Working at my desk, I had completed my writing assignment for English. Briefly, I looked over the assigned problems in Algebra and Chemistry. Those weren’t difficult for me—I could do them in my sleep—or maybe even during a hallucination?

So next, I should think about Sis. Tina had revealed to me that Sonia’s fantasy was indeed to dress me up like a girl. However, she did not want this to embarass me but for me to enjoy it somehow? Her thinking so, I simply could not understand. How could she imagine that I would ever enjoy crossdressing? Even if I did so that only she could see me, I’d still be embarassed. If anyone else were there to see me do it, I’d be humiliated.

Yes, I’d need to have a serious talk with Sis. But I must be careful because this fantasy was apparently very important to her. Yet, I couldn’t yield to her on it. But if Tina were right, at least Sis appreciated my discomfort with her fantasy.

Looking at the time, it was nearly three o’clock, so Sis would be home soon. But it was a green three o’clock. I looked down, sure enough, at my skirt. Looking in the mirror, I could see that my hair needed some work. So I went to the vanity to brush it out carefully. Then, I asked myself, how would Tina do it?

Soon, I had brushed my hair out, and next, I found the pink scrunchie on the vanity and put it around my wrist. Gathering my hair between thumb and forefinger, I pulled the scrunchie over my hand to my hair. Now, all that remained was to tie the white ribbon between my scalp and the scrunchie.

I smiled at my reflection in the mirror. I had fixed my own hair myself. Then I felt a shudder as I understood that I looked like a girl and a very convincing one at that. I had been dressing like this for Tina, but still, I was only in another hallucination.

Then I noticed another detail in my reflection. Raising my hands to my chest, I cupped a small pair of breasts. A brassière contained them under my top. The fabric felt soft and smooth. Touching my shoulders I felt its straps under the turtleneck.

In the context of these hallucinations, I had begun crossdressing somehow, and Tina had encouraged me. Yet more than that, I had begun to enjoy wearing clothes like hers. And it felt good to look so feminine. This just wasn’t like me!

Maybe these hallucinations were trying to tell me something? I didn’t really know what they were. Maybe I needed to study something about them? Certainly this was more than I wanted to think about right now.

I wished just then that Papa were here. I could maybe call him, but then what would I say? Ought I tell my father that I was afraid of losing my mind? Certainly not! His work was too important to all of us, and if he were too worried about me, he couldn’t think well. Or he might come home immediately and I’d rather not risk that. It could make even more problems for all of us.

There was only one person with whom I could talk now, even if I felt uncomfortable to talk with her about this subject.

*****************************

“Mom,” I said entering the kitchen. “I need to talk with you.”

“Of course, мой Саша!” she said. “Would you like tea, then?”

«Да, моя Мама!» I answered, grateful that she had offered me the calming beverage. “That would be very nice!”

Mom smiled as she put tea in two glasses for us and filled them from the samovar. Sonia and I had grown up with tea instead of coffee. Mom brought the steaming glasses over to the table as I sat down, then so did she.

“So, мой Саша,” she began, “what bothers you?”

Nervously I glanced at my slightly dirty and irregular, short, normal fingernails.

“While doing my homework,” I began, “I had another hallucination and discovered something about it that upset me.” I felt a slight tremor in my lips as I spoke.

“You were upset more by something in the vision than by having the vision?” Mom asked to clarify. “I wish to understand correctly.”

“No,” I answered. “That’s not exactly what I meant. I’m not quite sure how to say it. Maybe—I guess what upset me was not even what was in it, but how I felt about it.”

“Your feelings about it surprised you?” she asked.

This time I glanced at my white-tipped nails and played with my wedding rings. Then I seemed to relax somewhat.

“Yes, that’s what upset me,” I replied, spooning some strawberry jam into my glass of tea. “I saw myself dressed like Tina, again. But I had removed the ribbon she gave me while talking to Ms. Tollefson. So I brushed out my hair, fixed my ponytail, and tied the ribbon like she did this morning, since I still want it in my hair when she returns after school. At first, I felt good because I was able to do it just like she did. But then suddenly I felt comfortable dressed as a pretty girl. First, I liked it, then I felt scared because I liked it.”

“Is that why you have tied the white ribbon at the top of your hair?”

My hand went right up to the top of my head. I had tied off my ponytail in the classic girls’ style high behind the crown. I blushed as I quickly pulled it loose. I dropped the ribbon on the table and took a sip of tea.

