Changing Roles
By Julie Dawn Cole
Chapter 30

After getting comfortable and taking a sip of wine Emily spoke up and asked Jina and I if we minded if she had a private word with Bennie about the party arrangements since she wanted to contribute. Jina tried to stop her and insisted that they would pay but Emily was adamant and gave her a look that I’d seen many times in the short time I’d known her. Jina just shrugged and shook her head slightly and caved in. So they both picked up their wine and moved to the bar leaving Jina and I alone. It was clearly meant as an opportunity for me to talk privately with Jina so I moved alongside her so we could talk quietly. Jina looked a little taken aback so she spoke first responding to me.

‘Wow Julie. So you are sleeping together? I never would have guessed Em was so adventurous. She was always so reserved at home. Not that we saw much of her since she was at private college for long periods. I declined that opportunity.’

‘No Jina please don’t jump to conclusions. We are at the early stages and I’ve never been close to anybody so it’s all strange to me. I guess I am relying on her to decide if there is anything between us. You know her far better than me.’

‘Well you probably already know that Em is a deep person who doesn’t show her true feelings very often but she is actually very caring under the hard shell. Much stronger than I ever was growing up that is why our uncle took her under his wing. Mum let it happen since dad was never around.’

Well in truth sometimes I want to tell her how much I love her but how can anybody fall in love in such a short time? How would she react? She would probably sack me.’

‘No she wouldn’t. Under that hard crust she is a pussy cat really and I looked after her when she was little. I miss her.’

‘She is very beautiful so I can’t see why she would be interested in me. We are quite close but with our situation at work it wouldn’t be right to put Emily’s career at risk if it became general knowledge around the company.’

‘Well Em needn’t worry since she is strong and anyway she has my uncle at her back. He needs her to carry on his legacy because he knows I’d never work for him. I’m just not interested in that sort of life. Especially after the way the family reacted when I came out and I’m perfectly happy with Bennie. He has a good job and he loves me as I am.’

‘I understand how you feel and I’m sure that Emily does too.’

‘Anyway, who needs the hassle of running a big business? Money isn’t everything and we are quite comfortable. When I left home I soon met plenty of people who accepted me for who I am. Even before I met Bennie I was much happier. This is me just as the song goes.’

‘ Yes I can see that you are beautiful just like your sister. It must be in the genes.’

‘I guess I was lucky. I’ve never had any problem dressing and living as a woman. I soon found a job in a bar which is where I met Bennie. He was a customer.’

‘ Well I’m happy for you and I’m sure your mum, uncle and Emily would feel the same. They all care about you based on what I’ve learned from her in the short time I’ve known her. Maybe it was just a shock and they didn’t know how to react.’

‘They didn’t even try.’

I took hold of her hand and looked into her eyes hoping I could help mend bridges. ‘ Now Emily is involved in your uncles business and there is no more expectation on you. They might be more supportive and understanding than you think if you give them chance. Emily seems to be very sincere.’

‘It’s difficult to have this discussion with Emily and Bennie so close.’

‘Sorry but I’ll just say this last thing. Both Emily and your uncle have obviously discussed my situation at length and must have learned from the experience with you. They decided to retain my services and I would have been in great difficulty if I’d lost my job due to family health problems and the costs of care that I have to cover.Emily had seemed to understand that I was struggling with my identity. She probably forced the situation with her uncle so that I was retained.’

‘Well I’m happy for you too Julie and I hope it all works out. But two of us in the family? Not much chance of normality and a happy life for mum doting on grandchildren is there? Well, I suppose it is possible for you and Emily but her work will always come first and she can’t spare the time. How far would you be prepared to go to match mums expectations? She’s no chance with me now she knows Bennie and I are together.’

‘Jina you have a vivid imagination. Em and I are in a casual friendship at best. As for taking it any further I suppose that’s up to her. She is a workaholic as you know so imagine the sort of pillow talk we’d have?’

We laughed and Jina screwed her face up. ‘Just stop and take a few notes Julie whilst I think on.’

