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Andrew’s Dilemma

Part 11

By, Cain129

Special Thanks to Wren Phoenix for the editing.

Synopsis: All of my life I believed that there was no such thing as miracles. I’ve prayed ever since I first came to understand whom and what I really was, but everything that I had known had pretty much changed over night with just six words. “You have always been a girl.” How is it possible? I really don’t know, nor do I really care. To me, it was a miracle and a gift beyond all comparison, even though I’m pretty much scared to death.

 

Chapter 23

Dreams Sometime Do Come True!!!

  

Shock is a funny thing, especially the way it can numb you to just about everything around you. I was completely in shock. I tried to understand just how I could be a girl, but no one knew it, other than me, that is. I had always known deep down that I was a girl trapped in the wrong body. Over the years I had come to accept that this was my fate, and I would be stuck this way for the rest of my life.

I thought about all the times that I came home from school battered and bruised. My father would tell me to be a man, and stand up for myself. All of those wasted nights I spent in my room, crying to a God that never seemed to listen to me. I would pray that he would make me normal, like everyone else. Nothing ever changed, if anything, it seemed that things kept getting worse.

There are many ways to change yourself, but when you truly hate your own body, it can be so hard. I had hated everything about myself for so long. It seemed that I would never have any happiness, only pain and despair. As I looked around the room I saw Janice with tears of happiness in her eyes. Megan was hugging me, telling how happy she was for me, and then there was Anthony, smiling from ear to ear.

They may not have been my family, but they did love and support me. I mean, what     is a family, really? It can’t just be blood. My own life experience has taught me that just giving birth to a child doesn’t make you a mother. Neither does donating sperm make you a father. The thing that makes someone a real parent is their actions.

After the initial shock of the news set in, I became more vocal. I had been so overwhelmed after learning the truth. So when Janice asked me how I was feeling, I just smiled.

“Almost normal, for the first time in my life.”

Megan looked over at her mother and father.

“Mom, you know what we were talking about earlier? Let’s do it, but I want to tell her, is that alright?”

Janice looked at Anthony. “I’m sorry honey, but with everything that was happening I just couldn’t wait.”

“Its fine, honey. We’ll find a way to make this work, I just know it.” Anthony looked at Megan. “Go ahead Megan, tell her”

Megan smiled at me,” Jessica you are already like a sister to me, and we want to make it legal and adopt you.”

Janice smiled at me as did Anthony, then she asked me. “Would that be all right with you Jessica?”

Heading those words, I broke down crying like a baby again and could barely speak other then just a few words. “……Yes, I would like that!!!”

Anthony sat on my bed and took my hand. “Jessica, we will try to make this happen, but it will be up to the courts to make the decision. They will most likely want to talk to you about it, so just tell them what you want, honey.”

“All right, Daddy.” I said as I wiped the tears from my eyes, Janice came over and took me into her arms and gave me a hug and kiss.

“Welcome to the family, baby.” She said as she held me tight.

I looked over at Megan and whispered. “Thanks, Sis.”

She smiled. “Just get better Jessica, you and I have a lot of work ahead of us.”

I smiled at her. “You know that none of this would have been possible without you, Sis. I know we’ve had our hard times, but I love you to death.”

“I love you too, Jessica.” Megan said as she hugged me.

A little while later I was wheeled down to the operating room, scared to death. Janice stayed with me the whole time. Before they put me out I asked her to call Amy and let her know what happened. Janice smiled at me.

“Don’t worry honey, I’ll call her!   Now go to sleep and when you wake up, we’ll be starting a whole new journey together as mother and daughter!” She kissed me just before they gave me an injection and I was soon asleep.

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Chapter 24

After 16 years labor, Jessica emerges

 

I’d like to say I woke up to a perfect world that was all love and wonderful, but if that was the case, chances are I was in a medical coma and living in some twisted alternate universe. In reality, I woke up in more pain then I had ever felt before and it didn’t take very long before I would need something to deal with it. I looked over and found Janice stretched out in the chair, sleeping beside me. When I looked at the clock it was 6 am. She had spent the whole night with me. I’d never known or really expected her to, but I was thankful that she did. I called out to her, and she slowly stirred.  

“Good morning Jessica, how’s ‘my girl’?”

“It hurts really bad, Mommy.”

“Let me get the nurse for you baby, Dr. Masters left something for the pain.”

“Thanks, Mom.” I said with a smile.

A few minutes passed before Mom returned, followed by a nurse.  

She smiled at me. “It’s good to see you decided to join the living again. I have something here for the pain.”

  She then handed me a cup that had 3 pills inside, and poured me a cup of water. I swallowed it all down quickly. Not only was I in pain, but my throat was very dry. The nurse said she would be back to check on me later then left me with my new mom.

“You didn’t have to stay all night, I would have understood mom”, I said

“It’s alright honey; I wouldn’t have been able to sleep anyway.” Janice said with a smile.

“Were you able to get a hold of Amy last night?”

“Yes honey and she said that she would be in to see you sometime this morning”

“Do you have any idea how long it will be before I can go home, Mom?”

