Hi everyone. It looks like I might be spending a week down in Alabama at the begining of September. I will be in Russellvile. It's about an hour from Huntsville and about 15 minites from musell shoals. I'm wondering if anyone knows of any transformation salons or good shopping for a girl in boy mode. I have the day free when my nephew is at school. I'm definatly looking to expand my wardrobe.
Hi everyone. Earlier today I posted a blog looking for help to find a authors stories. Andrea DiMaggio was nice enough to show me to the write webite for archived sites. I did not have any luck at first. I no longer had the write url for the lost website. Finaly, I poured through my histories on my computer and found the URl. I had tried it one last time before I deleted it from my favorites.
Hi everyone. One of my favorite sites for TG reading has always been Allison D'murrells website over on Yahoo. I love her stories. Unfortunatly it's gone now. I have never seen any of her stories anywhere else. I wish I had saved the stories when I had the chance. The site had a wonderfull but sad story about a young man named Judas(lamb to his friends), It had a wonder story about the brother to the famous SRU wisard. I shall miss these stories. As far as I am concerned Allison ranks up there with the fines TG authors on the internet.
Well, my mother came into my room a few minites ago and we talked for a little bit. Then she asked me about the panties she found in my laundry.I denied it and suggested that some of her stuff got into mine. She said that she had never worn panties that large. I just brused it off and she just said that she was going to just throw them away. Good thing that I already recued mine and repaced it with a pair of hers. When she asked me if they were mine I thought I was going to be sick. The look on my face had to give me away. God, I feel like such a piece of shit for lying to her.
Hi everyone. I'm at work today and a little while ago a nurses aide came up to me and told me that a patient that she was moving a short time before had seen me and had thought that I was a girl. I love it. I guess that Growing my hair out and getting my ears pierced is starting to payoff.
It's me again. In my blog from yesturday I talked about my car accident. I want to make it clear that it was my moms car that I was using while my own car was getting a oil change and a brake line fixed.
That's right. I did it again. What did I do, you ask? Well I fell asleep at the wheel again today. I Sleept yesturday morning after getting home from working a double shift. I sleep from a little after 8am untill 1pm. Then I fell asleep a little after midnight and woke up at 4 am today so that I could go to work. To day was a very rough day and There was no chance for lunch. On my way home I was having trouble staying awake. I turned off the heat and cracked a window hopeing the cold air would wake me up.
Many times in my life I have taken crap from other people. I did not have the good comebacks or the will power to stand up to them. When I started at my present job it was much the same. However, I soon learned to use my sarcasm and humor to defend myself and get what I needed. I learned to use my size to my advantage. Now that I’m dealing with my problems I don’t know how to turn these responses off. It’s difficult. I’m trying to change who I am and the smart ass remarks come out with out me even thinking about them. Now I’ve been suspended from work.
Friday was a great day. I went and did some shopping. I was looking for shoes but I did not find any in my size that I liked. I ended up at Kmart and I was walking by the Intimates department when I got up the courage to browse. I ended up buying my first nightgown. I went through the plus size women's dept. I was looking for a skirt but they only had winter clothes out. That's okay though. I bought a new brush and nail polish gift box. I stopped on the way home and got my hair trimmed. I'm letting it grow out so I just neatened it up.
I had a rough time sleeping last night. I’m not one for nightmares but I did have one last night. In this dream I was outted at work. I was harassed and degraded by people I have worked with for 7 years. I had nurses that I really liked; scream at me for even looking at them. I guess that this is just me dealing with my fears of being outted.
Ever since I posted my new poem “Prison of the Heart”, I have been contacted by a few people that I respect and they have said that they are worried about me. They believe that because my poem is so dark that I must be having some serious problems. Some have even expressed concerns that I might be considering suicide. I want to reassure them and everyone else that I am not considering suicide.
