The Way Things Happen
Jennifer Christine
Chapter 20 Epilogue

Looking back from my verandah in Brisbane, it all seems so distant now.
After I got home everyone seemed glad to see me and I felt so loved.
Wendy and Carol wanted to spend a lot of time looking after me and trying to ‘get me off’ with some of the guys they’d met.

The weather was a drudge as it always is when Christmas is over and the snow at the roadside is crunchy and black and the rain falls with that cold penetrating ache.

Mum called me one Saturday morning. I‘d been home a while and back at school a week. Up to then everything had been cool and I was feeling settled
“Jen, there’s a phone call for you.”
I slipped on my dressing gown and shouted, “Coming,” as I shuffled into my slippers.
Mum passed me the handset and mouthed “Boy” and smiled.

I’d not had many male friends as Paul had been my only boyfriend and I’d been a bit loathe to start any new relationships. I expected this was a friend of Carol’s or Wendy’s who wanted a phone number or something.

“Hi, it’s Paul.” My heart lurched.

“Hi Paul, how are you?” I tried to hold my voice steady. I had no idea what to say, so I became totally inane….sheesh.

“Can I come and see you? I want to chat….. about us.” He sounded really hesitant and almost like he was going to throw the phone as far as he could from him.

My hands started trembling and I felt really strange, I really wanted to see him and yet I didn’t. I was torn. Torn between loving him and not wanting to see him.

“Why Paul? Why now?” I started to cry. “What can we say that hasn’t already been said.”

“Does it matter? I just need to see you, to be able to say goodbye or whatever, I can’t just leave it like this. I need to close it off properly.” He pleaded.

“Look Paul, I just got up, can we meet later, I need to gets some breakfast and tidy up a bit?” This wasn’t going to go away and I needed to see him too. I needed to tell him… Something.

“Ok,” he sounded relieved and like he let out the breath he’d been holding. “When?”

“About an hour say — I’ll meet you in ‘Grounds’ (coffee place)” I felt sweaty and panicky but I needed to do this.

“Ok — That’s 10 o’clock?” Needing confirmation.

“Yeah, ten,” I tried to smile into the phone, “Bye now”.

“OH GOD, what do I do?” I said quite loudly, at no one.

Mum came out of the dining room. “About what honey?”

“That was Paul.”

“Oh.” She paused and followed it with, “I should have asked, sorry darling.”

“That’s Ok mum, I need to close it off properly, but I’m afraid I won’t be able to.”

“I can see your dilemma.” Mum placed her hand on my back as she approached me and I felt the warmth seep in.

“I’m going to tell him,” It wasn’t with resolve, but it was with desperation. “Everything.”

“Is that a good idea do you think?” Mum sounded surprised but not averse. She wanted it to come from my own mouth.

“Well it’s damage limitation really — in 6 weeks or so we’ll be off to Australia and I’ll never see him again and I’ll never know if he’d accept me as Jenny nee Jerry. I need to feel I’ve not made the biggest mistake of my life.”

“Yes, there is that.” Mum acceded and said, “I’ll put the kettle on.”

I headed back up for a shower and to make myself pretty. Exercises can wait til later.

50 minutes later I found myself walking into ‘Grounds’ and looking for that light coloured mop that Paul called hair over the tops of the booths.

“Hi,” I turned surprised, he was stood next to me. I coloured up, suddenly afraid of the next few minutes and what they held.

“Hello Paul,” I smiled and looked down at his hands — he was fidgeting. I always liked his hands.

He held one out and said, “C’mon, let’s go for a little walk, I don’t ant to talk in here.” I acquiesced and followed him out the door.

We turned towards the little park by the war memorial and somehow found my hand in his as we walked.

“How’ve you been?” It was a poor conversation started but it would have to do.

Paul answered, “Desolate. You?”

“Same.” I answered lamely.

“Then why?” the words were snapped but not cruelly just with such pain that they hit me between the eyes.

“I’ll tell you, but you have to make me a promise? I shouldn’t ask it, but I would never be able to tell him if I didn’t.

“Promise what?” He sounded intrigued now.

“That you keep it to yourself.” I sounded like I felt, really unsure.

“Ok, I promise that whatever you tell me I will be between you me and the park bench.” He walked over to it and sat down patting the space next to him.

“Come on, it can’t be that bad.” He smiled that beautiful smile. I almost turned and ran.

I sat and his arm slipped round me. “Don’t Paul; this is hard enough without that.”
His arm moved away his face looking so forlorn that I almost kissed him.

