. “My supervisors were under the impression that you wanted to join Miss Allen in the hero business?”

I shook my head. “My powers are dangerous. I’d love to forget about them but seeing as I can’t do that then I want to use them as little as possible.”

Dakota shuffled her papers. “I think maybe if you come in…”

I sighed and closed my eyes. The only way I was going to prove it was to show her. I concentrated on her. I smiled as a wicked thought came to mind. As soon as I opened my eyes, Dakota had that glassy eyed look. Then she reached up and slowly started unbuttoning her blouse. It was a cruel thing to do but I needed to prove a point. Iris stared as her wide eyed as she unbuttoned her blouse completely, exposing a pretty pink satin bra for both of us to see. A few seconds after her deed was done, she shook her head and blinked.

“Look down Agent Jamison” I said with amusement.

She looked down and squeaked, quickly throwing her hands up and pulled her blouse close. “I…ummm…”

“I’m sorry for that,” I said, holding my hands up apologetically. “But I needed to prove how dangerous I really was. I can do things to people; make them do things with just a simple suggestion or thought. And that’s only one of things I can do.”

Iris and Dakota frowned. Dakota then quickly buttoned up her shirt. “Miss Allen’s report said you were a teleporter?”

I nodded. “That’s one of the other things I can apparently do.”

Iris was still glaring at me. I felt bad for not telling her but I was really afraid of that power.

Dakota wasn’t glaring any more. She looked practically giddy. “You have more than one gift?”

I nodded. “I think so.”

She pulled out a pen and opened her folder, quickly writing things down. When she was finished, she looked up at me with a big smile. “What else can you do?”

I sighed. I told her about the emotion thing. She wasn’t as excited about that. She wanted to know more about the mind power or the “suggestion” power as she dubbed it. I told her there wasn’t much to tell. I left out the part about accidentally making Katie kill herself and the part where I got the cop to give me twenty bucks.

“I still need you to come into the office,” she said when I was done.

“Why?”

“We need to set up a new identity for you. You want to go by Rachel right?”

I hadn’t really thought about it. But as soon as she said it, I knew it was just right. After all, Katie had called me Rachel when we went to the club together. I know that shouldn’t have mattered but it felt like she actually named me. How could I call myself anything else but Rachel? So I told her I was happy with the name. After that Dakota left her card and said she’d set up an appointment for me tomorrow afternoon. Iris followed her out then came back about a minute later after saying good-bye.

She frowned at me from the kitchen entryway. “That shirt, was it always tight like that?”

I sighed and shook my head. “My boobs got bigger,” I said softly.

She smiled big. “I guess that settles it then. I’ll get my purse; you and I are going shopping.”

I groaned and buried my head in my hands.

Iris and I might have been becoming fast friends but there was just something about shopping with a thirty something that just didn’t fit. I was polite enough as she dragged me from one store to the next in the mall but in the end I just couldn’t help get over her taste. I think she was only trying to help but she kept dragging me from one high end boutique to the next. It felt like she was trying to turn me into her personal dress up doll. I did try on the clothes but I couldn’t help but feel like I was trying on costumes. It didn’t take her long to figure out that I wasn’t really having a good time.

While in our fifth store in a row, she stopped to look at her watch. Then sighed heavily and dramatically. “Rachel, honey” she said, causing me to turn and face her. “I just remembered that I’m going to have to leave you for a while. I have some errands that I have to run, you don’t mind if I leave you alone for a bit.”

I think my look of relief was matched only by her own. It was clear that she didn’t really know what was she doing. Dressing herself and possibly Barbara was one thing but I wasn’t like them. Iris was definitely way out of her league with me. And she knew it. I was happy that she tried to help but I could definitely pick out clothes that fit the new me on my own.

“Sure that’s ok,” I said with a fake smile. “You go, I’m just going to pop in and out of a few places, see what I can find.”

She smiled. “Do you need any money?”

