Feed me!

Like Chapter 12 this chapter addresses some serious abuse issues. I wrote this one long before I first posted it on FM in 2007 as a self test to see if I could get past issues that were still hampering my step up into a happier life. Some helped, some didn't and my wife was not happy at some of the content. After further soul-searching and some fearsome argument with my wife, she reluctantly said 'maybe'. If the responses are too accusative or censorious I might take it down.

If you are of a sensitive disposition don't read this chapter it touches but briefly on incest but is little if at all worse than what I endured in early life.

Beverly.
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The Sissy farm

Chapter 13.

List of Characters.

Me. Michelle A Natural transvestite sissy.
Janice My Younger sister
Aunty Bev Janice and My mother’s Sister.
Mistress Janet Headmistress of the young lady’s academy
Doctor Shirley Williams. My endocrinologist.
Miranda. A very effeminate Sissy sales assistant.
Miss Stern Miranda’s mistress who owns the shop.
Peregrine. AKA. Uncle Penny. My transvestite uncle. (Aunty Bev’s brother.)
James AKA. Auntie Jamie Peregrine’s Partner
Victoria An older RG friend of mine.
Jemima Victoria’s sissy brother.
Portia Victoria’s mummy.
Julia. My dining companion and mentor at Mistress Janet’s Academy.
Sophia and Angelica Victoria and Jemima’s friends.
Delilah & Nancy My ex Attackers.

Chapter 13.

That night after our first experiences with the naughty sissy’s ablutions, Janice and I snuggled up as best we could in our tight restrictive sleeping corsets. We had grown accustomed to the tightly corseted waspish waists but both of us resented having the built-in crotches located high up under the knee-length hems of our corsets.

These ‘panty-sections’ ensured that we could not reach our secret parts and abuse either ourselves or each other. All we could do was lie tight against each other and cuddle up affectionately. There was one little delight available to us however. Our bra cups were soft and silky and they enabled us to gently finger our nipples through the delightfully silky stretch material that contained our breasts.

In those first few weeks of term, Janice's budding nipples and breasts were not as sensitive as mine so only I gained any pleasure from gently running the back of my fingers lightly over my silk covered nipples. However as the hormones in our giant ‘horse pills’ began to take effect, Janice began to catch up with me. I was delightfully surprised when a few days before the end of term, she pressed up close to me and I felt her silk encased nipples growing stiff under her silky cups as they brushed against my own sensitive buds.

“Gosh Jan,” I giggled, “Are you getting stiff nipples?”

“Mmm-mm!” She sighed lustfully as she hugged me eagerly and manoeuvred herself to locate her excited buds against mine.

I gasped with delight and returned the affections as we gently ‘humped’ our shoulders and chests against each other to satisfy our budding needs. Naturally our corsets heavily boned and panelled lower front sections prevented any hope of ‘frotting’ our secret places together. In that area we were to remain completely ‘de-sexed’ as far as mutual delights were concerned. Nevertheless, we discovered that our nipples had become so delightfully sensitive that it was sufficient for us to simply brush them together under our silky bra cups.

The unrealised side effect though, was that Janice and I slowly became addicted to ‘nipple sex’ as our bodies developed in line with the drug’s effects. By the time we had reached middle school Janice and I were virtually slaves to our nipples and breasts. She would be years into her twenties before Janice finally managed to wean her self off her nipple addiction whilst for me, (a sissy destined for the sissy farm,) it would always be ‘nipples first’ before recourse to any other form of pleasure.
Oh by the way, I forgot to mention that halfway through the first term, Auntie Beverly had consulted with the academy’s mistresses and they had decided that it would be better if Janice and I became full time boarders. Thus when we arrived home for the Christmas holidays, Auntie Bev was delighted with our physical progress. She was amazed with the development of our breasts and she couldn’t resist showing off her two wards to Uncle Penny and Auntie Jamie at Christmas dinner.

“What do you think darling?” She asked Uncle Penny as Auntie Jamie carved the turkey.

“Well I think these two little poppets are just about the most delightful Christmas presents that anybody could wish for,” gushed Uncle Penny as we were made to parade around the table with our frocks and bras turned down to expose our swelling mounds and stiffening turgid nipples.

“They’re almost a perfect pair,” added Auntie Jamie as she served out the turkey breast slices, “much better breasts than these.”

