"A part of me has just been ripped,
the pages of my mind are stripped..." -- J. Geils Band

How about joining us for a bedtime snack ok?" I said ok so down stairs we went...

Everybody smiled when we came in and Helen said, "Angel, do you have any questions for me? You looked like you had a few by the expressions I saw on your sweet face."

I said, "I have a million questions but I think I need to know why I have so much to wear as a soloist? I mean you can barely walk and it seems like way too much trouble to go through to just sing."

Helen and the others laughed, Lorrie almost chocking on her tea. Helen said, "The members of the choir support staff decided since the choir won the finals the last three years running that we needed to set a new goal for girl’s choirs across the country. We wanted to really stand out and be what others yearn to be, the champions! Since we always pick the most elegant of music and the toughest to perform, we decided on the formal look. Last year we won again but we have heard and our little spy network has confirmed our stiffest competition have changed their look they have adopted a formal look as well.

"We decided to up them considerably. All the girls in the choir will be wearing very formal gowns and all the accessories. We decided on a wedding theme with the main group of girls being bride's maids and one, your main backup, being the maid of honor. Our youngest and the littlest in the group are flower girls. So you see as the soloist you must be the bride and a very elegant and beautiful bride at that!"

I had another question and asked, "I know this is very important to all of you and the girls, but I also know this will ruin my reputation as a boy, what little there remains already, and my life is about to change in a huge way. My auntie's neighbor and by now her daughter knows, well the news was big and according to Pastor Kit he had already heard rumors so, my next question is How can I ever appear as a boy again without being picked on and probably beaten up?"

My mother hugged me tight and Helen answered, "Angel, we checked the rules of the competition and know that what you will be doing is legal in every way. All you have to do is appear as what you represent and your voice must match.

"You see several years ago our main competition used this ploy. They dressed a boy up as a girl because he had a very strong voice. He was older than you are and had a much deeper voice as well. He did not look the part and further, did not sound the part. That group was eliminated right then from competing anymore that year.

"A strong rules change was made by the committee. What the rules committee decided was that any further groups would have to submit a tape and a picture of their group to the committee prior to any competition. The rules committee would then decide to allow or disallow a group from competing several months prior to any competition. That way the group could make any changes necessary and resubmit their application, photo, and recording in time to be allowed entry in any competition.

"You see, the committee felt that making a mockery of the girl’s choir competitions would not be tolerated in any way. The history of choirs also prevented the committee from banning males as members of all girls’ choirs. There have been several gifted boys in past history and even the castrati boys of old."

I asked, "Castrati?"

My mother squeezed me real hard and whispered in my ear, "Don't worry, Honey that will never happen to you and nobody has done that in many years."

Helen answered, "Castrati are young boys who have had their testicles removed before puberty had begun. It was done to prevent them from loosing their pre-pubescent voices. It did not always work and some children died. This was done a long time ago, Angel, and has not been done in any country for about a hundred years now. Most of it was done in Italy and France during the seventeen and eighteen hundreds. The Castrati were held in high regard and wanted for nothing if they were successful, but that was the distant past and now traditions are still held by the committee so you will have no problem performing as a girl in the choir."

Holy cow! Is puberty that much of a curse for young boy singers? In a way, I was looking forward to puberty. At least I would be free of this double life I have been thrust into time and time again! So I asked, "When will we be taking pictures and making our recording?"

Lorrie answered by saying, "Angel, we need to make alterations to your gown and we have decided to have Tracy be your direct back-up, so she will have to be fitted and alterations made to her gown as well. The recording we would like to have completed early next week. We will need all of the choir members at the recording studio on Monday morning. You will have your final fitting in what, Helen?"

Helen answered, "I will go home and work on it tonight. I am way to excited to sleep now anyway!" She giggled as did the rest of the ladies and continued, "So, it will be ready for final fitting later on tomorrow. Is that ok for everyone?"

My mother answered, "Angel will be going to the doctor tomorrow morning and should be free then. I am taking some time off from work so I can be here for all of this. I have two weeks vacation and I will be using a week of it. I will take the final week during the competitions." The ladies showed concern when she mentioned the doctor and asked if I was all right. My mother said, "Oh, yes, Angel just needs a thorough going over and with all this I thought that it was the best time to do it."

Everybody was relieved and the banter turned to other things when I asked another question, "Will I still be able to work? I mean I hope this didn't cause me to lose my job at the Russell's, we need the extra money, and I won't sing unless I can work."

