A Nearly Impossible Decision

La’an stared unseeingly at the screen. In her mind, she was back in Toronto, while her heart was ripped out by the Romulan, Sera.

She jerked out of the memory, only to see the words on the screen again and be dragged right back to Toronto. She saw his face as they drew closer to a kiss. She squeezed her eyes tightly shut, hoping to push the tears away. Instead, they flowed.

She’d cried a billion tears since that day, but it had been a quarter century since that day when she realized just how far apart her James Kirk and the one in her own time line were. Were the two men really that far apart? The Kirk of this time had been unable to kindle a romance with her because of Carol Marcus, and the baby she carried.

La’an gave them their space, although she didn’t want to. She left Starfleet, ensuring that she and James Kirk seeing each other again would be very unlikely. And, she let her emotions show to only certain people after that.

When Captain Pike was hurt, and left basically a vegetable, she made a trip to see him, but it was as if her world was getting smaller and smaller. Una Chin-Riley was there, and La’an privately told her friend and mentor as much of the whole story as she could, and her friend and former colleague understood her decision to pull away from Starfleet.

Who she was, only made things worse. And as she saw the scope of her ancestor’s reach, she saw why she and Kirk could never be a couple. She was no longer in Starfleet, but she had friends, and one had informed her about finding the Botany Bay and the genetic supermen aboard the sleeper ship, reasoning it was logical that she should know the fate of her ancestor.

How would James react to her after he had met and fought Khan Noonien Sing? La’an didn’t know how it would be to fight Khan, but considering his reputation, she assumed it wouldn’t be an easy thing. Spock wouldn’t give her the specifics, but since she knew what to look for, she knew where to look, and was easily able to find it. She had left a nearly- impossible- to- find backdoor into the Enterprise computers.

Once she read how Khan had tried to take over Enterprise, she determined that there was no way it would be a good thing to see James again. She was determined to stay away.

The message on the screen that she was looking at was from James, however, and she wasn’t sure how to react. She shook herself out of her thoughts again, and told the computer to perform a search. She was surprised that she couldn’t reach the computers aboard her last posting in Starfleet, but she tried her connections to Starfleet Command’s computers. She had vowed never to utilize that link, and had kept the vow until now.

As she read the logs Kirk had recorded while on board the Enterprise, she was shocked at what had happened. Once again, her ancestor, Khan, had pitted himself against James, and once again, James beat him. But at a cost! Captain Spock, her friend from her days on board the Enterprise, had been killed! In true Spock fashion, he had died while doing something only he could do. Bringing the crippled ship’s damaged warp engines back online.

James brought Enterprise back to Spacedock, where it was to be decommissioned. But there must be more to the story. There had to be!

She delved deeper into the computer, and found news that shocked her! Spock’s body was still alive, and before his sacrifice, he had transferred his consciousness into Doctor McCoy! James stole the Enterprise to rescue his two best friends.

But then, tragedy. While saving Spock, and thereby Doctor McCoy, James’ son David, was killed.

Her heart ached for James. How would she react if her daughter died? If her daughter was killed? She couldn’t imagine.

She looked at the message he sent her again.

What he said made her question what she should do. She saw how Carol had abandoned him while he was mourning. He had just met David, then lost him. He thought he had lost Spock as well. Then, he feared he was going to lose McCoy. How horrible it must have been.

Then, to sacrifice Enterprise. Everything important to James had been lost.

La’an considered. James wasn’t asking her to come to him. His message had just been telling her about Spock and the ship. But, she had a question in her mind. James wasn’t without family. She knew about Peter, Kirk’s nephew, but La’an knew of a relative even closer. Sort of.

In that alternate timeline, she and the other James had become close. On returning to her own timeline, she realized how close.

“What’s going on, Mom?” came the voice of her daughter.

“I’m just reading a message, Jamie. I’m trying to decide how to respond.”

Jamie looked so much like her father. The same brown hair and hazel eyes. She even had a lock of hair that stubbornly refused to lose it’s curl, and would always fall out of place onto her forehead.

“Who’s it from?”

La’an came to a decision. “Someone I should have told you about long ago.” She beckoned the girl to sit down, and began to explain, to the extent she was able, what had happened twenty-five years ago.