Janice and I giggled at the comparisons between the turkey’s breasts and our breasts then Auntie Bev refastened our bra tops and party frocks as we finally took our places at the table. Janice and I simply kept smiling at each other because we could not get over just how ripe and sensitive our breasts had become. They were, without any doubt, the best presents a young sissy and a young girl could wish for.

I ate sparingly at dinner and Uncle Penny watched me with some concern.

“Don’t you want some more darling? There’s plenty.”

“No thank you uncle,” I confessed, “I’m almost full and I’ve got to leave some space for pudding.”
Auntie Bev explained.

“Michelle’s tummy will have shrunk slightly owing to the controlled diets at Mistress Janet’s. She can’t eat much these days or she gets a sore tummy.”

“Oh that’s sad,” added Auntie Jamie as she spooned some more food onto her and Janice's plates, “and I’ve cooked so much. This is going to last until next Christmas at this rate.”

“We could invite Victoria and Jemima around for tea,” suggested Janice.

“I’m afraid they’ve anticipated you darlings,” replied Auntie Bev, “we’re going to their house in Richmond for tea.”

“Oh. Goodie! Are we?” Responded Janice excitedly.

“Indeed we are,” added Uncle Penny. As soon as you’ve finished our trifle here we’re crossing town to visit them for Christmas tea.”

“Will anybody else be there?” Asked Janice hopefully.

“Well I suppose Sophie and Angelica will be there. They only live a couple of doors down.” Replied Auntie Bev as she smiled at our excitement.

We resumed eating and I watched enviously as Janice took another helping. Obviously she was not afflicted with a shrunken tummy. I simply had to sit there and watch as I left room in my tiny-tummy for a meagre portion of trifle. Eventually the trifle arrived and once again I could only manage a tiny portion while Janice spooned several servings onto her plate.

“You’ll be sick if you eat all that,” I warned enviously for the trifle was delicious.

“Oh don’t worry Michelle,” replied Auntie Bev. “Little girls have to make sure they eat properly and sensibly so that they have the strength for child bearing.”

“But that’s not sensibly,” I chided, “I’d be sick if I tried to eat all that.”

“Indeed you would Petal, but you’re only a sissy after all. Provided you eat the right foods for the dairy farm, you don’t have to grow big and strong. Besides. It’s Christmas so every little girl should be allowed to indulge herself.”

“So why can’t I indulge myself?” I pressed.

“You can petal, but you know already, you’ll only make yourself very ill. Your tummy just can’t take it.”

“Am I definitely going to the dairy farm?” I asked.

“Why yes darling.” Assured Auntie Bev. “Every sissy at Mistress Janet’s goes to the dairy farm. In Mistress Janet’s academy, it’s an essential part of becoming a sissy.”

I had mixed feelings about this. On the one hand I had learned from Miranda that it was great fun to be milked like a dairy cow but on the other hand, a sissy became a prisoner of her breasts and had to be milked at least twice a day for many years to come. Apparently, sissies finally went through something akin to a menopause at around fifty when their breasts finally stopped lactating. Just before coming to stay with Uncle Penny and Auntie Jamie in London for Christmas. Janice and I had been taken to Miss Stern’s shop near our home to be re-measured and fitted for our new corsets. During our measurements, I had chatted quite extensively with Miss Stern’s sissy assistant Miranda and she had explained a lot to me as she sized up our growing breasts.

At Victoria’s Christmas tea Party, I would get a chance to speak about the sissy, dairy herd to Victoria and Sophia.
That time arrived quickly. The journey from Pimlico to Richmond took hardly any time that Christmas afternoon and we arrived at Victoria’s extensive house just as Sophia and Angelica and their mother were opening the garden gate.

“Oh hello!” Chirped Angelica. “This is a nice surprise. Will you be staying overnight?”

Janice and I looked up hopefully to Auntie Bev and she smiled and nodded as she exchanged glances with Sophia’s mother Emelia.

“Didn’t you see Uncle Penny putting the suitcases in the boot?”

“I thought that was presents.” I replied.

“They were, partly,” answered Auntie Bev, but your night attire is also in them.”