WOW! You would have thought I had shot everyone of them! It got real quiet and everybody was staring at me including my mommy! Sylvia quickly jumped in and asked, "Angel, how much were you making working for Cindy?"

I answered her and she said, "Well, I need a model to show my children's line of Jewelry and it pays double that and can lead to even more, how about I hire you as my model? Your mother and you would have to sign a contract so I will have my lawyer draw it up and we will bring it by when it is ready ok?"

Oh Brother! A model? I asked, "I take it I would be a girl model?"

She chuckled and said, "Well, how many boys wear jewelry?"

I looked at my mommy and said, "Mommy, would that be ok? I could still make some money for us and I know we need it. It's not fair that you have to work so hard because daddy doesn't pay his part!"

The other ladies all looked at my mother with those questioning looks they have mastered. Auntie then said, "Angel, you are so sweet and always thinking of others first. I can't believe you are only ten years old." The other ladies voiced the same opinions and Harriet continued, "I think and I believe Julia will agree that the modeling job would be perfect for you. You would not have to get dirty and there won't be any chance of you getting hurt either."

My mommy nodded and said, "Sylvia that is so nice of you, but are you sure about this? I mean that will come to a considerable amount of money."

Sylvia said, "Julia, with that face and those eyes I am the lucky one for being able to hire Angel before the vultures strike! Once Angel is seen and heard the vultures will be out in droves, I am sure."

My mommy said, "Vultures, what do you mean exactly?"

Sylvia answered, "Agents my dear and recording studio representatives not to mention ad agency people. I have no doubt, once Angel is seen and heard she will be number one on their list to be signed, sealed, and delivered. My lawyer who is the best in this state I bet would be happy to have you as a client. But I believe that would be a conflict of interest between my company and you, so he will probably recommend someone to you. Would that be ok? I do believe you should be prepared and having an agent and lawyer is the best way to stay ahead of the vultures."

"Oh my," Harriet said, "I never thought it would get this far so quickly! Julia are you sure about this? I mean Angel has a rare talent and should be shared and enjoyed but this seems to be reaching much higher than just performing for a choir."

My mommy looked at me and asked, "Angel Honey, this could be bigger than any of us has thought about. What do you think about all this?"

I said, "Mommy, I really don't know. One thing is that I am going to take it one-step and one day at a time. They will find out I am a boy and I bet that will stop a lot of them from thinking about hiring me."

I laughed and said, "Just think of what would happen? How would they introduce me?" I laughed some more and the other ladies laughed right along with me.

Everybody relaxed and my Auntie said, "You're right, Angel! But, we should be prepared as Sylvia has mentioned and I bet that would throw off the others as well."

With that said, everybody relaxed and I finished my snack and drink. I was very tired and my mommy took me in her arms, carried me upstairs, and tucked me into bed. She kissed me on the forehead and said she loved me and turned out the light. I was asleep in seconds.

I dreamed and it was very strange! I was a girl and was very popular at school! I was in the school choral group and a cheerleader! I was dressed in the school's cheerleader's costume and was with a bunch of the other cheerleaders when we saw a geek and the girls started making fun of him.

I made them stop and they called me weird and said I had a lot to learn about what it takes to be popular. They said if I didn't show my superiority I would just be one of the girls. I said they could keep their superiority and it was fake that they were no superior to anybody else. Well, they got mad and told me I didn't belong with them and I was officially no longer a cheerleader.

The other part of the dream I was alone and afraid. Still dressed as a girl, but after I had been shunned by the popular crowd. The geeks came by and saw how sad I was and they befriended me. One of the girls just wrapped her arms around me and gave me a hug. I was happy!

I woke up when I heard a noise and saw auntie with a camera. Not again! I guess I was hot and had kicked off my covers because I was not covered by anything. What? What's this? I was hugging a teddy bear! Where had this come from? I woke up smiling, though, and I started to laugh when I saw my nightgown. I got up, gave auntie a hug and a kiss, and went to the bathroom.

My mommy had taught me to pee of course and she had taught me that when using a urinal it was expected that you stood up to pee, but at home or at someone else's house it was always best to sit to pee, no messes or wet seats or floors when you sat. So I always sat to pee when I used the toilet.

My mom walked in on me while I was sitting there and said, "Oh Angel, I am so glad you remember to sit to pee-pee. All the girls have to do that and it will be much easier for you to fit in if you remember that. Just one thing though a girl doesn't stick there hand down there. Keep them on your lap ok?"