I shook my head. Bart left his wallet back at the house and I swiped his bankcard. I felt a little bad about taking it but I’d pay him back once I got my wallet back. The best part, his pin was real easy to figure out. He always used his birthday for everything; it was real easy to figure out. I just had to make sure I didn’t spend more than a couple hundred bucks. I had a nice little chunk of change in my own account---grandpa deposited cash into it for me every week to help with living expenses. But I didn’t want to go overboard on poor Bart.

As soon as Iris left, I vacated the current shop I was in. The sales girl looked pretty darn happy when I did so. I knew they weren’t supposed to discriminate against customers but she’d been giving me the evil eye the whole time I was in there. So I’m not a GAP kinda girl, thank God for small miracles. But it did make me wonder. If I’m not going to be trendy then what kind of fashion sense was I going for? I definitely didn’t want perky and pink. There was something about wearing a cheerful color that made me want to hurl---so nothing with “baby” anything in the title. Yellow was out of the picture too. Even as a guy, I avoided that color. Red always worked well for me. But I knew if there was going to be anything red on the new me it was going to be blood.

I sighed heavily at the thought. No more blood, I’d had enough of that. I could still see it on my hands. I couldn’t help but feel the irony in that. More than once of the last few days I thought about Macbeth. It was as if the curse was visited on me tenfold. First the necklace---my necklace---then Katie and the police and now this wretched body. It was like someone was playing a cosmic joke. Now I was wandering around, looking at my hands, seeing blood that wasn’t really there anymore. When the police picked me up, they let me wash up in one of their bathrooms. They even gave me some fresh clothes that were “left” behind at the precinct. Back then, I still fit into male clothes pretty well and the ones I had been wearing were blood covered. I’m not sure where those were now, hopefully burned to a crisp in an incinerator.

I wandered about for a bit just staring into storefronts. Every clothing store I passed I tried to imagine myself wearing the clothes I could see on display. I suppose jeans and t-shirts were my best bet but a part of me wanted something dismal. I felt dismal. It’s really hard to describe because I didn’t feel like this before. It was only in the last day or so actually. I was still me but it was like a part of me was dead. I suppose it was. Katie was like my second half and without her; I found it hard to get out of bed in the morning. It wasn’t like I was depressed. It was more like I just wanted to go about the world and hope that no one noticed me. A dark cloud that definitely passed over my heart and it didn’t want to go away. It was affecting my whole outlook on things too. I was still me but I was something else too, something that felt incomplete.

I guess it was really hard to describe. As I was walking along, I think I finally found something that suited me. Katie preferred little boutiques, the corner shops near the college. She didn’t like to drive far to get her clothes and things like that. We rarely came to the mall unless there was some kind of sale she wanted to exploit. Most of the time she kept to the very same stores that Iris had been dragging me in to all afternoon. One of the stores we never even went near was Hot Topic. Even now as I stood before it and looked inside, I felt strange even thinking about it. But there was something about all the dark clothing hanging on the racks that seemed to call to me.

I groaned. Great so now I was a Goth chick.

I took a step toward the store but stopped, shaking my head. I couldn’t go in there; I didn’t want to be a freak. I took a step back and started walking again. I picked up the pace, trying to put as much distance between me and the place as I could. I found myself walking by the very same stores that Iris and I had been in a mere hour or so before. I walked the whole length of the mall---well this floor anyway---but somehow I ended up back in front of Hot Topic. I groaned a second time. There was no way I was going in there.

“Trust me, girl, you don’t want to go in there” said a voice.

I nodded. At first, I thought it was my own conscience. It wasn’t until a few seconds later that I realized that it actually came from outside my head. I turned and looked behind me. Sitting on the bench behind me was a girl who looked liked she’d been in this story more than once herself. She was sitting with her legs crossed, black boots up to her knees, fishnet stockings. She was as pale as I was but I think a good portion of it was from lack of sun. She wore a tiny ruffled black skirt, a corset over what looked like a mess shirt and black fingerless gloves. Her makeup was black which matched her hair---pulled up into two knobs on either side of her head.

