True Self Syndrome (TSS) By Teek © June 2023

Chapter 6: Big-Little Brother

Emma looked into the backseat at Mandy playing with a pop fidget toy, “James, why don’t you take Mandy home. I will get Luke. I’ll stop on the way home for some i-c-e-c-r-e-a-m therapy.”

“You know, spelling words out isn’t going to work much longer with Toni . . . or Mandy,” James commented as they pulled into the school parking lot.

“Yeah, she is getting better at spelling, but long words are still hard.”

Emma switched to her car, and James returned home with Mandy. On the short drive to pick up Luke, she tried to figure out the best way to break the news. She was still unsure how to do it, as she rang the doorbell of the Morris’ house.

Luke said goodbye to his best friend and went to the car with Mom, “Joey has the new Zaptrap game. It’s really hard, but we got up to level three.”

“That’s great, Luke,” Emma said as they got in the car.

“Mom, did you know magic exists?” Luke asked as he buckled his seat belt. “It really does. I got to see real magic today at school.”

Emma smiled, “Yes, Luke. I know that magic exists. How did you get to see magic at school? Did one of the teachers or a kid do a magic trick?”

“No, Mommy. I mean real magic, like wizards. Teacher said there are real witches and warlocks in the world. There are even magical creatures like unicorns, but no more dragons exist. All those stories about knights going on quests to kill dragons really happened. They killed off all the dragons. Isn’t that sad?”

“Yeah, really sad,” Mom agreed as they drove down the road.

“I got to feel magic today,” Luke continued. “Feel it pass right through me.”

“Interesting,” Mom’s curiosity was now piqued. “How did magic pass through you?”

“Our class was walking down the hall to go to Music. Just before we turned into the music room, a puffy white cloud floated down the hall toward the office. Coming out of it was a rainbow. It went right through our legs. We were actually walking through a rainbow, Mom. Then the rainbow fell onto the carpet, changing its color to match the rainbow. When we left music to go back to class, it was all gone. Mrs. Miller told us all about magical people and creatures. Witches and Warlocks are nice but tend to stay away from non-magical people.”

“Mrs. Miller is right,” Mom commented. “I met some nice witches and warlocks when I was in High School. Today I visited a school where all the teachers are magical.”

“What? Really? Can I go . . . wait a minute,” Luke looked at Mom. “Weren’t you and Toni visiting a new school today for him?”

“Yes, that is where we were today.”

“The school Toni will go to is full of witches and warlocks? Can I go?”

“Sorry, Sweetie, it is only for kids with disabilities.”

“That’s not fair,” Luke grumbled.

Mom chuckled, “Sorry, Luke. You get to do all sorts of things that Man . . . Toni doesn’t. This time he gets to do something you don’t.”

“Are we going to have to move? Mrs. Miller said no magical people are living around here. How can Toni go to a school full of magical people if there are none around here?”

“A nice witch named Mrs. Parker,” Mom said as they pulled into the parking lot of the ice-cream store. “Made a magical . . .”

“Sweet Ice? We’re going to Sweet Ice?” Luke screamed. “You didn’t tell me we’re going to Sweet Ice. Can I get a clown cone with Mint Chocolate Chip Ice Cream?”

“You can get whatever you want.”

After ordering and settling down in a booth, Mom watched Luke attack the bowl of ice-cream done up to look like a clown. After a few bites, “Luke . . . we need to talk.”

“We’re moving?”

“No, but . . . our life is going to change dramatically.”

“Because Toni’s going to that new school,” Luke asked between spoonful's?

“Sort of, but not really. The school's testing taught us something about Toni we didn’t know. Toni’s . . . Toni’s . . .” Mrs. Gibson found it extremely hard to continue.

“Mom, I already know Toni’s Autistic. So what?”

“Yeah, we all knew that before today. We didn’t know Toni is . . . is . . . transgender.”

“What’s transgetter?” Luke asked as he ate the cherry nose on the ice-cream clown.

“Trans-gender,” Mom said slowly. “It is a condition where a person is born in a body that does not match who they are in their brain. Toni has the body of a boy but the brain of a girl.”

Emma watched her little nine-year-old eat several spoonful's of ice-cream in silence. He didn’t even look up at Mom. He just stared into his bowl of ice-cream.

“That kinda makes sense,” Luke finally said, looking up at Mom.

