Something to Declare by Cyclist

Chapter 33

And life carried on. I needed new bras by now, as I was steadily expanding my attributes. Not hugely so, at 35, but they still pleased me, and Geoff seemed to like them.

My arse was getting a little rounder, but I would never need a ladies’ saddle as my pelvis would obviously remain male. He seemed to like that as well, though, but I can’t see it myself. Well, not without a mirror, of course. Weekends were getting frustrating, though, as he was ramping up the mileage now. I rode with him when I could, but most times it meant sticking a tent up somewhere and waiting with something warm for him to eat before getting a too-short time under the covers together. So much of the laundry now consisted of lycra it was getting silly.

The Court case came up, and to my astonishment went almost without incident and certainly without any mention of the alleged groping, and I suspected there had been more than a little horse trading between the barristers.

“Hello Rupert, fancy swapping an indecent assault for a conspiracy to pervert the course of justice?”

“Not at all, Piers. How’re Jocasta and Gaylord?”

We all returned to the court after our evidence to hear the verdict, as Anstey had, of course, opted for trial by jury. As it was racially-aggravated, and this in effect was South London, there were more than a few people on the jury who would be described best as “not his type”. Eighteen months. It turned out he had just been sentenced to three years for sticking a bottle in someone’s face, and the very nice judge ordered that the new sentence not start till he had finished the old one. Mrs Anstey spat on me as we left the court, which was a very silly thing to do in such a place, and she was arrested before she could do the same to Junior. Not the sharpest tool in the box, but I was glad that she had hit my uniform and not my face. The police cleaned it off with a “spit kit” for DNA evidence, gave us all a cuppa, and we grabbed a pint n the Porter and Sorter before the train back.

Have I mentioned recently how nice it is to be able to enjoy a drink rather than need one?

May 4th would have been Tony’s birthday, and I felt that now might be the time to bring a suitable kind of peace to his horrible death. Geoff was pensive when I suggested it to him, but admitted I was right.

“I am so lucky to have you, love. You have seen me at my very worst, and you still stay with me. No man could ever ask for more”

“Many women could give you more than I can, cariad, but what I can give is all yours”

“I don’t want many women, there’s not enough room in the house”

Dear reader, go away for a little while please.

The family came with us, of course, including Big Bill, the boys’ dad, Jan’s mother Angela, and Roland, Big Bill’s brother. Both Bill and Roland were lecturers at St Catherine’s, and surprisingly it was the first time I had met either. We all gathered in Eastbourne and then made a silent drive up to the lighthouse viewpoint. We’d brought a wreath each, and my fiddle. As the flowers went over the edge I played an edited version of Vaughan Williams’ “Fantasia on a Theme by Tallis”, the notes blown by the wind and muffled by the ripping sound of our jackets’ fluttering. As I played, Geoff stood behind me holding my hips, and I felt the warmth of his tears on my neck. As I finished, he kissed me there, and hugged me close to his warmth. I looked up, and there was an elderly couple a few yards away, with their own wreath. The woman was crying quietly in her husband’s arms ; he looked over at me, nodded, and mouthed “thank you”.

Sleep well, Tony. I wish I could have known you.

We went back down to Eastbourne for a family lunch, after spending some time finding a restaurant that did decent vegetarian food.. Part way through the meal Big Bill looked at me, not unkindly, and said “Helen would have wanted more grandchildren, you know”

I knew the boys had told him all about me, but I was unsure of his next move. He didn’t disappoint.

“Karma is a funny thing. The Buddha says we should simply be excellent to one another, and watching you today I can see why these people love you. For they do love you, Stephanie, and it pleases me that they have chosen someone so worthy of that love. My faith always helped me to realise that Tony had simply moved on…”

Angela nodded at this point. “None of that silly Catholic mortal sin nonsense. He is in a better place than we can ever imagine”

“You know I cannot agree with you there, Angela” smiled Big Bill, “But we can agree on one thing. The family is now moving on, and while we can never forget Tony, we will remember him as he was, his smile, his vitality.”

We picked up our various drinks and toasted the memory of the poor lad.

“Bill”, I sad, “you do know that this is not all one way? I am sure the boys have indeed told you about me, and my problems. It is no exaggeration to say I might not be here without your family”

“Our family. That includes you, dear. So let us have another toast, this time to being excellent”

And so we did. Angela also surprised me, with her quiet declaration to me that I was not to listen to idiots, as God had clearly intended me to be a woman and I was merely fulfilling His Purpose. I didn’t exactly agree with her, but I could definitely see where the rest got their attitude from. I resolved to start playing the National Lottery…with luck like this, we would be multimillionaires in no time.

We headed back to Churchwood almost happy, if you can understand that. I had a dinner planned for the family and had the big dining table opened up in the conservatory. This time it would be a Chinese meal, cheating by using supermarket starters, but with my very own summer pudding for afters. What a simple dish, but so very nice. A bowl lined with sliced bread, then filled with red berries, pressed and chilled. The main meal was egg fried rice n soy sauce, with chicken in plum sauce with cashew nuts, mushroom chop suey in oyster sauce, and beef, green peppers and noodles in black bean sauce. A lazy Susan gave us the atmosphere of sharing that should prevail at a Chinese banquet. Kelly had even got herself up in a cheongsam and secured her hair with chopsticks, but I drew the line at Chinese music and set Sibelius’ symphonies 3 to 5 running quietly on the stereo. I only had three bedrooms, but Naomi was putting up Roland and Angela, so I returned the favour by setting places for her and Albert, and she made sure to bring some crockery. I couldn’t remember the house ever being as full.

The conversation sparkled, Naomi delighting in retelling the details of my interview, while Geoff recounted the rugby match. The Christmas Dinner episode had Kelly demanding that the two “even olders” get a chance to see John Wayne in drag, and so Naomi waddled off, overfull with summer pod, to get her stuff. A while in the kitchen with Jan, and out she came, with her Royal Marine Commando walk, but this time made sure people had put their drinks down first. I explained how I had led on the little idiot.

“I’m never going to be a pretty girl” I said, “but someone like him never lifts his eyes from a woman’s cleavage, so it was easy”

“Never pretty, Steph? You are just so full of life, and I wish had your eyes!” said Jan. Kelly muttered something about giving me some make up hints, and Jan simply gave her a Mother look and asked if she remembered her first time trying to put it on. Kelly just blushed…ah, gotcha!

That was something Sue had hinted at, one day in the ladies’ at work. The team had seen me head off to Custody for a wee once, and I was told in no uncertain terms that I was not to be so silly when it was just the team about. Some women were still bitching, but they were all on other teams. To be honest, they always would bitch, and that’s tough for them. They are the ones who wake up with that meanness of spirit each morning, not me.

Sue had pointed out that although I had always had a sharp sense of humour, I was now smiling far more often, and as for my movement…

“Did you realise you dance all the time now? I don’t mean skipping everywhere, but you have a float to you, a happy bounce. He’s being good to you, isn’t he?”

“Sue, if you only knew how good. And no false modesty, it’s all of you. It’s life and being alive”

I blushed, “And it’s being in love for the first time. You being so old you might not be able to remember what that’s like”

She went to slap me, laughing, and turned it into a hug.

“Speaking of which, are you up for Donna’s hen night next week? I haven’t had a chance to get stocious for a while, and there’s supposed to be a group of Full Monty-alikes on at the Bar Two club. What do you think?”

So…let me get this straight. Me, as I am, nads still in place, being invited to an all-girl drinking session followed by a bunch of male strippers.

“Sounds good to me!”