“Oo-ooh! This is a lovely surprise. Thanks hundreds!” Gushed Janice as she skipped excitedly up the path. I joined her and we arrived at the front door breathless with excitement as Janice ‘dinged’ the bell. Angelica tried to keep up with us but it was obvious that her overly developed breasts encumbered her. They kept bouncing spectacularly and she had to stop skipping along then resume mincing delicately at a much more sedate pace. By the time Angelica had arrived at the front door, Jemima had already ushered we younger ‘girls’ in. As we removed our capes and bonnets in the hall, Janice and I smiled as we watched Jemima and Angelica hugging each other contentedly and sighing happily. It was quite obvious that Jemima and Angelica were destined to become a ‘dairy partners, for the rest of their school days. I secretly hoped that they might be allowed to live near each other with their mistresses in adulthood so that they could remain dairy partners for life. They were simply made for each other.

Eventually Sophia and Auntie Bev entered and Victoria ushered them into the parlour while Jemima helped Janice, Angelica and me with our suitcases upstairs. As we unpacked our nightwear Janice and I couldn’t help but notice Jemima and Angelica constantly ‘adjusting’ their breasts as they repeatedly tried to make themselves comfortable.
Eventually Janice got bolder and asked them outright.

“Are you wearing the right sized bras? You seem to be constantly doing this.”

She demonstrated the action of a grumpy old maid cupping her breasts as if wearing an uncomfortable old conical cup bra.
Jemima’s face reddened intensely as she nodded her head and grinned self-consciously.

“Yes. Angelica and I have got the biggest boobs in our year.”

“And we are on the threshold of lactating,” added Angelica as she stroked her engorged nipples through her bra cup and lurched erotically.

“You need to get proper support for those.” I observed thoughtfully.

“We will be soon,” confirmed Jemima, “when we return next term, they are going to induce the whole class into milk and then we can get measured for corsets with nursing cups.”

“Oh.” Observed Janice. “Is that what they do then?”

“To us sissies; yes.” Replied Angelica. “But if real girls choose to join the herd they let them come into lactation naturally with the dairy biscuits.”

“What! Do all girls lactate then?” Gasped Janice.

“Oh heaven’s no!” Replied Jemima. “A girl has to elect to become one of the herd and she usually has to find another girl as a consenting partner to join her.”

“Does it turn them into bimbos?” Pressed Janice.

“Oh no. You have to be bimboised separately. If you’re good in exams, they rarely bimboise you unless your future mistress or guardian specifically requires it.”

“What happens if a girl can’t find a dairy partner?” I asked curiously.

“Well, they have to find a suitable sissy partner,” replied Jemima, “the problem isn’t the milking, it’s the pleasuring afterwards. A proper sissy can’t really pleasure a girl during milking because her sissy clitty is tiny. You’ve seen them; they’re just tiny little nubbins.

A girl can’t be pleasured like a sissy so her dairy partner has to have a boy-clitty and even then it’s difficult. Boy clitties are usually too small to pleasure a girl properly.

The arrangement rarely works and the girl invariably goes looking for another girl as a partner. Anyway, why all the questions, are you thinking of joining the herd Janice?”

Janice frowned thoughtfully as she fingered Angelica’s prominent nipples.

“If they’re as sensitive and erotic as these, I might.”

Angelica gasped and her knees sagged with lust before she recovered her composure.

“Ooo-ooh! Don’t do that without warning me darling. You could send a sissy over the edge doing that.”
Janice's eyes widened with surprised delight.

“Gosh! Are they that sensitive?”

“Yes!” Croaked Angelica as she adjusted her breasts for the umpteenth time.

Just then there was a call from Mistress Portia downstairs.

“Tea is ready darlings, come down and open your presents.”

We needed no further encouragement and minced expectantly downstairs into the drawing room. There we were confronted with a pile of parcels stacked neatly under the Christmas tree. It was obvious that everybody had decided to hold the present opening ceremony at Victoria’s and we would be busy for at least a couple of hours opening parcels.

It is needless to recount that most of the parcels were clothes and most of the clothes were underwear and delightfully frilly creations at that. Even Victoria’s daddy relished his presents as he held the beautiful lingerie against his body then smiled and disappeared upstairs to try it on.

We younger sissies were much bolder and we eagerly tried our presents on right there and then in the drawing room. Even Uncle Penny and Auntie Jamie were emboldened and removed their skirts and blouses to try on their presents. It was the first time that Janice and I had ever seen Uncle Penny and Auntie Jamie naked and we were intrigued to see their large pink willies nestling incongruously between their curvy peachy thighs whilst their slender chests each sported a fulsome pair of well formed rounded breasts.