I said ok and my mommy said, "Since you had a bath last night you just have to wash up ok?" I said ok again and she continued, "We have to be at the doctors within an hour so shake a leg and we will eat breakfast out after that."

I hurried and was done I headed into the bedroom to put on my boy clothes but they weren't there! I hollered for my mommy and auntie came in instead. I asked her where my boy clothes were and she laughed telling me they would be here in a minute. Whew, I thought I would have to go to my doctor's dressed as a girl! No way!

Auntie helped me out of my nightgown and had me put on another pair of panties. White plain cotton ones thank goodness. I asked her where my boy underpants were and she said, "Honey, I thought you preferred girl's panties. You did say they felt better than your boy underpants."

I said, "Auntie, I am going to my doctors and I don't want her to know about the girl part of me."

My auntie said, "Honey, don't worry so much, I will get you your boy underpants, ok?" I said, "Ok, and thank you, auntie."

She gave me a hug and a kiss and off she went to get my boy clothes, all of them! My mommy came in and noticed I was naked. How could she not notice! She asked me, "Honey, where are your panties?"

I answered, "Mommy, we are going to the doctors so I wanted to wear my boy underpants!"

She said, "OH, ok then, I understand, but I want to check something first, ok?" I said ok and she knelt down in front of me and started touching and looking at my private!

She had a look like something wasn't right so I asked her, "Mommy, what's wrong with me down there?"

She looked up quickly and gave me one of those smiles mothers give you when they aren't going to tell you nothing and said, "Oh it is probably nothing at all, Honey, but just to make sure we are going to see the doctor, ok?"

I said ok and asked, "But mommy what did you see?" She said it was what she didn't see or feel that was bothering her." What? I said, "Is something missing?"

She said, "Honey, it is nothing to worry so much about and no they are not missing they just have not shown themselves yet."

I said, "What haven't shown themselves yet?"

She sighed and that was when Harriet came back in with ALL my boy's clothes. I was happy! Harriet saw the look on Julia's face and asked her what was wrong. My mommy said something about testes not distended yet and auntie came over to me and did the same checking.

I was getting real worried and said, "You are not telling me the truth! Something IS wrong and you don't want me to know!" I ran into the bathroom with my clothes, slammed, and locked the door! I was mad that they would lie to me and I was real worried as well. I felt myself and looked at myself down there real close, but could not find anything different from what I always had seen. I got dressed and just sat there for a minute before I came out.

Both my mommy and auntie came to me hugging and kissing me saying how sorry they were for not telling me everything. My mommy said, "Honey, I just didn't want you to worry too much, but I see I have made matters worse by not telling you. So, here is what it is, I think your little testicles should have dropped down by now. You see they are up inside you in a little pocket and they should have traveled down a little canal and ended up in your little pouch. They haven't done that yet and that is why we are going to see the doctor ok?"

I was a little overwhelmed by this new bit of information but I said ok and we were off to the doctors. Auntie said she had some errands to run and would meet us for lunch at the ice cream and sandwich place we liked.

We were off to the doctors, and to solve my mystery problem of the un-descended testicles! I wondered what could have happened to cause such a thing. I also hoped that I actually had them! What if they weren't inside me to fall? Oh Brother! I decided to just wait and see instead of worrying about it.

All too soon we were there. We went inside and there were a few kids and their mommies with them. We went up to the reception area and signed in letting them know we were there and went back to sit and wait. I looked around and saw a few boys and girls with their mommies. No daddies at all were there. A couple of the kids looked sick but most looked like they were here just for a shot or a check-up. Five kids, three girls and two boys plus me. I looked at my mommy and she patted my knee and said everything was going to be ok.

A girl about my age came up to me, and asked if I would like to play a card game called go fish with her. I knew the game and looked at my mommy for permission and she said ok. We sat on the floor and started to play. The little girl said her name was Wendy and I told her mine. She told me she was stuck here because her brother was sick. Ok, that was good I didn't want to catch anything. I didn't tell her why I was here and then she said, "I love your curls, I wish I had curls like that."

I said, "Curls, what curls?"

She giggled and fluffed the back of my head saying, "These curls silly."

OH NO! Auntie said they would wash out! I said, "Well, they were supposed to wash out but I guess they didn't. I don't have curly hair normally."

She said, "Too bad they look real nice and make you look real pretty."

OH BROTHER! I told her, "That's a pretty dress and your hair looks real nice." She smiled and thanked me. I was glad to change the subject from me to her! I noticed my mommy talking to her mommy.