“Son, you are shaking!” Mom remarked. “You’re splashing your tea everywhere.”

Immediately I set my glass of tea back down. And I felt tears streaming down my cheeks. I took a paper towel to wipe up the spilled tea.

“Мой Саша!“ Mom began to console me. “Yes, I think that I understand. Do you remember our talk after Ms. Tollefson left?”

My nails were simple and unmanicured again.

“You mean about Tina?” I asked Mom to be certain.

“Yes,” she answered. “What might you do about Sonia’s teasing? Your visions are teaching you how to resolve it. Have courage in yourself and trust your sister to appreciate your doing it.”

I felt my whole person shaking at Mom’s advice. What she was hinting I should do scared me. But she is my Mom, the same one who stood by me when I went out for soccer and ice hockey and encouraged me to keep playing when I thought of quitting those teams. She has been at every home game that I played and even away games when possible. She would even smile at me when I would be sent to the penalty box for “asserting my presence on the ice.” (That was Mom’s phrase.)

The shaking subsided as I remembered that Mom had never given me wrong advice. Still, I was uneasy about it.

*****************************

Sitting alone at the kitchen table, I continued to mull over what to do. Then, Sis came into the kitchen and went to the samovar for some hot water and made herself some tea.

“Please, Sis, come and join me,” I invited her. “Do you remember this morning when I said I wanted to talk to you?”

Sis sat down next to me at table.

“Yes,” she replied, her voice subdued. “So what’s up? Am I responsible for causing your hallucinations by teasing you?”

“Honestly, I don’t know,” I confessed, hoping that it might reassure her. “But I do need to find out why you always tease me about wearing dresses.”

Sonia looked away, as if to avoid eye contact.

I tugged down on the hem of my skirt. Oh, if Sonia only knew what I wore in my mind right now! Still, I wasn’t quite sure where I wanted to take this conversation. Then, I recalled what Mom had said to me earlier in the day and the truth fell into place.

“Yesterday,” I continued, “Tina told me about something you told her, and today, Mom confirmed it. More than that, Mom told me to figure out your motive for teasing me about dressing up. And I think now that I understand. You’ve always wished that someday you might have a younger sister, haven’t you?”

Sonia bowed her head for a moment and quietly sipped some tea. She was uncomfortable.

“Yes, I have. But don’t take it the wrong way. I’m glad to have you as a brother. I really do love you, Sasha.”

“I know that and now I think understand how deeply you really mean it. And after you set me up with Tina, I’ve been looking for a special way to reciprocate that affection with you.”

Then I began thinking about what to say next and the tremors started again. Then the French manicure returned to my hands and I calmed down. I crossed my ankles and relaxed feeling nylon brushing against my skin.

“Sonia, yesterday at breakfast you teased me that you have a dress or two I would look cute in.” I couldn’t believe I was saying this, yet I continued, “I would like you to place those dresses in my closet while I consider becoming your little sister for a while.”

Sis stared at me wide-eyed for a moment, her mouth open for a moment until it formed into a smile and she squealed with delight.

“Shut up!” she beamed. “For real?”

As I sighed, I noticed carefully the dimples in the corners of her smile. They looked like mine. Mom would tease both of us about them.

“I’m really scared and I’m nervous about doing it, but now I understand that you don’t want to embarass me by doing this. I know that you want me to enjoy it with you.”

No manicure. Red denim jeans instead of skirt and pantyhose.

“Yes, Li’l Bro!” Sis said, taking my hands in hers. “I love being a girl and I’ve always wanted to share that with you somehow. If you’re willing to trust me, we can have a lot of fun doing it.”

Tears began streaming down her face. She leaned over in her chair and hugged me, kissing me on the cheek.

“Sis, I trust you. I’d always feared humiliation when you teased me about it. But I love you and know you love me and wouldn’t do that.”

“Oh, of course not, Sasha!” Sis affirmed, smiling and crying at once. “Being a girl, living feminine is so wonderful! It’s really the most beautiful experience I could ever share with you. Dressing up is just one part of it, too.

“Tina and I have noticed how you are more sensitive than other boys and we think you’d enjoy having girlfriends—not just a girlfriend like Tina to be dating, but a circle of girls to talk with, to go shopping with, and all that. And we want to include you as our girlfriend, too. We’d love you to be a part-time girl!

