Andrew’s Dilemma

Part 9

By, Cain129

Special Thanks to Wren Phoenix for the editing.

Synopsis: Things are beginning to change for Jessica. A new world has opened for her, and along the way she has been learning to come to grips with the person that she truly is inside. With the help of those around her, she is finally starting to understand how a real family interacts with one another. Jake Roberts, on the other hand has accepted Vincent’s offer and has agreed to be his enforcer. In exchange, Vincent will use his people to track down Andrew. Jessica is not the scared little kid that Andrew was, and Jessica will fight back.<!--break-->

 

Chapter 19

 

I had a great time at the movies with Amy. It was really nice being with someone other than Megan and Jennifer. Don’t get me wrong, I love the two of them to pieces!  The relationship that Amy and I had was somewhat deeper then even I could understand. Maybe it was because we really didn’t have any family that we could speak of, but when the two of us were together, I didn’t feel quite so alone anymore.  When I looked over at her I think that she felt the same way as I did. I guess we were just two lost souls that needed each other.

 

It really made me happy, knowing that the Tanner’s had accepted her so willingly. I knew that they were just concerned for my safety at first, but once they got to know her, they were able to see that she was special and someone that really meant a lot to me. After Amy dropped me off, I found Janice and Anthony were in the living room watching something on the television and as I was hanging up my jacket, Anthony asked me how my night was.

 

I smiled. “It was a lot of fun; we saw a really funny movie! Amy took me to see ‘Get Him to the Greek.’ I laughed so hard I almost had a little accident.” I said with a smile.

 

Anthony smiled, “Those are the best movies, honey. Minus the accidents, that is.”

 

“Janice and I were talking honey, and we think it’s nice that you have someone like Amy looking out for you”

I took a seat on the couch next to Janice and she asked me how I was feeling, I looked up at here and smiled.

 

“Life couldn’t be better, thanks for everything you are doing for me.” I said, and leaned over to give her a hug. “Where is Megan anyway?”

 

“Megan is over at Jennifer’s for the night. You can go over if you want honey. Jennifer said that you were more than welcome to join them when you came home.” Janice said with a smile.

 

I smiled, “It’s been a long day, and I need to get some sleep, beside if I go over there we’ll be up all night.”

 

Janice smiled, “You’re right honey. Slumber parties do usually end up that way.”

 

So for the next couple of hours I stayed up and watch a movie with Janice and Anthony. As we were watching, Janice put her arm around my shoulder. It felt really nice to be held like that. Mom never really showed me any feeling like that, so it felt a little weird at first. It was something that I could really get used to! I was so relaxed that I guess that I fell asleep as she held me. I wished that Anthony and Janice were my parents and not the people who had raised me.

 

 

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As I slept Janice reached over and tapped Anthony’s shoulder, when he turned his head and saw me asleep, he smiled.

 

“She looks pretty content doesn’t she?”Anthony said with a smile.

 

“Honey, I don’t know if I can do this.” Janice said with a frown. “Look at her, honey. It’s not so much a doctor that she needs right now, but good parents that accept her. There are plenty of good doctors that can help her with the abuse, but she needs a place to call home and parents that will love and protect her.” Janice said.

 

“Let me take care of her first.” Anthony said, as he stood up and carried Jessica to her room. He covered her up and closed the door as he left. After returning, he took a seat next to Janice and hit the mute on the remote, then turned towards his wife.

 

“I think that I know where this is going Janice, I know that you wanted another child but are you sure you want to go down this road?” Anthony said

 

Janice looked at her husband, “I don’t know, honey. That is the problem. I didn’t expect to develop feelings for her like this, but . . . well, after what happened today with Amy, I can’t help but see the truth. I’m overprotective of her. I thought about how I would have reacted if it had been Megan, and I know I would have felt the same.

 

I just don’t see her as a patient! All I see is a child that needs a mother and father. Think about it honey. I know we’ve talked about her going into foster care or a group home, but what do you think is going to happen to her there? Is she going to find love and support? I really don’t think so; all she’s going to find is more pain. I worry that no one is going to understand her or accept her. Honey, I don’t want that for Jessica.” Janice said as she started crying.

 

Anthony took Janice into his arms and held her. “I guess she’s had an effect on me too. I love having her here. It’s nice, having someone around that I can share my interest in music with and teach. I love Megan to death, but she doesn’t have the same interests as I do. She’s into other things, and that’s fine with me. I’m sure that whatever she decides to do with her life, she’ll be a big success. But Jessica hasn’t had the same advantages as Megan and unless she gets some of those things, I don’t really see her making it.

 

“What are you saying, Anthony?” asked Janice.

 

“If you want to adopt her, it’s alright with me, Honey.” Anthony said with a smile.

 

Janice frowned, “We should talk to Megan about it though. It’s going to affect her, she’s always been an only child.”