Apart from their well-formed cocks and heavy balls, both Uncle Penny and Auntie Jamie were in all other respects, women. They each had slender shoulders, large breasts, narrow backs and even narrower waists swelling to wide and well-rounded hips before tapering to a pair of beautifully turned legs. I also noticed that both Uncle Penny and Auntie Jamie were completely hairless around their willies. I thought it made their boy parts much prettier and tidier. Then I noticed both Victoria and Sophia looking thoughtfully at Uncle Penny and Auntie Jamie as they tried on their own presents.

Finally after we had tried out all our presents, we sat around in our favourite outfits chatting until tea was served. This was announced by Victoria’s daddy who had changed into his maid’s outfit and commenced serving the food once we were all sat down. Mistress Portia also supervised the proceedings and helped occasionally with some task more suited to a hostess, but Victoria’s daddy did the bulk of the serving work. He seemed to relish having to bend over in his high heels and exposing his deliciously frilly panties under his short maid’s skirt. I also noticed Mistress Portia, Auntie Bev and Mistress Emelia occasionally pressing their hands under his skirt and he would squeak with delight as he lurched forward and wiggled his butt coquettishly. However, once we were all settled, he joined us at the table and entered into the spirit of the festivities. It seemed he was not quite the total sissy servant that we had presumed all sissies to be.

The various relationships like the one between Uncle Penny and Auntie Jamie demonstrated to Janice and me that there could be a thousand different degrees of sexuality and relationships between different people. It was quite obvious that Victoria’s daddy lived a double life. His day job took him into his London clinic where he treated people for sexual dysphoria whilst his alternative home life obviously involved a high degree of sissification and transvestism.

Despite all these obviously different arrangements, it seemed that everybody tolerated the others and they got along famously. I was secretly glad to have been precipitated into such a liberal and tolerant family. My own father would have beaten me senseless for expressing the slightest preferences for anything girly.

I viewed his accidental death in the car crash with mixed feelings. I did miss my mother though. She had always been so much more understanding and sympathetic to my feelings.

Once again I could not keep up with my sister in the food stakes and I noticed that Jemima and Angelica were also unable to indulge. Obviously our ‘sissy pills’ contained different drugs from the girl’s girly pills.

My tummy was quickly full and I had to sit demurely watching and smiling as my little sister and older girly friends indulged themselves. However, this time I had company. Jemima and Angelica also had full tummies and like me, they fidgeted discreetly as they tried to somehow ease the constrictions of their corsets. It was no use though. Even if we had been completely free of our corsets, our undersized tummies would have been quickly filled to discomfort.

Eventually, we finished tea and indulged in assorted party games. I enjoyed these for it was obvious that Victoria’s family had gone to a lot of preparation. They spanned a cross section of skills though most required some degree of intellect and they kept us thoroughly entertained all evening. The time seemed to fly by and bedtime came around all too soon.

We younger girls and sissies were sent to bed whilst the adults stayed up.
In the bathroom, Janice and I had a wonderful opportunity to examine Jemima and Angelica’s breasts as we showered together. They also savoured the occasion for they had a rare opportunity to check out Janice's girly parts and my still functioning boy-clitty. Angelica was fascinated by the way my boy-clitty grew hard and she couldn’t resist playing with it.

“Doesn’t it hurt to grow and stretch like that?” Asked Angelica who had absolutely no memories of ever having had an erection.

“No.” I conceded openly as I realised that Angelica must have been sissified from a very early age.

Eventually the inevitable happened and I had an orgasm. I let out a squeal of delight and ejaculated my seed all over Angelica’s face. She let out a gasp of surprise and jerked to her feet as she licked the strange pearly droplets from around her face.

“Gosh it must be weird to have something spitting like that,” added Jemima as she bent down to study my ‘condition’.

“Mine used to grow hard but it never spat stuff out like that.”

Thus Jemima gave away her sexual history. Obviously she had never reached male puberty although she could remember erections. I felt a little sorry for them but they didn’t seem all that envious. Their interest turned to Janice's secrets and they begged her to show them her secret arrangements.