“I would guess a few days at least honey, Dr. Masters is not the kind of man that will send you home unless he feels you’re ready. Your stay would likely be at least a week or more if it wasn’t for the fact that he knows that I am capable of taking care of you.

“All this feels like a dream and I don’t want to wake up, Mom.”

“It’s not a dream baby, it’s all real and soon you will be home where you belong.”

“Can I ask you something Mom?”

“Sure Honey, what is it?”

“Why would you want to adopt someone like me, especially with all my problems?”

“I am going to be honest with you honey, when Megan first asked me to take care of you, I was against it. I had made a promise to my family that I would be a mother first. The day that you tried to take your life, Megan and I saw firsthand how violent your father was. He came here with every intention of taking you home, not for your own good but to protect himself. Had Detective Johnson not been here, he might have got to you. I was really scared that if he got his hands on you, something bad would have happened.

It was at that moment that I made up my mind, honey. I needed to protect you, because there was no one else that could. Then you came home with me and against my better judgment, I let you become Jessica full time. I knew that it would make you happy and I couldn’t stand the thought of you trying to hurt yourself. So, I let you do what you had to, and something wonderful started to happen, I watched you start to blossom and come out of your shell. I slowly started seeing the real you and the person that you could become.

Anthony and I have talked for along time about having another child, but it just never happened. Then you came along and needed a family that loved and supported you. There was also another problem, a doctor is not supposed to become emotionally attached to a patient. I broke that rule, because I couldn’t see you as a patient. I started seeing you as a mother sees a daughter and not as a doctor. It happened really fast and it was the same for Anthony. The longer you stayed, the harder it was for us, because we didn’t want to let you go.

It’s harder for Megan though, and she might need sometime to adjust. She has been an only child all of her life, and now she has a sister to deal with. She loves you so much that I believe that everything will work out fine.” Janice said with a smile.

“I have been so scared about having to leave, Mom. I’ve heard so many stories about group homes and foster care. I don’t think that I could have stayed there and still be safe.”

“Anthony and I were also worried about that. We brought you home with us to help you, and sending you there felt like we were fattening you up, just to feed you to the wolves.”

“What about my other parents, do you really think they will let me go without a fight?”

“I don’t think that they will have much choice Jessica; it will not be up to them. The courts will decide what is best for you, and with everything that has happened in the past, I really can’t see them having much say. Then there is the fact that you are 16, Jessica. You have the right to choose for yourself where you want to live.”

I thought about what Mom had just said. I had the choice, and if that was the case then I already knew the answer. I would choose to stay, and be their daughter and Megan’s sister. These were the people that loved, supported and accepted me even with all of my problems, rather than try to change me and make me something that I wasn’t. They embraced me for the person that I really was, and because of that, I was free. “Jessica Dawn Tanner”was finally born.

It was a painful birth, but considering the first sixteen years of my life, this pain was welcomed. It meant everything was about to change for me. Andrew was gone forever and I would never have to wear that mask again.   When it comes to change, nothing really changes without some kind of action. For me, it was time to stop playing the victim and start fighting for what I wanted from life, which meant I would have to eventually confront my birth parents.

Andrew was scared and couldn’t stand up to his parents, but Jessica was different. She had something that Andrew never had. Jessica had the love and support of a family that would stand by her and that was all she really needed.

“How is my girl doing”, asked Janice

“All right I guess, just thinking that eventually I’ll have to confront my parents.”

“You’ll have plenty of time for that, honey. Right now it’s more important that you get better so you can come home!”, Janice said with a smile.

I smiled at Janice. “I wish that we could go now! I’ve never really had a place where I felt safe until I moved in with your family. I found it hard at first, everything was so different than what I was used to, especially how you all related to one another. I wanted so much to have what that kind of relationship with my own parents.”

“Jessica, the relationship that you had with your parents was never a healthy one. I suspect that most of the problems that you had with your parents were mostly of their own making! I think if we were able to go back in time and see what their childhood was like, we’d find that there was a lot of abuse. It doesn’t make what they did to you right, but both of them were damaged goods from an early age. It’s very likely that they were abused just like you were, and if something isn’t done it can be passed to the next generation. You’re the lucky one, Jessica. You can break the mold and become someone else. There is no reason that you need to follow their example.” Janice said with a smile.

I thought about that, and almost felt sorry for my parents. Maybe someday I could forgive them, but it wouldn’t be today. Too much had happened and it takes time to heal. Maybe some wounds can never be healed.

 

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Chapter 25

Between love and Hatred

 

  I could tell that Mom was exhausted, but she refused to leave my side until I finally told her that if she didn’t go home and get some rest, I was going to climb out of bed, crawl to the nearest pay phone, call Daddy and tell him to drag her home.   Yes, it was a bluff! It would have been impossible for me to even get out of bed, considering I had wires attached all over   my body, and these nasty looking tubes running out of me in the most inconvenient places. She did get the hint and with a hug and kiss she was on her way.