 

“Let’s not tell the kids anything for now, Janice; I want to talk to Bill Jonah first. I have no idea how this is going to work, can it be done through the courts or do we need the parents to sign off. The last thing that I want to do is to get Jessica’s hopes up, and then have them come crashing down if something happens to prevent the adoption.”

 

“All right honey, but I’m going to start looking into finding her another doctor. I don’t feel I should be both a doctor and a mother to her.” Janice said with a smile.

 

 

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The following morning I woke up with awful craps in my tummy. I just didn’t feel very good, but I slowly pulled myself out of bed. I realized that I was still wearing my sundress from last night. I must have fallen asleep while watching the movie with Janice and Anthony. I guess that Anthony carried me to bed, because I really doubted that Janice would have been able to do it on her own.

 

I slowly made it to the bathroom. After spending the next 10 minutes on the toilet the cramps finely subsided and I started feeling better. I then ran a nice hot bubble bath and climbed inside. The warmth of the water felt nice against my body and was also really relaxing. I thought about last night, how weird it was to spend the night watching television with Janice and Anthony, and how much I enjoyed their company.  It also made me sad though, knowing that soon all this would be coming to an end. I would likely end up in a foster care home and I really had no idea what that would mean for Jessica.

 

 After I finished my bath, I pulled the plug and let the water go down the drain. I grabbed a towel and started drying myself off.  I rubbed the towel against my chest, and found that putting pressure against the breast forms was really uncomfortable.  I thought about taking them off, but really liked how they made me look. Going without them wasn’t an option. I did use the solution to dissolve the glue from them and when I got dressed, I just placed them in the cups of my bra.

 

I also notice that my tummy was still pretty sore to the touch and I felt bloated. Maybe I was coming down with a stomach flue but I managed to get myself dressed. I was going to just wear a pair of jeans, but I found that with the bloating, they were too uncomfortable. I had a new skirt that we had bought at the mall, and I tried it on. It felt much better, so I just grabbed a white blouse to wear with it.

 

The next thing that I did was my makeup. I just went with a little lipstick and blush. I wasn’t expecting to be going very far today and to be honest, I really wasn’t feeling like doing anything other then hanging around the house. I made my way to the kitchen and found for the moment that I seemed to be the only one up. This was nothing new to me. When I lived with my parents, I pretty much had to take care of making my own breakfast before going to school.

 

I grabbed a bowl and mixed up some eggs, then cut up some peppers and shredded some cheddar cheese, then mixed it all together. At the same time, I had a frying pan on the stove with butter melting inside it. I spread the butter around the pan, and then I fried up some bacon.  When it was ready, I added it to the mix, then poured the mix into the frying pan and let it cook. I also put some bread in the toaster. I guess the smell of food cooking must have awakened Janice.

 

“Something sure smells good!” she said, as she made her way into the kitchen.

 

 “I hope you’re hungry, I made enough for all of us.” I said, smiling as she took a seat at the table.

 

“You could have waited, honey, I would have made something up! I do appreciate that you took care of it this morning.” Janice said smiling.

 

“It’s alright, Janice I’m used to it. Most of the time when I was living with my parents, if I wanted something to eat I had to take care of it myself. Because of that, I’m a pretty good cook now.” I said with a smile.

 

“Maybe you could teach Megan, then.”  Janice suggested, smiling.

 

I laughed, “I am not a miracle worker, Janice! I love Megan to pieces, but that girl could find a way to burn water.  I remember when she made peanut butter brownies one time. They ended up hard as bricks, but I didn’t have the heart to tell her.”

 

Janice laughed, “I guess Megan takes after her dad. Anthony is the same way in the kitchen. It’s getting to the point that I’ve barred him from cooking at all. If I am out, count on ordering fast food.”

 

I laughed. “My dad is the same.  I’m sure he would have starved if Mom wasn’t there to take care of him. He rarely eats, but when he does he complains that it tastes bad. It’s not that the food tastes bad, I think it’s because he’s always drinking. It’s got to do something to how the food tastes to him. I’m just glad that I don’t have to be hearing him complain anymore.  I guess till recently, it was a normal part of my life.  I never really paid much attention to it.” I said with a smile.

 

“That’s because it was part of your normal life, Jessica. I guess that until now, you’ve tuned that part of your life out. There will be other things that will happen, honey, and I want you to know that if you want to talk about it I am here for you anytime you need me. I know for a fact that Anthony thinks the world of you. Believe me, if you want to talk to him, he’ll make time for you.” Janice said, as she poured us some orange juice.

 

“Should we get Anthony up, Janice?” I asked

 

“I’ll go get him, honey; you can finish setting the table.” Janice told her as she stood up.

 

A few minutes later, Anthony came in followed by Janice; he still looked half asleep.  I went over and started putting on a pot of coffee.

 

“Good morning, honey!” Anthony said, as he came over and gave me a hug while I was filling a plate for him.

 

“Good morning Anthony.” I said as I handed him a plate for himself and one for Janice, then I filled one for myself and joined the two of them at the table.