Janice gave me a searching glance but I could see no danger. It was obvious that their sissy clitties were totally functionless as boy clitties and there was absolutely no sexual threat from either of them. Janice lifted one leg and rested it on the little seat as she gently parted her labia for the pair to look.

“Is that were a boy clitty goes?” Squeaked Jemima as she peered closely.

Janice nodded and gently took hold of two of Jemima’s fingers as she guided them into her little opening. Jemima gasped as her soft sissy fingers slid easily into Janice's moist cleft and Janice let out a soft sigh of pleasure. Then she invited Angelic forward and told her to look closely as she gently peeled back the hood of her clitoris.

“You see the little bud at the front,” said Janice.

“Yes!” Gasped Angelic excitedly.

“That’s my clitty. You can see it’s just like your sissy clit.”

“Oo-ooh yess!” Gasped Angelica with surprise.

“Well if you stroke that, like you stroked Michelle’s clitty, you’ll make me come.” Continued Janice as she gently introduced Angelica’s finger to her stiffening clitoris.

Angelic needed little instruction. It was obvious that Janice's glistening bud exactly resembled her own little nubbin and she gently curled the crook of her forefinger around Janice's clitoris.

“Yess! Just like that,” Groaned Janice with delight as she started humping Jemima’s fingers eagerly while Angelica improved her technique.

Very quickly, Janice let out a tremulous whimper of release and sagged onto the shower seat as her little opening started to leak copious amounts of fluid.

“Gosh! You’re leaking!” Squealed Jemima.

“Don’t be daft!” Giggled Janice. “Those are my juices. Girls get really wet down there when they get sexy. It’s to make it slippery stupid!”

“Oh. I see. So it doesn’t hurt you.” Conceded Jemima.

“Of course she has to be slippery, dummy,” added Angelica,” don’t you remember from those sex lessons. It’s to lubricate her hole.”

“Alright! There’s no need to be nasty.” Snapped Jemima. “I forgot that’s all.”

“Crickey! If you forget something like that, you’ll be a perfect candidate for bimboisation.” Added Angelica You’d better swat up for the exams.”

“Well I won’t forget after this will I? Look! Windows!”

Jemima held up her fingers and made a ‘scissors’ action to cause Janice's fluids to stretch membrane-like between her fingers.
I couldn’t help smiling but Janice gave Jemima a smack across the head as she closed her legs together.

“That’s horrible! I didn’t let you go there so that you could make fun!”

“Sorry.” Mumbled Jemima as she rubbed her reddening ear.”

“Right! Lessons over. Let’s get showered.” Ordered Janice.

Suitably chastised, Jemima and Angelica washed each other down while I attended protectively to Janice. She wasn’t frightened but she was obviously angry and I did everything to try and disassociate myself from Jemima’s crass insensitivity. Janice sensed my concern so she smiled at me and gently kissed me as she pushed her tummy against mine. I shivered slightly and whispered ‘no’ as I backed away.

“You could, - you know, - have a baby if we did that.”

“Yeah. It’s just not fair is it?” Whispered Janice regretfully.

This was the first ever intimation I ever had that Janice had any sexual interest in me. It frightened me because I knew that for brother and sister to do it was wrong.

Eventually we were all cleaned up and we patted each other dry. Angelica apologised again and scolded her friend Jemima for being so stupid and hurting Janice's feelings. Jemima looked suitably contrite and it seemed to me that the situation had resolved itself. I didn’t know about Janice though, and it was to be my first intimation of womanly wiles.
After we were laced into our sleeping corsets and lingerie, Victoria and Sophia put us to bed. Once we were cuddled up in our own bed Janice whispered to me.

“Do you think Jemima was wrong to do that?”

“What?”

“The window thing stupid. To pretend my juices were a window as she spread her fingers.”

“Well it was insensitive I suppose but I don’t think she meant any harm. Anyway, she can’t harm you. She hasn’t got a boy clitty or a proper cock, she’s probably weaker than you now despite your ages and she can’t be violent because her tits are too big, and finally you’re almost as tall as her now. You’re big for your age.”

“Yeah well I’m still angry. She had no right to do that.”

“Who can you tell?” You would have to admit you allowed her to put her fingers inside you.”

“Dammit! That’s a point. I’ll have to find some other way.”

“Don’t be cruel to her. She’s a sweet little sissy at heart. I’m sure she’s sorry. She’s said she’s sorry three times now.”