She was definitely someone I didn’t want to be acquainted with and yet I wasn’t leaving.

I shook my head. “I didn’t want to go in there.”

The girl smiled, her black lips looked sinister when she did that. “See you’re not a tool. Good for you”

I forced a smile and nodded. Then I looked both ways, deciding to get away from the freaky girl as fast as possible. I went left, hoping she’d get the hint that I didn’t want to be seen with her. She didn’t. I was probably twenty feet away when she slid into step next to me. It surprised me to say the least and I jumped. As soon as I did, she looped her arm through mine. She was definitely bold but I already knew that just by looking at the way she was dressed.

“If you walk away like that you’ll never make any new friends,” she said with another one of those wicked smiles.

“What makes you think I want to be friends?”

She laughed. “You walked by that place twice. When you went by and stopped the first time, I could tell you were hesitant to go in. When you came back I knew were interested. You definitely have the look for it but not that place, trust me.”

I frowned. “I was just browsing.”

She laughed again. “Sure you were.”

She steered me down the mall and for some reason I let her. I didn’t think I wanted company and yet walking with this girl, it felt kinda nice. I’m been cooped up in the Allen’s house for too long. Bart, Iris and Barry/Barbara were great company but I definitely needed some space. This girl might not be someone who Ryan Roth would have associated with---in fact, I knew she wasn’t---but I wasn’t Ryan anymore. At least not physically anyway. Hell I hardly felt like myself in my head anymore either. I don’t think I’d ever feel like myself anymore. Without Katie, there was a hole and I don’t think anything would ever be able to fill it.

“You look lost,” said the girl as we walked.

Her arm was no longer looped through my own and yet I still found myself walking along beside her. I guess I needed company more than I thought. I guess she was as good as any. “I have a lot on my mind.”

“Boy trouble?” she asked, I shook my head. “Girl trouble?”

The way she said “girl trouble” made me wonder if she was trying to be sincere or if she was looking to hook up. I knew from my earlier once over of her that she wasn’t lacking in the looks department but I wasn’t ready for that. I’d never be ready for that. Katie was my girl and I wasn’t going to tarnish her. Maybe someday---five or six years from now---but not now and definitely not with a complete stranger.

She smiled. “So it is a girl.” She laughed at the look on my face. “Hey I’m not here to judge. I swing both ways myself, it helps keep the options open.

Sometimes my boyfriend pisses me off and other times my girlfriend can be a real bitch. If it’s not one it’s the other, either way at the end of the day I never sleep alone.”

She seemed proud of that fact. I couldn’t believe that someone could be that carefree. But then again looking at her, I guess I could.

She laughed aloud. “I know what you’re thinking. I need to get away from the crazy freak girl.” I shook my head, which made her laugh even louder.

“You’re different than my other friends,” I said quickly, trying to defuse the situation.

“Of course I am.”

She was a bit annoying but I kinda liked her too. Her carefree attitude was refreshing. It definitely brought my spirits back up.

We walked for a few more minutes. It was clear that the two of us were going nowhere. Then she steered me toward the girl’s restroom. I paused for a second. This was the first real time I’d been out in public as Rachel. In fact when Iris had suggested it back at the house I almost didn’t come. I was scared to walk around like this now. I’d been out before but I was still partially myself then. Now I was all girl and it frightened the hell out of me. Thankfully, no guys had made any passes at me but I caught a few of them staring earlier. It made me uncomfortable to have their eyes on me like that.

“Wait” I said quickly. “Why are we going in there?”

She stopped for a second, looking me up and down. “Do you trust me?”

I laughed. “I don’t even know you.”

She laughed a little too. Then she gently took my hand and led me over to a nearby bench. Her holding my hand did nothing for me. Usually whenever Katie and I used to hold hands, it sent a pleasant spark up my arm and all over my body. Holding this girl’s hand gave me no spark. I’m not sure if that was a good thing or a bad thing.