“It does?”

“Yeah,” Luke put his spoon down and took a drink of water. “His favorite color is pink . . .”

“No,” Mom objected. “His favorite color is yellow.”

Luke chuckled, “No, it isn’t. It never has been. When we got our own rooms and Toni wanted a pink room, I taught him never to tell anyone his favorite color was pink. We picked another color he liked, and then we practiced him telling people his favorite color was yellow when someone asked.”

Mom quickly tried to process this, “You were six when the two of you got your own rooms.”

“Yeah,” Luke picked up the cone acting as the hat for the clown and took a bite out of it. “It was the first time I realized I understood the world better than he did. He was just a little kid, and I had to be his big-little brother and help him out.”

“Big-little brother?”

“I’m his little brother, but I’m like a big brother who has to help him. That makes me a Big-Little Brother.”

“You are one smart little boy, you know that,” Mom squeezed Luke’s hand resting on the table. “Your Dad and I didn’t figure out that you had passed M . . . Toni until a year after that.”

Luke smiled.

“Luke,” Mom squeezed his hand again. “Something happened today to teach Toni what the differences are between being a boy and being a girl. He will never again want to go back to pretending to be a boy.”

“So, he’s going to pretend he’s a girl now?”

“Not exactly. Toni is a girl. Behaving and dressing like a girl isn’t acting. It’s just being her true self.”

“Are you going to buy him dresses and girl toys?”

Emma scrunched her lips together, “Yes, but she already has a bunch of both. That’s part of why I brought you here for ice-cream before we went home.”

“You already went shopping?”

“No, Luke,” Mom hedged. “Magic changed half her toys and clothes to match her brain. It also made significant changes to her room. She now goes by the name Amanda or Mandy.”

“Magic? Did magic change things in our house? Cool!” Luke almost shouted.

“Not so loud, Luke,” Emma looked around to see if people were looking at them. A few had looked up from their tables for a moment but quickly went back to their own business. “You know how you said that you were the big-little brother? Well, today we found out how little Mandy is in her brain, what her true developmental level is.”

“What’s developmandal mean?”

“Develop-men-tal,” Mom said, breaking the word up a bit. “A person’s developmental level is where most of their skills are. You, like most people, have your developmental level match your age. Many kids with disabilities, however, have a lower developmental level than their age. That is why Mandy acts like a real little kid at times, because she still is one in her brain.”

“Toni’s what? Three or four years old in his brain?” Luke guessed. “Is that why he likes all the little kid toys in my room that I don’t play with anymore? He’s just a little baby?”

“Your sister is definitely not a baby, and I don’t ever want to hear you calling her that. She is also not three . . .”

“Sister?” Luke’s face got all contorted.

“If Toni is a girl in her brain, then she is your sister. You now have a sister named Amanda. She goes by Mandy. We don’t call her Toni or say he or him. She is a girl, so we use she and her.”

“Toni is really a girl now?” Luke’s face finally started to show comprehension of this strange knowledge.

“Yes, and because of that, we are going to call her Mandy, not Toni.”

Luke looked at his mom, “Is Mandy the same person as Toni?”

“Yes,” Mom hesitantly acknowledged. “Mostly. She has been hiding her girl side and now isn’t hiding it anymore. So, she is a little different than before. There was also something else today making Mandy a little different from Toni. She got something called TSS. It will make her forget how to do some things and only show skills she has mastered, not ones she is learning.”

“What is TSS?”

“TSS stands for True Self Syndrome,” Mom stated. “It is something non-magical people can get after magic is used on them.”

“Toni had magic used on him today?” Luke said in excitement.

“Yes, Mandy had a lot of powerful magic used on her today. For the testing today, she was magically transformed into the age of her developmental level, a little six-year-old. She was changed back into a twelve-year-old before leaving the school. Some other magic was done on her, too, making it impossible for her to show learned skills. She could only do skills she had mastered. That was also undone, but the effects will linger.”

Toni looked at Mom for a moment, “I thought her develop-mental level was younger than six. She always wants to play with the baby toys in my room that I don’t play with anymore.”

Mom looked at Luke with a questioning look, “You have toys in your room that you don’t play with? But a few weeks ago, I asked you if there were any toys in your room that we could give away to your little cousin, and you said no.”