“You’re too much of a softy,” giggled Janice as she kissed me with her soft lips, “I’m going to make her suffer for a whole term just to make her realise she did wrong.”

“Well please don’t tell the mistresses, they’ll only make her suffer. Honestly, she’s a really sweet sissy and she’s very bright. She came second in her class exams this year.”

“Well she still needs to learn. Just for a term though.”

“Please don’t be too cruel to her. I don’t like it when you’re cruel.”

“So you do like me.” Grinned Janice.

“Of course I like you. You’re my sister!”

“Do you find me attractive?”

“Well, of course I do but we can’t, - you know, - that’s totally wrong!”

“Huh. We can’t anyway. These corsets make sure of that.”

“But we can do this,” I giggled as I gently brushed my thumbs against her nipples.

Janice squeaked then returned the pleasure and we remained thus embraced with our breasts brushing against each other for the remainder of the night. The problem was that sleep did not come easily. The constant mutual titillation of our nipples by our nipples caused my boy clitty to keep constantly trying to grow. This of course it could not do within the tight confines of the built in crotch inside my corset. And Janice of course became uncomfortably damp as her secret places kept leaking juices.

Soon we had to disentangle ourselves and reluctantly separate if we were ever going to get any sleep.
This was not the case however for Jemima and Angelica. Sissification had so reduced their sissy-clitties to such tiny innocuous little nubbins that there were no constraints on their nubbins becoming excited inside the tight confines of their corsets. Throughout the night, Jemima and Angelica remained locked in their titty-tickling embrace as their orgasms flushed softly through their bodies and they savoured the soft, mushy, squidgy waves of ecstasy rippling through their tummies. Mistress Janet’s sissies were tailor made for enjoying orgasms particularly whilst corseted to the most extreme degree. Janice and I listened enviously to their soft whimpering and sighing as they obviously savoured the delights of their sissified bodies. Eventually however, even a sissy’s libido can only take so much and they finally fell into a deep contented sleep. Janice and I also finally slept but for each of us it was a frustrated, intermittent and fractious experience. I actually began to envy Jemima and Angelica for their lamentable little nubbins. At least they could savour some sort of satisfaction.
In the morning, Auntie Bev appeared at our bedside and gently ushered me into her bedroom. For a few moments I was perplexed until she explained.

“You have to be milked Michelle, for in a few years, you will be so sissified that you probably won’t be able to father children. I need as many samples of your seed as I can harvest from you. You do want to become a daddy some time in your adult life, don’t you?”

I was confused but nodded agreeably. After all I supposed every boy expected to become a daddy at some time. I was just puzzled as to why she so wanted my seed. Auntie Beverly explained further.

“Every time I get a sample from you, Victoria’s daddy rushes it to her clinic and places it into a very, very cold refrigerator. This way, when you are older, and unable to produce sperm, you can use some from the sperm bank to make a baby and nurture it.”

I wondered why I wouldn’t be able to produce sperm when I was older but I was too ignorant to ask.

For the rest of the Christmas holiday, until I returned to Mistress Janet’s academy, I was milked for my sperm morning and evening and it was put into a sperm bank that was right next door to Victoria’s daddy’s clinic. The strange thing was, after first just fingering my nipples and little boy clitty Auntie Beverly then changed tactics. She gently introduced a vibrating dildo to my sissy pussy one morning and I had the strangest sensation as I suddenly spurted sperm without any proper sensation of delight and pleasure. I was to learn later that Auntie Bev had taken medical instruction and learned how to press the vibrating dildo against my prostate gland. My prostate gland had then ejaculated automatically without any sensation of a proper orgasm. I was a little disappointed for I had enjoyed the other way but Auntie Bev told me that the dildo way was quicker and easier for her.

“If you want to enjoy orgasms darling you can still continue to have Janice tickle your nipples and rub your little clitty but don’t expect me to have to spend an hour or more twice a day servicing your libido. Sperm extraction for me is simply another form of milking. Just consider yourself to be a dairy bull.”

I had no choice but to accept Auntie Beverly's words and simply presented myself twice a day for ‘milking’ until the school term started in mid January.

Often, Janice, Jemima and Angelica came to watch and this reinforced the perception that ‘sperm milking’ was little more than a technical, commercial operation to simply acquire sperm. It certainly became very impersonal for me.