She sat first, pulling the skirt underneath her a bit and crossing her legs. She was still laughing but at least she let go of my hand. “I sometimes get a little carried away. I’m Lori,” she said, holding out her hand for me to shake.

I sat down and shook it. “Rachel” I said softly.

She smiled then gave me a confused look. “You know I think we have a class together?”

That floored the hell out of me. A class? I shook my head. “I don’t think so.”

She was giving me the same look. Then smiled. “Bio 101 with Applegate.”

I cursed inwardly. I did have Bio with Applegate. I gave this girl---Lori---a once over. I tried to put her name with a face and vice versa. But it was really hard. Applegate’s class was in a lecture hall and there were over a hundred people in it. It amazed the hell out of me that she noticed I was in it. Then I shook my head. It suddenly occurred to me right there. She wasn’t recognizing me of course, she was recognizing Ryan. It felt funny to think of myself that way but it was almost like my former self was a different person now. I bit my lip. I wonder if she thought I was a transsexual or something because it was clear that Ryan and Rachel looked nothing alike.

She laughed at my confusion. “I sit in the back,” she said, realizing that I couldn’t place her face. “And I don’t dress like this in class. My Dad would kill me if he found out I dressed like this in school.”

I nodded numbly. “I didn’t think anyone could pick out a face in a big crowd like that.”

She smiled. “I’m good with faces,” she said then laughed. “But you know what; I thought you were a guy.”

She had a big laugh about that. My face turned about three shades of red. Then I kinda chuckled. She was probably the only one in class that thought that.

She continued, trying to save face. “Not that you’re manly on anything but you wear baggy clothes to class. You have a great body; you should not try to hide it. When I saw you walking around the mall, looking lost, I couldn’t help but wonder if you were trying to shed that tomboy nature of yours. When you stopped in front of Hot Topic I wondered if you were willing to go that far.”

All I could do was smile. She thought I was a tomboy. I was screaming inside my head. But I needed to save face and fast. “I’ve been through a lot these last couple of days. I took some time off to find myself. I’ve decided that I want to change some things about my life.”

Ok, so half-truth.

She smiled. “Change is good, I’m all about that.”

I laughed. “The only problem is I have no idea where to start.”

She wickedly. I didn’t like that smile. She jumped off the bench, full of energy. She grabbed my hands and pulled me up. “That’s why I was taking you to the bathroom girl. You’re pale and pasty. I have the perfect shade of lipstick.”

I shook my head. “I don’t think that’s such a good idea.”

She laughed. “That’s why this will be real fun.”

She dragged me toward the bathroom. This time I didn’t protest as she pushed opened the door and pulled me inside.

“I think it looks hot”.

Lori’s words kept ringing in my head even hours after I got back from my shopping excursion with her. I was back in my room now at the Allen’s, staring at the object of “hotness” that her words had been referring too. I say staring because I was standing in front of the mirror, my body turned slightly sideways so I could get a good look at what was behind me. Or rather, what was currently on my back now? It was one of those spur of the moment, last thing before we left things. I’m not even sure why I did it but when I saw the shop, I knew I had too. I guess it was to honor Katie’s memory. She had one just like it and I knew when I saw the shop I had to get one. It wasn’t exactly like hers but it was close. She got hers done right before we left for school. When her father found out, he freaked. I didn’t have a father to freak about mine but I’m sure other people would have a thing or two to say.

I smiled at it. It was perfect. I dropped my shirt and turned around. I frowned a bit at its length. When Lori got going, she really got going. After dragging me into the bathroom, she insisted on accentuating my pale features. She only used a little bit of makeup but according to her, it was a “vast” improvement. Now I had a smoky eye look and black lips. I wasn’t sure about the eye shadow but I liked the black eyeliner and lipstick. It was so completely not me that it worked. The black nail polish was bit much but in for a penny as they say. After the impromptu makeover, Lori couldn’t be stopped. The first thing she did was take me from the mall.