“I know how lonely you’ve been since Tom and Bill moved away—especially Tom. The two of you had been together almost since the two of you could walk and talk. You’ve not had any friends so close since they left. But we girls like to grow as many new friendships as we can. You really need to get ‘girled-up’ for a while.

“Oh, Li’l Bro!” Sis suddenly gasped. “I hope I’m not overwhelming you with all this.”

“Just let me try to get used to the idea first. This is very important to you, so I need to become happy about what you want to share. I don’t want to disappoint you later by backing out before you’ve had a chance to enjoy it.”

*****************************

Mom entered the kitchen.

“Sonia,” she announced. “We have company arriving. Would you get the door?”

“Mom, guess what?” my sister said, as if ignoring Mom’s request. “Sasha—.”

“I heard,” Mom assured her. “Sasha is willing to be your sister as well as your brother.”

Sonia went to answer the door while Mom came and put a comforting hand on my shoulder.

“Son,” she said, “I have even more pride in you, now. Today, you show love, wisdom, and courage in a most unusual way, perhaps more so than you can yet understand.”

“Mom,” I replied, “I learned from my visions that I can overcome my fear of looking foolish by embracing it. My sister will become my mentor for girlhood, won’t she? This is what you meant. She never had a sister to teach before.”

“You are correct again,” Mom confirmed. “You learn well from your visions. And from your mother, too.”

At that moment we heard the squeals of combined joy and disbelief emanate from the next room. Sis, Tina, and Deb were all there and my sister obviously had shared her news of my intention to indulge her fantasy. She and both of her friends filed into the kitchen to deliver hugs and kisses to me. Tina waited until Sis and Deb kissed me on both cheeks at once, and then Tina pressed her lips to mine for an especially passionate kiss.

“Sasha,” Tina began, “I’m looking forward to this as much as Sonia. You are going to become one charming and beautiful girl. We’ll all have a hand in it, and when we’re done, the only boyish thought that you will ever want to have is desiring me!”

That was apparently what had happened to me in the hallucinations. I had accepted “girlhood,” except that Tina and I were married. Now, was I about to allow my life to follow what I’d seen in my hallucinations of today and yesterday? Only three days ago, none of this yet existed. Why now?

“Please, ladies!” I pled with them. “Slow down so I can get used to the idea. I’m still anxious about doing it. Just make sure you do a really good job, because I don’t want to look like a boy in a dress.”

“Li’l Brother,” Sis began, “trust me; trust us! We have all noticed your features and have ideas for you, starting with a full makeover. But when to start, we’ll leave up to you.”

“How long do you want me to do this?” I inquired next.

“As long as you’re alright with it,” she answered. “It will take some time. It would be the most fun for you if you experience a range of things but not all at once. We don’t want you to be overwhelmed.”

So this would extend beyond a single day or a night-on-the-town. Then a time frame became immediately obvious to me.

“Since tomorrow is Friday and I can’t return to school until someone signs my readmission form, let’s think about tomorrow, the weekend, and maybe Monday.”

I sat back for a moment and relaxed a little, while the girls all sat themselves down around the kitchen table, Sis to my left, Tina to the right, and their friend Deb across from me. Mom came in next to make us tea, but Sonia gave up her seat to Mom and went to the samovar to make the tea. She began spooning tea leaves into the glasses.

“Mom,” my sister said, “I know you’ve been making tea all day. It’s my turn now. Take a break and let me host this little celebration.”

Glancing at my hands, the manicure was not there. It hadn’t been visible for a while.

“Let’s get going then!” Sis announced as she filled the glasses from the samovar. “Getting Sasha dolled-up will take some effort, but I think that we can work together on this. Deb, you’re a genius with hair. Can you give him a nice style, work with him, maybe teach him how to do his own?”

The redhead across the table from me giggled.

“I think so,” Deb answered, looking directly at me, “if he will trust me.”

Deb’s flaming auburn hair was always beautifully styled and now was no exception. I knew that she often helped Sis and Tina with theirs.

“Did you do the style you’re wearing now?” I asked.

“Of course I did,” Deb affirmed to me.

“Then absolutely, I’ll trust you,” I promised her.