“I couldn’t get rid of the toys that Toni loves the best. You won’t allow him to have them in his room, so I had to keep them. They are also the only way Toni plays with me. He comes in to play with the toys, and he will tolerate me playing alongside him and having some interaction. I like playing with Toni, even if he isn’t thrilled about playing with others. You know that Autism thing.”

“Things have changed, and I will now let Mandy have those toys. I bet she has a bunch of toys under her bed that you can have. We’ll have to do a toy swap either tonight or tomorrow,” Mom said before taking another spoonful of ice-cream.”

“What is . . . Mandy doing with toys under his . . . her bed?”

“When magic changed half of the toys in the room to ones appropriate to a girl her developmental level, Mandy put all the toys that didn’t change under her bed.”

Luke sat in silence as he finished the rest of his ice-cream.

“Ready to go home?” Mom asked as she dipped part of a napkin into a water glass and handed it to Luke. “Clean your face, Sweetie.”

Taking the wet napkin and wiping it all around his mouth, “You know, all of this is weird. It’s even weirder than magic being real.”

“I know, Sweetie, but it is our life now. Mandy is just a little girl who needs her Mommy, Daddy, and Big-Little Brother,” Mom pulled out her phone and showed Luke a picture of a girl playing with some dolls.

“Mandy?”

“Yup, your Autistic sister who needs you just as much as she did when she was pretending to be a boy.”

Luke swiped on the phone to see if there were other pictures. There were several, but then he came across one of a little six-year-old girl, “Who’s that?”

“That’s Mandy as a little girl,” Mom explained. “Magic transformed her into who she was in her brain, so that is who your sister is on the inside. She’s just a little girl who views love and play as the two most important things in the world. It’s our job to give her both. We’re not to judge or attempt to mold her into something she isn’t. We are to guide and protect her on the journey she faces. Do you think you can help me do that?”

Luke flipped through the pictures again, “I really am the big brother, aren’t I?”

Mom nodded her head with a weak smile.

“I guess I should meet my sister,” Luke said, standing up.

“That’s my boy. Come on,” Mom stood up and held out her hand.

As Luke walked into Mandy’s bedroom, it looked nothing like it did this morning. Standing just inside the doorway, he looked around at everything. The walls, carpet, and furniture had all changed colors. There were none of the previous toys or pictures on the walls. The sheets, pillowcases, and bedspread were very girlish. This was not Toni’s room, but it fit perfectly for a little girl.

Sitting down on the floor was a kid with their hair up in pigtails and wearing a dress. She was playing with some My Little Ponies and Fisher Price Little People figures. Luke went in and sat down on the bed, looking down at the girl on the floor. He sat there for a bit, just watching. One thing was the same. This person did not respond to others around them. This girl was in her own little world, just like Toni was when he played. After a few minutes, Luke got down on the floor next to his . . . sister and picked up the Prince Charming Little People character.

Walking the character over to the My Little Pony Mandy was playing with, Luke rocked Prince Charming back and forth and said, “That is a nice mane you have there. Is it soft?”

Mandy looked at Prince Charming and the person holding him, “Luke.”

“Hi . . . Mandy,” Luke smiled at his . . . sister. “I see a few things have changed since this morning.”

“Hootie went deep inside my brain and made everything just right for me.”

“Who’s Hootie?”

“Hootie is this wise old owl statue that runs the school. He can flap his wings, and he talks,” Mandy said with a huge smile.

“You talked to a statue? It moved? Are you sure it wasn’t a real owl?”

“Silly Luke,” Mandy shook her head back and forth. “Real owls don’t talk.”

“Oh, silly me,” Luke responded. “Of course, it wasn’t a real owl if it was talking.”

Mandy returned to playing, with Luke occasionally getting the Prince Charming toy to participate. After about fifteen minutes, he said bye to Mandy and left the room.

“Mom,” Luke said, walking into the living room. “He . . . she . . . that kid in there acts like Toni. She looks a lot like Toni, but her hair is much longer. Are you sure it’s Toni?”

“Yes, Sweetie. Magic grew the hair a little so she could have it up in pigtails.”

Luke looked at Dad and then back at Mom, “You didn’t go shopping? Magic changed everything in the room?”

Mom nodded to confirm.

“Mandy, huh,” Luke contorted his mouth around. “It’s much easier to call her that after seeing her. She doesn’t look like a boy in that dress and hairstyle.”