Wendy then said, "I was here last week." I asked her if she was ok and she said, "Yes, I am now. My boobies really hurt and my nipples got real big, but the doctor said it was a thing called puberty. She gave me some cream to put on them and it helps a lot. My mommy bought me my first bra! I like the way it feels, it helps my boobies not hurt so much."

OH BROTHER, why was she telling ME these things? She then asked, "Do your boobies hurt?"

I said no they didn't bother me at all. She then asked, "Have they started to grow yet?"

OH BROTHER! She thinks I'm a girl! I decided not to make any trouble so I said, "No, not yet they haven't."

She said, "Well, when puberty starts and you look my age so it will be soon they will start growing. First, your nipples will get very sensitive and then they start swelling up little by little and they hurt too! You should remember to ask for that special cream the doctor has."

I said I would and thanked her for the advice when her brother's name was called and off she went with her mommy and little baby brother. Whew, thank goodness!

I picked up, put away the cards, and sat with my mommy again. She gave me a hug and told me that I handled the little girl's questions very well and she was proud of me for just going along. She asked me, "Now, Angel wasn't that much easier than arguing and causing a scene?"

I had to agree with her and did but I also whispered to her, "Mommy, I am not Angel, now, I'm Ricky."

She chuckled and said, "No, Ricky, your name is Angel, and don't worry so, it is a boy's name as well as a girl's name. Ok? I think it will be easier for all of us if we stick to calling you one name. That way we won't call you the wrong name at the wrong time ok?"

I said ok and resigned myself to being called Angel for some time. The time passed slowly as it always does at the doctor's office and finally I heard my name called. They used the name Angel here too! The nurse whose name was Dorothy ushered us into the pink room! Not the pink room! This was for little girls not boys! OH GEEZE!

I mentioned this to Dorothy and she chuckled as did my mommy and she explained, "Oh, Honey, it's ok, the doctor is going to check you over real good and she wants you on this special examination table to do that, ok?"

What could I say? So I said ok and she started undressing me. What is it lately everybody wants to undress me! I am ten years old I can undress myself! But I kept quiet knowing this would only make somebody feel bad if I said something. I was completely naked now and Dorothy lifted me up and put me on the special exam table. She put my feet in these little holders, which spread my legs wide. Then she pushed them in so my knees were bent outward. Boy was this embarrassing! She covered my private area with a little cloth and that was it! GEEZE!

She then shook down a thermometer and I was waiting for her to put it in my mouth when she put Vaseline on the end of it! OH NO! Yes, she then stuck it in my bottom! GEEZE! She held it there while looking at her watch. Then took it out finally and said, "Normal temp that's good. Then she wiped my bottom clean. Then the pulse and counting my breaths and then the BP, she said the doctor would be in shortly and left.

I looked at my mommy and she was trying not to laugh! I gave her a look and then she did laugh! GEEZE!

Dorothy came rushing back in, grabbed me off of the table, and carried me into another room naked! OH GEEZE! Luckily, no one was in the hall! She said to me, "I'm sorry, Angel, I forgot to weigh you and the scale in that room is broken." She put me down and I stood on the scale where she moved a few things on a slide till a little pointer thing pointed to the middle, and then she measured my height.

I had to stand straight with my hands at my sides and my shoulders square. GEEZE! I was exposed so anybody could see me! Thankfully no one did, that done she picked me up again and carried me back.

This time I wasn't so lucky. The lucky part was that my legs were together and my arms and hands were like a V shape, they covered my chest and privates. It was Wendy and her baby brother and her mother! Dr, Purnell was with them, too. OH brother! They all smiled at me! Dorothy put me into the examination things again and didn't bother to cover my privates with a towel this time!

The doctor came in shortly after that and said, "Good morning, Julia, and this is Angel now, I see." Oh brother.

I said, "You can still call me Ricky, Doctor Purnell."

My mommy said, "Marjorie, I hope you don't mind us busting in like this it is just I was concerned and a lot has happened just recently."

Doctor Purnell answered her, "Oh Julia, please we had an open appointment and I knew you were concerned by the tone of your voice on the phone. We will check our little Angel here and see what we can find out ok?"

My mommy said ok and the doctor turned to me and said, "I think the name Angel fits you better than Ricky because you are an angel." Then she said, "Ok Angel, your weight had dropped a little from last time you were here. I am going to give you a thorough going over today so you just lay there and relax, ok?"