“Sasha,” Sis continued, “since we have similar facial features and complection, it would prob’ly be best for me to work with you on cosmetics and understanding your own color. Tina, take charge of wardrobe for him. Show him how to dress and how to shop. For now, you can use any of my clothes, shoes and accessories that fit him.”

“I look forward to it,” Tina answered. “It will be fun for sure.”

“There’s another issue we need to cover,” Sonia said. “Mom, we need a coach to encourage Sasha. All this is new to him—very new. He will need some words of support when he’s too anxious or when what we do gets too difficult. You’ve already helped this way. But we all may need such support now and then, not just Sasha.”

“You know that I will always help you, any of you as I can,” Mom said. “And Sonia, your brother is doing this for you. So never fail to show him that you appreciate it.”

“The most difficult job here, though, belongs to Sasha,” Sis began to conclude. “He will try to learn in a few days what we’ve been doing daily since we were born. Li’l Bro, you are so sweet and brave agreeing to do this for me.”

“So, Sasha,” Tina asked me quietly. “Why did you finally agree to give in to your sister’s wish now?”

“When you told me she wants me to enjoy it because she does, you helped me understand she wants to share this with me like a sister. Mom confirmed this today. Sonia’s always wanted a little sister and I’ve promised to try to be that for her. And in my hallucinations, I felt good dressing like you. So I think it will be okay.”

“You were dressing like me in your hallucinations?” Tina asked, surprised. “What were you wearing?”

“Turtlenecks and skirts like yours, but with colors reversed. Maybe like twins would. Pantyhose and shoes like yours, too,” I recounted. “We woke together wearing the same style of lingerie, yours in pink and mine in blue.”

She kissed me quickly on the cheek and grinned.

“Sonia,” my girlfriend addressed my sister, “I think he should start tonight. Did you have a plan for that?”

“Well, to be honest, I never thought he’d go along with it,” Sis answered, “so I don’t have too many details in mind. You have any ideas?”

“Let’s give him something for bed tonight,” Tina suggested. “Do you have any available lingerie he could wear?”

“I might,” Sonia answered. “I have a new set of a satin camisole and tap pants. Powder blue, I think, with white lace trim.”

A light blue camisole with lace trim is what I had worn when waking up with Tina in that morning’s hallucination. This was beginning to feel too spooky, now.

*****************************

Nervously I sat at Sonia’s vanity while she studied my face. For the first time ever, I was dressed entirely in women’s clothing. But it was alright, since I was alone with Sis and Mom was already asleep.

Sis had been trying to figure out which cosmetics would look best for me, while I tried to calm down after the small trauma that I had suffered by using a depilatory for the first time. That stuff was very irritating. Sis had applied a nice, soothing lotion to me afterwards, but the memory of that irritation still lingers.

After my evening shower, I had dressed in a never worn set of matching powder blue camisole and tap pants with, of course, white lace trim. This was indeed what I had worn in my hallucination. Tina had also remarked that she had the same style at home in pink. I had never worn satin next to my skin before and it felt very nice. That had to be why lingerie was a major industry.

“This lingerie feels great, Sis!” I remarked.

“Think you can get used to it?” she inquired of me.

Blushing, I could feel my manhood stirring. So, I crossed my legs and tied my belt tighter.

Sonia and Tina giggled... Tina? I thought she was wearing her pink lingerie, but she was gone...

Sis had given me a short, white, belted dressing gown to wear over the lingerie. She called it a kimono, although I had always thought that were a Japanese garment. The fabric seemed similar to satin. Maybe it were. This was all new to me.

“That’s why lingerie is made from satin and similar fabrics, Sasha,” she explained. “Satin has a very sensual feel to it. Even the slippers have satin insoles.”

She had also given me a pair of what she called maribou slippers with three-inch heels and big balls of fuzz over the toes. I was supposed to wear these to get used to walking in heels. Balance was an issue only briefly for me. (That was an added bonus from my skating at ice hockey.) But walking in them with a correct, feminine gait would take more work.

“They feel nice, too,” I commented, “except they might be just a little small.”

“I should call Deb then,” Sis answered. “She wears a half size larger than mine. Hers might be a better fit for you, especially in pumps. The right fit is very important for wearing heels. I’m surprised you handle those as well as you do. You haven’t been practicing secretly have you?”

“Not at all,” I replied. “But remember that I spend a lot of time on ice skates. I’ve got good balance on my feet.”