“We can’t get good clothes here,” she said as I followed her out to the parking lot. I half expected her to drive a hearse. I was surprised at the little silver Prius. It did have a bat dangling from the rearview though, making it sorta feel like her. She took me into town to a place called The Coffin---apparently, it was the only place she shopped. It made Hot Topic look like the Gap. With Lori’s assistance, I ended up dropping over two hundred dollars on clothing and accessories. I tried to talk her out of it, seeing as it was technically Bart’s money. But she was on some kind of buying frenzy.

When she dropped me off at the Allen’s after we were done, she didn’t seem the least bit surprised that I was staying there instead of the dorm. She gave me her digits and we made plans to meet up for coffee tomorrow. When I walked into the house, the look of shock on Iris’ face was priceless. She recovered quickly and didn’t say anything. I took all my new purchases to my “room” and returned Bart’s card to him before he even noticed it was gone. Then I spent some time with Iris in the kitchen, telling her about what happened after she left me. I’m not sure if she was thrilled with my choices but she didn’t judge me either.

Now here I was in the present, six hours after Lori dropped me off. The top I was wearing was black with spaghetti straps. It didn’t go all the way to my waist either, ending at the midriff. No amount of tugging on the end of it seemed to help. I was wearing a pair of black pants with buckles too. Lori tried to talk me into wearing one of the numerous new skirts I bought but I wasn’t ready for that. I was wearing the pair of fishnet arm gloves she talked me in to though. She wouldn’t let me leave the store until I wore them. A small part of me was shocked at the change but a much bigger part kinda liked it. I decided after the makeover that this was as far from my old self than ever and I wanted it. I’m not sure why it felt so right but I felt at peace in these clothes. Even now staring at myself in the mirror with the black makeup and clothes to match I felt like I could almost get used to being a girl. Not that I’d ever really get used to it but for this small moment I was satisfied.

A gentle knock on the door interrupted me. Once again, Iris poked her head inside. “You look lovely dear,” she said, even though I could tell it was forced.

I could almost read her like an open book now, her emotions exploding from her. She didn’t like the way I looked but she was being polite. “It not too different is it?”

She opened the door all the way and walked over to the mirror to stand behind me. She frowned a bit. “Well I have to be honest and say that if you were my daughter I wouldn’t let you dress like that but you’re an adult and you can make your own decisions.”

I sighed and nodded then bit my lip. “What about this?” I asked, lifting up my shirt.

Iris looked down at the wicked looking black bird on my waistline, its head and beak pointed near my butt. She frowned but she didn’t say a thing. She did stare at it a long time though. I laughed finally.

“Katie used to have one just like this,” I said, tearing up a bit. “I wanted to do something to honor her. I thought about getting her name tattooed on my arm but this just felt right.”

Iris didn’t say a thing. Instead, she wrapped her arms around me in a tight hug. She held me for a long time and I cried a bit more. When she let go, I sighed heavily. I wish I could stop all the crying. I suppose in time it would stop with the pain. A small part of me wished that that never stopped. It was my penance, my punishment for what I did to Katie. I never wanted the pain to go away just like I never wanted to forget about her.

Iris shattered my thoughts. “You know I think this might be a perfect time to call your mother.”

And I felt like crying again. I bit my lip. I’d been putting off calling her because I was scared about what she might say or think. Iris talked to her last night, told her I was safe and sound. But she didn’t say anything about my change, told me it was my place to tell her. I just didn’t have the courage to do it. But Iris was right. I was dragging my feet and I needed to get over it. Mom wasn’t going to go away and this new life of mine definitely wasn’t going to go away.

I nodded. Iris slipped out of the room, leaving me alone. I walked over to the bedside phone and picked up the receiver. Mom picked up on the second ring. “Mom” I said, teary eyed.

“Who is this?” she asked, confused.

I took a deep breath. “It’s me, Ryan; I think you might want to sit down for this.”

Author’s note: As I’m sure all of you know, comments are life blood to an author. I’m not begging or demanding, but I certainly would appreciate anything you have to say (or ask). It doesn’t have to be long and involved, just give me your reaction to the story. Thanks in advance...EOF