 

“Sorry we never got to work on the song last night, Anthony. I guess that my mind was somewhere else last night and maybe I was also a little tired.”

 

“That’s alright Jessica; there is lots of time for us to work on that.” Anthony said with a smile and took a bite of his omelet, “God, this is good Jessica! You are welcome to cook anytime you want!”

 

“Yeah Jessica, this is one of the best omelets I have ever had!” Janice said as she took another bite.

 

I had to admit to myself that it felt pretty good having people that were thankful whenever you did something nice for them.

 

“Thanks, it’s really no big deal. I am happy you like it.” I said with a smile.

 

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Chapter 20

 

Sarah Roberts was not having much fun. Not only had she lost her son, but as the days went on, she felt like she’d lost the only man that she had ever really loved. She could feel all her hopes and dreams slipping away as the days went on. She was almost at the end of her rope. Everything felt hopeless and she was thinking that there was really only one thing left for her to do, but she was so paralyzed with fear that she couldn’t do anything about it.

 

She wondered how her life had reached this point. It was not supposed to be like this. Family was supposed to stick together. She thought to herself, if only Andrew had been born a girl, like the doctors said, then none of this would have happened.  Instead she ended up with some kind of freak that neither Jake nor her could understand, let alone help. Deep down, she knew that this was no way to think of her child, but she just couldn’t help herself.  It was just the way she felt. 

 

Feeling completely lost she picked up her phone and gave her sister a call. She was tired of being alone with her own thoughts she needed to be with someone till this was over and the only one she could turn too was.

 

“Hi Sis, can I stay with you for awhile? I think that if I stay here any longer I am going to loose my mind.”

 

“Sure Sarah, I will make up a bed for you.” Barb said

 

“Thanks Sis, I will see you in a bit.” Sarah said as she ended the call.

 

 

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After breakfast, Anthony and I worked on the song again trying to get our timing down just right. It took us quite a few tries to get it right, but I didn’t really care. I found myself happier then I had ever been. After the last attempt at the song, I took a seat and started working on the words. As we had played it, the words started forming in my mind. I just needed to get them to paper before I lost them. I listened to Anthony play the song and continued writing whatever came to mind. When he reached the end of the song I was fairly sure that I had it down, but wouldn’t really know till I tried singing it.

 

The first few attempts were terrible and would have likely made someone with perfect hearing wish that they were deaf. After a few more tries, I made the necessary changes and slowly managed to get though the song once. After a few more tries, we felt we were able to get it right, although there still were a few problems with our timing. That could easily be worked out with more practice. It was around noon when Megan and Jennifer came in. They both wanted to hear the song that Anthony and I had been working on. We found ourselves playing it one more time for everyone. Janice joined us for our first live performance.  Well, maybe it wasn’t such a big deal, but they were people and they were alive, anyway. Since I didn’t wake up with a toe tag, I knew that I was all right for another day. We did the song one more time, but this time Anthony and I had the timing perfect. As I sang the song, I could feel the emotions building up inside me. They say a good writer uses his or her life experiences when they write a book or even a song and that is where this song came from. Anthony and I may have done the background music, but every word came from my heart and as I sang the song it brought tears to my eyes. I knew that there was only one name for this song “I’m tired of crying, and you can’t hurt me anymore.”

 

As I came to the end of the song I was amazed that I was able to finish it. I was so lost in it that I had tuned everyone and everything out. I could hear Megan and Jennifer trying to talk to me, but I was just too worked up.  Janice told everyone that she needed to talk to me alone. Once everyone had gone and it was just Janice and I, she took a seat on the bed and just wrapped her arms around me.

 

“It’s alright baby, let it out. It’s alright to cry, and I know it’s hard. You can’t keep holding it inside, hoping it’ll all go away.”

 

I found myself fighting the tears, trying to hold on but it was useless. The floodgates opened and I was crying like a baby on Janice’s shoulder. She wrapped me up in her arms and just held me, stroking my hair and telling me everything was going to be alright.

 

“Why, why, why?” I cried.

 

“Why, what baby? Tell me.” Janice said as she held me.

 

“Why don’t they love me? Am I that terrible?  God, I wish that I was never born!”

 

“Don’t say that baby, there is nothing wrong with you.” Janice said, softly.

 

“Look at me Janice! I’m a freak, I’m not a boy and I’m not a girl, what am I?”

 

“You are whoever you want to be, Jessica. It’s up to you; just don’t give up on yourself.”

 

“It’s so hard here, Janice. I see you and Anthony with Megan and it hurts so bad inside. I know that I should be happy for her, but God help me, I’m not! Why does she get to be happy and I my life is so miserable. It’s not fair, Janice!” I wailed.

 

I started crying harder, but soon I was screaming in pain. The cramps were back and they hurt worse then earlier. 

 

“Jessica, what’s wrong?” Janice asked, as I was grabbing my tummy. Within minutes I heard Janice scream for help as everything went black.

 

 

End of part 9

 

To be continued in part 10