Dad shook his head, “She certainly doesn’t. If you watch her play, she also doesn’t play like a boy. I don’t know how I missed it all these years.”

“Have you done your homework,” Mom asked?

“Yeah,” Luke responded. “Joey’s mom made us sit at the kitchen table and do it while she was cooking dinner.”

“Then you can play a little before bed,” Dad said. “Unless you have any questions?”

“Is there a magical statue named Hootie?”

Mom chuckled, “Yes.”

“Cool!” Luke’s eyes went wide. “Mandy said the statue can flap its wings and talk. Does it really do those things?”

Mom nodded yes.

“You sure I can’t attend this school?”

“As I’ve said, it is only for kids with disabilities. You do not have a disability.”

“Fine,” Luke turned and headed down the hallway.

Dad laughed, “The boy loves magic. It must be killing him to have his . . . sister attend a magical school instead of him.”

Luke returned to Mandy’s room and sat on the floor next to her. He played alongside her, with occasional interaction. It was how Luke used to play with Toni and was finding Mandy to be the same. He could direct some things and get Mandy to respond, but he had learned how to push without reaching a point where Mandy would shriek or flap her hands. When Mandy crawled over to get a toy, Luke thought he saw something but assumed he was wrong. It made no sense that Mandy would be wearing diapers. Toni didn’t wear diapers, and if this was just Toni in girl clothes, then why would Mandy be in diapers?

After playing for about thirty minutes, Luke got bored playing with little kid toys, especially girl ones. He got up and went into his bedroom. Looking around, Luke started putting all the little kid toys on his bed. Looking at the stack of toys, he took several into Mandy’s room and put them on her bed. On his second trip, he found that some of the toys he had brought were now on the floor with Mandy. Smiling, Luke continued to bring in all the toys.

“Luke toys,” Mandy said after Luke had made a few trips.

“Yes, Mandy, but now they are your toys. I am giving them to you.”

“No,” Mandy responded. “Luke toys under my bed.”

Luke looked under the bed, “I can have these?”

“Luke toys under the bed. Mandy's toys on the bed.”

Taking that as permission to take the toys under the bed, Luke started going under there and getting them all out. When he was almost done, Mom entered Mandy’s room.

When Luke grabbed the last armful of dinosaurs and superheroes, Mom said, “Okay, you two, time to get ready for bed.”

As Luke left the room, Mrs. Gibson shut the door and went over to Mandy’s dresser. Getting Mandy’s bedtime routine picture schedule, Emma brought it over to Mandy and put it down in front of her. While Mandy adjusted to this transition, Mom opened the dresser drawer that used to have Toni’s pajamas in it. She found nighties and girl pajamas. Looking at Mandy, she pulled out one of each.

Emma asked Mandy, “Do you still have your stars?”

Mandy lifted the skirt on her dress and looked, “Yeah.”

“Good girl. You kept those dry all day. Which do you want to wear, Minnie Mouse PJs or a Frozen Nighty?”

Mandy looked at her ‘Get Ready for Bed’ routine and then up at Mom, holding up the two choices, “Minnie Mouse.”

Mom put the PJs on the floor next to the picture schedule. Emma then went to work clearing the bed of all the toys Luke had brought. It took Mandy a few minutes, but she started getting changed without prompting. She needed help getting out of the dress but managed the rest independently. Once in her PJs, Mandy looked at her schedule and then headed to the bathroom to brush her teeth.

Luke came into the bathroom shortly after Mandy started brushing. He quickly got to work on getting toothpaste on his toothbrush. When Mandy finished brushing and leaned over to spit into the sink, Luke could see that Mandy was indeed wearing a diaper. Being in the middle of brushing his teeth, he couldn’t say or ask anything. By the time he could, Mandy had already left the room. Finishing up, Luke left the bathroom and looked down at Mandy’s room and then the other direction toward the living room. He chose to go to the living room.

“Dad?” Luke asked as he plopped down on the couch. “Why is Mandy wearing a diaper?”

“Your mom will insist you call them training pants, not diapers,” Dad said. “She had an accident at school today, and at her new school, that means she wears training pants for the rest of the day.”

“Toni . . . Mandy wet her pants today? He . . . she doesn’t do that.”