I said ok and she began. She checked my eyes and ears, she looked down my throat, felt all around my neck especially the front part and said, "Hmm, now that is something." She then checked under my arms and then squeezed my nipples! OUCH! That hurt! She looked at me with one of those looks and felt around my chest even more! Oh brother! Then it was my tummy and hips. My feet and that tickled!

Then it was real bad! She put on some gloves and smeared Vaseline on the fingers of one hand. My mommy came over and held my hands after receiving a nod from the doctor. Then she put one hand on my belly as she stuck a finger up my bottom! OUCH! She moved her finger all around seemingly trying to find something. I wish she would stop!

Finally she took her finger out took off her gloves and rang for Dorothy. Dorothy came in and she told her to get something for her. Oh brother, I had to poop now! Dorothy came back with a potty chair! Oh, GEEZE!

Doctor said, "Angel we need a sample of your stool so please use this chair, but we need a urine sample to and they can't get mixed up so I have to put this on you ok?"

What could I say? No? I don't think they would listen to that so I said ok and she put this plastic thing over my thingy and tied it around my waist. I sat and pooped in seconds! When I was done, Dorothy cleaned me up! GEEZE! She took the thing off of me because when I pooped I also peed. I guess it almost always ends up that way. They thought so!

My mommy helped me back up on the table and the doctor put my feet in those things again. She started feeling me all over down there. She even tried to stick her fingers up something in the front but it hurt and I hollered. She stopped and frowned saying we needed an x-ray. What? She said an x-ray was like taking a picture but it showed the inside not the outside of your body. WOW! She then did something with my thingy and it tickled a lot! She looked surprised again and asked me if it ever stood straight up or got hard.

What? I said no, and asked, "What's wrong with me?"

She covered me with a sheet and got something from a cabinet. It was a shot! Oh GEEZE! She gave me the shot in my bottom and talked to me for a few minutes until I was very sleepy and I fell asleep. That's all I remembered until I woke up dressed and lying in a small bed with rails up on the sides. I saw a little bell on a table next to me so I jiggled it and Dorothy came in.

She said, "Hello, Angel, welcome back, Honey. Did you have a nice nap?"

I said, "Am I ok? What's wrong with me?"

She said, "You come with me, sweetheart, and the doctor will explain everything to you and your mommy ok?"

I said ok and she let the side rail down and picked me up.

I said, "Dorothy, I can walk."

She said, "No, sweetheart, you just woke up and I don't want you walking around just yet." She carried me into an office and my mommy and the doctor were there and seemed to be waiting for me.

Dorothy put me in my mommy’s lap and the doctor began, "Julia, Angel, what I can tell you right now is that Angel is more girl than boy for right now." (WHAT?!!!!) "The testes have not descended yet because they are not fully formed. I don't know why but I have my suspicions. That is why I took those samples and blood. The other curious thing is that Angel has the very beginnings of breast development. Further, the lack of blood surge to the penis is cause to think of a hormonal shift. The buttocks show some female characteristics, as do the extremities such as hands, fingers, feet, and toes. The facial features as we have known for some time are more feminine and they are developing more toward the feminine side, as Angel is getting older. The biggest sign is the lack of skeletal growth of the throat, the thyroid cartilage. No Adam's apple, as the laymen call it.

"The pelvic mass is not normal for a boy and that concerns me as well. What I am waiting for are the blood tests, which will tell us the levels of each hormone, also the chemical balance Angel is presently going through. The fecal and urine samples are being tested for hormonal content and other areas that can shed further light on Angel's condition. I want you to know this is a very rare case and I know several specialists will want to examine Angel at a future time. For now, I think it best for Angel to live as a girl as much as possible and protect her from those who would think otherwise.

"With that in mind I am preparing letters and appointments in the matters of school and your priest. I will talk to those in charge of such things and see to it that Angel will suffer as little as possible from this turn of events. The good thing about this is that she is still mostly pre-pubescent and complications of the physical manifestations are a ways off yet. I do not want to make this sound to dire or something to just dismiss either. I would like to see you and Angel back here in four days. I have some pills and creams for Angel to take until I see here again. The creams as you know, Julia, are for her nipples and chest area, her groin especially the penis and scrotum. Dorothy showed you how to apply them earlier did she not?"

My mommy just nodded hugging me real close to her. I was waking up more now and felt something funny in my shorts. I also felt something funny on my chest! (WHAT?!!!) OH NO!

Note: A continuing story series of teasing scenes, part reminiscence, part fantasy