“Hmm? I never thought of that,” she confessed. “And I bet that’s why you have such nice legs, too. We have to get you into some sheer nylons. I know you’ll turn heads with those!”

At that moment I understood that my sister was looking for me to do more than just to pass as a girl. She turned heads wherever she went and wanted me to do the same. All that time I had worried about her stranding me as a boy in a dress somewhere, I had been clueless.

“You really think that you can make me into a pretty girl, Sis?” I pressed her, both hoping for and afraid of an affirmative answer.

“Since we share the same genes, let’s wear the same jeans!” she answered.

“Good one, Sis!” I commended her.

“Thanks, Li’l Bro,” she acknowledged, pleased by the compliment.

Beauty was a serious business for Sonia. She, too, was taking a risk. At first, I had thought the risks were all mine. But she seemed to have much at stake in my dressing up. It was some kind of a test for her and her friends. She had organized us and given everyone a specific assignment. It was like doing a group project at school.

“Tomorrow evening, Tina and Deb are going to sleep over so we can do you up properly for the weekend,” Sonia told me. “Marcia and Jacqui might come, too. I’ve invited them, but maybe I didn’t give them enough notice.”

“Exactly, who else is going to know about this ‘challenge’ that I’m rising to?” I asked my sister.

I trusted Sis, Tina, and Deb. I knew them and they had specific roles in the production of this little makeover. Why bring in anyone else unless she has a specific skill to contribute?

“Hmm?” Sis mused. “Should we ‘pinkie swear’ everyone to secrecy?”

Pinkie swear? Was that a girls’ variation on the blood oath?

“That might reduce some fears,” I replied.

“Li’l Bro,” she addressed me, switching topics, “that was the right call on the facial hair. Your skin tones and complection are enough like mine that we can use less foundation than otherwise.”

Fortunately, I hadn’t really grown too much facial hair to speak of. It would still need a little more growth to qualify as “peach fuzz” without insulting the peach. Sis wasn’t immediately sure whether I should shave it first or if she could simply cover it up with a heavier foundation. We agreed that I had better options if I could wear less foundation, so I shaved what facial hair I had.

“When I invited Marcia and Jacqui over,” Sis switched back to my earlier question, “I didn’t mention that dolling up my Li’l Brother would be the evening’s entertainment.”

“With you doing my makeup, Deb, my hair, and Tina, my clothes, what else is there for Marcia and Jacqui to do?” I queried.

“They’ll be your coaches in speech and movement,” Tina informed me.

“Walk like a girl? Talk like a girl?” I followed up.

“You got it!” Sis affirmed for me.

If Sis were anything, she was thorough. As I sat there watching her study my face, I glanced at the array of brushes and other implements in the various trays, nooks, and niches on her vanity. Since Papa always talked about using the right tool for the right job, I suddenly understood that this “girl” thing took more smarts than I had ever thought about.

Sis next turned her attention to various small bottles of nail polish. Of all the things that girls wear, I had always thought nail polish the strangest, the most absurd. To me it had never made sense why girls wear it. Maybe now I would find out.

“So then, are you going to color my fingernails?”

“Of course,” Tina responded. “And toenails, too.” You get the full work-up.”

Looking at my hands, I could see the French manicure again.

“Then please do mine like yours,” I requested. “It looks nice and I think I might feel more comfortable with it than other styles.”

Honestly, though, if I had to dress like a girl, I thought Tina would like it if we matched our styles. Also, I felt safer taking a few cues from my hallucinations. At least they were familiar to me.

“It’s reassuring that you’re already learning style,” said Sis, smiling back at me. “Yes, I think you can have a French manicure. I can do that for you the first time, but it is a more difficult style to do yourself.”

“I can help him and see that we all have matching manicures,” Tina assured us both. But how? She was no longer even here!

Just as suddenly, Tina was gone and my nails were plain again. Then I shuddered.

“Well, this whole affair is a challenge for me anyway,” I asserted. “I guess that’ll be just another one.”

“That’s my Li’l Bro!” Sonia smiled with pride. “But while you’re doing this, would it be okay for me to call you ‘Li’l Sister’?”

“I guess so,” I agreed. “You’ve always wanted to call someone that and it’s why I’m doing this, after all.”

She hugged me and kissed me on the cheek again. I had a feeling that I would bond with Sis in the next few days as I never had before.

And that would be fine.