“There’s no easy way to say this Paul so I’m going to tell you a little story.”

He looked at me with his brows knitted together.

“Once upon a time there was a family that had a mum and a dad and two sons. One day one of the sons found out he was ill so he went to the doctor.” Paul looked at me and bit his lip, “Go on.”

Well this boy was told he wasn’t a boy at all and had to have an operation to make him a girl that she had really been all along.”

Paul was starting to smirk. “Paul, this is serious.”

“Oh God I can’t believe it, I was right.” He started to grin.

“Paul I’m trying to get this out, will you give me a chance?” I was getting hysterical.

“Jenny, it’s ok, honestly.” Paul put his arm back round me and pulled me into him. “I do love you you know? Non of that matters.

I pulled back from him to see his face,” What do you mean?”

“When I first met you, I was beginning to think I was gay. In you I’d found the prefect substitute for the Boy I sat next to in class, the one I fell secretly in love with. I couldn’t bear it, you were so like him as well. So I fell in love with you and thought thank God, I’m not gay.” He was starting to hiccup and giggle. Talking very quickly.

“Paul…. What are you talking about?” Now I was getting wound up.

“You’re trying to tell me you used to be Jerry aren’t you” he was looking into my eyes, holding both my shoulders so I couldn’t avoid him.

“How…? I don’t understand.” I was totally dumbfounded.

“Jerry, Jenny, I’ve been in love with you for three years.” He pulled me to him and held me close.

Suddenly I was released from that tight band round my chest. I almost screamed. It was ok, I didn’t have to lose him. He knew who I was and he not only loved me anyway, he’d always loved me. EVEN WHEN I WAS JERRY.

I couldn’t speak. I just held him and he held me and the world went away for ages. I’ve no idea how long.

“Jenny… Jenny.. hoy…!!”
I felt a poke on my shoulder and looked up suddenly to find not only was I in Paul’s arms, Wendy was there looking at me like I had bananas growing from my ear.

“What on Earth is going on?”

I sat back a bit and Paul loosened his arms so I could take charge of myself. He was grinning from ear to ear. Or more like ear to there it was so big a grin.

“Wendy!” I almost squeaked it.

“Well it’s good to see you smiling again.” She looked at Paul and said, “You would not believe how miserable she’s been since she broke up with you.”

“Oh yes I would.” He nodded and pulled me back into his arms, “and she’s never — EVER- going to get away with that again.”

Well the outcome of it all, as you may well imagine, was a lot of chatter and self recrimination and hugs. In the end I was just a floppy, relieved and soppy chick with a nice boyfriend and some really good pals.

When I got home later, as I opened the door I heard mum and dad stop talking as if they were listening for my mood.

“It’s Ok,” I beamed. I rushed through to the lounge where mum and dad were nestled on the couch both suddenly smiling. I bounced up onto the couch and grabbed both of them and just held onto them “He loves me, hestill lovesme….. he’s always loved me….”

I felt dad stiffen, “What do you mean?”

“Paul… he loves… me even when I was Jerry.” I tried to explain. Badly.

“I’m not sure I like the sound of that.” Dad muttered frowning.

“No you don’t understand, “He thought he was gay. Then found me - a girl who looked just like the boy he loved — he fell in love with me instead, then he found out today we were both the same person.”

“You’re kidding?” Mum looked incredulously at me.
“God’s honest truth, by the time I’d told him we were both laughing and crying at how silly we’d been.” I grinned happily at them.
“We’ve both been so stupid not to make the connection and admit to it at the same time.”

Mom and dad exchanged glances, “So what happens now?”

I looked from one to the other, What do you mean?”

“What happens when we go to Australia.” Dad asked through gritted teeth like I was going to suddenly realise we’d be parted again.

“It doesn’t matter, we know we’ve got each other — it doesn’t matter how long it takes. We can wait that long.” I explained to my dim-witted parents.

……………………….

So that’s what happened.
We went to Australia, Paul stayed in UK and every holiday he could afford it he came out to visit or I went home to visit. Dad took him on in the company when he graduated from uni. With dad being CEO of the Australian arm, it wasn’t difficult to organise his immigration to Oz

Now Paul is Australian too and we have bought our home overlooking Moreton Bay. Nestled in tall gums, with kookaburras to wake us in the morning. Which is where I’m sat, writing this.

I’m just so glad I told him. When I think what may have happened……well it doesn’t bear thinking about does it?