Our laughter brought a reaction form Emily and Bennie at the bar who looked over and smiled.

We settled down and it gave me chance to say more that I’d planned if I had the opportunity. ‘Jina Emily told me in confidence about you. She said that she’d lost a brother through her ignorance and that her and your mum were determined to recover the situation and do whatever they can to keep in contact. They love you dearly.’

‘Yes and I’m trying too but it’s hard to forget what was said and the way they looked at me when they first saw me like this. The look of shame in their faces.’

Now I realised why Emily felt that she needed help from someone outside the family since Jina was really hurting and felt she was an embarrassment. It made me realise how fortunate I’d been growing up through the love of my parents and how right I’d been to keep my cross dressing secret. However I had been lonely and I had no siblings or extended family so no real experience of relationships so what contribution was I supposed to make? I had little in common with Jina since I hadn’t felt that I was born in the wrong body, I just liked to feel feminine and was fortunate to have the features that enabled me to pass comfortably. Before Emily arrived I’d taken my cross-dressing to another level and ventured out frequently with some acquaintances but I had no close friends or anybody that I could confide in. Living alone gave me lots of opportunity to spend time in girly mode and I’d regularly spent evenings as Julie after quickly changing from my work suits. I never took it any further because I had responsibilities whilst ever my parents were alive.
In truth until Emily arrived and changed my circumstances at work I had been too ashamed of my cross dressing in case I was found out and that couldn’t have been the case with Jina as she went through her teenage years feeling trapped. .

‘Jina I have always wanted to have a brother or a sister and now I’m hurting so badly because I’ve no family to turn to when my parents are fading away before my eyes and confined to a care home. I’ve always felt that I had little chance of marriage and raising a family of my own because even though I might have a relationship and get married one day I’m basically impotent.’

‘You mean you can’t eject or experience an erection? But doctors can surely help. Maybe it’s been the stress of your job and the added pressure of your family burden.’

‘Well Jina I can’t recall ever having a sign of morning glory in my teenage years like other boys at school and even transvestites and t-girls seem able to do that based on what I’ve seen. Nothing seems to bring even a twinge of excitement. Is it the same for you?’

‘Not really but I felt it was a problem because I knew I was a girl and I wanted to experience penetration and have breasts like mum and Emily. I intend having surgery and I’m taking hormones that help a lot. This is all me up top and the medication has at least lessened embarrassment down below. I can easily satisfy Bennie and hopefully after an operation he can return the favour. It’s just like I have an oversized clit at the moment that Bennie likes to tease with his tongue.’

‘Don’t you have any penetration then?’

‘Not often but of course sometimes it leads to that and it’s not as if some girls don’t do that sometimes. Of course that throws the responsibility back to you with Emily so you’ll have to consider that. ’

‘Yes that’s why it’s so crazy because neither of us are equipped for penetration of the other and hence I can’t see much future for is as a couple. It scares me.’

We sat quietly and then Jina reached across me and wrapped her arms around me and gave me a hug. ‘Don’t give up. Just let Emily take the lead. Trust her because she is smart and strong and very astute. She’ll find a way to make it all work. Uncle made the right selection even if I gave him no choice.’

I looked into her beautiful eyes and my lips quivered but I managed to speak. ‘Thanks Jina I will. Perhaps one day we might be family together and we’ll see more of each other. I long for someone I can lean on and share things with who understands me. Emily is helping but work will always come first for her. Family and friendships are important, Please don’t give up on your family because blood is thicker than water. Also if you are around it’s better for me. Emily does really care for you andI’m sure that your mum does even more. Life is too short for you to spend this time apart.’

I did at last sense a light bulb moment with Jina so I backed off and changed the subject to complement her on her make-up skills and ask for her advice so I looked as feminine as possible for her party. She seemed to be really pleased at the complement and then went into great detail telling me what I might do to look totally convincing and bring out all my best features. She offered to meet me the following morning and take me to her friends salon if I could prize myself away from Emily for a couple of hours,

Before I had chance to respond Bennie and Emily were standing over us smiling. Emily sensed we had got off to a good start and said we looked like two girlfriends. Jina squeezed my hand so she could respond.