“Yeah,” Dad slowly said. “As Mom pointed out to me, Toni still needs reminders to go potty. I remember you even telling him sometimes to go potty when he was doing the potty dance. The school doesn’t prompt him . . . Mandy. They feel that slows down a kid’s ability to master the skill, so they just put them in training pants if they have accidents. Mom has decided to do the same here at home with Mandy, so we are returning to training pants occasionally until she masters getting to the potty.”

Luke stared at Dad for several minutes, “Bobby in my class wears diapers.”

“There’s a kid in third grade who wears diapers?”

“Yeah, Bobby. Well, he’s not in my class, really. He’s in Toni’s class, but he comes to our class occasionally. He wears real baby diapers, not training pants,” Luke explained.

“There are lots of kids who take a long time to master toileting skills. You had accidents up to six years old, and Toni had them up to nine. Well, he . . . she still does have them,” Dad thought for a moment. “I guess it really is no big deal, just part of his . . . her disability. We’ll get through this. If Mandy is ever in training pants and you notice they need to be changed, just let Mom or me know.”

“Do I keep telling T . . . Mandy to go potty when he . . . she is doing the potty dance?”

Dad thought for a moment, “I guess not, kiddo. We should try his new school’s approach and see if it helps. Just be prepared. That might mean we have a few accidents. I hope they’re all pee accidents and no poop ones.”

“Oh gross,” Luke complained. “You mean she might poop her pants?”

“I hope not,” Dad looked down the hall and then back at Luke. “I hated changing your poopy diapers.”

“Daaaaaaaaadddddddddd!”

Dad giggled as he got up from the couch, “Come on, Luke, time for bed. Do you want to read Mandy her bedtime story, or do I get to do it tonight?”

As they headed down the hall, Luke thought before replying, “I’ll do it.”

“You’ve gotten so good at reading now that you’re in the third grade.”

When they entered Mandy’s bedroom, Mandy was sitting on her bed as Mom brushed her hair. Luke went over to the shelf with some books on it and stopped.

“Look, Mom,” Luke pointed at the shelf of books. “The magic even changed the books.”

Everyone looked over at the bookcase. There were now more picture books designed for preschoolers and little kids. Some were at Mandy’s second-grade reading level and a couple of chapter books. One book caught Luke’s eye, ‘5-minute Bedtime Stories.’ Grabbing that book, he went to the bed and sat beside Mandy.

“Ready for a bedtime story,” Luke asked?

Mandy grabbed the stuffed unicorn on her pillow and hugged it tight. Smiling at Luke, “Ready.”

Mom put Mandy’s hair into a ponytail and told her to get under the covers. As the parents went to the doorway, Luke opened the book and read the first story. Mandy was asleep before he finished.

Putting the book back on the shelf, Luke joined his parents. They all went down to Luke’s room.

“Did you brush your teeth,” Mom asked?

“Yup,” Luke showed her his teeth.

“Then into bed you go,” Dad smiled.

Luke crawled into bed and grabbed his stuffed monkey, “Mom, will Mandy ever grow up?”

“Yes, Sweetie. She’s just delayed with some of her skills. Most are about 50% behind her age. So, as a twelve-year-old, she’s more like a six-year-old. Hopefully, by the time she’s twenty, her development will reach that of a ten-year-old. But, like now, some skills will be higher, and some might be lower. Everyone learns at different rates, and kids with disabilities can have different skills advancing at very different rates. This new school is good at teaching kids with disabilities. They will get Mandy’s skills as high as they can by the time she turns 21, but even after that, her skills will still advance.”

“That’s good,” Luke got out with a yawn.

Mom and Dad kissed him on his forehead and headed for the doorway.

“Sleep tight, little one. Happy dreams,” Mom said as she turned the lights off.

When James and Emma settled on the couch to cuddle together, they talked about the testing Mandy went through today.

After about thirty minutes, Emma took a deep breath, “I guess I need to get up and go to the store.”

“What’s so important that you have to go out this late at night?”

“Having a girl requires a few things we don’t have, especially for hair care. She appears to like pigtails, and I don’t have the hair ties to pull that off. I should get some detangler, brushes for long hair, and some little girl necklaces and bracelets. Maybe some nail polish and lip gloss too.”

“Does that need to be done tonight? Toni never cared about his appearance.”

“One thing you will need to learn. Toni and Mandy may be the same person, but they will have different ways of approaching the world, even though they have the same autistic traits.”