At around 8am they started dropping off our breakfast, but to be honest I was too sick to really eat anything. The guy that was delivering the food did leave me some orange juice and toast. There really wasn’t much I could do, other then lay in bed and watch the nurses and doctors running around outside my room. For the most part, it wasn’t very entertaining. There was this one patient, a woman that looked to be in her late 60’s, that kept getting lost and wondering from room to room.   The poor woman didn’t know where she was, and was looking for her family.

God bless her soul though, she was a very sweet old lady and kept escaping her room. She called me Darla, and I think she thought I was her daughter. She told me theses stories about when she was my age. I had to admit that the old lady had lived a colorful life, and her stories were pretty funny too. Eventually her nurse came and they moved her off to another wing that I guess was more secure. I was kind of sad seeing her go, she was good company, but it was probably for the best. She needed more care then they could give her here, and God forbid if she wandered off and ended up somehow hurting herself.

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Jake Roberts was a busy man lately and not really all that happy either. Working for Vincent was starting to become a real pain in the ass. He was never alone! Vincent had assigned one of his goons to follow him around while he collected the money that was owed. Most of the time, just the sight of Jake and Rocco was enough to make the people pay up what was owed. Jake had his own plans that he wanted to get started on, and Vincent had yet to pay up on his part of the deal.

Rocco, on the other hand, had little use for Jake; Rocco was Vincent’s cousin and he didn’t think that they should have any part in this stupid scheme.   He was a family man, even though what he did for a living was not legal. He believed that family was everything, and Jake didn’t give a shit about his family. When Vincent told him to keep an eye on Jake, it was more of a babysitting job to him. Jake was a useless drunk. He might have once been useful to them with his years of military training but not anymore. Vincent liked a challenge, though. He thought if they could get him off the bottle, they could make good use of his skills.

Jake was hurting. It had been 2 days and he’d barely had anything to drink. It was driving him crazy. Every time he thought he was going to get a few minutes of peace there was Rocco and another job. All he wanted was just to have a few drinks, but nothing was working out like he had planned. Over the last couple of days, there were other things that were starting to get to him. Being unable to drink meant he was being forced to deal with things sober that he had been burying for years. He just knew if he could get away from Rocco, for even a few hours, he’d be able to have a few drinks to calm his mind. At the moment, that wasn’t an option.

“Let’s get going Jake, We have a few more stops to make before supper.” Rocco said.

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As Jessica lay in bed she heard a knock outside the door. When she looked over, she saw Amy standing there holding a bouquet of flowers and a big stuffed teddy bear.

“Feel up for some company?” She said with a big smile.

“Come on in, Amy!” I said with a smile as I looked at the teddy bear.

Amy came over and gave me a hug and kiss. “I was so worried about you when Janice called, but then she told me everything. I just couldn’t believe it! You’ve always been a girl, that’s a real miracle honey!”   Amy said smiling from ear to ear.

“I know what you mean Amy, I am still waiting to wake up and find out it’s a dream.”

“Yeah, a dream come true!” Amy said with a smile.

“So much has happened, Amy. Discovering that I really am a girl, and being adopted by the Tanners, things like this never happen to me.”

“The Tanners are going to adopt you, Jessica?” Amy said surprised.

“Yeah, Amy, they broke the news to me last night before I went down to surgery.”

“That’s great news! I am so happy for you, Jessica. I think you are pretty lucky; you’ve been through so much. You deserve to be happy and have a family that loves and accepts you”, Amy said with a smile.

“Amy, you know that the two of us will always be like sisters. I never want to loose that. Having you in my life really means a lot to me.” I said and gave her a hug.

“I feel the same way little sister and there is so much that I need to teach you.” Amy said with a smile.

“That’s true! I missed out on a lot of stuff, but it’s nice to know that I have someone like you that I can talk to, Amy. When I get out of here you will have to come over for supper. I will even cook!”   I said, grinning.

“You know how to cook?” Amy asked.

“Yes, and I am pretty good at it. It’s the least that I can do for everything that you have done for me.”

“Believe it or not, Jessica, you have done a lot for me, too.”

“I don’t know about that, Amy. If anything, it’s the other way around.”

“Jessica, I know that you have felt alone for a long time, but you’re not the only one. I’ve felt the same way for quite a while. I do have someone special in my life, her name is Tara. I love her to death, but I miss my family. I miss being able to spend time with my little sister Beth. It’s worse for me around the holidays, because most of the time the only person I have to spend them with is Tara. She has her own family that she spends the holidays with. They always invite me, too, but it just isn’t the same.”

I felt sorry for Amy. I would be spared that fate thanks to the Tanners. I looked over at Amy.

“You know, Sis, there’s no reason you need to ever feel alone. I’ll always be there for you, anytime you need me. All you have to do is pick up the phone and I’ll be there.”

Amy leaned over and gave me a big hug. “You have no idea what that means to me.” Amy said wiping the tears from her eyes.

“I think that I do Amy.” I said as I hugged her back.

“Look at us, both crying.” Amy said with a giggle.

“It’s all right, Amy. We’re girls and were allowed to be emotional at times.”

   

End of part 11

To be continued in part 12