‘Yes sis I like Julie and I want to help her. I’ve offered to meet tomorrow morning and we can both go to a friend of mine who was responsible for improving my make-up skills and identifying a style that suits my figure. She would like to join me if you agree. Bennie will be playing golf so he’ll be off early with his friends’

‘Well I suppose I’m jealous really for you to steal Julie from me since we came here to spend time together. I suppose I could switch things around and call my uncle to meet him tomorrow instead of Sunday. I can take a cab to his home I suppose.’

‘Great then let’s do it. Let me spend time with Julie to help increase her confidence and maybe we’ll have a light lunch together later.’

‘Don’t think you can steal her all day sis. I hope to be back before lunch so maybe I can join you both somewhere and it would be a treat you for your birthday.’

I looked at Jina who seemed to like the idea and since the objective was to get the sisters back together I smiled and nodded my agreement.

As the evening continued we had another bottle of wine and more tapas and Jina and Emily chatted about the arrangement for the party. It seemed that about 50 guests had been invited and Bennie had hired a company to set everything up in a private room with a bar and arranged for a DJ and a Karaoke. The guests seemed to ne close friends of Jina from the LBGT community that didn’t seem to concern Bennie at all, nor Emily for that matter since she’d anticipated it anyway.

Jina and Emily were chatting and reminiscing, and it was apparent that they’d been close growing up and that Jina had protected her and spent lots of time playing games and helping with her school work. She had been a good student as a young boy with high grades and was ear-marked to be head boy until her life changed when she suddenly announced that she was not going to carry on at school and she wanted to leave. She seemed as headstrong as Emily listening to them chatting whilst trying to chat with Bennie. Clearly their father wasn’t around much either so Jina got her way even though their uncle tried to step in.

At least the conversation was calm and both were getting things off their chests and it gave me chance to find out a little about Bennie who ran his own business letting out commercial properties. He was keen on golf and fitness and he regularly attended a gym. Quite a catch for Jina but then so was she for him.

Around 10-30 pm we decided it was time to leave as Jina and Bennie needed to take the underground to their home and late night on the London Underground wasn’t always safe. Then Emily intervened and suggested they visit the apartment so we could all relax and have a coffee and a nightcap and they could take a cab home. She said she had a card and a gift for Jina that she could open tonight rather than at the celebration.

They didn’t take much persuading so we all walked back to the apartment together and it was definitely helping Jina and Emily bond again as they chatted. Bennie did remind us that he had a 6-30 start to go play golf but Jina soon persuaded him that he’d have to play with a hangover and the fresh air would soon sober him up.

Back at the apartment I found myself making coffee and serving it whilst Emily produced a bottle of Port from a wine cupboard that she said was better than drinking spirits. Emily made a toast and produced Jinas birthday card and gift. The card was sent on behalf of the two of us that surprised me and the gift tag also said from Em and Julie. Jina had a tear in her eye as she read the message in the card and then stood and hugged Emily before pulling me to my feet to join the hug.

She then picked up the gift and opened it to reveal a watch with matching bracelet, necklace and earrings that were clearly very expensive. The message inside was ‘To My Beautiful Sister. In will love you forever.’ Jina loved it and tears rolled down her cheeks.

Before long half the bottle had been consumed with the toasts and I felt my speech was slurring and I was losing my balance as I excused myself to use the bathroom. It was a good time for our celebration to break up so Bennie called a cab. I freshened up as best I could. It had been a wonderful evening and I was so happy for Emily and Jina and with luck tomorrow was going to be just as good.

After they’d gone we cleared up and then Emily hugged me and thanked me from the bottom of her heart. As we stood together she leaned in and kissed me on the lips and held it for what seemed an age. I couldn’t help myself and just responded and maybe it was the effects of the alcohol.

‘Come on Julie lets continue this in your room. I think I’m falling in love with you.’