These past few months have been interesting to say the least. After everything that has happened to me this summer I have finally started to be more honest with myself. But to tell you the truth, being honest with myself only adds to my pain. I acknowledge the fact that I am transgendered. I want to be a woman.
I talked with my dad this weekend. Probably for the last time. I just don't think that I can deal with him anymore. Everytime I call him, he hassles me wanting grandchildren. He does not care who I marry, or even if I get married, he just wants grandkids and he wants them soon. Several times after he gets done pestering me about that, he will try to make a joke while questioning my sexuality.
Things have been going okay lately. I finally got a chance to talk with my sister without anyone around. we had a very nice chat. Before we talked, she emailed me. In the emial she called me Jessica. When I saw that, I was so happy that I started crying. We talked for almost an hour. This all started when I thought she had seen this site on my computer. Well, guess what? She did not see a thing.
This morning I took the COGIATI test. It was interesting but to tell you the truth I did not care for it. It is a multiple choice test and the answers were limited in range. Many of the questions asked about relateing to others. I have always isolated myself. I do not relate well to others. I have opened up at work.
Well tommorrow morning I have my first therapy session. I sent an email to this Dr. almost 2 weeks ago. I layed out my issues and she sent me a return email and she invited me to call her and talk. It took me another week and a half to work up the nerve to call her. I did and I got her friggin voice mail. Thats okay though, she called me back a little while later.
I'm looking for a story about a bisnessman who stay in a hotel. He asks for some meds to help his head. When he wakes up he is a woman. He comes back again and again and even gets his boss in on the act. They both eventually take the special treatment to become women forever. I really want to read this story again. If anyone can help, I'd really appricate it.
I'm almost done with a story. It's a story about my life. I need help to clean it up and make sure I'm not violating to many of the rules of writing. After all, I'd hate to have the union on my ass.lol.
I've been dealing with a lot of stress lately when it comes to my sister. I know people are probably tired of me bloging about it. I'm sorry. Today was extremely stressful for me. After talking about it with a good friend, I desided that it was time to come out to my sister. I am not strong enought to tell her over the phone so I sent her a email.
I talked to my sister today. I called her. I called her because I wanted her to say something about what was on my computer. I really did. She never said anything about it, but she did ask me if there was anything I wanted to talk about. She asked me that a couple of times.
For those of you who have read my recent blog entries, you know that I had a close call with my sister. I found out that when she used my computer that she had been to this site and tired to access my info. She has not said anything about it and has returned home to Allabama. I guess I'm in the clear.
My sister left this morning and she was acting normal. well as normal as my family ever gets. So I guess she is not going to say anything. I don't know, maybe she did not want to bring it up with others near by. I'll just have to play it by ear.
I want to thank everyone for their support. I really appriciate it and I really needed it. So again, THANK YOU!!!
My older sister and her son are visiting from alabama this week and I let her use my computer to check her email. When I loged on here this morning several names came up as options in the username slot when I began typing. my sister had been here. I told her to use my firefox browser. All my tg stuff is saved on my windows explorer browser.
I'm stuck at home this week recovering from my accident. I'm doing a lot better and I'm off the pain pills for the most part. I only need 1 a day now generally. I enjoy the time off from work but I'm so bored. I can't go anywhere because I have no car now. I have gone for walks but I still get tired fast. I tryed taking my dog for a walk but her pulling me around aggravated my neck.
Yesterday, around 7 am, I was driving home from work and I made a huge mistake and I hit a school bus in the rear end. I hit my head pretty good and I was having neck pain so they took me to the hospital. I had x-rays and a catscan, they thought I might have a fractured neck. Don't worry, I'm fine. I'm just going be be very, very sore for a few days. I totaled the van.
Checks can be made out & sent to:
Joyce Melton
1001 Third St.
Space 80
Calimesa, CA 92320
USA
Note: $6000 is the operating, maintenance and upgrade budget. Amounts received in excess of the $6000 will be applied to long term debt accrued over the last 19 years.
